Re: I got thrown out of home …now what?
Show me where she actually accepted here in this thread she acknowledges she has any idea why she is there where she is in this ‘melodrama’?
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Well, the next time I encounter those two families I will look straight through them like they were made of glass..that's for sure..
Er, one more thing that popped into my mind. If I do go ahead and married my bf without my parents permission - nor his by the looks of it; they would still allow me into the mosque wouldn't they?
Would the busy bodies try to make trouble?
Seriously? This is what you're worrying about right now?
I feel like you're avoiding the main concerns and are deluding yourself by asking questions and worrying about things that are not as urgent. You're picking a fight with your BF who is the only person you've got right now. You're worried about interference from random people in the community? If you can't go to one mosque, go to another. You are not bound to interact with anybody you don't want to. Why are you even thinking about this right now?
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
@diwana & @CM - Shush! You both have already given your point of views. Call it quits now ..
@OP: Call up or go visit your parents
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Show me where she actually accepted here in this thread she acknowledges she has any idea why she is there where she is in this 'melodrama'?
Third time changing the field goal after being forced in to a corner. Man I am butchering these sporting analogies.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
@diwana & @CM - Shush! You both have already given your point of views. Call it quits now ..
@OP: Call up or go visit your parents
Yes boss salute
Re: I got thrown out of home …now what?
I see your point Southie. We need to grow tougher skins. We’re generally very careful and respectful of each others sentiments on the matter. It would indeed be better if we could be more frank. After all, neither of us can expect others to tiptoe around our sensitivities.
Also, let’s be honest here, his mom’s prejudices are not confined to a narrow circle but are pretty widely shared even in India. I was just hoping his mom wouldn’t be among those who felt this way.
The only thing that positively impressed them was my not eating meat. I haven’t eaten any for months now so brownie points for me I guess…
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Third time changing the field goal after being forced in to a corner. Man I am butchering these sporting analogies.
Its me who answered you with evidence but you could not!
@DaffyDuck... point taken.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
@diwana & @CM - Shush! You both have already given your point of views. Call it quits now ..
@OP: Call up or go visit your parents
Daffy - in the morning :-)
It's 2 a.m. EST. I think they too should stew a little.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
do u have a job? education?
husband is a not a kit of survival but education and job is.
as for family, well you lost em when they come across the news of your bf.
btw, i dont see a point of losing family over a guy that u dont know u wana be with for the rest of your life.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
^ maybe you are right fairmasait. People can be cruel.
I will stop now - I think you need to hear more from people of your community, who will know your situation and the nuances far better than me.
May God bless you and bring peace to you.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
do u have a job? education?
husband is a not a kit of survival but education and job is. as for family, well you lost em when they come across the news of your bf.
btw, i dont see a point of losing family over a guy that u dont know u wana be with for the rest of your life.
Yes. I can live in some comfort sans parents or hubby. It's not a financial situation, just an emotional one..
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Call your mom. She must be worried sick!
Can your parents convince you to not marry your bf? If you know they cannot convince you and you are convinced that your bf is the one for you, then take this time to think about your next move. Plan for your life. Talk to your bf and ask him if he is willing to go against his family as well? And then get married.
I can't say if your parents will ever come around, but down the road they may learn to be civil to you.
I have a distant cousin who is married to a white man. She had been nikahified to a man in Pakistan, but as soon as she came back to the US, she filed for a divorce and was never seen after that. For years, I did not see her or hear anything about her. Then about 4 or 5 years ago, I saw her at her parents house, married to the white man, with two beautiful daughters. Her parents have accepted her now but she is never seen at any family gatherings. Not because people don't invite her but because she knows that people still talk.
You have to realise that your life will never be the same. I don't know how close you are to your parents and siblings but I know I would never be happy knowing that my parents duas are not with me and they are unhappy with what I have done.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
OP: Firstly, I just wana say that whatever happens in life and whatever you do - don't lose your faith and hope in Islam and Allah swt. I was cringing when some people where alluding to the fact you should leave Islam. You are muslim - MashAllah - never let that go - that is what will make you whole in this world and the next. Please, just work on finding more peace and more knowledge in Islam.
I am not going to say that you shouldnt marry him etc. You are an adult - you know what is right and what is wrong - whatever you do you should know there will be consequences.
