i am sad and hurt..

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: i am sad and hurt..

In Dubai it's easier for women. You don't have a car...u can take the metro to get around. But in KSA....especially where I lived...it was harder. I didn't feel it as much as a kid/teen.........but after having moved to the US and living here for so many years....I could handle a visit to KSA...but nothing long term where I'm going to be confined mostly to the home. Looking back, I now think it's sorta funny. That place was like my home....and when we moved, I missed it....and now the thought of it doesn't seem too comfortable.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

Yes I know it's ver easy in Dubai but I m telling my preference I don't like gng out alone I need company :)

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

yaar kaheen *full stop *to laga liya karo....

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

And that is the main point isn't it? You chose to not go out alone and she is forced to not go out alone. It makes a huge difference.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

Yeah but the point is its not important 2 go out I don't think u want 2 stress out bc of these simple issues

46

Re: i am sad and hurt..

Hehehe next time

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

^Nah, you missed again. Hota hai, hota hai, aisa bhi hota hai.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

may be he wants to get his money's worth ;) that is, save as much money as he spends on your airline ticket. he would save a bundle i suppose :)...j/k :D...vaise, is he a generous guy or a scrooge? :D

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

Agree..

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

Wow man, I wish I could show my wife this. She's super ungrateful and edit at times, she gets to go swimming regularly ,I took her to take skiing lessons when we were in Canada, shopping every week, eating out almost every day, latest IPhone with unlimited calling plan, brand new laptop, movies pretty much every week, has her own car (but too lazy to drive, wants me to do it) etc..still always complaining or whining about something.

If I ask her for a simple cup of green tea (very easy to make, and this is the only tea I like), she complains and whines, and takes forever to do it.

I go out of my way to keep are active and entertained, yet only barely do I get any appreciation. But whatever, I don't care anymore I do it because Allah SWT commanded us to be kind to our wives and fulfill their rights.

Now she's skiing addicted and in March she wants to go to Banff Canada (Sunshine Village) for more skiing, and we probably will inshAllah. However, will it make her happy? I dunno. Will she realize how good she has it? I doubt it. Will she be nicer to me and less irritating? Probably not. But I've accepted this reality.

The thing is sister, material things and fancy vacations will never truly make you happy. Shopping and all that, that's just temporary happiness, it soon wears of. Only thing you will ever find happiness in is with the zikr of Allah SWT, so I suggest you turn to GOD and ask him to help you out.

Further, I firmly believe a woman (in fact any human being) needs to have a purpose, she can't sit around waiting for her husband to come home. Either she should have her own job/career, volunteer some place, or be busy taking care of kids.

However sitting around at home with no job, no studies, no volunteering, or kids, waiting for your husband = bad idea. Even in the U.S that will make you bored and depressed.

Get yourself busy, and increase your zikr of Allah SWT = problems solved inshAllah.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

I guess compromise needs to be done on both sides. He should understand the situation that you are in, you dint chose to be dependent on him, its the KSA laws. I can understand being irritated sometimes but if hes always making excuses then its not all your fault. I dont have the licence right now, so its my hubby who takes me everywhere. He even drops me off at my friends when we have an all ladies event. He takes me to groceries which ofcourse he doesnt like much lol but a man has to do what he has to do right. What i mean to say is that he should understand this too that hes a married man now and is responsible for your needs. He cant just always sleep in his free time as he used to do in his bachelor days, he needs to spend time with you too as we women we need a little company and outing to remain sane.

As for you, i will say that reserve most of the outdoor chores for the weekends. You should also understand that he is working long hours and he needs his peace of mind when he comes home. Always get changed before he comes home, greet him with a smile, do his khidmat (chaye paani khaana). Try not to greet him with a list of farmayshain or complaints, theres always a time for everything. You can do all the grocery on weekends and that too in large quantities so that you dont need to go out during the week. Rest if there is something absolutely necessary, you can always call him to pick up things while coming from the office. Try to make yourself busy with a hobby or cooking, make friends, its always good to have an all girls time. Give him some space too, dont get too clingy. Its been just a year and you guys are already fed up from each other, its not a good sign. Enjoy life, watch some nice movie together once in a while. married life is beautiful, you just have to adjust sometime. Initial years are usually tough because of couples struggling with money, careers and even adapting with each other, but at the same time these years are exciting too because you are building your life together with each other. Compromise has to be done on both sides. If he is not that social, try to be friends with the wives of his friends, in this way you guys can have a social life together. My husband is also not that social, in other words, i am more social and outgoing than him. But we have mutual family friends and have a good (though not overly) social life mashAllah. Also i would say go to Pakistan, spend some time there, enjoy with friends and family, who knows absence will make both of your hearts grow fonder of each other. Good luck :)

