I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Lifestyle Relationships
81

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

get him to marry you... however more problems may arise. i think return back to your parents asap and then discuss with them

82

R u sure u want to marry him after all this drama from both families? For now dont think about what ur parents or family friends did..think about urself think about what u want to do with ur life

83

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

And did you not see coming before you fall in love with that fella ?

I mean I seriously fail to comprehend how come some one , in this time and era could fall into love without calculating/planning/controling the issues and risks associated to the nixer ...

84

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

OP! you have already caused quite a big problem for yourself and parents.

As things stand today you are standing out of your house, and hoping for guy to do same what you have done (standing to the parents), but there is no grantee that the guy would be able to do it.

Be a father of girls myself i am not teaching you how to deceive the parents, but since that matter is open now, thus an open discussing would open more doors for everyone, in any it would not do good for anyone if you are living alone, lack of emotional support and vulnerable.

Now obviously you have three options:-
1. Be stubborn and hope you guy could show equal guts to stand to his parents (I would not count too much on that though). By that you would lose both your parent as well as guy.

  1. Try to understand parents point of view and accept it (which you are not willing to do so at this moment).

  2. Try to buy yourself time and security by find the way back to parents, trying to explain them about your point (most likely futile), but more importantly test the guy if he could stand up to his parents, or willing to leave them all together (at least temporarily) in order to marry you.

If the guy pass the 3rd option test (then you could decide the matter according timing and manner of you choosing), and in case if the Boy fails (most likely) then (off course without telling actual story) you could pretend to accepting parents wish. That would give you more honorable way out of this mess.

85

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Another thing since your mom hang on you, and you could not get crash home right now (you could but need to be a bit more thick skin).

I think you should speak to a close family friend (off course no one would support you marrying the Hindu guy, but he might bring some sense in your parents that they might be able to bring some sense in you if staying at home.

86

Re: I got thrown out of home …now what?

How did I know this was coming :rolleyes:

Seriously you need to quit implying EVERY female who comes on here with a family/inlaws problem is lying or a troll.. It’s ridiculous..

87

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

ummmmm... what happened in earlier times and eras? Have our emotions fundamentally changed during past few years?

88

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Achaay bachoun ki tarah ghar jao aur paoon pakar kur maafi mangou.

That is what I'd do.
And for next time, I'd choose my battles wisely.

89

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

It did not help matters at all that your parents (esp your dad) let himself get wound up by friends watching the whole spectacle - this is probably what made him say horrible things.

I would say 99% of the time, threats from parents are usually just that, threats, and they rarely carry out anything no matter how 'conservative' they are.

I am getting the impression that you are obviously overwhelmed by the situation, but you need to not get annoyed by little matters and look at the big picture.

  1. Are you certain that you will marry this man? If you are having small irritiations with him now, then you need to understand that you will continue to have issues in the marriage.

  2. Do you want to have a good relationship with your parents?

  3. If yes, then how do you propose to do this - they will obviously find it hard to accept a non-muslim husband, so there will need to be some compromise somewhere form someone.

  4. If you DON'T end up marrying this man - is it really the end of the world? I'm not saying end it, but you should consider the possibility that it may not work out with him.

For now, I would say try to maintain those bridges with your parents. As someone who knows several people who have run away from home, I can tell you that there isn't really a 'happily ever after' story which is waiting to happen.

90

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Will it really be worth losing so many people to gain just one?

91

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

It is a beautiful feeling to be in love, especially at a young age. And right now probably the most important goal for you is to be together with the person you are deeply in love with and everything else just seems like a hurdle in your way. But you really do need to see things in perspective. So lets just assume that despite what your parents think, you two get married. Is that really it? That mere fact will be enough to keep you happy and content with your life after that?
Ask anyone here who has fallen in love and then married that person subsequently. After achieving that goal, the novelty of the love story wears off. Sure you are together with the person you fell in love with, but that alone does not guarantee you will be happy for the rest of your lives. It is sharing common values and principals that matter the most after that . Its all about the daily grind of mundane life. And once you have kids, their happiness becomes your goal. And the thing that will matter to you the most will be emotional stability of you and your kids. And that is where families come in.Sure people can live without their parent’s support and love, but no matter how much we deny it, it does affect us, the parents and ultimately the kids too!

