I see this as a lack of self respect

Lifestyle Relationships
101

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

Get another wife just like that? You would seriously get rid of the MOTHER OF YOUR KIDS? Are u going to get rid of those kids u had together as well?

Are some desis only able to think in black and white?? Are they really that stupid??

102

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

^ hahahaha such an emotional response about being a mother of his kids, well according to this thread mothers are dispensable, so get over it, sorry you can't have it both ways. desi or not, stupidity begets stupidity.

103

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

Talking of stupidity where does it say mothers are dispensible?? No-one has said 'forget ur mother' or 'get rid of her' like a couple have said that men should do with their wives.

Not wanting MIL to stay with you for months or years on end when she already has somewhere and when other siblings could also take their fair share of responsibilty means she is dispensible??

All these mummy's boys (who of course prob wouldn't want their MILs to stay with them for extended periods) getting all judgemental LOL.

104

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

life1 in a nutshell: first objection over boys living at home and then when they move out, telling them when and how long the parents visits should be. with sly tactics like these to root the mother/father out, you don't need to say the words, its pretty obvious what the game plan is and no one is buying it. if it walks like a dog and barks like a dog, it is a dog.

105

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

So DIL not living with inlaws is some sort of evil plan to get the son away from his parents??

So how come practically NO-ONE else apart from desis sees it that way..

It's been said a million times before.. if nearly every other culture of Muslims is ok and encourages new couples to live away why is it that desis have such a problem with it? It's called growing up and being indpendent.. The joint family does have some advantages but the main thing with it is that it breeds dependency on elders, I guess tho if all these boys have been pampered by their mothers, told not to bother doing any housework, laundry etc. they prob feel more comfortable with that..

106

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

To answer your question, GET RID OF HER IMMEDIATELY, OR GIVE A STERN WARNING!!!!! I had a huge argument over this in the other thread.

Men

Look you can't let anyone ever give mental or physical torture to your wife, thats hindu bs.

However your mother is your mother, and some mothers (like mine) are really nice. All they want is someone to talk to from time to time. That's it. **You can't put a girl before your mother, because well SHE IS YOUR MOM. **You will only get one mother, and as much as people hate it, you can get another wife. You move on with life, its not that bad.

Always maintain your parents dignity and respect in front of your wife, even if you know their wrong. Don't disrespect them in front of her, talk to them privately if their acting insane. *Don't talk about your parents behind their back to your wife. *

Finally I've found some girls just love to have the husband all to themselves, they have no problems with their own mothers, brothers sisters visiting, or the husband taking her brother/mother/sister out etc...but hate it if the guys parents come or his family gets involved.

Some sucker guys actually fall for this, and will regret it later. That effectively makes you what people in Pakistan call "ghar damat" (something I learned from a cousin), and according to my cousin a ghar damat has the izzat of a dog. Do you really wanna be some fat old guy in the corner, with your wife yelling at you giving you orders?

No, get up and be a man, grow a pair!!

Be a man, she did ruqsati into your home, not vice versa.

107

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

BTW my Mammi( born and raised in U.S) is like this. A total psychotic *****, she has cut off my Mamoo from the rest of his family. If anyone from my Mamoos side, like his siblings, parents, niece/nephew visits, she totally freaks out, makes a pissy mood, or leaves to her mothers house.

Thus no one has visited my uncle for the last 10 years, even his parents refuse to go due to her behavior. Last time I was in his state, my mamoo literally begged me to come over, but I didn't go knowing the fuss his wife would make.

Now from her side, LOL her brothers, sisters, cousins, parents, all take turns visiting their house, and he attends all their social events with her. He knows this too, but has popped 2 kids out of her, plus if they divorce she will take all his assets and property.

May Allah save us from Women like that.

108

And may Allah save some women from certain men too

:halo:

109

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

LOL! :hehe:

110

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

There are certain steps to it. You explain things to her and reason with her hoping that that will help sort things out, if that doesn't work perhaps counselling (if needed) to help her overcome the psychological/mental issues, if that doesn't work you sort her out properly like a man should, and in worst case even if that doesn't work i.e. if she is damaged beyond repairs, well, you get rid of the stupid cow and find yourself a sane stable lady who doesn't have these issues.

111

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

You know, its kind of sad, when its easier to pick out the sane and rational people from this thread than the other way around.

