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Why shoudn't this apply in reverse as well..? No man is worth ruining your relationship with your daughter or throwing her out of your house...
I think you know it very well.
I am not justifying their acting kicking you out middle of night, (do believe they might have said this thing in the heat of moment you just walk out without so there was no chance left for them to stop you).
On your side if it is just matter of their personal liking i am sure they would somehow compromise and accept your choice (i would certainly do it for my daughters happiness sake).
But you are asking them to accept a non Muslim boy, which is beyond any reasonable (if he is a bit religious0 person.
I just hope you that good sense prevail, while they should take you back to home while continue discussing this matter, on other side your BF would need to make move by talking to his parents and see if he is equally willing to stand for you.
There could be distant possibility that he could not take his pressure and chicken out, then your problem is only to rebuild relationship with your parents (i do not see that would a major issue), but If his side come positive then you need to decide if you want to go ahead without your parents blessing.
Why would he think of these when he does not even know what happened and where you are? That is a bit too early for him to think like that. Its not like you have been missing for months or you were advertised as missing person. On what ground he will call the police?
Now you are not making sense. I smell something else in your intention.
....By the way, you still do not know how you got where you are?
Quit being a douche. There is a time and place for everything. Questioning her reasoning or her actions is one thing and the condescending prickish attitude of yours is another. The girl is obviously upset. Instead of being a destructive prick why not help her see out?
You can say what you want after this I am not responding. But you seriously need an attitude adjustment.
As you are aware, among Hindus. there are several issues re: marriage between various castes. So I will not say your parents are being way off base by being against this marriage.
As you have mentioned, parents have an obligaion towards making their relationship work with you and so do you. It is not all on your shoulders.
we dont know much about your boy friend. If you trust him implicitly and believe he will stand by you through thick and thin, then more power to both of you.
However, if both of you are young (~ 20-22), then you dont have much experience. First love, everything seems rosy. Have you pictured the two of you growing old together? Marriage is between families. Are you willing to face the music. Is he willing to face the music.
Do both of you have the backbone and courage of conviction. Do both of you have good judgment.
Sometimes being alone is good. Think about these things overnight. You may very well have the answers tomorrow morning.
Remember you live in a free country. Freedom also carries with it a price. Are you willing to pay a steep price.
If you do go through with this, stay humble, and appease your parents from now to eternity. Looks like they are OK folks - they will come around.
Why would he think of these when he does not even know what happened and where you are? That is a bit too early for him to think like that. Its not like you have been missing for months or you were advertised as missing person. On what ground he will call the police?
Now you are not making sense. I smell something else in your intention.
....By the way, you still do not know how you got where you are?
"too early"? they've obviously been together for a while and she has purposely hidden the relationship from them. clearly she's afraid of their reaction. and i'm sure their anger was obvious. he would be a real idiot or jerk if he wasn't concerned.
"too early"? they've obviously been together for a while and she has purposely hidden the relationship from them. clearly she's afraid of their reaction. and i'm sure their anger was obvious. he would be a real idiot or jerk if he wasn't concerned.
don't do anything stupid or in haste. maybe this is a good opportunity to learn to live on your own for a while, take it easy, figure out your boyfriend, parents, life, work, yourself, friends. good luck.
Why would he think of these when he does not even know what happened and where you are? That is a bit too early for him to think like that. Its not like you have been missing for months or you were advertised as missing person. On what ground he will call the police?
Now you are not making sense. I smell something else in your intention.
Well - to be completely honest, I feel my parents have lived up to a certain kind of image people tend to hold of muslims today and I'm irritated by that. I understand that they were terribly upset and was ready for any recriminations and would have been suitably apologetic - I truly am sorry I hurt them.
I just feel this could have been handled by telling by bf to leave and handling this in private, not with another couple of families in the living room and their sons kinda surrounding us when we got out of the taxi trying glaring and trying to look dangerous. I feel contemptous of that..
My bf told his family, that too wasn't handled well because they flat out asked us when I went home for Diwali if there was anything between us..
