**i live in KSA and going to pakistan in april..its been a year that i got married..when ever i talk about going to pakistan for a month,my hubby says that now that u r going there,stay there for 2 months atleast…like from everything he say it feels as if he is fed up of me and he wants me to go to pak now..though its been only a year that we got married…i asked him many times y do u want me to live so long there?and he says that its just that u spend good time there with ur family and friends..
now my hubby is not at all ann outgoing person and here in KSA i cant drive and cant go out without mehram,on my own…now for everything i have to ask my hubby to go with me and in the first few months we used to go out every day but now if i ask my hubby to go out with me or take me out anywhere,he gets so irritated…now it so happened that i stopped asking him much to go out to malls etc…he goes to office in the morning,come back till 7 or 8 pm and then sits on laptop or goes to sleep…now today i asked him that i want to do some grocery when he came back from office,he said ok,but i wont go now,i will go around 11 pm..i said ok..and now he went to sleep again:(..
the thing is that today i asked him that i wana go to some event tomorrow(thats happening in our city),at first he said"kya kerna hai ja ker,rehne dow"..but i said no i want to go and then he said"now u know y i want u to go back to pakistan"..i said “y?if i ask u to take me somewhere coz i cant drive or go out alone ,is it that much a problem”..he said “yes”..i said i m hurt for what u said and he said"achi baat hai"..
i am soooo sad and hurt:(..what should i do?i am sooo sooo ssoooo frustrated and down:(**
Ainee. I don’t know what to say really . Maybe he is stressed out at work? but still he shouldn’t be behaving this way. I think you should talk to him about this but pick an appropriate time to do it :).
its been an hour since he came from office when i talked to him..i served him dinner and then.
stressed out at what??..every husband works but they don’t say this to their wives or they don’t show as if they are a burden to them…he shows as if job ker k koi ehsaan ker raha hai mujh per…whatever atleast i deserve to go out of house after 2 days atleast:(
I think this is your problem. Give urself and him some more time.
If u r so contained in KSA why dont u go to Pak for 2 months ? If i was you i wud go for 4 months.
cute ainee: i m not sure how to deal this situation. the way you proceeded with your husband was ok in my eyes.
it looks like he has some work related issue. you may ask him when he feel more comfortable. try to make him your friend first before considering him as husband.
I understand how frustrating daily life is for you since you're so restricted in going out without your husband due to local laws. I can understand your need to want to go out once he's home.
On the flip side....I can also understand that your husband must be frustrated too b/c he works all day long...come home exhausted and wanting to relax....and yet once home, he has to go out again to take you to places. I imagine he never had to do any of this before marriage.
You've only been married for 1 year and sounds like it's been a major change for both of you (ie. you having to totally depend on him to even go out to buy groceries...and him having to be so responsible for another person on a daily basis).
I think a 2 month "vacation" to Pakistan for you is a good idea. It'll give you a break from living a life where you can't step outside the house without your husband. Those 2 months will give you a chance to go out as much as you want...and also will give you a chance to see your family/friends after a year. And those 2 months will also give your husband time to relax, re-group his thoughts....and even give him a chance to miss you a bit.
2 months is really too long after a year of marriage IMO. You don't want him to start enjoying a life without you, or getting used to it. I dunno, right now, it all doesn't sound too good. You guys should really talk to someone before things spiral out of control, because it seems like every week there is a new issue (with the same old issue) and things don't improve. Good luck to you.
stressed out at what??..every husband works but they don't say this to their wives or they don't show as if they are a burden to them...he shows as if job ker k koi ehsaan ker raha hai mujh per...whatever atleast i deserve to go out of house after 2 days atleast:(
Ofcourse it's your husband's responsibility to provide for you and he is not doing any ehsan on you! But you also have to be supportive and understanding, maybe he is having it tought at work? Talk to him about it and figure out if he has any issues at work.
I suggest you also try to make some friends there and take up a hobby so that you have something to keep yourself busy :)
I think this is your problem. Give urself and him some more time.
If u r so contained in KSA why dont u go to Pak for 2 months ? If i was you i wud go for 4 months.
dil tou ker raha hai hmesha k liay pak chali jaun as he doesnt need me anymore but i can't ofcourse..
