UNLESS, his mom told him the same thing....
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
I think there is nothing wrong in a husband telling his wife to dress modestly. Husbands, these days, are being forced to play the role that muslims parents should be playing i.e. teaching their children basic Islamic concepts about modesty. Such a thing shouldn't even be an issue in a muslim couple ... yet now it is almost universal and husbands become the villains.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Nadz,
I live in the US. I don't wear hijab. But I've been to Pakistan MANY times. And when you're in Pakistan, you instinctively feel like covering up...because you've yet to encounter the shameless staring from the men over there. Last time I went, it was during winter. And the weather was not cold at all. And I was dressed in a long sleeved kurta shalwar....but I still wore my coat...even though it was kinda warm....just cuz you feel weird at people ghooring at you unabashedly. I even cover my hair when I'm out which i don't do over here.
You'll understand the situation better when you get there. As I said earlier, don't make everything an ego competition with your fiance. Instead of arguing...stay calm and BARGAIN. If he proposes something u don't agree with ....try to meet him half way if you can through some bargaining.
If he doesn't like you wearing jeans.....wear loose-fitting jeans in the home then. Perhaps he'll get so used to seeing you in LOOSE-fitting jeans at home, that he'll eventually be okay with the idea of you wearing jeans outside the home. Wear half sleeves at home...and consider three-quarter sleeves outside the home.
There are some really nice long shirts/tunics and they look very classy. Who knows, you might even develop a taste for the style. I sometimes wear long stylish kurtas over dress pants or jeans at work....and have often received many compliments on my outfit. And it's cool and exotic looking in a way. And I've noticed that desi/Asian girls can pull off the tunic top over jeans/pants look better than their western counterparts.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Just out of curiosity Nadz, how old are you and how old is your fiance?
Couldn’t agree more with you PunchingMonk.
Natasha<3: Guy in Nadz case, isn’t trying to impress infact he is being himself, Its way better than those guys who tries to impress girls before the wedding and after the wedding give shock of one’s life by showing their true colors. Purely hypocrites.
Sadz and SU gave great replies with great reasoning. :k:
Only thing I see wrong with this couple that they keep track of how much sacrifices and compromises one did for the other one. I mean come on, who does that especially when you love each other. Yes, things can’t be all gloomy n bloomy all the time when you love someone but smacking on each other’s face constantly about who did what for the other one .. umm doesn’t seem healthy for the relationship.
I would suggest first sit down and ask each other that why do you guys remind each other who did what for the other person? Is that what love for you guys? Im surprised.
lol.....
really bigt behinds? WELL actually it just looks that way cos you men have nothing that could be mistaken for a *behind.......as such.....but hey when you reach your thirties +, your behind will be IN FRONT...curry bellies....
Hmmmm. Yes i understand mayb ur talking about obesity Nadz.
But whatver it is. My point was to say that big-female-behinds are a feature of female beauty...Which is attractive to men the same way the others r..
and i was trying to convey that although u girls intend to be dressing modestly with the jeans or trousers. Often the jeans get tighter round this part, which then makes that feature become rather obvious and outstanding....
And this then goes outside the islamic boundary of dressing modestly...from which i could support your fiances stanceon the trosuer.s
and i dont intend to sound perverted , only trying to help, becos i notice it a lot and its not good.
Whether before or after marriage, women do biolgically get thiner round the waist and wider at the hips than men..
In plainer words - U Have Big Bums...
So This goes out to All U Girls there. U should be aware of this dressing hiccup....Unless u wanna look attractive...when looking in the mirror next time before going out turn-around and have a look.
Fix It...
( and Yeh men do get bigger stomachs -more commnly known as beer-bellies- as they start eating more.)
But there big stomachs dont look attarctive
Im Out
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Nadz...come on stop stressing about little things...believe me i've been married for 10years now and me and my hubby never discussed any issues before we got married.....the important thing is that you guys love each other and wanna get married.
my brother got married recently, him and his wife were constantly in touch with each other and they got into arguments about petty things before they were married, she would get stressed like you...in the end us sisters stepped in and asked them if they could imagine life apart..which they couldnt... the problem with them 2 was that they were on the phone 24/7...too much communication is not good either...you have your married life to get to know each other, you will discover your likes and dislikes and will work them out between yourselves as husband and wife....
i suggest you don't communicate too often, IA you will feel more positive about things...it worked for my bro and sis in law....