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

Wow, you’re a real martyr, Edal. Stop going out of your way when there’s little to zero reciprocation on her part. She can’t “miss” all that you do for her…if you continue to go out of your way to give it to her. You miss things when they’re not there. Maybe consider witholding a bit…and then talking to her about her actions when she starts to get upset.

And kindness to her should also be shown behind her back as well, right? How is calling her edit support that? :rolleyes:

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

@EDAL : Nice pitch about being a wonderful husband but it seemed like you needed an excuse to boast. Clearly, that wouldn’t help the OP. :chai:

@cute_ainee : If it helps, I’ll be moving to KSA soon and I’m actually kind of excited but before I go off on a tangent, I can totally understand your frustration about wanting and needing your husband, and having time to bond and build your relationship while he’s acting like he’s doing you big flipping favor by just doing the basic husband duties but I promise you, it has everything to do with him being overwhelmed with work and responsibilities. So when he comes home after a long day of work, the last thing he wants to do is have to entertain you. I know that is not ideal but he probably wants you to go for 2 months because he probably realizes you’re not having fun and he think it might do you some good. I think going for 2 months will be a good change. So if I were you I wouldn’t take it personally or get sad, he probably thinks you would be happier there and could use some fun. I’m sure he feels guilty knowing you’re bored yet can’t do much without him to chauffeur you around so that’s why he’s vouching for the 2-month trip.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

The thing is , I’m an outdoor person myself. I like to be out in nature or out doing something, sitting at home makes me very bored, I can’t stand it, I just gotta get out of the house. I would never want to stay at home with her too long.

I’m just hoping she starts school this fall and makes a lot of friends in University, that should get her of my back.

Also in terms of calling her a btch, well she can be a real btch sometimes, that’s just how she is.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

You may not realize it, but you're more than likely part of the problem you're experiencing. I'm not exempting your wife or justifying her actions.....but we teach people how to treat us and we set boundaries in relationships. Maybe there's something you're not doing in that regard...and you need to reflect on it. Cuz it's easy to point the finger at the other person....but it takes more courage to look at what we ourselves might be doing that's fueling a situation.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

^^^ let’s hope she doesn’t make friends with Khizar Alam…oooohh…can’t wait for those threads to start in Life1! :khumar:

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

[QUOTE]

What? Why would boasting to random internet names do anything for me? You could all be computer bots for all I know.

Seriously my point was to state that look at the extremes in this world, here you have one girl whose only wish is to go out to the grocery store, or a mall and her husband can’t do it. Then you have girls like my wife who get to do a lot but are still miserable. Why??

Yes, and a part of me also wished that I had a wife like the OP, or that I could marry a girl who has been restricted all her life and show her all the cool things I show my wife, then perhaps she would appreciate it.

Perhaps a nice Afghan girl from a village.

Reading posts like the ones made by the OP only make me more sad about my wife, and I despise her even more.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

:confused: That’s depressing to hear but obviously you guys have things to sort out. Her problems of nashukra-pan aren’t severe and not something to “despise” your wife over. I wonder whether you realize that providing material things isn’t the answer, it’s about being present mentally and emotionally as well. I know most girls who take marriage seriously don’t give 2 hoots about materialistic things so try to be understanding, emotionally present and respectful, name calling is NOT respectful, y’know?

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

Despise is a strong word/emotion. That's like stronger than hate. How can one proudly say that they're following religious guidelines by being "kind" do their wife....and yet at the same time harbour such negative emotions and talk of their spouse like that behind their back? I brought this point up in my last post, Edal....and you evaded it.

Your wife/a relationship can't run on material thing and one person being the smug but bitter martyr. If you don't address the hatred that you're feeling for your wife....then eventually (if it hasn't happened already)that negativity will start manifesting itself in your body language/words/actions toward her. And I don't think that keeping her busy somehow (either with a job, classes, kids) is going to get to the root of the problem. You need to make some changes in the way you interact with her and talk to her about the problem.

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Re: i am sad and hurt..

^Ditto.