husband away

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Im not advising her to get a talaq necessarily.

Im saying DONT HAVE A BABY RIGHT NOW.

42

Re: husband away

remeber the stronger person is who is able to control his/her anger!! tht is tru strnth!

ps noone can take ur digniti away from u, untill u urself start acting and behaving like the person whos doin wrong... i.e if u c a dog bark u dnt start barking. u jus walk away! simple!

I shaved and now I'm in trouble, sort off.
43

Re: husband away

i dint write tht for u psq ... i did write it for someone els...but then i edited it off as i dnt want to start any other arguments as im here to advise and be there for someone who is calling out for help.

but there are many ppl here who r advising this..and it isn't right!

44

Re: husband away

^ Okay. I just didnt want to be misunderstood. :)

I dont think she should walk away either. I think she should try and take control of the situation by being stronger and braver than the ones around her.

45

Re: husband away

Why does this thread’s title sounds like an invitation :bummer:

46

Re: husband away

^ Is that why you clicked on it?

47

I haven't seen this wait and see plan work, ever.

However, having kids changes people and their thought processes. They make their decision by taking KIDS into account even if they don't care about the wife.

That approach has worked as I've mentioned in my previous post.

In this type of situation, you need distraction for the mother in law, her self and the husband. They need something that will bring them together on a positive note...

This play the victim card and "oohhh itna zulm ho raha hai" bs doesn't work... millions and millions of saas bahu fights take place, the world doesn't end there.

khair, saas bahu ki fights tou chalti rahain ghi jesey kuttay billi ki dushmani hoti hai

48

Re: husband away

The time is 4 months islamically, but with agreement husband wife can decide to let one person stay away etc. It'd make more sense for you to go where you feel most comfortable. I guess from an islamic point of you, ifyou husband is not around and there are other non-mehram in your susral as in brother in laws or perhaps nephews who are older than 12 strickly speaking it's not halal for you to live with them, so your comfort and movement would be pretty restricted. Conversely, it'd be easier to live with your own family w/o non-mehrum there so if your husband is away, an argument could be made, islamically that you stay with your own family and not husband's family. In Islam women do not sever ties from their father's side of the family. Good Luck! going with him would be best though!

49

YES! pregnancy is not a one day thing...and there...you pop out the baby the next day...its 9 months of hormonal changes...body transformation...mental instability...khudanakhasta...illness..etc...she needs her husband THE MOST while she is pregnant...the last thing she needs is bickering from her motherinlaw...some positive environment huh?! the baby not only needs a healthy surrounding after he/she is born...the mother needs to be with someone supportive, loving and caring...throughout her pregnancy!!!! i cant stress enough how important it is for a pregnant woman!...a happy mother makes happy babies...and raises them into happy individuals...so please..do NOT get pregnant just yet...your husband needs to take you with him...no ifs and buts!!!

50

:smack: dosron ki bivion per kaise nazar rehti hy sab ki:smack2:

51

*Of course, this is the reason why saas-bahu fight so much. Because humare mardon ko sirf baitke TV dekhna aata hai...kuch karenge nahin...sirf tamasha dekhenge aur ghalat vaqt pe apne tang ardayenge. *

52

Re: husband away

delete

53

BINGO!

The LAST thing you need is an MIA husband and a MIL that doesnt stop breathing down your neck while you waddle around on swollen feet. Apparently, JaanLeva thinks its a walk in the park to pop out a couple of teeny boppers. I mean, how hard could it be right? All you have to do is turn your life and body upside down for almost a year to please your MIL and husband darling. I mean, its not like they understand WORDS or this new invention called LANGUAGE or an even crazier thing named URDU. We’re such crazy girls thinking communication is the key to a successful relationship!

All of you ladies living with your in-laws: everytime you and MIL fight, get pregnant…according to JaanLeva because he knows what he’s talking about.

Do I sound sarcastic? Hm. :halo:

54

Delete what?

55

Re: husband away

yep..chris rock is right..lol..this world would be a different place if men were to be transformed into women for just ONE day!!!! larki bechari goes to visit her parents for a few hours...afat ajaey....but if a husband is gone for yearsssss its ok....just because he needs to earn money.......(and what not!!!) you know what...humein aesa money nahi chahiye....

56

that is PSYCHOTIC.
PREGANT and ALONE and BOUND?
dont make this mistake.
it would be self-destruction.

57

i am sooooooooo confused i really dont know what to do, in my friends opinion most are advising me to divorce him

58

Re: husband away

^ patience is a virtue, remind your friends of that. Secondly you said you love him, emotions like love do not resolve with a paper saying divorced. Obviously i or anyone else here cannot claim to know the dynamics of your life in full detail. So do not make a decision wildly. Make dua, this is the month of ramadan, seek advice from some good solid religious source after discussing with them your problems in entirety. That is to get the religious perspective on things. Then make a decision based on your thoughts.

59

KAK, where r u, in pakistan?

From what we know of your background, it appears that u do not have any status or opportunity to make a life on your own, without being propped up by your husband, cousin, mother, or in-laws.

I am being very frank with u, what kind of life do u expect if u divorce?

Let me tell u how i think it will b. U will get divorced, u will live at your mums house, the people will say thats the bad girl who got divorced bcos she wanted to move out of her in-laws. No one will ever marry her again.

By saying the above i must STRESS that i do NOT agree with the above, but that is REALISTICALLY what will most likely happen in the divorce case.

What is most important here is that u say u love your husband. Is this true? If so, and u divorce, u will have lost your husband bcos of an argument (even if it is bad) and u would have lost all your social standing and result in being dependent on your mother and your cousin to speak for u and makeyour decisions. I am saying it bcos your culture is harsh.

Remember u r only very recently married, obviously there r communication issues. I would advise leave things quiet for a while for everyone concerned to calm down, and then prioritize what u want out of life.

60

Re: husband away

She has been in a situation for sometime and NO improvements. She is up to a point where she can get divorce or try to change circumstances which can force everybody to rethink and refocus on something other than her.

PSQuared, you comparing newborns and kids to getting pets is pathetic. It only goes to show how you lack the understanding and wisdom to advise on matters like this.