Let me try it again. There is a Hadith which means something like this: Do not ask from others, even if your whip falls while riding a horse, get down and pick it up. Does this mean Prophet pbuh, is preventing us to help other people??? How absurd will be that conclusion. And thats what many of you are trying to portray. If someone will like not to receive from their daughter, does not mean that i mean daughters should never help the parents who need it.
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Certainly the prophet was speaking of those that are capable of retrieving the whip themselves.....
While you are not saying that daughters should not help parents, you are certainly saying that parents should not accept the help. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.....
aoa .. i am one of similar person who helped my parents before i got married to a hearltess person ... had to hear similar dialogues tht my father is ths and tht jo apni beti ka paisa khata hai whereas i believe its the right of a girl and boy both to support their parents no matter its financial moral or any other ... long story but yeah i was and still am a victim of verbal and occasional physical abuse ...and there is one more abuse tht i am going thru and its the financial one .. my husband does not allow me to work anymore and does not financially provde for me tht way a husband is supposed to do...i hardly get anything from him in a month as an allowance ... ... husbands of such breed are bascially insecure coward and immature and they want to throw their garbage on wifes to feel good abt themselves...thts how they are raised... i have not been able to mould him ..maybe time will !!!
I'm so sorry! I can't imagine what you're going through.
Better get out of this marriage. Time will do nothing to him, it will only cause you more hurt and pain!
How sad that society says for a parent all children are equal but when when it comes time to treat them equally or be treated equally by them, they bring up issues of ghairat and bey-ghairti.
That man who would deny his wife's parents financial and physicial and emotional help because our culture doesn't allow it - he is bey-ghairat because he is the one who lacks compassion and decency.
3 days before my mayoun, I handed my just recieved paycheck over to my Ammi. She didn't ask for it. I just felt like giving it to her. She looked down at it and said "what you just earned in 2 weeks is what I had made in an entire month when you were little. This is the amount iI had to feed, clothe, pay bills and keep a roof over our family".
This is one of the things that sets us behind everyone else, latching on nonsensical norms simply because my baap, dada followed them. Baap dadas are not infallible, they might have clung to some baloney in their times, doesn't mean we continue on with these ethos in the name of culture.
aoa .. i am one of similar person who helped my parents before i got married to a hearltess person ... had to hear similar dialogues tht my father is ths and tht jo apni beti ka paisa khata hai whereas i believe its the right of a girl and boy both to support their parents no matter its financial moral or any other ... long story but yeah i was and still am a victim of verbal and occasional physical abuse ...and there is one more abuse tht i am going thru and its the financial one .. my husband does not allow me to work anymore and does not financially provde for me tht way a husband is supposed to do...i hardly get anything from him in a month as an allowance ... ... husbands of such breed are bascially insecure coward and immature and they want to throw their garbage on wifes to feel good abt themselves...thts how they are raised... i have not been able to mould him ..maybe time will !!!
Broke my heart reading this. Wishing you a better future.
Certainly the prophet was speaking of those that are capable of retrieving the whip themselves.....
While you are not saying that daughters should not help parents, you are certainly saying that parents should not accept the help. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.....
Yeah, those parents who can live a decent life on their own, just like those who can retreive a whip on their own. From what i have seen its not that rare. At my workplace i have few filipino colleagues and in their culutre its a norm for girls to send money to their parents. Some of them acknowledge that its putting strain on their relationship but feel pressurised, when the other daughter's BF is sending more even though they are not married. I have also seen in some couples recently, where it was written in marriage contract that salary of teh girl will be sent to her parents. I know one of those girls who willingly agreed to her father's suggestion about it and thought it will be a great saving for her when she needs it. 10 years later, she finds most of her money is gone, some unaccounted for and some in investment that is now of no value.
3 days before my mayoun, I handed my just recieved paycheck over to my Ammi. She didn't ask for it. I just felt like giving it to her. She looked down at it and said "what you just earned in 2 weeks is what I had made in an entire month when you were little. This is the amount iI had to feed, clothe, pay bills and keep a roof over our family".
Wow. Puts things into perspective I would say.
Considering the inflation in last 15-20 years, either you have a low salary or your mom had a good salary.
^ If my parents had a son and never needed my help...I'd still try to be there in anyway I could.
Financially is just one way.
I think these (not you bebo) are probably the same people who push and believe in other society evils like jahaiz and such.
Betiyon ko dete hein...unse lete nahin hein.
