Re: I Regret....
u divorced him because he had an attitude?
Re: I Regret....
Ok end of the day, Your divorced. It was YOUR choice not his. Even in Islam it says think about it long and hard. Its not a joke. You divorced him and its over. He will never come back to you. Why would he? You divorced him bcoz of his attitude. Now deal with it. He wont come back to you YOU divorced him. Seriously get some self respect. Its done now. Get over him, Sort your life out. And get a new hobby, Obviously marriage isnt for you at this moment in time. Gosh people go thru so much in marriage and they still stay together, And you divorced him bcoz of a attitude? Seriously IF it was such a issue then its gonna be a issue again, Only this time IF you two marry again which i highly doubt it, he will divorce you! He will use and abuse you if you ever go back to him. Now leave it and move on! Dont call him, Dont wait for anything! YOU left him now keep going!!
beautiful and very very intelligent, mature, and sensible response
I am just truly shocked to read the reason for the divorce....
why is it so difficult for us nowadays to make a commitment and work hard at following through with it?
we work hard at studying to get good jobs we work hard at our jobs to get rewards like raises and promotions or good recommendations for another job...and we cannot work hard at our new relationship with our life partner to make a good marriage work out? why is it so easy for us to throw things away just like that? I dont get it i just dont get it...bohot mayuusi hoti hai yeh sab dekh k
Yes, you will lose some respect in his family's eyes when you go back because you have made yourself look very flakey. No one will completely trust you or your judgement. There will always be something in his heart that will prevent him from fully opening up to you and it wont be intentional...just human nature.
What you feel when you say you miss him might not be HIM, it might just be the idea of a husband in your life. Its nice to have someone in your life as your partner in crime but it has to be the right person and the right time.
Please dont say stuff like this...do dua for whatever is in both of your best interests.
No one supported you because they probably thought you were being immature and not giving him or the marriage a chance. Right now, the posters feel the same way.
These kind of things make divorcees look so bad, I dont even know what to say right now. Yes, I understand the communication problems lekin this was the wrong way to handle it.
A part of me wants you to learn from this and move on because the guy probably deserves a peaceful life and none of this headache from you. I feel like he will go through too much being married to you because he will have to literally raise you.
YOu have to realize you hurt him by divorcing him for no hard reasons. He was probably confused at first and now angry because again...he doesnt understand what he did to deserve this. Correcting this wont be as easy as you're thinking.
He wont contact you himself because YOU left HIM. As far as he knows, you dont want him in your life. If anyone will contact anyone, you will have to swallow your pride just like he did and contact him. You think it was easy for him to sign papers for a woman who was running away from him for no reason? How much insult do you think he bore?
This isnt a mind game. You cant pick people up and drop them when you feel like it. These kind of things actually hurt emotionally for a long time.
Im disappointed in this whole thing...divorce isnt a joke and marrying people isnt a joke. Forget yourself, you're playing with someone else's life here.
sweetdoll how old are you?
i am 20 rite now
Sweetdoll, focus on your key goal: get him back. It doesnt matter if the family knows , or he goes to tell anyone .. dont fear all these things , they are meaningless. really they are.
Yes people will taunt you initially when they find out and say things that you dont wanna hear .. but you know what, when one has made a mistake , and wants to undo the wrong action, then one must also swallow some of the harsh things people say.
If he tells you not to contact him.. give him a few more days , try to call him or keep writing to him humbly. Just remember , he is very angry for a solid reason... the anger is not going to go away in a day or two days .. its going to take alot of time for the hurt feelings to heal. But if i were you, i wouldnt give up.. continue to let him know of your regret , your true feelings for him, apologize, request him to give you another chance.
returning and apologizing is always embarassing , but just remember , you are brave enough to ignore the embarassment and focus on the ultimate success , him returning to you, inshallah.
So good luck and go for it ... in the end if you two do reconcile , parents will only be happier for you .. keep that in mind.
thanx CB thatz really encouraging:)
Re: I Regret....
sweet doll, if you do get back together, he will still have the same attitude that you divorced him for in the firstplace, have you really grown up so much after the divorce that you can spend a lifetime with him now, you only had your nikkah done, you did not live with him and you thought he was unsuitable.
i think you should not go back to him, hopefully he will have enough common sense not to take you back... you demanded a divorce without even giving him and the marriage a chance..
Any marriage takes alot of hard work and sabr, have you really got what it takes to make this marriage work? day in day out you will be reminded of the divorce, can you really deal with that tactfully and get over the issues you had with him and be a good wife?? If you have the strength to do this for the next 40-60 years then go for it if not then get over it...remember that marriage is about commitment.
i am 20 rite now
20 ? That's it?
Why the rush to engage/marry?
20 ? That's it?
Why the rush to engage/marry?
age has nothing to do with the whole thing..it happened now...
Re: I Regret....
^ :(
Just write him a note... what's there to lose? At least you will know the answer for sure! and move on from there.
Re: I Regret....
No offence, but your husband would be a fool to return to you.
You didnt lik his attitude - so you filed for divorce, against his wishes.
Men take so much stick on this forum!!! If I could contact him, i'd say 'Brother, you've been freed - dont make the mistake of going back'
Because you'll throw another hissy fit next time he leave the toilet seat up and want another divorce.
Re: I Regret....
^ come on paijee - The one who RETURNS after a "mistake" has learned from their experience and will be more careful next time and VALUE what they have and what they COULD lose.
Don't give up! Be positive sweetdoll.
Re: I Regret....
a 20 yr old has a lot of mistakes to make before growing up into a useful adult. i recommend a college education and a career path for now. revisit the marriage idea in 4 years.
^ come on paijee - The one who RETURNS after a "mistake" has learned from their experience and will be more careful next time and VALUE what they have and what they COULD lose.
Don't give up! Be positive sweetdoll.
thanks NJ:)..thanx alot
a 20 yr old has a lot of mistakes to make before growing up into a useful adult. i recommend a college education and a career path for now. revisit the marriage idea in 4 years.
i doubt i can get the person with the same qualities again...
i doubt i can get the person with the same qualities again...
You shud of thought of that before you **divorced **him!!!
Not sure if I should believe this.
Re: I Regret....
Sweetdoll, people make mistakes and learn from them...you should learn from yours and move on.
Re: I Regret....
you divorced him for a reason- you might be lonely now, but there are so many other people in this world! what if you go back to him and those same feelings come back? you can't just keep divorcing him and going back to him when you're lonely. that isn't fair to yourself or to him.
people forgive, but they never forget. if you go back to him (assuming he takes you back), people will not let you live this down. stick by your decision and try to move on. it'll be okay. :)
i doubt i can get the person with the same qualities again...
Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought that you divorced him because of those qualities he has.
My dear, I wish I could show you how much attitude one may have to endure in their marriages and still stick with it. I wish I could show you how much thinking and worrying and dread someone goes through before even considering the finality of divorce.
Are there not procedures involved like members of the family or community elders talking to both spouses...perhaps even some counseling? Did you go through any of that?
It is not enough to realise your mistake. Have you changed? Are you suddenly more tolerant than before? Or are you just convincing yourself because of the emotions/loneliness you are feeling?
But i dont think all this should matter really...I think the ship has sailed. You need to re-evaluate yourself and, as mentioned by many, mature before you can consider marrying again and by this I mean another man.