If you learn anything on this god forsaken website - learn this.
Do not ask women advice about other women Get a guy to bail you out.
Man, you are depressing me. You could have helped turn this tragic story into a blockbusting romantic smash hit, but no, you help the man divert his attentions from the misunderstood leading lady...
OK, OK, don't attack, I'm waiting to hear what's been happening in real life.
Jaanaan,
I agree with you that this girl is acting like an idiot. And I agree with everyone else that has advised you to not give her too much attention and act normal and unaffected around her.
But being a girl, I also know that girls can play hard to get. And i also know that often times girls don't like to appear "too eager" even if they are interested in the guy. After all....girls have been taught to play hard to get and let the guy do the chasing.
My advice to you would be that you just act normal toward this girl. Treat her like a classmate. Don't be rude. Don't be mean. Just be calm and pleasant but at the same time not clingy. In other words, by friendly but don't go out of your way to get her attention. Your pleasant and calm attitude might encourage her to talk to you a bit more. And if a friendship develops between the two of you....then there's nothing wrong with having a friend is there? And if a greater understanding develops between the two of you....then who knows....it could lead elsewhere.
You don't know the girl that well (personality wise) to begin with. She's approaching 30. Life is unpredictable. You might even end up with her. So, don't chase after her or go out of your way to be be rude to her. Just be calm, pleasant, unaffected.
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Halwa, she turned him down in the beginning because she was already in a relationship with someone else.
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redvelvet, i dont think she was seeing anyone at the time i proposed her. and i did not know that she had had a mangni break up before that. she hangs out with this two girls. and both of them are friends with a couple of guys. so in order to understand the situation better, let me call them by letters.
so we have our girl in question, X, and then her friend, Y. and then there are these two guys, XX, and YY. we thought X was dating XX and Y was dating YY.
I am not much friends with XX. it has to do with his attitude. not many people like him. he is a jerk, attitude problem and all.please dont assume that i dont like him just because he has been hanging out with X.
YY is a great fellow. very soft spoken and no attitude problem whatsoever. the other day we were working on a class assignment and i was teasing YY about Y. and he said that he was not dating her. I did not ask him anything about X or XX. but i think X was interested in him because there were some signs that i saw. for example, laughing at everything he said. you know like showing real interest. and ofcourse statements like "XX is learning pashto" etc etc. these were the things like from three weeks or older.
yesterday three things happened. we were making presentations in the class. I was feeling bored in the class so i started reading a book not related to the class. my turn for presentation came so i had to leave my desk and go to the podium. anyway after i left, she took the book i was reading and started leafing through it. perhaps she was looking through my notes. dont you think that you are not supposed to pick up the stuff of the guy you dont like?
anyway, the second thing happened in the evening. we have different tournaments. in the earlier tournament(football) i played, and XX played too. X and Y rooted for him. yesterday a new tournament (volleyball)started. my team was not playing. XX's team was playing. but surprisingly neither X nor Y were rooting for them.
the third thing happened last night. we had this function and there was a song being played for everyone, that showed their personality one way or the other. when my turn came there was big clapping ( i am a friendly jolly fellow and and friends with almost everybody so may be that the case). but the surprising thing is that X was clapping to. she has not much clapped for me before. the other surprising thing was that she did not clap much for XX.
there were a couple of other things that have happened too. maybe i am reading too much into all this. or maybe this indifference thing is really working and all.
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
^ See, she loves you after all... marry her!
No seriously, where is the harm in being frank with her???
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
I Am thinking, what if i go back to talking to her she reverts back to her old self again?
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
^ I don't think she will, as you have given her some of the CM treatment so she shouldn't take you for granted. Clear the air in the very least. I don't knwo, may be I am misguiding you bcos it could stir up a lot of trouble if she starts saying things about you to people, BUT, bcos there is a chance that she may in fact actually like you and may be suitable wife material, this should be a chance that you should be willing to take.
Executive Summary:
Congratulations. You are interested in a very smart girl. Secondly she is guaranteed bona-fide 100% trouble. You are also reading too much but I am personally think she is under taking these actions on purpose. More detail follows.
Reading too much: Regarding the book yes it is reading too much. But more specifically she would be doing it on purpose. Remember this are all assumptions based on a very limited knowledge of what is happening based on your view point. She could have easily been interested in just the book, nothing to do with you.
