No matter what you do now you have lost all respect in your parents' eyes and it's not going to be the same again. If you're ready to do everything your parents ask you to do then go back and tell them you're sorry. If not, then live your life the way you want to, you're an independent adult at the end of the day.
Agree with you.
You must remember she is just a 23 year old girl, by acting in such a selfish manners she created a big mess for herself as well as for her parents without full understanding of implication.
I still think there is small window left for her to correct it, not sure if she could realise right now, I wouldn't surprise that she would be about to get rudest shock of her life when her BF would tell her that either he is not ready to marry her right now. And if he could not convence the parents he would just move on leaving her alone.
I just hope someone bring her into sense, no guy is worth dumping parents for.
You must remember she is just a 23 year old girl, by acting in such a selfish manners she created a big mess for herself as well as for her parents without full understanding of implication.
I still think there is small window left for her to correct it, not sure if she could realise right now, I wouldn't surprise that she would be about to get rudest shock of her life when her BF would tell her that either he is not ready to marry her right now. And if he could not convence the parents he would just move on leaving her alone.
I just hope someone bring her into sense, no guy is worth dumping parents for.
In personality development 23 is kind of not too young for a girl. She is like a late bloomer for such stuff.
Some thing is telling me there is going to be lots of kicking around.
This chick need to pick up one book every month or learn a skill, she is going to be at her own most of the life. :D
I'm thinking about when she goes back home....and how tense that environment might be....the potential of having to deal with your parents watching your every move like a hawk.....placing greater restrictions....possibly (her dad) rushing to find another guy for her and putting greater pressure/emotional blackmail to marry that guy. ***NO, I'm not saying that she shouldn't patch things up with her parents......but that's something she'll have to deal with.
Every decision will have its consequences and you have to weigh the pros and cons....figure out which option has the greatest loss and gain for you....in both the short-term and long-term. Do you even want to marry this guy....does he want to marry you? Even if he does want to marry you...can he follow through with that or will he let you go for his parents? And if you do marry him and he doesn't convert....how do you feel about the religious consequences about that? And the whole issue of converting....doesn't come easy. Marrying him will bring another set of obstacles....life-long ones....do both of you have the energy for that? ***If you're not even sure that you want to marry him....how about working out a compromise with your parents (easier said than done, I know)....with finding a guy that also meets your requirements....maybe getting them to allow you to KNOW the guy more...before agreeing to a marriage?
Mistakes were made by both parties, but I find it really disturbing that your dad lashed out on you in front of his so-called "friends." I may be wrong.....but it seems to me that he did that to "prove" to his religious friends that he is indeed a stern father of strong faith....to "show" to his friends "Hey guys...watch me lash out at my daugther. This'll prove to you that I never encouraged her to do this...that I don't condone this behavior."....like an izzat/insecurity thing.
Try not to be smart, You did not “see it coming”, I already made a hint above.
Here is the summary so far:
OP had opened a thread before, briefly reading that thread, anyone can see OP has total disregard of whatever ‘she’ was told in that thread, or ‘her’ family members wishes were, rather ‘she’ continued on her so called love path.
Then this thread.
It started with her being ‘kicked out’.
She is independent, has mentioned she can live by herself and all of this an emotional matter.
Then gradually she has turned her focus on ‘others’ supposedly not letting her go to Masjid.
Then the tableeghi friends become her main rivals and evil people.
I mean where has ‘she’ shown any concern for her life and her thoughts on how to remedy the situation responsibly, despite being a grown up person?
Where did she really say “I think you maybe right I will think on it and try to do this and that”? Continued ranting is what we see.
Like Naabigh says, she is not some villager young girl who is lured by a guy to run away to city!
Very odd for someone from NY to act so dumbfounded to fall in love WITHOUT any regard to future life.
Just doesn’t add up.
Even in this thread no real concern is shown by ‘her’ for all the goodie goodie advices, she is not so naive, weak or ‘mazloom’ but then there are people like CM who want to act like Richard Gere in “Pretty Woman” movie., she is not a princess trapped in a high tower!
Well, the next time I encounter those two families I will look straight through them like they were made of glass..that's for sure..
Er, one more thing that popped into my mind. If I do go ahead and married my bf without my parents permission - nor his by the looks of it; they would still allow me into the mosque wouldn't they?
Would the busy bodies try to make trouble?
well, in my opinion you can visit mosque even if you marry to a non-muslim guy as long as you are holding your faith.
yes, you are breaking religious rulings but you are still in the fold of Islam.
didn't the OP expect the lashing out part already??? from what i have read, she knew this was going to happen............ the intricacies of what specific events took places don't matter much IMO........... the bottom line is............ her parents kicked her out due to her being with a hindu guy..........which she was expecting too.......
^Nomi.....Parents have the haq to get mad at their children....but EVERYONE (parents and otherwise) has the responsibility of exercising their anger/disappointment in a way that is respectable. Even Islam emphasizes that. I don't agree with the "let's demoralize the parents....they have every right to do whatever.....they're always right, bla bla bla" Mistakes were made by both sides in the handling of this matter. Just because one has the ability to see where the parents went wrong.....doesn't mean that they don't understand the parents' concerns, etc.
Some people have mentioned the choice of your happiness or your parents.
This isn't so clear cut. If your parents are the unhappy depressed type who hate each other, marrying their choice probably isn't going to make them any happier aside from a brief period of a few months until it wears off.
First thing you should do is find out where your BF stands on this. Is he willing to marry you? What do his parents think of the marriage? If they oppose will he go against their wishes?
If both of you are committed to each other no matter what, the next step would be to talk to both parents. Make sure you discuss with him things like religion, family, kids etc BEFORE you talk to your parents so that both of you are in agreement on these things.
Inter-religious marriages involve some tough decisions and sacrifices, but if you're committed to each other, I'm sure you'll be very very happy together.
^Nomi.....Parents have the haq to get mad at their children....but EVERYONE (parents and otherwise) has the responsibility of exercising their anger/disappointment in a way that is respectable. Even Islam emphasizes that. I don't agree with the "let's demoralize the parents....they have every right to do whatever.....they're always right, bla bla bla" Mistakes were made by both sides in the handling of this matter. Just because one has the ability to see where the parents went wrong.....doesn't mean that they don't understand the parents' concerns, etc.
i know what you are saying..........but do you think the major issue is the ''way'' in which anger was exercised or the actual reason/circumstances which gave rise to that whole ''event''???
