Yes yes .. I know I will be lambasted for this thread but in essence creating this thread stops me from targeting certain Guppans in their own threads with words they don’t wish to hear.
I have been married two years now and I have had the highs and lows from the MIL.. Father in law has never ever ever put a foot wrong…MIL has made me cry on occasion and has on many a times made me feel an outsider.. it hurts and I can’t forget it but I also realise in certain situations I was at fault and in certain situations there was no fault of mine but the MIL attacks were due to me, all human beings would prefer not to accept they are at fault but in essence I am at fault.
Why is it my fault.. , I come into a family and a relationship where Mother and Son have had a love that was unrequited and not shared out of the blood line and in comes a new person who has the attention of her son and we take a bit of that time or all of that time away from them. I know that there are certain times when you selfishly choose to be on your own with your husband and it must hurt the family to see they have been excluded.
Hubby mash’ALLAH is not a hen pecked husband who and nods at every things his wife says, if anything he keeps me in check with what I am saying and doing and as much as I love myself, I know that if he was not the way he was I could have took advantage and have been more selfish..
I feel a lot of ladies can come on here and make themselves out to be these innocent little angels who could do know wrong.. but I bet 90% of the fiances and wives have pissed around their husbands (mind the french) to mark their territory against flesh and blood..
I see it in my sis in law and I now see the power she has on my brother, I have seen it in myself
Yes some MILS are from hell but if you focus on making the In laws feel like they have not lost a son but gained a daughter then even the coldest of hearts would melt to you.
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
I agree with the last part but it's a two way street. Why is the onus on the DIL to be daughterly? MIL is elder, she has more life experience, she should know how to behave to make the new member feel loved and wanted. What is all this rubbish of special mother-son bond and wife is going to steal the son away - the MIL who thinks like this in the first place is just causing problems for herself.
And sometimes people just don't want to gain a family member and they can't generate that capacity in their hearts to accept you as one of their own.
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
So, have you made the effort to show your in-laws that your not there to steal their son and that they've gained a daughter in you? If so....have you been able to soften them up?
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
so you had a terible time with your in laws and you realized your mistakes and stuff-fair enough, you deal with your situation the way you want. but why blast all the other women who have issues with their in laws? you realize how condescending and narrow minded you sound...right?
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
Also, shame on your MIL for making you cry. Even if it was your fault. Would she make her son cry? Why is it okay for her to make you cry?
I'm not saying you have not done the right thing, you truly have but I don't know why on earth you are trying to justify wrong behaviour.
So umm no mother has ever managed to make their own children cry either intentionally or not?
And sometimes people just don't want to gain a family member and they can't generate that capacity in their hearts to accept you as one of their own.
And once a son is born, no parents ever give a thought to the fact that he may someday bring home a wife?. They're way prepared than a wife/husband could ever be, and with preparation comes acceptance for most.
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
Uhm... when the people involved are adults, then I don't think good parents make their children cry, no.
To the second part, I said sometimes. There are occasions where the MIl is prepared to for a DIL and to ensure the DIL does her DIL-ly duties, but she does not want a daughter. I have seen people explicitly say it.
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
Its usually the spoiled uppety women/girls that have problems with their MIL after marraige. I think 90% is roughly correct as no more than 10% of girls could be spoiled (with gifts from daddy etc) while growing up.
Re: I think 90% of Inlaw threads are the fault of the Brides/Bride to Be
Uhm... when the people involved are adults, then I don't think good parents make their children cry, no.
To the second part, I said sometimes. There are occasions where the MIl is prepared to for a DIL and to ensure the DIL does her DIL-ly duties, but she does not want a daughter. I have seen people explicitly say it.
Nobody willingly wishes for their children to cry, I won't and I bet you don't either. But at the same time, we cant really ignore the inevitable circumstances where it may just lead to it. After all we are humans, and humans do tend to make mistakes, often regrettable ones.
Pardon my ignorance, I stand corrected. Such MILS do exist, but I would fail to put them in the majority category. That is where they have predetermined plans of treating their DIL as a "parayaa" throughout.
Irrelevant bit perhaps, but I see a mother everyday who's only daughter was married away quiet a few years back, today one of her most cherished wishes would be to find a daughter for one of her son's, just so she could replace her (strictly in daughter for a daughter terms) with the one that she knew was going to go someday.
