i think you are puttign your career in front of your family. which is fine, but then why do you want to marry him? just stay engaged till you are ready to get married and start a family. i don't understand why when this kind of topic comes everyone takes the girl's side. i know that maybe it's because the whole carrying the child for 9 months and delivery, but when a guy marries he might have his own dreams and wishes too. and if those things are conflicting so much then it's better not to marry each other so one can peruse her dream of higher education and other can have his own family.
i think you are puttign your career in front of your family. which is fine, but then why do you want to marry him? just stay engaged till you are ready to get married and start a family. i don't understand why when this kind of topic comes everyone takes the girl's side. i know that maybe it's because the whole carrying the child for 9 months and delivery, but when a guy marries he might have his own dreams and wishes too. and if those things are conflicting so much then it's better not to marry each other so one can peruse her dream of higher education and other can have his own family.
Maybe she wants to be married, and enjoy all that marriage allows, before having children? Marriage isn't only for reproduction.
Do you ladies think that this is something that should be discussed before getting hitched? Don't you think you both should be on the same page...
i don't think it shld bediscussed before hand ... but u can still convince him now
Of course it should be discussed before hand! These are critical lifestyle choices! How can you decide to make a partner for life without at least hearing the other's perspective!?!
Maybe she wants to be married, and enjoy all that marriage allows, before having children? Marriage isn't only for reproduction.
that is not the point, the point is that the person she wants to enjoy her early days of marriage doesn't agree with her plans. if both agree they can do what ever they want, but if one does not then why the poor guy has to suffer either??
from what she described about him, he seems like a pretty decent guy who wants her to finish her PhD and stuff, all he wants is children, it is not like he is restricting her to the house and babies only. i mean he has his wishes and dreams too just like she does. why is her dreams so much more important than his? and my point is that if they are having a huge conflict about this kind of issue then maybe they need to rethink their decision of marriage.
okay here's what you do... hit him really hard in the balls when he's not looking - preferably from behind for maximum effect... consider using a baseball bat...
naa rahey gaa baans, na bajay gee bansuri... problem solved.
Of course it should be discussed before hand! These are critical lifestyle choices! How can you decide to make a partner for life without at least hearing the other's perspective!?!
totaly agree, for example i am 24 years old right now. lets say if i get married maybe when i am 25 and i want to have kids within first year because i do not want to be that old mother, i want to be one of those young mother who are more friendly with her kids than the whole "amma" deal, and my husband tell me, oh no honey lets wait till next 5 years. dude i would be pissed seriously.
so those kind of things should be discussed first.
It was 2.5 years after I was married before I felt ready to have and raise a child. It is a very real responsibility -- it's not just about having a baby, it's about bringing a human being into the world and guiding her/him forever. I just wasn't ready to dedicate my life to that, and I knew I did not want to half-ass motherhood. I am too aware of the consequences.
Some women are able to be amazing moms, amazing students, and amazing workers all at once. I know myself, and I know that I just would not be able to succeed in a satisfactory manner if I was trying to do it all at once. I really wanted to become established in my career -- even get to an administrative position -- and then consider motherhood when I felt ready to dedicate myself to it. I'm glad it worked out the way it did. I feel satisfied with my career; I know I can come back to it if/when I'm ready, but I am excited and looking forward to my new path. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by choosing motherhood, and I think a few years ago it would've felt that way.
You need to be ready for motherhood. It is the most important and consequential job you will ever have. You have to be ready to dedicate yourself to it. That doesn't mean you can't do other things as a mother -- you should! But you also have to be realistic about what you can do well and what you are willing to sacrifice.
I have a partner who has supported me throughout all my decisions regarding my career and motherhood. He knew I wanted to be a mother and he waited until I was ready. I think he wanted to be a father before I was ready to be a mother, but he also valued our time together as just a couple, and helped me to transition to my new life. Your life will be very difficult if your partner cannot understand your perspective. You won't agree on everything; but you should be able to agree on critical life choices and you certainly should be able to understand each other's perspective. If that is not the case, you need to really think about whether this is the right choice for you.
The pill business reminds me of desperate housewives when Eidi she takes them and Carlos doesn't talk to her for quite some time after that. Don't be deceitful like MIA said, not a good way to start a marriage indeed. Rishton ki bunyadein jhoot se nahi banti, especially jhoot about such a sensitive matter. Brush up your comm and people skills coz your gonna need em lady.