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
pyaare, that's good stuff!
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Nadz...come on stop stressing about little things...
they were on the phone 24/7...too much communication is not good either...
right! agree with you!
too much communication only brings arguments, and then you start to "judge", and then you feel that since you are not yet married, you have the "option" to leave him/her...
let "life" give you the experience - not "communication" that are useless to a certain extent.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
all i see Nadz is u r not mentally prepared for marriage n its demands at this point.n the way i see things hes going to b a really demanding husband b4 he starts changing himself for u.So u hav two options either change ur path or if u really want him in ur life change ur lifestyle to accomodate his.don't expect him to change rightway coz he won't but slowly he might.
as for being religious or wear hijab i think a husband can n should force his wife to b good muslim coz its in hadees that the man is the head of the family n he'll b answerable to Allah for the actions of his wife n kids n if he did try to mend them or not.
other than this just sort out ur priorities wats more imp wearing short sleeves or jeans or living with the man u love...if u love him
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Hmmmm. Yes i understand mayb ur talking about obesity Nadz.
But whatver it is. My point was to say that big-female-behinds are a feature of female beauty...Which is attractive to men the same way the others r..
and i was trying to convey that although u girls intend to be dressing modestly with the jeans or trousers. Often the jeans get tighter round this part, which then makes that feature become rather obvious and outstanding....
And this then goes outside the islamic boundary of dressing modestly...from which i could support your fiances stanceon the trosuer.s
and i dont intend to sound perverted , only trying to help, becos i notice it a lot and its not good.
Whether before or after marriage, women do biolgically get thiner round the waist and wider at the hips than men.. In plainer words - U Have Big Bums...
So This goes out to All U Girls there. U should be aware of this dressing hiccup....Unless u wanna look attractive...when looking in the mirror next time before going out turn-around and have a look.
Fix It...
( and Yeh men do get bigger stomachs -more commnly known as beer-bellies- as they start eating more.) But there big stomachs dont look attarctive
Im Out
it would be beer bellies, but muslims dont drink so thought id change the terms and use curry belly, seeing as most of its FOOD.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
thsts rite too...a just alteration
but still some pakis take big fat bellies as sign of being 'sethman' dont they.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
hi nadz,
the fact that you are posting this question online shows that you are questioning yourself. I was in the SAME situation as you and at first I would always compromise and change...one thing leads to another and before you know it, you'll be sacrificing rather than compromising.
I suggest you sit down with him and have a LONG conversation about how he got engaged to you for your personality and not for him to change you. He is trying to make you into his "ideal" wife when he should be happy with who you are.
If you ever feel forced to do something (which you do) that only leads to unhappiness.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
OK well as ppl know im engaged. and we like each other alot...im from uk hes from pakistan hes been here 3 yrs, we r cousins...anyway i seem to be compromising the most. he wants me to dress a certain way, do certain things, and its too much. HE says hes compromised enough by letting me wear trousers as long as its with long tops, so i said what about jeans with long tops and he dont lke jeans..like wat the hells the difference...and he doesnt like half sleeves etc, he wants me to wear scarf and i refused, so he said hes compromising by letting me not wear it. is he really?
AND i said that i dont expect any thing from you on your appearance, and he says that my issue, if i expect something from me i should say it so that he can compromise with me, but i dont, but thats cos i dnt like telling somone how to look, just like i dont like HIM telling me what to look like. He said he compromised by trimming his beard, now i only said itl look nicer, i didnt mind if he did it or didnt, so thats not really compromise. and if it is, its only one...per my 100.
on top of that, i know ive got to be a good lil wife and cook and clean, which im already hating the idea of, but have got used to it and now these things are bothering me too. its my fault hes alwyas been this way but i thought hed mellowed out.i dnt know. what to do.
Nadz if he is asking you to do things which your parents were supposed to ask or you yourself was supposed to do is nothing wrong.
Achcha kaam karnay main burai kia hai. Agar koi aap say achcha kaam karnay kahay ya islami kaam karnay kahay to is main bura mannay ki kia zaroorat hai.