The news was received in stony silence - sure, there were plenty of recriminations later and they have not come around either. They were still icily polite to me for the rest of the day..
Deep breath .. ok here goes..
His mom apparently finally said she could have come around to accepting anyone 'but a muslim'. In summary she feels we're a violent ppl and would take things to extremes and do her son harm. That we're a thuggish ppl and where other 'communities' would at most simply cut off children who stepped out of bounds 'that lot' would get together and beat ppl up and have been heard to kill people. Not to my face of course..bf narrated this stuff to me shamfacedly. I swelled up with outrage and refuted this etc..
So, when he wrote about 'calling the police', I just saw red.
I know, but he is familiar with her own concerns about her parents finding out. So why wouldn't he be worried about her?
Yes, he will be worried about and Op mentioned that.
But then OP compared her parents to him and moreover showing him overtly concerned as if he loves her more, and that he will think her parents be so conservative that they would lead them to violent behavior. I colored that part red.
Contradicting yourself this openly is just making it too easy for me. First she accepts not fault of her own. When proven she does you switch the field goal line again
Anyway OP call your parents. Your mother must be worried sick. You are in NYC you can just use the hotel phone. Its not that hard. Also after calling your mom. Pack up your stuff and go home. You need to talk to your parents about this and make sure your family stays close.
Well, the next time I encounter those two families I will look straight through them like they were made of glass..that's for sure..
Er, one more thing that popped into my mind. If I do go ahead and married my bf without my parents permission - nor his by the looks of it; they would still allow me into the mosque wouldn't they?
Would the busy bodies try to make trouble?
Since drama is going on on both houses, it would be better if some one bring both parties to sense.
I am not sure if you have an uncle or any family friend to talk to your parents, I am not expecting them to agree your marrying a Hindu boy, but just to defuse the tension and get you back to live with your parents.
Form there both parties could start their efforts to bring this matter to amicable resolution. You already shown that you have guts to stand up for him, but we are very interested to know if he could do same for you as we?
By going back to home it would give your parents some hope, but more important it give you chance to assess of your Guy also guts, if he chicken out (which could be real possibility). Please do not burn your bridges with parents without see some solid evidence if he is going to fight out for you.
Basically, none of you are switching your religions and neither are your families accepting it. You've been kicked out & don't know what to do.
First things first, apologize for your misbehaviour and explain why you were scared to break the news to them. Be polite. Make up with your parents & then we'll think of something for your bf and his family.
Yes the busy bodies would make trouble. No clue if you would be allowed into the mosque. And I am not sure why you care to be allowed into the mosque anyway. Now shut off your kindle and call your mom.
Deep breath .. ok here goes..
His mom apparently finally said she could have come around to accepting anyone 'but a muslim'. In summary she feels we're a violent ppl and would take things to extremes and do her son harm. That we're a thuggish ppl and where other 'communities' would at most simply cut off children who stepped out of bounds 'that lot' would get together and beat ppl up and have been heard to kill people. Not to my face of course..bf narrated this stuff to me shamfacedly. I swelled up with outrage and refuted this etc..
So, when he wrote about 'calling the police', I just saw red.
We all have our blind spots, our biases, prejudices. His mother clearly gets her information about the muslim community from her own narrow circle of equally ignorant people. The encouraging thing is your bf was "shamefaced" when he relayed it to you.
He was concerned about you since he did witness some of the commotion in your house. I would have found him less of a man if he had not been concerned. Granted, calling the police may be extreme. but he did not have the luxury of speaking with you - so maybe he got overly anxious. Dont read too much into it.
Now you seeing red to me is a sign of things to come. Everytimem he says something on such issues that may be contrued or misconstrued by you, then your relationship does not have much of a future. Likewise, everytime you point out something about his paretns/religion etc, if he sees red, I dont see a future.
This is just the beginning. There will be many, many more occasions where both of you may see red. Just be aware of that. Are you guys going to be a team, or are you going to see red against each other. Answer this honestly to yourself. (We do not need to know)