To jab shaadi hogi, beti ko bhar bhar ke dena takay susraal mein uski kuch izzat banay.
Kyun ke ye jo bartan aur air condeeeshnar hai na...in hi cheezon se aurat ki izzat banti hai. Vo khud akalay izzat ke qabil thori hai.
Anyway, I hope and pray that someday we are rid of this jihalat and can move past it.
Typical response of a batooni, chughal khor, exaggerating auntie. Larki buhut patli, zuroor TB ho gi isko, kal market mein aik larkey sey baat ker rahi thi, us ka borfriend ho ga
May be i do. I think its the obligation of men towards women, of providing them and taking care of them. I am a father of both sons and daughter, and i feel, obligation to sons end after you educate them, if you continue to do more for them its good but are not obliged to it, but obligation to daughter continues throughout their lives.
Typical response of a batooni, chughal khor, exaggerating auntie. Larki buhut patli, zuroor TB ho gi isko, kal market mein aik larkey sey baat ker rahi thi, us ka borfriend ho ga
can you guys have a civil conversation without attacking each other personally?
really.....
May be i do. I think its the obligation of men towards women, of providing them and taking care of them. I am a father of both sons and daughter, and i feel, obligation to sons end after you educate them, if you continue to do more for them its good but are not obliged to it, but obligation to daughter continues throughout their lives.
Of course parents have an obligation to their daughter after she's married. Beta aur bahu se lay lay kei betiyon ko bhartay rehein - clothes, phones, other unnecessary goods because of course her husband is a na-mard who's not capable of providing for his own wife.
It's actually pathetic how this mindset perpetuates the dowry culture and one where a daughter's family is subservient to the guy's family.
Considering the inflation in last 15-20 years, either you have a low salary or your mom had a good salary.
Must you degrade and analyze everything? In the 1980's, my mother supported a family of 5 people by herself on less than $1000 a month. Is that what you wanted to hear? Why don't you give me to breakdown of that, inflation and all. Your chauvinistic and smug attitude is going to compel me to compromise my rosa so I would appreciate it if you wouldn't respond to this unless it's with an apology. Had hoti hai.
what did iconoclast say that was wrong about inflation? what was C.O.A. at that time? what bout gas prices? all the stuff has to be factored in. oh during my time i remember for this much i could this and that. icon could have worded differently but i don't think its valid reaction
Of course parents have an obligation to their daughter after she's married. Beta aur bahu se lay lay kei betiyon ko bhartay rehein - clothes, phones, other unnecessary goods because of course her husband is a na-mard who's not capable of providing for his own wife.
It's actually pathetic how this mindset perpetuates the dowry culture and one where a daughter's family is subservient to the guy's family.
Many things in our culture are not bad per se but have become bad due to greedy, mean and insensitive people. In old days both parents of bride and groom used to contribute to new couple, from girl it was dowry and from boys side it was "bury". Both exchanged gifts, girl side gave gifts to boys and boys side to girl as "one" way of bonding together. If it has become a trade for some mean and low life people, then blame them not the whole society.
***Many things in our culture are not bad per se but have become bad due to greedy, mean and insensitive people.
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***If it has become a trade for some mean and low life people, then blame them not the whole society.
Exactly!!! A daughter helping to support her parents isn't a bad thing but for the closed-mindedness of some mean and and low people in society who label her parents as being without honour for accepting assistance from her.
I didn't find it funny. It is a very senstive topic for me. My parents worked hard as newly imigrants to this country in the early 70's. They did not have much, but managed to raise 3 inteligent and educated girls. I lost both my parents, and did everything in my power, financially, physically, and emotionaly to support them through the devestation that is cancer. And your smug attitude throughout this thread is a slap in the face to not only me, but my parents as well who it seems in your views had the misfortune of giving birth to 3 girls, but most of all my husband and brother in law, who never at one second, would bat an eyelash, when my sisters and I handed over $$$ to our parents or left our homes to go care for them when they needed it.
Being an ex mod and all, you should know that no two situations are alike. You have no idea how your words can hurt someone on the other side of the computer screen. A little prudence and good judgement on your end would be appreciated.
Exactly!!! A daughter helping to support her parents isn't a bad thing but for the closed-mindedness of some mean and and low people in society who label her parents as being without honour for accepting assistance from her.
It's all a matter of perspective.
Indeed its a matter of perpspective, those who do need help are fine, those who want to take from their daughters despite being comfortable in their own lives are dishounorable and low.