Re: I don't want to get pregnant
I don't want to get pregnant and I've been married for a year almost! I have a fear that I'll have to give up everything to have kids.. No more going out.. no more sleep.. etc..
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
Latex.
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
SPIRAL all i would say, is that this like doing a BUNGEE JUMP for the first time, till you dont do it you are nervous and fearful but once you are on the edge and you are pushed trust me things are different, i guess sometimes to get over that fear you have to take the plunge, but i got to agree that things do change because then you turn into a mum from a wife :D
Oh my Gosh, i thought men wud be releaved that they aint gonna get a kid after the first year. Jus go on the Pill. And not tell him. What else can you do?
Pop birth control pills when he isn't looking.
ha ha! MB and PCG, I was thinking that as well!! but it would be so bad if he found them! Then he probably wont talk to me ever again which is just as well because he is acting like such a bonehead.
He basically says that I should have more faith in Allah (SWT) which I do! I just dont have faith in his ability to bring up a child and my ability to mother one!
Gosh! I didnt realise I was marrying a Mullah man.
Btw, why does it look weird that a man wants a kid so badly? Now Iam worried. And whoever advised me to run, I would like to but it's slim pickings where I live!
Abstain from the "act" for a year...and u wont be pregnant...simplest solution !! :)
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
yea, again...that's not an option...especially for him. I don't mind.
bravo, the flag is your - keep marching !
let the guy kept thinking - what the heck is the problem - hey he can loose weight too :aliyish: !
Stardust you need to have a serious discussion about it with him. have you told him you're not ready? and you'd rather enjoy the marriage first? try to come to some sort of compromise maybe? a year isnt very long at all, he should be happy with that, tell him its your body and you dont want it pregnant thanks very mucho,not till you're ready!
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
Oh hun if you dont want a baby dont be pressured, If he wont have it, Then take pills on the sly, I know its wrong, But he wont listen, What can you do seriously? He wont ever find out Keep them in ur purse i doubt he'll go in there?? Or ummmm hmmm sumwhere. And if he wont talk to you, Then you dont talk to him for pressuring you. :p
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
Good advice MB. It will have to be done on the low. I just really really dont' want to hide anything from him but what can I do if he is being such an a**.
I want to concentrate on my studies and career. He agreed that was fine so how the hell are kids going to help me pursue my ambitions?
He is just so stubborn.
Stardust you need to have a serious discussion about it with him. have you told him you're not ready? and you'd rather enjoy the marriage first? try to come to some sort of compromise maybe? a year isnt very long at all, he should be happy with that, tell him its your body and you dont want it pregnant thanks very mucho,not till you're ready!
hey sazz, believe me I've had discussions umpteen times with him. It always descends into a chaos of shouting and tantrums. Can't be bothered with it. Really.
Sometimes I really wonder if its all worth it.
Oh my Gosh, i thought men wud be releaved that they aint gonna get a kid after the first year. Jus go on the Pill. And not tell him. What else can you do?
You remind me of Nadz for some reason :(
Good advice MB. It will have to be done on the low. I just really really dont' want to hide anything from him but what can I do if he is being such an a**.
I want to concentrate on my studies and career. He agreed that was fine so how the hell are kids going to help me pursue my ambitions?
He is just so stubborn.
You make sure you do your studies and get your career b4 you have kids. Again this is how men 'manipulate' women. Do you seriously think your gonna be able to do that when you've got a baby? Never. Hes saying you can, but back of his mind he doesnt really want you too, He wants to get you pregnant, and a full time mum/wife.
If i was in your situation i wud take them, If hes being like that, You be like that too. After i get married i wanna do my studies too, I wud never have a baby till 2years later. Atleast.
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
yea, i want to wait 2 years as well.
If he wanted me to be full time wife/mum he really has another thing coming. Whats the point in giving birth to a baby you don't want? Imagine how neglected the poor thing will feel?
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
stardust,,,,,,all of this has got me thinking, are u SURE you want to marry him? and the excuse that there are ''slim pickings'' where u live is not sufficient enough to marry him. think about it, if you are starting off this relationship with lying/hiding/sneaking behind his back and taking pills on the sly just b/c he wont listen to you...then whats to come in the many many MANY years ahead in your marriage? hon, if he is not decently and maturely sitting down to listen to your issues BEFORE marriage, then u can kiss the hope of him EVER understanding later on good-bye.
since this is obviously a huge issue for you (and i cannot blame u if it is) then have u considered discussing and getting advise on this issue from your parents? or his parents if u are close to them?? how long have u known your fiancee...is this a love marriage or arranged marraige? either way, its obvious that both of you have ALOT of work to do on communicating each others thoughts and concerns to eachother.
moreover, have u openly discussed your desire to pursue your education to him? what was his reaction, was he convinced or did he give you a 50/50 response. it sounds like he may not be too happy with the idea of u pursuing higher education, hence his scheme to have a baby ASAP is the perfect excuse to not let you. i hope that is not the case....but then why the rush to have a baby right away?
best of luck! i really hope u can resolve this issue soon b4 your wedding.
