Welcome aboard world's craziest roller coaster. Drop lose accessories on the ground and hold tight. You are all set for topsy turvy ride.
PS: I have seen sorry doing wonders. Try it with your parents.
PS2: There are things that defy logic. No matter how much two of you love each other, I can never advise such cross religion marriage.
I figured as much.. sighh. I need some retail therapy settle my nerves :). I would have been far more apologetic and said sorry right away, asked them to forgive etc if it wasn't for the unwanted company in the room. That was outrageous.
About your second point, I know lots of musalmaan who behave like jahils, isn't it better to be with a kaffir who's like a musalmaan in deed if not in word?
Now I'll say something to you (OP) that no one else has bothered saying. If you were my best friend, I would have forced you to snap out of it and would have told you to snip it at the roots, before it became a bud and blossomed. This has OBVIOUSLY clouded your religious beliefs, made you confused and blind. This has caused problems with your parents!! Forget religion or being a Muslim, what kind of a daughter are you? I would NEVER do something against my parents wishes and HELLOOOOOO! Marriage is such a HUGE thing. When a daughter is born, the parents start planning for her future and save up. Go through hardships and do god knows what to raise her with dignity and respect in the community and in return they have basic few expectations and they full well have the right to have them! What gives you the right to humiliate them, hurt them and cause them distress like this? What have you done for your parents?
Let me tell you this. I was deeply in love with a Hindu guy. Yes, just like you I met him in University. (Undergrad). I am not far off your age group either, I am 22. So in age, I am just like you too. He was in love with me as well. We initially were the best of friends. Yes, religion was not an issue in the beginning because who cares about religion when you are just hanging out etc right? No one does. However, we both realised around the same time, that things will become complicated when it came to marriage. I am alhumdullilah a Muslim and he was/is a staunch Brahmin Hindu. He wasn't willing to convert and I wasn't willing to convert. Our beliefs didn't match. My nature is, I cannot talk to or befriend people that go completely against my belief system, so how could I marry someone like that? We both had a mature talk, where we decided mutually that even though we love each other, this isn't feasible. This would be sheer stupidity, since my family would probably say NO and his family had already said no. We both came to the conclusion that marriage could not be on the cards, so why 'hang around' with one another.
Slowly, we both distanced ourselves from one another and pretended to be friends, but even that faded away. Hardly have talked to him in 6 months. I could never have married him, no matter how much I love him, because for me, my love for my mother is greater than my love for anyone else. I can never hurt her. Plus for me, my religion and belief is really important. My advice to you would be, seriously think this through. Have a serious discussion with your boy friend about the future plans. This does not look good that his mother and family are not forthcoming. Would he be able to live away from his parents/mum in the case that you both get married and she stops talking to him? There are so many questions that you seriously have to think over here and answer in your head, before you can even take such a radical and big step such as marriage, that also to someone from an other religion.
**About your second point, I know lots of musalmaan who behave like jahils, isn't it better to be with a kaffir who's like a musalmaan in deed if not in word?
**Lol what a justification!
What religion your kids will follow?oops they will born to a Hindu father and they will be haram so no issue for you.
I figured as much.. sighh. I need some retail therapy settle my nerves :). I would have been far more apologetic and said sorry right away, asked them to forgive etc if it wasn't for the unwanted company in the room. That was outrageous.
About your second point, I know lots of musalmaan who behave like jahils, isn't it better to be with a kaffir who's like a musalmaan in deed if not in word?
But that's not the only choice you have. That answer is too simplistic for someone who is supposed to be an independent adult. You sound like a hot-headed teenager. There are plenty of Muslim men out there who are decent people who strive to be better.
But I think it's too late for that kind of discussion at this point. I think you know that Islam does not allow marriage between Hindus and Muslims. That you knew the first time you met and considered a relationship with your fiance. But you continued because that does not matter to you. Don't expect people to justify your decision or make excuses for you. You want to be independent and behave like an adult, then take responsibility for the decisions you have made and accept the consequences.
The whole tone of your thread suggests an unwillingness to recognize that it is YOUR actions and YOUR choices that are causing these reactions. Even the title of the thread, where you ask strangers "now what?", as if you it is their responsibility to fix your silly mess. You can't honestly be surprised at what has happened? You're lucky it wasn't worse.
Your fiance sounds like a good guy with a sensible head on his shoulders. And your mom seems to be doing what she can to try to rebuild relationships. Now it's time for you to start taking ownership of the situation you created. Take steps to actually rebuild and heal, rather than destroy. Grow up.
Wow, your mom seems very reasonable and understanding. Also, is your bf Pakistani or Indian? My best friend from high school married a hindu in Pakistan, neither of them converted. She, along with her parents, had moved back to Karachi and she met her now-husband at work, and he was Hindu. They went out for about 4 months before they approached the topic of shaadi with her parents. His family had their hang-ups since she was a Muslim but eventually even her parents came around! The guy was persistent and proved himself and eventually they had a small wedding with just their closest family and friends. They had a nikkah as well as a Hindu ceremony. The parents, although had their hang-ups, eventually came around due to them Pakistani. She's happily living in KHI now, I think they have 2 kids. They don't get flak within their community and the families get along just fine.
Her family wasn't overtly religious but still practicing Muslims. His family were devout Hindus. What I found sweet was that neither side of the family asked the other person to convert. It does happen and it can be done.
He is, someone else apparently isn't? And with this, the incompatibility should be obvious considering the lack of spirituality, religion involved between the two as well?
Do yourself and your parents a long term favor, just get out of it while you can.
Please.
Not as much as he is, yes. Like I said before, I'm not atheist or agnostic. I say my prayers, try to live my life the right way etc but I have never been too much into theological arguments or details.
