I just spoke to my friend over the phone and now sad after knowing what she went through this morning, she started crying while telling me and now i am too much depressed, I hardly could give her some suggestion because was speechless too but posting it here can maybe bring any idea with your suggestions and I can guide her for steps she should take.
She said, she had a huge fight with her hubby and it took place in front of all of her inlaws. The main reason of her fight was her MIL, according to her she is the sharpest lady she has ever seen in her entire life, one of those, who smile to you and peeth peechay chura ghonptay hain. This time, my friend was out for some shopping with her own family (because the boy takes her hardly for outing because uski mom usay peechay peechay bharti rehti hay aur uske apni wife ke sath bahar anay janay p itna munh banati hay ke now wo usay bahar le ker hi nahin jata to avoid the fights). She said when I came back, he started fighting out of nowhere over the chores and it turned out be a real huge fight. He even slapped her in front of his mom. She said, its the second time and he did it once when they were alone too. She said, Her MIL is the type jo peeth peechay baten banaye aur kaan bharay aur ooper ooper acchi bani rahay. I cant portray her personality fully here because i never got a chance to meet the lady but as an example, My friend tells me, once she did a lot of shopping for the baby (my friend’s baby), it was almost around of 10,000/- Rs, and wo baar baar jitati rahi ke dekh main iske liye 10,000 ki shopping kerke laayi hun, iski chezo ka khayal rakhna, barbad na karna etc, like ehsaan jitana wagera wagera, halanke my friend is very VERY sughhar too… phir bhi usay let down karnay k liye and she said recently her MIL discussed in front of his son ke haan abhi iske 10,000 ke kapray aaye hain aur kapray kharab na hon and her son said, to kiya hoa, paisay kis ke hain? and that showed she actually took the amount from the son and showed to my friend that she spent all the money herself. Also, she said, my hubby never gives me any amount but my MIL takes all of that from him and then gives to me. She still said ke main nain is baat ka kabhi bura nahin manaya socha ke chalo maira kaam ho raha hay, larai avoid karun.
My friend is very innocent and not at all chalak. She asked me what to do… i know she should stop her husband to abuse her physically but kese, ye nahin pata!! should she leave for her mom’s place for some times? should she tell her family? because she hasn’t yet!! Uski family valay bhi bohat shareef log hain, wo larnay warnay main nahin hain. Also, it was a love marriage!! His mom was not happy i guesss but she did takay beta qaabu main rahay, think she had other plans like larki ko bura bana ke split karwa day aur bete ki khuwahish bhi poori hojaye magar Allah ki kerni, the girl conceived the very first night and within 9 months of their marriage, they have a baby too!! Maybe tabhi Allah ne usay itni jaldi aulad se nawaza k wo aurat bura na kar saky!!
my friend says ke uska hubby bohat achha hay magar kachhay kano ka hy. also both of them are just 25 right now!!
Very sad indeed.I would ask you to be bit more pragmatic & remove this thread, since here people would ONLY help your freind make up her mind to go for a divorce.Just a friendly suggestion!
Mujhay ye sab sun ke bilkul hansi nahin aa rahi!! I am really sad for her! Can't get off it from my mind, how she was crying!! She is suffering and the love birds love each other...... I used to be their secret keeper in our college life and I know how much they are in love...seems the boy, being 25 is over-emotional but how to control his behavior specially when his mom is playing games and a guy can never believe how worst his mom can do sometimes to him!
I am sorry but any self respecting man would not slap his woman twice let alone infront of anyone else. Many things he probably is, an innocent love bird he ain't.
Aaj tak jitne bhi issues un dono ke darmiyan hoay....wo sab sirf uski MIL ki waja se hoay, they never fought with eachother for things they do or discuss. They have a really good mental compatibility!! only whn MIL finds around ke dono ki khoob gaarhi chann rahi hay, to even wo bilawaja meri friend se baat bhi kerna chor deti hay, takay ghar ka mahol kharab ho aur beta mehsoos karay aur dekhe ke mairee wife se meri mom baat nahin ker rahi to apni wife se laray!!