^ I thought of a Desperate Housewife episode as well when I read this thread..... Eidi and Carlos were dating and Carlos really wanted to have a baby. Eidi agreed but secretly kept taking birth control pills. She actually did hide them in her purse. Carlos ended up finding them after some time (accidently) and was obviously extremely furious and felt deceived. He called her out on it and ended the relationship completely.
Even though this is a fake tv show... its not hard to get the concept that lying to your significant other can lead to no good. It is especially not the right way to start off a marriage. I understand completely that 2 people in a couple are not going to agree on every single issue. But I do think it is important that there is a meeting of the minds on the very big issues such as this one.
Try talking it out some more with him and stress the points that some of the ladies here have made. (that having a child right away *will * have an impact on your goals and ambitions, it is healthy for the couple to have some time for themselves so that they can adjust to their new lifestyle, you need to be emotionally ready to become a mother, when you become a mother you want to be the best mother possible and devote yourself completely to that task.. and now is not the time, you want to be more financially stable as a couple, etc.) . Emphasize the fact that you WANT to have kids... just not right away.
Even if he really desires to have kids right away... he should be able to understand your points and be able to sympathize and respect your wishes. Choosing to have a baby has a huge impact on the female partner .... beyond the physical aspects of being pregnant and giving birth... its also has a huge impact on lifestyle... and yes - realistically: on career goals as well.
I know that you have told us that he has been very understanding in the past with you... but this is a HUGE issue. Such a huge issue, that it should be able to be talked about easily between the couple and compromises should be reached without too much of an argument. If you guys have a hard time doing this... I would be very very wary in taking the step to get married.
Afterall... you don't want to be resenting him in the future if you give in and agree to have kids right away and put your own dreams and goals aside. AND you dont want him resenting you in the future when he realizes that you are not getting pregnant right away (the truth will come out when he suggests you guys going to the doctor to make sure everything is alright).
So don't start things with a lie and try to work this out now if you can.
Not wanting a baby now is not selfish. Honestly, if you want to pursue your studies and career, hold off on marriage for a while. Because I PROMISE you, it will not happen if you marry a man like this. Good luck xx
^ I thought of a Desperate Housewife episode as well when I read this thread..... Eidi and Carlos were dating and Carlos really wanted to have a baby. Eidi agreed but secretly kept taking birth control pills. She actually did hide them in her purse. Carlos ended up finding them after some time (accidently) and was obviously extremely furious and felt deceived. He called her out on it and ended the relationship completely.
Even though this is a fake tv show... its not hard to get the concept that lying to your significant other can lead to no good. It is especially not the right way to start off a marriage. I understand completely that 2 people in a couple are not going to agree on every single issue. But I do think it is important that there is a meeting of the minds on the very big issues such as this one.
Try talking it out some more with him and stress the points that some of the ladies here have made. (that having a child right away *will * have an impact on your goals and ambitions, it is healthy for the couple to have some time for themselves so that they can adjust to their new lifestyle, you need to be emotionally ready to become a mother, when you become a mother you want to be the best mother possible and devote yourself completely to that task.. and now is not the time, you want to be more financially stable as a couple, etc.) . Emphasize the fact that you WANT to have kids... just not right away.
Even if he really desires to have kids right away... he should be able to understand your points and be able to sympathize and respect your wishes. Choosing to have a baby has a huge impact on the female partner .... beyond the physical aspects of being pregnant and giving birth... its also has a huge impact on lifestyle... and yes - realistically: on career goals as well.
I know that you have told us that he has been very understanding in the past with you... but this is a HUGE issue. Such a huge issue, that it should be able to be talked about easily between the couple and compromises should be reached without too much of an argument. If you guys have a hard time doing this... I would be very very wary in taking the step to get married.
Afterall... you don't want to be resenting him in the future if you give in and agree to have kids right away and put your own dreams and goals aside. AND you dont want him resenting you in the future when he realizes that you are not getting pregnant right away (the truth will come out when he suggests you guys going to the doctor to make sure everything is alright).
So don't start things with a lie and try to work this out now if you can.
Yeh exactly that is the exact same episode which came to my mind when I was reading this thread.
this just before marrige wait when u get married u will say ur self after 6 months thats u should have a baby......;)
and if u want to have studies and carrier then hold on for while coz it cant be happen if ur hubby is willing to have kidosss:)