There will be many practical issues that both of you will have to confront, like which events to celebrate, what beliefs to instill in your kids and how to make sure your children and you are spiritually content.
Yes I do think children need spiritual guidance, and that is where your parents and numerous other parents fail. Many muslim parents and indeed parents of other faiths just concentrate on the superficial aspects of their religion. They are too preoccupied with teaching their kids about what they are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do according to religion. Most times it is not even religion but cultural and traditional prejudices that the child learns. We need to realize it is the spiritual guidance that makes the child’s beliefs in fact stronger. I am sure if your parents had taught you that aspect of Islam, then trying to gain happiness from marrying a person who does not share the same beliefs would have been impossible for you.
You haven’t spoken much about what your future goals are in life beyond your boyfriend, but I hope you have given this some thought.

92

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

yeh, do what they want. go back grovelling for forgiveness and tell them that you'll do whatever they want. be thankfull that they'll allow you back in their circle but treat you like a leper to show the community that they might have taken you back but they are punishing you. and just wait around for your arranged marriage.

i don't agree with any of the stuff you've done. but then i don't know how much your religion means to you.

but the fact your parents actually went to the extent of throwing you out and they are not taking your calls now, is quite telling, i think. sounds like an either/or choice from your part.

93

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

rather sooner than later................. you made up your mind that you want to be with the hindu guy, against your parents wishes, and you knew they would flip out..........and you carried on..

why the drama now??

go on, marry the guy and live your own life..........

94

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Right now, it depends on who you value more, your parents or your BF. Judging by the situation, I don't think parents will be coming around to it, unless Bf converts... which as you said is not likely. so it comes down to one or the other, there is not likely to be compromise.

So be careful on your decision on which is more worthy,.... but whichever you decide, either way, it will seriously affect your life, this one and the next. so I do hope you priorities are in the right place.

95

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

something like this also happened in my family but the difference was he was a christian and my cousin was obviously a muslim .he converted for her so they could get married ..but still problem arised that it is dangerous what if he really didnt convert to the religion(Islam) by heart and if after marriage he converts to his religion back then the whole marrige would be considered void and big mess so converting a guy just so you can marry him is not considered wise and some times she would go nuts thinking he was still a chirstian from the inside so think REALLY deep before involving yourself in this mess, after marriage there will be alot of elements to be considered not just love and religion will be a BIG problem in the future (not that you have any problem with it ,no offence)

anyway since her family was againt her marriage, it took around 1 year for her family to reconcile with her and for the family to accept her and thing to get normal with the aspect thtat her family was not that religious ....i hope u know what your getting yourself into..and plzzz think this through

96

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Well remember not to make any rash decisions and if your parents buy tickets to visit Pakistan in the near future, DO NOT BUDGE.

97

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Post no longer applicable :)

98

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

I actually agree with Nomi.

No matter what you do now you have lost all respect in your parents' eyes and it's not going to be the same again. If you're ready to do everything your parents ask you to do then go back and tell them you're sorry. If not, then live your life the way you want to, you're an independent adult at the end of the day.

99

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Life is all about making choices and deciding whose happiness matters most in the course of making that choice: your own, your parents', your bf's, or your conscience (yes, let's throw in the God card for the sake of a complete discussion).

Does it pay to be selfless? Probably not. But does it pay to be selfish - probably even less likely.

I'll lay out for you the obvious choices and possible outcomes:

  1. You leave your bf, your parents forgive you and welcome you back.
  2. You leave your bf, your parents don't forgive you - now you've lost both bf and parents.
  3. You marry bf on your own, parents disown you forever. Whether or not you are happy with bf, only time will tell.
  4. You marry bf, and your parents eventually forgive and everyone lives happily ever after.

It's easy enough for me to type out the choices and outcomes - but living through it takes a strong person - are you strong enough to accept the possibility of losing everything to gain something?

I will say something - you may be thinking why do I have to choose between my bf and my parents - why can't I have both? On your end, you believe that your right to happiness should be more important to your parents than your parents' holding with their religious beliefs.

Here's the flip side - your parents are thinking, why do I have to choose between my child and my moral/religious convictions - why can't we have both? And they think they as your parents should be more important to you than your bf.

Neither choice is easily made and neither choice is easily lived with. As for what should you do now? You need to figure out what you want, what matters most and what you're willing to do to get that outcome and what consequences you're willing to live with. Good luck!

100

Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?

Pyaar to hona hi thaaaaaaaaaa