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
why does he want to have kids so badly straight after marriage? most ppl i know want to spend atleast a yr together just enjoying married life before they even have kids. do u think he's doing this because he doesn't want u to be a career woman? does he have any problem with u wanting to pursue a career? i think i read somewhere that u want to become a barrister. there is no way u can have a baby even in one years time if u havent yet started ur training. i have friends who are doing the bvc and according to them its so hectic. if u really want to seriously pursue a career as a barrister he's gonna have to wait a lot longer to have kids! and u have to make him realise that its ur body and he cant force u to have kids straight away and there are other things in life u want to do first. nothing wrong with that at all.
if all else fails then its upto u to decide if u want to take contraception without him knowing
stardust,,,,,,all of this has got me thinking, are u SURE you want to marry him? and the excuse that there are ''slim pickings'' where u live is not sufficient enough to marry him. think about it, if you are starting off this relationship with lying/hiding/sneaking behind his back and taking pills on the sly just b/c he wont listen to you...then whats to come in the many many MANY years ahead in your marriage? hon, if he is not decently and maturely sitting down to listen to your issues BEFORE marriage, then u can kiss the hope of him EVER understanding later on good-bye.
since this is obviously a huge issue for you (and i cannot blame u if it is) then have u considered discussing and getting advise on this issue from your parents? or his parents if u are close to them?? how long have u known your fiancee...is this a love marriage or arranged marraige? either way, its obvious that both of you have ALOT of work to do on communicating each others thoughts and concerns to eachother.
moreover, have u openly discussed your desire to pursue your education to him? what was his reaction, was he convinced or did he give you a 50/50 response. it sounds like he may not be too happy with the idea of u pursuing higher education, hence his scheme to have a baby ASAP is the perfect excuse to not let you. i hope that is not the case....but then why the rush to have a baby right away?
best of luck! i really hope u can resolve this issue soon b4 your wedding.
Thanks Anjana. I dont really know what to say. I've known him for nearly three years now but he never used to be like this. It's sad that he's changed so much (or maybe I have). I don't know. Iam so confused right now that I really dont know what to do. I've tried speaking to my mum but she takes his side which really annoyed me.
He has never stopped me from educating myself. He wants me to do a Phd! after I become a barrister yet he doesn't want to give up on the idea of having a perfect family as well. I think he lacks maturity in that respect because he has no idea how difficult it is to raise a child. I know because I see my sis and my bhabi do it and how much of a toll it has taken on them.
I don't think things look so good ahead but pulling out from the rishta purely on this basis is not an option for me. He hasn't mistreated me or been rude and I am sure this is a matter which can be resolved with the assistance of an impartial party. I am yet to find one.
why does he want to have kids so badly straight after marriage? most ppl i know want to spend atleast a yr together just enjoying married life before they even have kids. do u think he's doing this because he doesn't want u to be a career woman? does he have any problem with u wanting to pursue a career? i think i read somewhere that u want to become a barrister. there is no way u can have a baby even in one years time if u havent yet started ur training. i have friends who are doing the bvc and according to them its so hectic. if u really want to seriously pursue a career as a barrister he's gonna have to wait a lot longer to have kids! and u have to make him realise that its ur body and he cant force u to have kids straight away and there are other things in life u want to do first. nothing wrong with that at all.
if all else fails then its upto u to decide if u want to take contraception without him knowing
hey lipstick. thanks for the message. he wants them badly because I think he feels incomplete if he doesnt have them. I want at least a year to enjoy my time with him before it's all nappies and early wake up calls. We both are students and I just dont understand his logic behind the need to have children. I just see my dreams, ambitions going up in smoke but then I think to myself that having a career isn't the only thing worth having in this world and maybe Iam being too selfish, I don't know.
I just know I am not mentally prepared to be a mum. It's yucky and tiring.
Iam not doing the BVC as I'll be heading to Canada. I have to take about 8 exams and then article over there.
Thanks Anjana. I dont really know what to say. I've known him for nearly three years now but he never used to be like this. It's sad that he's changed so much (or maybe I have). I don't know. Iam so confused right now that I really dont know what to do. I've tried speaking to my mum but she takes his side which really annoyed me.
He has never stopped me from educating myself. He wants me to do a Phd! after I become a barrister yet he doesn't want to give up on the idea of having a perfect family as well. I think he lacks maturity in that respect because he has no idea how difficult it is to raise a child. I know because I see my sis and my bhabi do it and how much of a toll it has taken on them.
I don't think things look so good ahead but pulling out from the rishta purely on this basis is not an option for me. He hasn't mistreated me or been rude and I am sure this is a matter which can be resolved with the assistance of an impartial party. I am yet to find one.
no problem, i only wish there was more i cud say to help.
well, what does your mum have to say about this? in wat way is she taking his side? maybe her opinion makes sense, maybe it doesnt. she does realize that u are determiend to pursue education, right?
also, as far as lack of maturity on his part,.....does he see and realize what your sis and bhabi go through? wat are your sis and bhabis lifestyles like, are they also raising children AND going for education or is everything on hold for now while they are taking care of their children? if YES, then maybe u shud politely point this fact out to ur fiancee and give him real life examples of how hard (not impossible) but HARD it is to manage both kids and vigorous education. maybe once he sees it with his own eyes, it will give him a reality check.
Re: I don't want to get pregnant
i understand what u mean about not being ready to have kids and that doesnt make u selfish at all. im ready at this point to get married but definately no where near ready to have kids. its literally a life changing event and u have to somehow make him realise that having a baby isnt about completing a cute family portrait. its more than likely that if u ended up having a baby straight away u are going to be the one doing most of the parenting as it slowly dawns on ur husband that having a baby straight away wasnt such a good idea especially since u will be moving to a new county together too. it makes sense to settle down first and atleast complete ur studies.
to be honest i dont think u should take contraception without him knowing cos sooner or later he will realise ur not falling pregnant and he will put 2 and 2 together and it will just cause arguments and problems for u. the best thing to do is sort this out before u get married like other posters have suggested. is there an aunty that u could talk to who could explain to him the harsh reality of being a parent?