Mujh say to koi rah chalta agar kah day kay aisay kia karo is tarha islam main karna chahyay to main to hargiz bura na manoo aur amal karoon kioon is liaay kay yay sochoon gi wo mera khair khuwaah hai aur achchi baat hi kahi hai to amal kioon na karoon.
Agar aap waisa naheen karna chateen jaisa wo chahta hai yani Islami way apnana to phir mera khiaal hai kay aap uss say shadi ko tark kar dain. Bahtar ho ga koi apnay type ka larka daikhain. Aap kay type kay bhi mil jain gay aap ko.
Mujhay aisa hargiz pasand naheen hai kay apnay say opposite type kay person say mangni/nikah ya shadi kar lain aur phir force karain kay aisa karo aur waisa karo.
Agar aap kahti hain kay yay love engagement hai to bilkul ghalat hai agar love engagement hota to aap ko hargiz koi aitaraz naheen hota aap khud us ki mohabbat main sub kuch karteen. Ho sakta hai wo sonay Wo Gold earner ka beta hai ya gold earner ho ga future main to aap nain apna to lia hai per aap apni rawish naheen badalna chahteen. You surely don't love him.
He surely loves you that's why he cares about you that's why he is asking you to dress Islamically and that is not controlling and neither is demanding or compromising.
I don't know why some ppl stupiditly says that in Pakistan ppl stare you that is why he is asking.
I just want to say to those ppl that ppl do stare here too. If not why these girls out there dress like naked.
Staring is in everyones nature. Even I do stare too. I saw others stare too. Yeah when I like someone's dressing and see some beautiful girls I do stare. Because I can't control myself.
Here ppl stare in different ways and in Pakistan they stare and forget about surroundings.
Whoever don't take scarf in here and take scarf in Pakistan is a totally wrong for me. So you guys want to be stared by kuffars and not by your own ppl. That is so funny. So you don't take scarf for Allah.
What I found from your own post that he is such a nice guy. He cares about your mom more than you as he ask you to prepare breakfast to ease your mom and also care about you more than yourself not only be safe from others and also make Allah happy.
In reality Don't get offensended my words which are so true that you are not meant for person like him. He should find a religious girl. You don't deserve him. As he has to ask for little things from you to do to please not only Allah and him also.
That's why I wouldn't marry an ABCD to have conflict like this. I would try to find a religious person. Who herself take scarf and dress the way Islam says that is loose and fully covered according to Islam.
He should find a religious girl as Muhammad SAWW says look for the religious girl.
Islam doens't ask you not to wear certain dress but just ask you to wear loose and cover your whole body. That is not very hard to do. If muslims don't do that then it's a afsos ka muqam for those parents who didn't teach their kids at the first place, That is what they meant for. Means teaching kids the right way.
Please don't get offended by my words or sentences which are truth. I know truth hurts and it's hard to digest. Mujhay such bolnay ki bemari hai. Nuqsaan ki kabhi parwah naheen ki.
No matter what I said I love you that's why I told you truth.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
PS: Ppl who herself don't wear scarf will say that it's a forcing and controlling thing. But who wear hijaab wouldn't say that it's a forcing or controling thing. They will say it's a good things. He is not asking you to protitute he is asking you to good thing. Only good ppl ask good thing.
PS2: He has a right to ask you a certain thing if he likes. As Mabrook told you he will be asked by Allah for not asking you to cover appropriately. Your father and brother will also be asked why you didn't ask and teach her to dress appropriately.
PS3: My sister's husband didn't ask her to dress appropriately do you know why because there was no need. She dress appropriately.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Very well said.
I don’t know in what kind of love we do countings. You did what for me and I did what for you.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
^ I was thinking that as well. There seems to be a difference in the degree of religiousness. Ask him why he wants you to cover your arms. And if he doesn't want you wearing jeans....work with him on this. How about a proposal for looser-fitting jeans....or trouser style jeans?