To me, the deeds make a man. If a person ethics and habits are more or less what we expect from a true muslim, then that person is muslim to me whether or not they're recited the Kalma.
See, from my perspective, I don't believe Allah will punish me for this, since I've done nothing more than love a good person. He's not unethical, lecherous, irresponsible, alcoholic etc..
I don't believe He rejects good people just because they happen to be born into the wrong religion..after all, that was by His will.
I hope that explains why all the threats of hellfire are not having an effect. :-)
But that's not the only choice you have. That answer is too simplistic for someone who is supposed to be an independent adult. You sound like a hot-headed teenager. There are plenty of Muslims men out there who are decent people who strive to be better.
But I think it's too late for that kind of discussion at this point. I think you know that Islam does not allow marriage between Hindus and Muslims. That you knew the first time you met and considered a relationship with your fiance. But you continued because that does not matter to you. Don't expect people to justify your decision or make excuses for you. You want to be independent and behave like an adult, then take responsibility for the decisions you have made and accept the consequences.
The whole tone of your thread suggests an unwillingness to recognize that it is YOUR actions and YOUR choices that are causing these reactions. Even the title of the thread, where you ask strangers "now what?", as if you it is their responsibility to fix your silly mess. You can't honestly be surprised at what has happened? You're lucky it wasn't worse.
Your fiance sounds like a good guy with a sensible head on his shoulders. And your mom seems to be doing what she can to try to rebuild relationships. Now it's time for you to start taking ownership of the situation you created. Take steps to actually rebuild and heal, rather than destroy. Grow up.
you are agreeing with Diwana.........did you realise that??
Dubaiwali,
I'm glad everything worked out for you and you both felt that way. It would be terrible if one decided to walk out. But perhaps we are very different people? I have never befriended anyone based on their religion or nationality. My mother would probably be very hurt if I made a bad marriage to a pukka muslim and was unhappy as well.
Practically. no won't be staying with the in-laws. They are already back in India.
a hindu guy was deeply in love with dubaiwali. yeah.. oh em gee.. so was 90% of the population of dubai. and then she got married to her cousin. then to a martian. bongi rani #1..
Wow, your mom seems very reasonable and understanding. Also, is your bf Pakistani or Indian? My best friend from high school married a hindu in Pakistan, neither of them converted. She, along with her parents, had moved back to Karachi and she met her now-husband at work, and he was Hindu. They went out for about 4 months before they approached the topic of shaadi with her parents. His family had their hang-ups since she was a Muslim but eventually even her parents came around! The guy was persistent and proved himself and eventually they had a small wedding with just their closest family and friends. They had a nikkah as well as a Hindu ceremony. The parents, although had their hang-ups, eventually came around due to them Pakistani. She's happily living in KHI now, I think they have 2 kids. They don't get flak within their community and the families get along just fine.
Her family wasn't overtly religious but still practicing Muslims. His family were devout Hindus. What I found sweet was that neither side of the family asked the other person to convert. It does happen and it can be done.
I wanted to know, are you muslim? Just a question, because if you are then how can you encourage a marriage between a hindu and a muslim?
Not everything in life is sweet and cute.
See, I have never befriended anyone based on religion or nationality either. I have Zorastian friends. Hindu friends. Christian friends. American friends. Australian friends. Persian friends. Point is, UNTIL it remains till friendship, nationality and religion doesn't matter. When marriage comes in to the equation, everything matters. Religion is the most crucial one, but sometimes nationality too. I know a Pakistani guy, who dissolved his engagement to an Indian, because they both thought it wouldn't work out. :)
Dubaiwali,
I'm glad everything worked out for you and you both felt that way. It would be terrible if one decided to walk out. But perhaps we are very different people? I have never befriended anyone based on their religion or nationality. My mother would probably be very hurt if I made a bad marriage to a pukka muslim and was unhappy as well.
Practically. no won't be staying with the in-laws. They are already back in India.
Wow, your mom seems very reasonable and understanding. Also, is your bf Pakistani or Indian? My best friend from high school married a hindu in Pakistan, neither of them converted. She, along with her parents, had moved back to Karachi and she met her now-husband at work, and he was Hindu. They went out for about 4 months before they approached the topic of shaadi with her parents. His family had their hang-ups since she was a Muslim but eventually even her parents came around! The guy was persistent and proved himself and eventually they had a small wedding with just their closest family and friends. They had a nikkah as well as a Hindu ceremony. The parents, although had their hang-ups, eventually came around due to them Pakistani. She's happily living in KHI now, I think they have 2 kids. They don't get flak within their community and the families get along just fine.
Her family wasn't overtly religious but still practicing Muslims. His family were devout Hindus. What I found sweet was that neither side of the family asked the other person to convert. It does happen and it can be done.
This. Thank you.
I too have since come to know of a few couples who have married and not converted. Yes, I do know it's not an easy road. I don't expect it to be, but am willing to what what it takes to make it happen.
My bf is Indian as am I and both from the same region of India so we share a mother tongue as well.
Get your mother on board first. Its normally much easier to get the mother (and ladies in general to come around). And then get her to get your father on board. She'll do a far better job (without sounding harsh). Thats not to say that you shouldnt make an effort. I think once your dad comes around then everything else will fall in line naturally. But with the kind of company your dad keeps it will be a bit difficult. Sidetracking a bit but maybe you should do in investigation on ur dads friends while ur at it. Because i can almost guarantee you that at least a handful of them wont be as "practicing" as they make out to be. Dig up some dirt about them. Then ur dad will hopefully see them for the hypocrites they are. Kill 2 birds with one stone :D
can people in this thread already advice teh OP that its alright to marry the hindu guy.......and that her parents are totally wrong..........and lets get it over with?? shall we?
