I don't want to get pregnant

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: I don't want to get pregnant

I was starting to wonder that too..

62

because my parents are breathing down my neck! and this guy is wonderful in all aspects BUT this!

63

Re: I don't want to get pregnant

The institution of marriage is primarily for procreation, not recreation.

The issue, then, is with your parents I guess. I am sure there are many wonderful guys out there... you dont marry them all.

Violent protest by MQM workers in Karachi
Violent protest by MQM workers in Karachi
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So he must completely & absolutely fit in your template of wonderfulness but you won't move an inch? Your reasons for getting married sound pretty shallow & selfish with respect to the guy.

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sigh.

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Re: I don’t want to get pregnant

:khumar:

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Re: I don't want to get pregnant

srry to say but theres a lot of immature ppl advising u to go behind his back n take th epill or whatever, u can hide it from him but what r u gonna say when u ace the Almighty Allah?

if u lie to ur husband its only gonna break his trust, n believ me theres always a way round things, u just need to sit n talk like mature adults without it ending up in an arguemnt, n regards to ur education theres a lot of ladies on this forum who r studying and have childen too, its not like its gonna b the end of the world,

be careful with wat u think n say as Allah ko na pasand asakthi hai, think, wat if Allah forbid in 5years time u r still trying for a baby? pir kya karo ghi? u gonna sit n pray n cry to Allah n ask Him to bless u with a baby, remember He knws that u ddnt want a baby n U wanted to ENJOY ur life n complete ur education n u thought UR NOT made out to b a mum yet

reality bites, face the facts

if u cant compromise over things now im afraid ur marriage isnt gonna last long as married life is full of compromises

just my 2 cents, dnt mean to b harsh n certainly ddnt mean to offend

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thats the most decent part of ur whole post :)
maybe HE needs to think weather its the right for HIM, no?

69

Re: I don't want to get pregnant

Deception really is not the best way to start a life long relationship. I doubt he'd be amused if he found out you'd been on the pill behind his back and I think you'd always be on edge through fear of getting caught out. It's not worth the pain it would cause.

I've always been told not to make such comments as 'I don't want a baby straight away' or 'I'm not ready to be a mum' because all of that is down to Allah anyway. What if you find out 4/5 years down the line that you can't have children? What if you have difficulty conceiving?

Yes you want a career, but you must also consider you hubby's feelings too. You need to have a serious discussion with him about it. Find out what his expectations are of you and where he sees himself in a few years time. Compare this to your own plans and hopes. Try to come to some sort of agreement/middle ground that works for both of you.

Violent protest by MQM workers in Karachi
70

exactly what i said in my post :k:

as fr the deception part, well in order to cover one lie she will have to say another lie n then one lie wil lead to another, which will harm her relaionship more, oh then stardust09 my dear u can come n ask the girls that advised u to take the pill behind his back to help u!its not their loss its urs, make ur own decisions. Allah SWT gave us akal, use it!

71

why not simply talk to him....most guys today are very respectful and understanding of a girl's wish not to have kids instantly..... and to be honest and fair.... a lot of marriages go through the one year (less or more) understanding phase.... so by the time you are ready to have the baby ..the couple is standing on a much stronger footing.....

Talk to him, directly and openly.... if you go behind his back he will resent you for not being honest and if you have kids then you will end up resenting him or taking it off on the kid... (this does happen in a few marriages)

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Re: I don't want to get pregnant

I've tried so many times Auto...I just dont know why he wont compromise. I feel like giving him one of those "dummy" babies. The ones you have to look after by yourself for a whole month or so.

Karachiwala
73

instead of saying 'no i DONT want a baby .................followed by watever reasons'
try saying
'I DO want a baby n i realise u want one too but i would like to enjoy my time with u first and THEN have a baby. We can finish our studies b more stable n then i will b able to dedicate all of my time to the baby rather than having to juggle with studies being pregnant housework or watever, yeah i realise ur here fr me n u will help n all but (i assume he will b wrking) if im studying at the same time its gonna b slightly more difficult'

:)

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Re: I don't want to get pregnant

I like that stance sweetu. It's very mature. Thanks.

I'll try it without clenching my teeth. But what if he turns around and says "no". he keeps telling me...have more faith in Allah, you're not religious enough. Iam sorry, but what has religion got to do with stark reality? and I DO have faith in Allah, I just don't have faith in us :( well I used to...but not anymore :(

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Re: I don't want to get pregnant

If he says no even after you maturely try to reason with him... then just see this as a red flag. This may be the first issue that he won't budge on... but who knows what the future will bring?? I mean.. you guys are not even married yet and he is not ready to compromise?? Because as Automne says..most guys today are very respectful and understanding towards their girl's wish about waiting a bit first before having kids. What you are asking for isn't out of the norm or something strange.

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well answer that do have faith in Allah, but marriage isnt easy it takes a lot of adjusting and compromise (use the compromise card) but even Allah wants us to b able to support ourselves n children if or wen we have them, n besides u cant just sit n pray to Allah 'Oh Allah meri lottery laga de" wen u havnt even bought a ticket (hope u get where im cming frm) im trying to compromise by saying we will satrt a family aftr a year, its not like im saying NO i DONT want kids AT ALL!, whereas ur not, n if u cant compromise on anything with me now then it makes me wonder whats gonna happen aftr marriage, tell him it takes two to tango
(wat does he refer to wen he says ur not religious enough, namaz or wat?)

try putting him on the spot by asking him, kya tum nhi chahthay k hum ek doosre k sath together waqt guzarein, during which time we can get to knw eachother n u knw stuff like tht

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And that is a harsh thing for him to say to you if that is his response to you wanting to wait a year or so to have kids. :(

Stop EATTING GUTAK
78

Re: I don't want to get pregnant

This is all..just so sad.

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Re: I don't want to get pregnant

Im sorry, i fail to see how its her fault? If this guy is too let say 'immature' to realise she doesnt want to have a baby right now. Thats her fault how? And how does that make *her *the selfish one?
Like everyone else has pointed out, If he cant even compromise on this, Whats gonna happen when you *are *married? I think *hes *the selfish one, she wants to do her studies and persue her career, Whats wrong with that? He's probly almost finished his studies and wants to get his career and a nice little family. He's doing his dream, Doesnt hers count?

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what a shallow man, kiun MB? shaking head