Re: Huge fight with husband
Reading all these responses makes me feel like parents that only have daughters should commit suicide once their daughters are married.
Peace S_Punk
Only if they had believed in their daughter's money rather than trusted in Allah (SWT) for their rizq.
I would say if they raised a daughter well to have wisdom and resourcefulness then she would know how to both continue supporting her parents, whilst keeping her husband happy at the same time.
Re: Huge fight with husband
Peace S_Punk
Only if they had believed in their daughter's money rather than trusted in Allah (SWT) for their rizq.
I would say if they raised a daughter well to have wisdom and resourcefulness then she would know how to both continue supporting her parents, whilst keeping her husband happy at the same time.
I'm saying this based on what the responses in this thread are - I'm pretty sure all parents place their trust in Allah (SWT) for their rizq. That's not the issue - it just seems as if, when a woman helps her parents...whether it's out of the kindness of her own heart, or because her parents asked her to...everyone is up in arms about it - the males mostly it seems.
Re: Huge fight with husband
Peace S_Punk
Only if they had believed in their daughter's money rather than trusted in Allah (SWT) for their rizq.
I would say if they raised a daughter well to have wisdom and resourcefulness then she would know how to both continue supporting her parents, whilst keeping her husband happy at the same time.
No self respecting parent actually asks their daughter for money. What happens is their children (male and female) grow up and realize that at some point their parents will be their responsibility. So they do their best to support their parents.
When it comes time to support a man's parents...its defended vehemently. Women are thrown out and divorces happen because a man's parents are the road to heaven.
But its so sad to see that a woman's parents don't hold that same regard in our desi people. All of a sudden, religion is being brought in the middle to help all of us woman realize that its our brother's and his wife's job to take care of our parents. Not ours. What about those that don't have a brother? What happens to them? They succumb to these cruel little cultural rules we have and kiss their daughters good bye forever?
It doesn't take more effort to raise a man than it does a woman. And to be quite honest...it seems by the responses in these threads...parents are putting in more effort in their daughters rather than their sons.
I know one thing about Islam for sure...it does not teach irresponsibility towards our maa baap. It does not abide by Pakistani law and it definitely does not say that its alright for kids to abandon their parents.
If you had it in your power to help someone in need and you did NOT...do you think you will not be held accountable for it? If there is accountability for wasting water...do you think there isn't for refusing to help your wife's parents when you can?
When people say maa ke pairon ke neechay jannat hoti hai...do they specify ke us maa ke betay hein ya betiyan?
I am so disappointed in these responses and a bit surprised. I had no idea these ideas are out there...makes me more grateful for being who I am.
A man who is threatened by elderly people who need support? That's a man? A man who (figuratively speaking) refuses to help aging people in need? That's a man? A man someone should be proud to be married to?
Re: Huge fight with husband
^ This. Exactly. Well said, my friend, well said.
Re: Huge fight with husband
Shame on you for behaving like a ***************** despite being a mod, there is no need to get personal. You have ur opinion and i have mine.
One more thing...
Being a mod does not mean you bait and take advantage of the fact that we try be careful.
At some point, your provoking and inflammatory remarks (that are meant to be very wise and oh so esmaaart) do work their magic and people say what's on their mind.
You are an ex-mod...and the least you should be doing is posting a bit more responsibly.
Re: Huge fight with husband
Being the eldest daughter of parents who have no sons.....I'm truly saddened by many of the responses here. I'm blessed to have a husband who has absolutely no issues with me helping my parents out financially (hubby has absolutely no need for my money). I pray to God that my sisters also end up with men that hold similar views.
Re: Huge fight with husband
I would say if they raised a daughter well to have wisdom and resourcefulness then she would know how to both continue supporting her parents, whilst keeping her husband happy at the same time.
Would you say the same about a man? That if parents raised a son well then he would have the wisdom and resourcefulness to continue supporting his parents, whilst keeping his wife happy at the same time?