Football - both could have been busy. Gone shopping, busy with the family etc.
Clapping - again reading too much.
Devil woman: Now this is why I say she is trouble. Each action taken on its own is insignificant. Together it is a dastardly plot. (I just love using that word - dastardly :D ) As you have already pointed out each act was simple, yet personal. Not really intimate, but personal enough to attract your attention. That would be her goal. They are impersonal to others watching but can be considered personal depending your "history". Simple actions that reel you in. Which is exactly what they have done, you are not wondering, wait is she actually interested? Why was her previous reaction like that? I should find out more.
Your woman is the type that wants what she can not have. She likes attention and the acts of indifference have basically made her step up her game. You my dear boy are royally screwed.
I of course can be wrong, but if i were a betting man, I would bet once you show interest in her again she will go all ice queen on you. Now you can play with her to find out what exactly she is thinking. The choice is honestly yours. I would recommend, packing up and running. Such a woman is only a headache.
However if you are interested in really speaking with her, your actions would have to be "significant." I would suggest you have a chat with her like Suji Halwa is stating. But you use a different tact. One ask her to meet up after class or something. She will say no, but say you wish to talk privately and that she can decide where to meet. Be persistent. Show interest.
Now if she is the girl I am assuming she is, she will toy with this a bit. She will not give you a direct answer, because you have shown interest in her again. She will not go ice queen right away, rather she will entice you with other small "personal" actions. Trying to reel you in again but keep you stringing along.
What you want to see is if she is willing to speak with you privately or not. Don't ask for her bedroom or a hotel room. Say we need to chat, outside of class and let her decide where and when.
Of course Suji could be right and she will accept you can chat it out and when you get married you can blame me for all the troubles in the world.
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
^ Maaru naam Suji natthi che.
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
How about you just talk to her? Ask her and put CM and RH out of miser:D
Seriously, either talk to her to clear things up or just forget about her and move on. AND Stop Thinking About HER!! if you prefer the later option.
Good Luck!!
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
Misery? I am flirting with Suji.....
redvelvet, i dont think she was seeing anyone at the time i proposed her. and i did not know that she had had a mangni break up before that. she hangs out with this two girls. and both of them are friends with a couple of guys. so in order to understand the situation better, let me call them by letters. so we have our girl in question, X, and then her friend, Y. and then there are these two guys, XX, and YY. we thought X was dating XX and Y was dating YY. I am not much friends with XX. it has to do with his attitude. not many people like him. he is a jerk, attitude problem and all.please dont assume that i dont like him just because he has been hanging out with X. YY is a great fellow. very soft spoken and no attitude problem whatsoever. the other day we were working on a class assignment and i was teasing YY about Y. and he said that he was not dating her. I did not ask him anything about X or XX. but i think X was interested in him because there were some signs that i saw. for example, laughing at everything he said. you know like showing real interest. and ofcourse statements like "XX is learning pashto" etc etc. these were the things like from three weeks or older. yesterday three things happened. we were making presentations in the class. I was feeling bored in the class so i started reading a book not related to the class. my turn for presentation came so i had to leave my desk and go to the podium. anyway after i left, she took the book i was reading and started leafing through it. perhaps she was looking through my notes. dont you think that you are not supposed to pick up the stuff of the guy you dont like? anyway, the second thing happened in the evening. we have different tournaments. in the earlier tournament(football) i played, and XX played too. X and Y rooted for him. yesterday a new tournament (volleyball)started. my team was not playing. XX's team was playing. but surprisingly neither X nor Y were rooting for them. the third thing happened last night. we had this function and there was a song being played for everyone, that showed their personality one way or the other. when my turn came there was big clapping ( i am a friendly jolly fellow and and friends with almost everybody so may be that the case). but the surprising thing is that X was clapping to. she has not much clapped for me before. the other surprising thing was that she did not clap much for XX. there were a couple of other things that have happened too. maybe i am reading too much into all this. or maybe this indifference thing is really working and all.
Jaanaan,
Yaar, this is easy to figure out. And I think you know after all these signs.....and YES she is giving you SIGNS...........that she's interested....or at least open to communication with you.