Aaj tak jitne bhi issues un dono ke darmiyan hoay....wo sab sirf uski MIL ki waja se hoay, they never fought with eachother for things they do or discuss. They have a really good mental compatibility!! !
Why would two people with good mental compatibility argue due to 3rd party taang arana? If they had such similar mental thinking then they'd know its the Ama jee's fault, which isn't happening! Isn't that contradictory? Its like saying two best friends trust each other but onlu fight due to rumours, well then there is no trust there is it. I apologise but that's my take on it!
should she leave for her mom's place for some times? should she tell her family? because she hasn't yet!!
I would imagine common sense would give your friend AND you the answer to this question but since it hasn't.....let me state the obvious. Yes, you friends needs to be open about the fact that she has been slapped twice by her husband to her own family. Being abused to her husband is not something she should be hiding from her parents.
And yes, give the fact that a young child is involved....I would recommend she leave to other mother's house immediately with her child. It's pretty obvious that she herself is not safe living with her husband. The 1st and the 2nd time it was a slap.....she has no way of knowing that this will not escalate to something more the 3rd time (and I GUARANTEE you that there WILL be a 3rd time of her getting physically hit....it's just a matter of time). And also, if her husband can't control his temper and sorts to hitting when with her.....what on earth makes her think that someday he won't lose his temper with her child?!
So yes, her immediate move should be to go to her parents house and be open about what's been happening. From there she can tell her husband that she wants him to attend anger management and she wants BOTH of them to go to marriage counselling. She should determine what her next steps should be based what how her husbands reacts to this. After all.....the #1 step in solving ANY problem is to admit that there is a problem.
** I don't care how chalak the MIL is.....there is absolute NO excuse for the husband to hit her! The idea that somehow the MIL is responsible for the husband slapping her is pathetic. The ONLY person who made the choice to slap her is the husband himself.
I hv seen similar lady like her and these types are very dengerous,specially wen her husband is a mama's boy,she can't change her Mil but she should try to win her husband's confidence,but one thing she should take some serious step abt her husband slapping her,becuz the Mil can take the advantage and she could make it worst for her,she should not bear such behaviour from her hubby...she should handle the situation cleverly...
Why would two people with good mental compatibility argue due to 3rd party taang arana? If they had such similar mental thinking then they'd know its the Ama jee's fault, which isn't happening! Isn't that contradictory? Its like saying two best friends trust each other but onlu fight due to rumours, well then there is no trust there is it. I apologise but that's my take on it!
confused right!! let me clear!! Yehi! the boy knows its his amma's faults but he is oppressed, you say wo dono ke beech main phans gaya.. even if he wants to, he cant take charge, maa uspe itni dominant hay ke wo maa se behes nahin ker sakta, thts y i already mentioned that he is still young, i know there are men who even growup mentally in the very young age but he isnt one of those, here the girl is more mature than him. Ye karta pehle hay aur sochta baad main hay. Maa ki lagai bujhaai se zada maa ka behavior!! jo wo create kerti hay.....!!
Mujhay ye sab sun ke bilkul hansi nahin aa rahi!! I am really sad for her! Can't get off it from my mind, how she was crying!! She is suffering and the love birds love each other...... I used to be their secret keeper in our college life and I know how much they are in love...seems the boy, being 25 is over-emotional but how to control his behavior specially when his mom is playing games and a guy can never believe how worst his mom can do sometimes to him!
We dont expect you to laugh either, atleast not me!
Khair its really sad how people become arrogant towards there wife so easily & physical abuse is not tolerable under any circumstance..As they say, first time is a mistake, second time is a choice.Now when she knew her hubby is kanoo ka kutcha phir the best solution was to stay calm and quite no mattar what and once he release his anger and get thanda uska baad aram say bait k baat ker lain.Communication is a key, you can use it to get over hurdles, trust me just by using proper words at proper time you can safe yourself from getting into many probs.She really needs to improve her skill to communicate well & zabaan chalna back infront of his fam. is all her mistake.I am strictly against physical or verbal abuse, there are many other ways to handle things.Gussa, rohna kisi cheez ka solution nahi hota.