Re: Huge fight with husband
Jeez… I didn’t know we still lived in 1960 something where these problems were real issues. 
Why is there still a segregation between what a daughter can do or not do for her parents versus what a son can or can’t???
Every child wants what’s best for his/ her parent. No one wants to see their family go through a tough time. Regardless if it’s a daughter or a son, no one would stand watching their mom and/ or dad go through some sort of trouble and not step up to help.
When I’m married, I, personally, would never expect anyone else to stand up and ask me to or even expect them to help my mom or dad. They are** MY** parents. I will help them in every way that** I** can. If my husband wants to help, out of the goodness of his heart, good for him. If he doesn’t, that’s on him. But NO ONE can tell me not to help someone, especially if I’m working to make my own money.
Same would expected from my hubby boo. If he’s working and making his own money, he makes the decisions of how he wants to spend it. If he wants to help his parents, obviously, why would I stop him? And if there’s anything I can do to help, I would never hesitate.
Stop being ignorant 
Re: Huge fight with husband
The feelings a man has towards his parents...are the exact same feelings a woman has for her own.
Re: Huge fight with husband
The feelings a man has towards his parents...are the exact same feelings a woman has for her own.
Exactly!
Re: Huge fight with husband
It could be considered a personal jab if people begin to assume every time someone posts, its about them.
The topic strikes a chord with many people.
Why wouldn't someone expect responses like that when they are posting inflammatory remarks?
It makes no sense when people post negatively about a sensitive issue like this and then get upset when they get a bad response.
What are you expecting? A hug? A cookie?
An example would be Icono's response...it was surprising but not really..again considering the source.
People have different opinions about issues. You are expected to rebutt an opinion not resort to taking a dig at the other people's family, that it must be women of your household blah blah Bcoz if YOU do it everyone on the forum will do it and you could be on the receiving end as well.
I didn't know the GS team standard has gone so low that if you don't like a remark you start taking a dig at the posters family and consider it appropriate as well. Well as of now, i wil restrain from taking a dig at your family, considering that u will improve ur behavior.
Re: Huge fight with husband
Would you say the same about a man? That if parents raised a son well then he would have the wisdom and resourcefulness to continue supporting his parents, whilst keeping his wife happy at the same time?
Ofcourse.
Re: Huge fight with husband
No one is questioning daughters love towards their parents, may be they love them more than the sons do.
However, i find it strange that the idea of a daughter dsiclosing the money she gives to parents is humuiliating for parents to some, but, the actual act of taking it is not, which actually was the only point i was making. Taking money from a married daughter is not considered honourable in Pakistani culture. People around the world have different cultural norms. I have seen that white people do not like to be taken care of by their children in old age, they would prefer to live by themselves even if it is hard. I have heard this countless times from frail old white men and women " i don't want my kids to spend their life taking care of me", but its perfectly fine in our culture for parents to expect their kids to take care of them, sons and daughters alike.
Re: Huge fight with husband
^ Iconoclast- there is a contradiction. "Taking money from married daughter not honorable".
"Parents expect their kids to take care of them".
IMO one side thinks parents taking money not honorable. the other side contends whatever the daughter makes is her own money. So she can do as she pleases. She does not have to share details with husband. Both sides use culture and what is permitted in religion to defend their position.
What is missed is - husband and wife are a team. For middle class to have view such as husband should support family and wife can do as she pleases is not practical. And parents accepting money from daughter is not honorable is outdated.
The wife and husband - as equals- plan budget and discuss prourities for spending. And at the top would be helping parents.
Re: Huge fight with husband
People have different opinions about issues. You are expected to rebutt an opinion not resort to taking a dig at the other people's family, that it must be women of your household blah blah Bcoz if YOU do it everyone on the forum will do it and you could be on the receiving end as well.