I don't know if this is a good idea, Nadz. But I believe that hijab (scarf) should be done for Allah....not for your husband or any other person for that matter. If you decide to implement a respected religious practice in your life....you wan't to do it for the right reasons. Perhaps that's a point that should be brought up with your fiance. Faith should be sincere. You do good deeds out of fear of Allah, to get reward from Allah........not out of fear for your husband. And for him to say that he's "compromising" by you not wearing scar seems a bit weird to me now. You shouldn't be covering your hair solely for him in the first place. If he wants you to be a stronger Muslim....who would u be doing it for....him or God? And most people don't develop faith through control and force. It's something that comes from a realization of the heart.
Qyamat ki nishani jub aisay mashwaray milnay lagain.
Ask him why he ask you to cover your arms. It's a good question RED VELVET.
I can give you answer that It's in our religion to cover arms. That is why he is asking. Is it very bad thing to ask?
As far as I know you are in medicine field aren't you? From medical point of view it's good to cover your whole body in scorching sun it doesn't affect your skin and in winter it will save you from frost bite. lol
According to me that was a silly question from a muslim girl.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Grt.Heera your a narrow-minded guy. 100% ur from Pak.
I can counter many of your points from the same islamic perpective u r using to discredit others.
and One shud not think that thier opinions are necceserily the truth.
But i prefer to be entertained by ur amusing posts yet. Hehe keep it up.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Grt.Heera your a very narrow-minded guy. 100% ur from Pak.
I can counter many of your points from the same islamic perpective u r using to discredit Nadz.
But i prefer to be entertained by ur amusing posts yet. Hehe
Fotunately Yess I'm 100,000% Pakistani. I'm very proud. Are you hindustani or from some alien country?
Norrow minded in your perspective but for me no for sure. Are you open minded like wearing tight clothes and body revaling dresses and going out with girls and guys. Have no sharam in having sex openly and going to bars and going naked outside. Sorry I prefer being narrow minded then open resort for everyone. Thanks.
No I'm not discreding her why should I but surely she didn't meant for that type of guy.
You know he came for education and fell in love and had engaged and his parents are asking him to come back but he is not going back to make her happy he is staying and she doesn't want to wear a religious clothes.
He is working hard for her instead of going back and aish on his father money.
So yeah I would prefer not marry this type of girl who dress like goray nungay pungay loag. Goron main to haya sharam naheen hoti musalman main bhi na ho to is say buri baat oar kia ho gi.
By the way what kind of dressing ladies in your home use. I'm sure you belong to that type of family that is why you saying me close minded lol. It makes me laugh as I know what kind of you must be. Be happy in your world and let me happy in mine.
Re: I feel like im being forced to change, what shall i do>?
Fotunately Yess I'm 100,000% Pakistani. I'm very proud. Are you hindustani or from some alien country?
Norrow minded in your perspective but for me no for sure. Are you open minded like wearing tight clothes and body revaling dresses and going out with girls and guys. Have no sharam in having sex openly and going to bars and going naked outside. Sorry I prefer being narrow minded then open resort for everyone. Thanks.
No I'm not discreding her why should I but surely she didn't meant for that type of guy.
You know he came for education and fell in love and had engaged and his parents are asking him to come back but he is not going back to make her happy he is staying and she doesn't want to wear a religious clothes.
He is working hard for her instead of going back and aish on his father money.
So yeah I would prefer not marry this type of girl who dress like goray nungay pungay loag. Goron main to haya sharam naheen hoti musalman main bhi na ho to is say buri baat oar kia ho gi.
By the way what kind of dressing ladies in your home use. I'm sure you belong to that type of family that is why you saying me close minded lol. It makes me laugh as I know what kind of you must be. Be happy in your world and let me happy in mine.
EXCUSE ME MISTER, FROM where did you gather that i wanted to walk around nanga...lol....your so pathetic you are, just because i dont want someone forcing relgion or any item of clothing on me, does make me a prostitute....or besharam...do you know me.do you know what i wear.....if i was a besharam and dressed nangi do you think id even WANT TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS EVEN REMOTLY RELGIOUS..no im marry someone who is very liberal like me then.if you read my posts and think outside the box, you may see that it wasnt clothes only it were other issues, noONE SHOULD FEEL FORCED TO DO ANYTHING...and HOW DO YOU THINK ISLAM SPREAD SO QUICKLY.....DO YOU THINK THE PROPHET FORCED PEOPLE TO CONVERT/ADHERE TO ISLAM..NO!
so think before you talk ****