You said that XX is a jerk and has an attitude problem. Well, the reason why X and Y don't clap or cheer or root for him is because they can tell that he's a jerk and they're turned off by him (whether he realizes it or not).
This girl, X, is at least open to friendship. And she's showing you signs of that. There is a possibility that she could have been flirting with Y to get your attention or she could be interested in him. But one thing is for CERTAIN........she's letting YOU KNOW through certain subtle signs that she's not repulsed by you and would not be against some pleasant communication with you.
The way I see it....if you totally did not care about her at all........even her slightest behavior would not matter to you to the point of posting about it on a public thread. So, **subconsciously **you at least care enough about her to think about and contemplate over her actions.
As I told you in my previous post Jaanaan, just be calm and pleasant. Don't be too rude and don't ignore her completely. Just be friendly but dont' go out of your way to chase her. Smile/nod/say hello and how are you when you see her....listen to her response.....and then move on to someone else. That way she'll know that you are at least open to saying hello/how are you to her. And she might feel more encouraged to "ask you a question", seek your "help" on an assignment. Don't shut her out completely.
The girl could have acted like a ***** because she was playing hard to get. Girls do that all the time, trust me, because they dont' want to appear needy. It's kind of like how some guys will wait 3 days before calling a girl to appear more confident and less needy. It's also like how some guys will deliberately blow hot and cold to appear more confident and less needy. It doesn't necessarily mean that the person is not interested in you. She could be interested in at least a friendship and she's showing you signs.
Jaanaan......you have two choices here. You can either let your bruised ego get the better of you and completely blow this girl off. Or you can be the bigger person and the better Muslim......and just show a calm and polite attitude without playing games. If a friendship develops between you two......that's great! It's always nice to have friends. And if that friendship potentially blooms into a deeper affection.......then that's wonderful. Maybe Allah has it in His plan to bring the two of you together. But regardless of what destiny holds for you both.........just be a gentelman and continue to act calm and pleasant (but not needy).
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
You guys are still trying to understand ONE woman’s psychology. Good on ya people! :halo:
TALK TO HER TALK TO HER TALK TO HER!!!
I'll tell you WHY it's crucial that you talk to her.
She's your collegue and any rumor spreading on her behalf could hamper your reputation or career growth. I mean we don't even know what the hell she is telling people. So i suggest the following steps:
1. Talk to her
bottom line
TALK TO HER.
You've been watching desperate housewives!
LOL quoting someone on GS that's been watching DH!
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
See jaanaan, the tide has changed, majority are now seeing sense and advising TALK TO HER!!!
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
thank you all for the advice.
I have looked through all the things and i dont know what to do. at this point of time, CM's advice looks much better. i think i will not talk to her for a week or so more. and then i will decide whether i would like to talk to her or not.
thank you all for the advice. I have looked through all the things and i dont know what to do. at this point of time, CM's advice looks much better. i think i will not talk to her for a week or so more. and then i will decide whether i would like to talk to her or not.
Okay........then consider this scenario..........if you COMPLETELY IGNORE THIS GIRL FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK (7 days is a lot, dude).................she may be so hurt/offended by your behavior that SHE may not want to talk to YOU after the week is over.
Just.....do the reasonable thing. Be polite but don't chase after her. Whether you like this girl or hate her..........just be polite/pleasant/calm........but don't go out of your way to give her attention. She might feel encouraged by your pleasant attitude to start a conversation with you.
Look........you may not like your neighbors....but are you going to go out of you way to be rude to them??? NO! Instead, you will simply be polite and detached. If you don't like certain relatives in your family.......will you be blatantly rude to them? NO! You'll most likely be pleasant but stay to yourself.
Just be NATURAL/CALM/RELAXED/PLEASANT. And this outwardly calm behavior of yours will encourage her to maybe start talking to you.
The girl has stopped being mean to you....so you can stop going out of your way to be mean to her. Act the Gentleman, dude. Act the Gentleman.
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
just do what you think is right!
advice isn't going to help you man...
your there! your facing everything...so do what you think is best!
ta da!
Re: I Am trying to understand the psychology here
Oh yaar koi nahin!
Apna kaam karo...itna dimagh laraney se behtar hai larki ko jaakey ek do suna do...