what type of parents take money from their daughter . aur vo bhi jo married hai .. tauba tauba .. shame shame .. n these girls who r giving their everything to their mayka and ignoring their husband and in laws after marriage these girls are looking for fight and problems .. too much western influence to try tot contorl and be the bosss be the 'man' .. then whent hey get divorced they sit and cry
Ghostie.....see what I mean?
Eddie. Just a different gender...and minus the fetish for dehydrated fruit.
=p
Try a different language maybe that'll "clear" things, besides thats what everybody is basically saying just not in such a crude manner. Should I beautify what I said and give you a long post?
Shanzai, you should sit down with your husband and clarify matters:
Talk about how much you earn and how much money you are actually giving your parents. Maybe he is concerned that you prioritize your parents over your (and his) own financial needs? It may help to do a bit of financial planning together so that you are also setting aside some money (from both incomes) for the future.
Give him a clear picture of your parents' financial condition. What are their sources of income, essential expenses etc.
At the back of all this, I get the feeling that your husband and your parents don't share a very good bond. What can you do to improve relations between them? Try to analyze fairly if your parents give him enough respect and treat him well. It's hard to resent someone when they're nice to you.
You have every right (and duty) to help out your parents. But you should also assess in your own mind whether you are doing way too much for them (not saying you are, but doesn't hurt to reassess). Also, you said that you have sisters - can they jump in and help so that all the responsibility isn't on your shoulders?
=p
Try a different language maybe that'll "clear" things, besides thats what everybody is basically saying just not in such a crude manner. Should I beautify what I said and give you a long post?
actually, thats what communication (especially in marriage) is about... beautifying somethign crude... and thats an art in itself.
I dont expect much from you, hence dont need you to beautify anything. Thanks :)
Islamically, he has no say on your income and how your spend it. It is yours to spend however you want either on your parents or even throw all in a ditch. Having said that, relationship of Wife & Husband is such that you can not just walk away giving the above statement. You have to make him realize and find a solution to the issue so this does not keep popping up and ruin your married life over and over again.
You can try to discuss it with him (with Islamic prospective)
If your parents are in the need, you can discuss it with him as to why you do this and how it helps your parents. (have your ever objected or shown concerns over his spending towards his family/parents?)
Are you guys doing OK as a family when it comes to $$$$? If not, its natural for him to feel this way. If this is the case, try to pitch in with something towards household expenses. Do not ignore such need just because "he has no right on your money Islamically"
At the end of the day, you can solve this better than anyone of us as you know all the circumstance of your family, his family and your parents in addition to cash-flow of your family.
Did not he marry you knowing that you are a working lady and from middle class and might be helping (and continue to help) your parents?
I say that you talk to his parents, and tell them that you are daughter first and you have an obligation to support your parents.
This..and not sure about otha fellas. But i will be happy if she contributed financially to her parents coz my only concern is to take care of her. We are middle class family as well..so believe me yo..i understand.
Nowhere in your post have you asked an Islamic perspective of what can be done to improve matters. So I will focus on a secular solution.
First you know you have done no wrong.
Second and most important - most of your post is about his anger at your giving parents all ur income before marriage - including marriage expenses.
Third and equally important- you now work part time and have to pay fees. So probably not much left.
If possible - the whole family should get together. Let your husband air his concern. DO NOT INTERRUPT. LET HIM TALK FOR AS LONG AS HE WANTS. Then let his parents provide their perspective. Reassure then you have understood what they said.
After they have finished complaining present the facts CALMLY. You will be interrupted. Keep your cool.
Then hope for the best.
Also present them the current income and fee expense. And state clearly what you have left over and what little you give parents.
^ I dont think it requires his parents to be in involved. The conversation should be between her an her hubby. Also, I dont see why its necessary for his parents to know either one of their incomes?
This is my first thread here i believe. so a little background on me. i am the eldest daughter and have always financially helped my parents and took care of my sisters. i got married to my cousin and from the first day of marriage ' this thing is stuck in his mind that my parents have took all my money and that i spend everything on them' he believes that all the money spend on our marriage and the gifts given to him was my money and my parents didnt spend a penny on him. i work only part time after marriage and also in university . i have to pay my fees thats why i dont contribute much at home. he thinks that i am sending all the money to my parents. i am sick and tired of his behaviour
. this topic cause huge fights between both of us . he even tell his family that her parents did not spend a penny on me and all the gifts were bought with her money which is not the case but he doesnt believe me. i am so sick and tired of the same argument everyday. tell me was i wrong when i was not married , working . we are from a middle class family so wasnt i suppose to help my parents.. was i suppose to kepp all my money and let my parents suffer financially..i am just going crazy on this issue..there is alot of other details but i dont want to make people read a novel. Men please tell me if you have wives with similar backgrounds . do u give them ( tanay) of helping their parents financially. we have had plenty of conversations on this topic i just cannot change his mentality.
My philosophy on wife's money is that it's her money and she gets to do with it as she pleases. I have no say in it. I'm still responsible for providing for us and looking after her needs. So it wouldn't even be an issue for us.
^ I dont think it requires his parents to be in involved. The conversation should be between her an her hubby. Also, I dont see why its necessary for his parents to know either one of their incomes?
Good point. I was thinking the presence of elders may help. If OP feels comfortable in having this dialog with her husband one on one she can still follow the procedure outlined.
If that does not work she can expand list of participants to both set of parents.
Shanzai, you should sit down with your husband and clarify matters:
Talk about how much you earn and how much money you are actually giving your parents. Maybe he is concerned that you prioritize your parents over your (and his) own financial needs? It may help to do a bit of financial planning together so that you are also setting aside some money (from both incomes) for the future.
2. Give him a clear picture of your parents' financial condition. What are their sources of income, essential expenses etc.
At the back of all this, I get the feeling that your husband and your parents don't share a very good bond. What can you do to improve relations between them? Try to analyze fairly if your parents give him enough respect and treat him well. It's hard to resent someone when they're nice to you.
You have every right (and duty) to help out your parents. But you should also assess in your own mind whether you are doing way too much for them (not saying you are, but doesn't hurt to reassess). Also, you said that you have sisters - can they jump in and help so that all the responsibility isn't on your shoulders?
^ I got the impression problem was mainly with help given premarriage. If current money remittance is also an issue I don't see a problem with hooded part. Open honest and clear presentation of facts can only help - IMO
of course those of you who have a prob with my thoughts iwll .. ur the ones who think that one girl sitting comfortably amongst 10 guys is a sign of confidence not waht it really is .. behayai and beghairti .. ALLAh will teach all u modern girls a lesson one day u just wait and watch ..
look how the devil girls are trying to use cheap tactics to disprove my truth .. u r all so scared of what is right that someone is teling what is right against wrong .. u want ur independence to any degree .. to keepp ur leg over husband but remember god has made woman below the man and this is owritten in the holy Quran so stop trying to be men!