I didn't know the GS team standard has gone so low that if you don't like a remark you start taking a dig at the posters family and consider it appropriate as well. Well as of now, i wil restrain from taking a dig at your family, considering that u will improve ur behavior.
I did not take a dig at your family...never mentioned the women in your household.
Please stop.
No one is questioning daughters love towards their parents, may be they love them more than the sons do.
However, i find it strange that the idea of a daughter dsiclosing the money she gives to parents is humuiliating for parents to some, but, the actual act of taking it is not, which actually was the only point i was making. Taking money from a married daughter is not considered honourable in Pakistani culture. People around the world have different cultural norms. I have seen that white people do not like to be taken care of by their children in old age, they would prefer to live by themselves even if it is hard. I have heard this countless times from frail old white men and women " i don't want my kids to spend their life taking care of me", but its perfectly fine in our culture for parents to expect their kids to take care of them, sons and daughters alike.
Islam is NOT Pakistani culture. The two are WORLDS apart. The responsibility towards one's parents does not originate in Pakistan, its in Islam. And I think you need to read my posts more carefully. I said giving your parents money through husband would be considered embarrassing for them. Its not about them being a girl's parents or guy's. Why would you even think of putting someone older than you in that kind of spot?
Parents do not 'take' from their kids. They GIVE everything to them while raising them. One day when they are old and gray, those kids can simply try and give a little back.
Aap Pakistani ho na? Pakistan mein baray aur chotay mein farq to sikhaya jata hoga? Izzat bhi sikhai gayi hogi. Maan baap ki farma bardari bhi sikhai gayi hogi. To vo sab kahan hai abhi? Pakistan mein chor aye kya?
Why am I going through the manual with you?
The basic issue here is that men think a woman's parents have no place in her life after marriage. No right to expect anything from their daughter.
And if that is Pakistani culture...then its a shame.
Re: Huge fight with husband
^ Iconoclast- there is a contradiction. "Taking money from married daughter not honorable". "Parents expect their kids to take care of them".
IMO one side thinks parents taking money not honorable. the other side contends whatever the daughter makes is her own money. So she can do as she pleases. She does not have to share details with husband. Both sides use culture and what is permitted in religion to defend their position.
What is missed is - husband and wife are a team. For middle class to have view such as husband should support family and wife can do as she pleases is not practical. And parents accepting money from daughter is not honorable is outdated.
The wife and husband - as equals- plan budget and discuss prourities for spending. And at the top would be helping parents.
There is no contradiction, its expected of kids to take care of the parents, for boys to take care both financially and physically while for girls only physically. Its not considered appropriate for parentsto to accept married daughter's income . However, its true that a girls money is her money and she can spend it where ever she wants, but most parenst won't accpet financial help from their married daughters.
Re: Huge fight with husband
^ re last line - even if parents are broke - have no sons - and have no one else to turn to?
(Where the heck is comma symbol in Kindle Fire?)
Re: Huge fight with husband
i have a smwhat similar question, or you can say adding something in it. i know that islamically, what a woman earns is all hers and that husband doesnt have any right on that but in a case, i have seen the girl was earning and when her husband discussed the same issue (of getting finances from her) and she made him realise of how he has no right on the amount she earns, he said, i have because its me because of whom you are going out to earn money, if i disallow you, you cant go and you cant earn. so if i am allowing you, that shows i am the one who you will be answerable of how you spend this amount and even if you are helping someone and if i say NO, then you shouldnt do that, because this amount is eventually mine.
How about that?
I am not in favor of this issue, I need replies. How to make this sort of guy then??
Re: Huge fight with husband
I think if we approach issues logically rather than take religious text literally - masla solved. PS - saw the comma symbol. Here it is, and one more time, let me bring the sentence to a safe landing with a full stop.
Re: Huge fight with husband
^ re last line - even if parents are broke - have no sons - and have no one else to turn to?
(Where the heck is comma symbol in Kindle Fire?)
I already answered that in my earlier posts that is unless they have no other means.