I would imagine common sense would give your friend AND you the answer to this question but since it hasn't.....let me state the obvious. Yes, you friends needs to be open about the fact that she has been slapped twice by her husband to her own family. Being abused to her husband is not something she should be hiding from her parents.
And yes, give the fact that a young child is involved....I would recommend she leave to other mother's house immediately with her child. It's pretty obvious that she herself is not safe living with her husband. The 1st and the 2nd time it was a slap.....she has no way of knowing that this will not escalate to something more the 3rd time (and I GUARANTEE you that there WILL be a 3rd time of her getting physically hit....it's just a matter of time). And also, if her husband can't control his temper and sorts to hitting when with her.....what on earth makes her think that someday he won't lose his temper with her child?!
So yes, her immediate move should be to go to her parents house and be open about what's been happening. From there she can tell her husband that she wants him to attend anger management and she wants BOTH of them to go to marriage counselling. She should determine what her next steps should be based what how her husbands reacts to this. After all.....the #1 step in solving ANY problem is to admit that there is a problem.
** I don't care how chalak the MIL is.....there is absolute NO excuse for the husband to hit her! The idea that somehow the MIL is responsible for the husband slapping her is pathetic. The ONLY person who made the choice to slap her is the husband himself.
I hv seen similar lady like her and these types are very dengerous,specially wen her husband is a mama's boy,she can't change her Mil but she should try to win her husband's confidence,but one thing she should take some serious step abt her husband slapping her,becuz the Mil can take the advantage and she could make it worst for her,she should not bear such behaviour from her hubby...she should handle the situation cleverly...
both of u are very correct, I will talk to her about this for sure!!
I have read both of your comments, thoroughly!!
We dont expect you to laugh either, atleast not me!
Khair its really sad how people become arrogant towards there wife so easily & physical abuse is not tolerable under any circumstance..As they say, first time is a mistake, second time is a choice.Now when she knew her hubby is kanoo ka kutcha phir the best solution was to stay calm and quite no mattar what and once he release his anger and get thanda uska baad aram say bait k baat ker lain.Communication is a key, you can use it to get over hurdles, trust me just by using proper words at proper time you can safe yourself from getting into many probs.She really needs to improve her skill to communicate well & zabaan chalna back infront of his fam. is all her mistake.I am strictly against physical or verbal abuse, there are many other ways to handle things.Gussa, rohna kisi cheez ka solution nahi hota.
hm, your comments are noted too. Agar MIL itna majboor kerde ke ghalat ghalat ilzaam lagaye to tab bhi aurat chup rahay kiya?? wo apnay aapko defend, justify to karegi naa, aur agar MIL is shouting so to make her listen other person has to shout too!!
hm, your comments are noted too. Agar MIL itna majboor kerde ke ghalat ghalat ilzaam lagaye to tab bhi aurat chup rahay kiya?? w*o apnay aapko defend, justify to karegi naa, aur agar MIL is shouting so to make her listen other person has to shout too!!*
What is there in it to justify her self publicily, I mean us ko us k banday ko clear kerna woh aram sa b apna point notice ker wa saktee hai, brick to a brick only gonna make things worst.
What is there in it to justify her self publicily, I mean us ko us k banday ko clear kerna woh aram sa b apna point notice ker wa saktee hai, brick to a brick only gonna make things worst.
Magar bato ko clear to waqt p karna chahye naa, verna baad main hubby ye na bolen ke ammi ke samnay to chup theen, tab kyun nahin kaha, soch ke baat bana ker bata rahi ho, haqeeqat to ye hay ke tum baat bana rahi ho aur ammi ke samnay isliye nahin bola ke wo tumhara jhoot pakar leteen. tab??
Magar bato ko clear to waqt p karna chahye naa, verna baad main hubby ye na bolen ke ammi ke samnay to chup theen, tab kyun nahin kaha, soch ke baat bana ker bata rahi ho, haqeeqat to ye hay ke tum baat bana rahi ho aur ammi ke samnay isliye nahin bola ke wo tumhara jhoot pakar leteen. tab??
Mujhay app k TAPAAR say daar lagta hai, App sub k samany kuch sunn nahi saktay, wild animal bun jatay ho!!