Marrying him wont make you a non-muslim - but I know that you know where Islam stands on this matter.
One thing that bothers me is that when a Muslim does something wrong/questionable islamically then instead of trying to help them and guide them, our people just point fingers and isolate them. That's not the way to go - no one should be stopping you from going to a mosque - that is your undeniable right - if they do I might just fly over there and throttle them...lol
As for your parents - they love you and always will - give it time and they'll warm to the idea eventually.
As for the rest of your life with your SO - I know you said he won't convert - but maybe if you live together and he sees the beauty of Islam through you - he might consider it. (I know I am perhaps too hopeful there...but you never know).
And all the best sweety - May Allah swt guide you and your future hubby InshAllah. AMEEN :)
Re: I got thrown out of home …now what?
Ok. So I called home and mom picked up and then immediately hung up on me…
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
^ I would guess this is bringing up issues in their own marriage, as she sort of implied he's at fault for what's happened. There's probably a whole separate set of issues affecting them as well.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Just give it time and call her tomorrow. Btw, I cannot believe these family friends showed up at your house. Are you guys that close? I've never heard of non-family friends doing that. =/
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
I'm guessing they were the same ones that tittle tattled.
Well dad's friends at any rate. The new almost tableeghi company he keeps. Mom kinda tolerates them though she's frankly a bit of a snob and thinks them ever so slightly infra-dig.
As for their sons, they've come to quite a few dawats and the like. I know who they are, but I'm not too close to them or anything.
Yes, can't believe they turned up and made a tamasha!
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Deep breath .. ok here goes.. His mom apparently finally said she could have come around to accepting anyone 'but a muslim'. In summary she feels we're a violent ppl and would take things to extremes and do her son harm. That we're a thuggish ppl and where other 'communities' would at most simply cut off children who stepped out of bounds 'that lot' would get together and beat ppl up and have been heard to kill people. Not to my face of course..bf narrated this stuff to me shamfacedly. I swelled up with outrage and refuted this etc.. So, when he wrote about 'calling the police', I just saw red.
well I think youre getting really ahead of yourself right now thinking about this. You're not sure if you want to marry him FOR SURE / he wants to marry you FOR SURE. Also, are you ready for this ideology to surround you for the rest of your life? His mom will probably think that forever...and your parents--who I assume will never forgive you (I know someone fairly religious who married an Ismaili and even that caused CHAOS so I highly doubt any moderate to conservative fam would accept a hindu in the house) and you're going to have to live with that mentality forever. but again, that's rushing too much. we need to solve your immediate problem first.
Since drama is going on on both houses, it would be better if some one bring both parties to sense.
I am not sure if you have an uncle or any family friend to talk to your parents, I am not expecting them to agree your marrying a Hindu boy, but just to defuse the tension and get you back to live with your parents.
Form there both parties could start their efforts to bring this matter to amicable resolution. You already shown that you have guts to stand up for him, but we are very interested to know if he could do same for you as we?
By going back to home it would give your parents some hope, but more important it give you chance to assess of your Guy also guts, if he chicken out (which could be real possibility). Please do not burn your bridges with parents without see some solid evidence if he is going to fight out for you.
a friend of mine has done this repeatedly. first for a hindu guy that she was s leeping with when her mom walked in and another time with a pakistani guy that she was basically living with. Both times she was sure the guy was the one and pciked fights with her parents. Her parents--who have lots of patience with her--hav somehow accepted her back over and over again but she has DEF gone out of her way to burn bridges with them. Dont' do that.
Just give it time and call her tomorrow. Btw, I cannot believe these family friends showed up at your house. Are you guys that close? I've never heard of non-family friends doing that. =/
yeah youre life isn't a drama. why were all those rando family friends there? inappropriate!
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
^
This.
You'd think they'd have the good manners to make themselves scarce.
Re: the ideology. A fair number of people think this way frankly. They're usually too polite to say so. And there is the occasional hothead who chooses to live up to that reputation.
Re: I got thrown out of home ...now what?
Just go back to your parents. The decision is tough but it will be more beneficial then going against your religion.
You may have a more suitable life partner but there is no replacement of parents and immediate family.
Just do it and you will benefit in longer run.