Sounds like a boring slob. Shaadi kyun ki usney when all he wants to do is work and sit on his computer.
yes he is extremeley boring and thats y no one be friends with him huh
stressed out at what??..every husband works but they don't say this to their wives or they don't show as if they are a burden to them...he shows as if job ker k koi ehsaan ker raha hai mujh per...whatever atleast i deserve to go out of house after 2 days atleast:(
I'm sorry but the above comments show nothing but immaturity on YOUR part.
Did you move to KSA after marriage? Did you know about the laws regarding women going out in KSA before marriage? Did you not know how restricted your life was going to be when you agreed to this marriage?
As for his stress.....have you ever had a full-time job? Every single job has its stresses. You have no idea what goes on in his office for all the hours he's there.
And how do you know what other husband's say or don't say to their wives? Do yourself a HUGE favor......stop thinking about what other people's husband's are doing/saying and focus on your own. Comments/thoughts like that will bring you nothing but misery.
I grew up in KSA....do not miss that aspect (women not being able to move around easily) of life over there.
It could even be that when your husband first suggested that you stay for two months in Pak...he did so with the intention that you get your money's worth out of the trip...tickets aren't cheap. That's a possibility....and then later when you got on his nerves....he made the comment that he did.
Try to look at it from his perspective also. When you come home from work....sometimes you're so tired that you don't have the energy to go out and run errands. If you worked, you'd understand this better. You need to befriend some other women around your age....and that way you'll have some company...and you and your female friends can get out of the house a bit...go to the bazaar...go visit each other, etc. That's what my mom did sometimes. Apart from that, work out a compromise with your husband in terms of a schedule for going out, etc. As far as grocery shopping is concerned.....call him up and tell him what items he needs to pick up on his way home from work. There are ways to work around this. Oh and men don't really like to go shopping. Haven't you seen their avazaar and miskeeno wali boothis when their wives drag them to go shopping?
cute ainee: i m not sure how to deal this situation. they way you proceeded with your husband was ok in my eyes.
it looks like he has some work related issue. you may ask him when he feel more comfortable. try to make him your friend first before considering him as husband.
husband can never be a friend and i have known this since i got married..he is very critical since he is my husband..
I understand how frustrating daily life is for you since you're so restricted in going out without your husband due to local laws. I can understand your need to want to go out once he's home.
On the flip side....I can also understand that your husband must be frustrated too b/c he works all day long...come home exhausted and wanting to relax....and yet once home, he has to go out again to take you to places. I imagine he never had to do any of this before marriage.
You've only been married for 1 year and sounds like it's been a major change for both of you (ie. you having to totally depend on him to even go out to buy groceries...and him having to be so responsible for another person on a daily basis).
I think a 2 month "vacation" to Pakistan for you is a good idea. It'll give you a break from living a life where you can't step outside the house without your husband. Those 2 months will give you a chance to go out as much as you want...and also will give you a chance to see your family/friends after a year. And those 2 months will also give your husband time to relax, re-group his thoughts....and even give him a chance to miss you a bit.
hmmm..
Ofcourse it's your husband's responsibility to provide for you and he is not doing any ehsan on you! But you also have to be supportive and understanding, maybe he is having it tought at work? Talk to him about it and figure out if he has any issues at work.
I suggest you also try to make some friends there and take up a hobby so that you have something to keep yourself busy :)
he does not have any work related issues...its just that he is a sleeping beauty and he loves to sleep sleep sleep and sleep...whenever he gets time,he sleeps and sleeps for hours and hours...and the reason he doesnt want to take me to that event is that he wants to sleep at home..
cute ainee....i'm sorry for your frustrations, but it's really hard to give advice on your situation on a forum like this. we only hear your side and hurt feelings, which i'm sure are justified, but without knowing your husband, i don't think anyone here can give you advice that will be of any help. this sounds like a classic case of homesickness/newlywed blues...try to remember that is a new situation for your husband too. Unfortunately, there is no manual written on how to be a new wife/new husband...you both need time to learn about one another and how to communicate effectively.
don't look at going back to pakistan as a bad thing...look at it as a joyous time to reconnect with your family and friends and come back to your husband refreshed and energized.
and please...don't nag him or give him attitude about grocery shopping and/or outings, it will drive a wedge deeper between you.find another way to get what you want....lingerie always helps! ;)
. Maybe he is stressed out at work? but still he shouldn’t be behaving this way. I think you should talk to him about this but pick an appropriate time to do it :).