112

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

No one is saying that mothers are not to be cared for or respected! what i dont get is HOW is it DIL's responsibilty to take are of her MIL and FIL?????? they are NOT her parents. **why should she be expected to serve them and cook for them and all those things? obviously *if they live in her house, the poor DIL will have to take care of them.. And when MIL decides to stay for months, who is gona be stuck cooking for her, cleaning after her, washing her clothes and all that?? Most desi MIL will NEVER even do their own laundry or cook for themselves if their DIL is at home. *
I doubt the son is going to come home early just so he can cook for his mother. obvioulsy the burden will fall on the DIL. NO one with a slight amount of self respect wil think twice before burdening anyone like that. **

113

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

He knows that me and his mother don't get along so to keep peace, he goes to visit her VERY often because he doesn't want his mother to get upset or think im stopping him. I never once stopped my hubby from meeting his parents or buying them gifts. But he knows that there is no point in inviting his mother over because I will not speak a word to her or cook or clean or do anything for her because i absolutely cant stand her and will never welcome her here. that doesnt change the fact that she is still his mom and he goes there almost every other week on the weekends. (we live about 2 hours away from their house).

[quote]
this reminds me of the saying:

"You can get another wife but you cant get another mother" (app ko biwia hazaro mil jayee gi lekin mah nahi milti)
[/quote]
Same can be said about husbands. you can get another husband too . no shortage of men in this world. if your current one is making your life hell by making you live with his parents, find another man who will love you and respect you enough to not put you through that misery..

[quote]
I didnt know people like you actually existed in the world....i had heard of them but first time im actually interacting myself with someone like this.

Just a question for the guys on Gupshup: "what would you do if your wife was like this (like MissTY and Ajuba)"?
[/QUOTE]

well i honestly havn't come across a man ike EDAL either. My husband, my cousins , and plenty of other pakistani men around me are nothign like that. most of them respect their wives and live seperately and dont make their wives be slaves to thier parents..

Anywyay, everyone should find a match suitable for them. Why would I be married to someone who would make me live with his mom when I clearly wouldn't tolerate that? Before getting married i made that point clear to my husband. people should really discuss these thigns before getting married to avoid ruining someones lives. I would NEVER marry a man like that no matter what.. and I know people who think like certain men on this forum would never marry a girl like me. to each his own..

114

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

*WRONG. She did rukhsati in HER home. Your home is HER home now. Your mother's home is with HER husband. *

*Your mother is a woman...your daughters will also be women. People who talk as much as you do end up paying a price for it later...and most of the time its one they cannot afford. If you think of women as expendable objects...how long do you think you will live before a woman that you hold near and dear to you gets treated this way? Or worse...YOU get treated like a disposable object. *

*Im not a man-hater but a man like you shouldnt be married. You needed time to yourself before you got married a second time. Obviously, you're still not over your ex-wife and feel the need to take out her anger on these forums one way or another. Your frustration shows and its quite pathetic when a man like you (easily found in the pinds if any of ladies are looking for this sort of thing) starts to act like you have all the answers when the rest of the world is actually laughing at you. *

You mistreated your ex-wife. You post threads about being in love with ex-lovers. And you think your current wife is dispensable.

115

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

Since you seem to be sensible enough to deal with all these issue what was the point of your thread ? I am at a loss . Want to be inspiration for others or looking for some MIL haters club ?

116

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

You mean my other thread of how many women want to live seperatly when their sons are older and married? I wanted to see how many women think like that and agree that joint family system really sucks for the most part..

117

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

The bottom line is I will put up with MILs visits, like I have done for the last ten years, for the sake of my husband. i will not express how I really feel to him because I know he would be very hurt. But at the same time I can't help how I feel. I can't make myself be happy and positive about something that I feel the opposite about. Not acting on my feelings is all I can do. That doesn't mean that I'm totally fake and friendly with her. I just try to maintain a balance, by being polite while she's in my home. Admittedly, this slips sometimes but we are all human. I started this thread to vent my frustrations and to get a view about what others think about my situation (boy, I sure got that!).

118

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

Tottaly agreed :)

119

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

Wondering what's the age group of these females running amuck in life1..

120

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

Ajuba, let me know if you want me to reopen the thread. I wish you well, and hope your relationship with your MIL will improve w/o you having to feel silenced. Just do what you can to have a good, loving family, and then if others don't return it, let it go.

Anyway, I'm closing the thread because the usual suspects have hijacked it. Let me know if you would like reopened.