husband away

[Reha]

She has been in a situation for sometime and NO improvements. She is up to a point where she can get divorce or try to change circumstances which can force everybody to rethink and refocus on something other than her.

PSQuared, you comparing newborns and kids to getting pets is pathetic. It only goes to show how you lack the understanding and wisdom to advise on matters like this.

Jaan Leva,

*If we all followed your genius advice of getting pregnant everytime there is a problem...the population of the world would triple. LOL. Also judging from YOUR attitude, your wife must be pregnant ALL THE TIME. *

*You're obviously ill-equipped not only to give advice but to empathize with her situation. She is going through something you are *trying to comprehend, but cant. **

*You just told her to get pregnant for the sake of providing her family with a DISTRACTION. A KID IS A DISTRACTION TO YOU? Having a baby sounds like a cake-walk the way JaanLeva makes it sound. You adopt a pet if you want to distract yourself and are BORED. You dont get knocked up because you've got nothing else to do. THIS is your advice? *

*GO and get pregnant and then have the nerve to trivialize the process of having a baby by calling it a distraction. *

*I think a child will give you additional problems to face...you will be alone, pregnant, emotional, in pain, etc. You need people who can UNDERSTAND you and BE WITH YOU in this time...not people who are antagonizing you constantly. *

*If you love him, make it work until you've exhausted all resources and options. Be the bigger person and kill him with your kindness. If you feel this is not going to get better, you dont love him, you cant go on like this for the rest of your life, etc. Then, get out of it. *

*The decision is yours. *

[Reha]

@chanda_kh

yep..chris rock is right..lol..this world would be a different place if men were to be transformed into women for just ONE day!!! larki bechari goes to visit her parents for a few hours…afat ajaey…but if a husband is gone for yearsssss its ok…just because he needs to earn money…(and what not!!!) you know what…humein aesa money nahi chahiye…

Exactly! Humein aisa paisa nahin chahiye jo humare beech mein ajaye.

[S4M_1]

Re: husband away

err ppl dnt argue ... ur confusing her...stik to the topic...come up with solutions ideas to help kaka...not argue amgst urselves... dudes!!

[Kaka_MaNNa]

Jaan Leva,

*If we all followed your genius advice of getting pregnant everytime there is a problem...the population of the world would triple. LOL. Also judging from YOUR attitude, your wife must be pregnant ALL THE TIME. *

*You're obviously ill-equipped not only to give advice but to empathize with her situation. She is going through something you are *trying to comprehend, but cant. **

*You just told her to get pregnant for the sake of providing her family with a DISTRACTION. A KID IS A DISTRACTION TO YOU? Having a baby sounds like a cake-walk the way JaanLeva makes it sound. You adopt a pet if you want to distract yourself and are BORED. You dont get knocked up because you've got nothing else to do. THIS is your advice? *

*GO and get pregnant and then have the nerve to trivialize the process of having a baby by calling it a distraction. *

*I think a child will give you additional problems to face...you will be alone, pregnant, emotional, in pain, etc. You need people who can UNDERSTAND you and BE WITH YOU in this time...not people who are antagonizing you constantly. *

*If you love him, make it work until you've exhausted all resources and options. Be the bigger person and kill him with your kindness. If you feel this is not going to get better, you dont love him, you cant go on like this for the rest of your life, etc. Then, get out of it. *

*The decision is yours. *

There is YOUR way of looking at it and then there is the RIGHT way to look at situation like this.

Here is the scenario and I will try to make it as simple as possible and slow it down so you can go through it at your own mental pace:

Divorce or status quo

So far she has chosen status quo, which is not helping. So, next step is?

Try to improve things or divorce?

Any sane person with cool mind would say "try to improve things." Remember, divorce is the LAST option, not the option.

How does one go about improving situation like this?

Lets get one thing straight, when fights happen, the problem is on both sides. I don't believe for a second that she doesn't do anything to provoke or give notion that she doesn't respect her saas. So, I am sure her contribution (knowingly or unknowingly) is there as far as arguments or fights are concerned.

Now, husband stays away for job is understandable but that is no reason to ask for divorce. She needs to talk to him and ask him bai saab ap mujhey akela chhor jate hain edhar, kya ho raha hai...

Other then that, every household has different circumstances and the way certain things are done. So, unless those details are listed we can't really judge where her saas, husband and her self stand on this issue.

[CE]

Re: husband away

So how about she has a kid and things dont work out, then she is stuck with a kid and a broken marriage,

watever you doo dont get pregnant, i have seen people where they get pregnant and are still unhappy, if anything it adds to the stress,

[chanda_kh]

Re: husband away

i dont understand why would anyone advice her to bring a kid into the picture..where nothing is sure as of yet...
*mother in law's unwelcoming behavior (she has just been married for 9 months!!!)
*disappearance of the "husband" (saath kyon nahin le ke gaya!! kisi ki larki la kar aesey kartey hain...!! she is not a toy.....!!) what exactly is he doing in a different country (questions to ask..visa issues? 2nd local biwi for visa purposes? if that is the case...He SHOULDNT have gotten married to the poor girl in the first place!) if he has majboories...take care of them before dragging in a poor soul.....to make matters worse..you are advicing her to bring in another masoom jaan!!) wah!! baap ke begair hi!! so you are asuming fathers' duty is accomplished after getting the woman pregnant..!!! jitni ma ki duties hain..utni hi baap ki hain..!!!
sister!!! make sure you have all your kids when/if the baap is present!! otherwise in laws mein reh kar pregnant hona..or phir bacha palna is very hard!! especially when your motherinlaw is not supportive of you!!

[Sweetmoi]

Re: husband away

Uff .. didnt you know ur hubby's work required him to be travelling a lot before marrying him? Why didnt u discuss it then? if its arranged, why didnt ur parents and his discuss it? Gosh how i hate this communication lack among desis!!!

You made a stupid move answering your MIL's retoric trick question. That will I'm quite sure haunt u forever!

[Reha]

There is YOUR way of looking at it and then there is the RIGHT way to look at situation like this.

Here is the scenario and I will try to make it as simple as possible and slow it down so you can go through it at your own mental pace:

Divorce or status quo

So far she has chosen status quo, which is not helping. So, next step is?

Try to improve things or divorce?

Any sane person with cool mind would say "try to improve things." Remember, divorce is the LAST option, not the option.

How does one go about improving situation like this?

Lets get one thing straight, when fights happen, the problem is on both sides. I don't believe for a second that she doesn't do anything to provoke or give notion that she doesn't respect her saas. So, I am sure her contribution (knowingly or unknowingly) is there as far as arguments or fights are concerned.

Now, husband stays away for job is understandable but that is no reason to ask for divorce. She needs to talk to him and ask him bai saab ap mujhey akela chhor jate hain edhar, kya ho raha hai...

Other then that, every household has different circumstances and the way certain things are done. So, unless those details are listed we can't really judge where her saas, husband and her self stand on this issue.

OH, so NOW he wants details before he judges hunh? This is interesting...before he says "get pregnant" and now he says "I take that back...gimme more info"

I told you ye apke bas ki baat nahin hai.

[Reha]

Re: husband away

I think you need to try and solve the problems first before you walk away.

You never know...people can surprise you. I would go back and show these people you are not going to stoop to their level no matter what happens.

But whatever happens...do not have a kid right now.

[S4M_1]

Re: husband away

sister u need not listen to anyone....wat does UR own heart tell u? as u r his wife, u knw him well...his reasons of staying away frm home onli u can answer...as ur self...as he wrongd u? by staying away so much...

and if ur friends r advising u to get a dvrc then i guess u need to rethink who is a friend! cuz a tru friend wud never ask u to chop ur own foot off! remember tht sabr is the best of oinmnts...

but again i ask u to jus ask urself of wat u truli want! only u can answer this as u can not lie to urself. u knw wats wat...

i still stik to my advise b4.

its when u burn ur heart and sacifice ur own desires and really undergo and overcome chllngs we truly begin to come alive. 9 months is peanuts! if u can survive the first 2-3 yrs of ur marriage u have done well...so i say it again...u cant give in and u wont give up! INSHA'ALLAH

[haimeradil]

haha. wow PSquared you are one fiesty woman!

[Reha]

Re: husband away

^ I know. I get it from my momma. :)

[desigirl786]

There is YOUR way of looking at it and then there is the RIGHT way to look at situation like this.

Here is the scenario and I will try to make it as simple as possible and slow it down so you can go through it at your own mental pace:

Divorce or status quo

So far she has chosen status quo, which is not helping. So, next step is?

Try to improve things or divorce?

Any sane person with cool mind would say "try to improve things." Remember, divorce is the LAST option, not the option.

How does one go about improving situation like this?

Lets get one thing straight, when fights happen, the problem is on both sides. I don't believe for a second that she doesn't do anything to provoke or give notion that she doesn't respect her saas. So, I am sure her contribution (knowingly or unknowingly) is there as far as arguments or fights are concerned.

Now, husband stays away for job is understandable but that is no reason to ask for divorce. She needs to talk to him and ask him bai saab ap mujhey akela chhor jate hain edhar, kya ho raha hai...

Other then that, every household has different circumstances and the way certain things are done. So, unless those details are listed we can't really judge where her saas, husband and her self stand on this issue.

Exactly what i was thinking!

[sunny-uk]

Re: husband away

What i see is , she is in a family , where she is standing alone facing every thing. First of all is that flying away every 2 or 3 days for few weeks is geniune ? We all work , i stay away from my family too but looking after them is also my responsibility thats what we all work for , innit ? There been some tense moments where her family and his family have got involved and tried to sort this issue out , but no results. Arguing with her husband is her right, she is asking for her rights she is trying to keep this relation up and should carry it on till she thinks it will not work any more.

There is also another thing we need to see which only she knows and not been mentioned here apart from staying away from her does he look after her ? i know some time if u bring same issue again and again and keep arguing about it does not help. If he is ok with her in all other ways, look after her when he is here than there is a hope, but if he is absent while he is with her or at house not giving her any time at all than i feel sorry for her.

She tried speaking to him still no results. A person get marry to some one because he or she have space for life partner and having such a relationship changes the life. Here we dont see that welcome attitude from his family and neither by him. I know divorce is not a solution but this marriage is in early age and waiting for things to get better can be worth it, but she have to be determined on one strategy and try her best before she decide to finish the relationship. Regarding kids, i dont think so its a good idea, as one life is on risk no point just for the sake of making her life better bring kids and what if things dont go right again ? it means 2 lifes spoils.

[Straight_up]

Re: husband away

Oh man. Things like these scare the living daylights out of me and repel me from my marriage.

How degrading for your mom and yourself. Clearly, your husband and his family feel like they have some sort of an upper hand when it comes to you. Why is that? Are you not educated enough or smart enough according to them? Something makes them think they can do this and get away with it. I would like to know what that is. Was this a love marriage?