This has been causing me to stress lately, hopefully you GS ladies will help me out.
I’m a pretty jealous type, I think most women are. Here in the U.S. women have no problem dressing extremely provocatively at school/ work, and talk to men who are married and unmarried, go out with them for lunch, hang out, talk, flirt/touch, etc. How do you ladies deal with this?
The reason why I am asking is cuz my guy is working on a project with this group and this spanish girl who has a bf and knows that my guy is engaged is talking to him and always putting her hands on him playfully when she laughs whenever he says anything to the group. I guess this is just how some women talk but this is really irritating me. I really respect fiance for telling me about this, but the thing is he cannot leave this project or switch partners or anything, and its in another state so i’m not there or anything and its really annoying me. I’ve seen her pics online cuz i looked up her name and she dresses very provocatively and seems like a slutty/flirty type of girl.
I trust my fiance, and respect him even more for telling me about her and he told me that I can trust him, but I wish that girl would just disappear! I told him to tell the girl that she is not being professional but she will most likely say “how dare you think I was flirting with you! I have a bf!, etc.” and it will ruin the working relationship between the 3 colleagues and he has to put up with this for another 8 weeks and get good marks. This is making me so, so irritated. It bothers me all day cuz I know he has to work with her all day and see her everyday 5 days a week for the next 2 1/2 months, and also cuz she’s always joking with him and he laughs along to be polite, and they have to ride the same bus together to get there and she always sits down right next to him on the bus and is always putting her hand on his shoulder or arm when she talks to him.
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
jealousy is natural but chill out. he says to trust him, if you really do then just put it out of your mind and let him get on with it.
i say this because for me it's the opposite. hubby is in pak at the mo, where he doesn't have much contact with female colleagues and doesn't have any female friends. i'm in the U.K. and work as the only female in a group with 5 guys.. most of our building is male too. we're a pretty close group at work at least; go out for lunch, talk about everything, joke around etc. he knows he can trust me 100% and he has some trust concerning the guys too, he knows that they won't make any moves on me. so he might not like it but he's cool with it and never gives me grief. makes me love him even more.
she is doing it with him only or whenever someone tells a joke, this is what she does
I asked the same thing but he said he didn't notice cuz he's not looking at her, so i'm not sure if it's just with him or with the other coworker as well.
jealousy is natural but chill out. he says to trust him, if you really do then just put it out of your mind and let him get on with it.
i say this because for me it's the opposite. hubby is in pak at the mo, where he doesn't have much contact with female colleagues and doesn't have any female friends. i'm in the U.K. and work as the only female in a group with 5 guys.. most of our building is male too. we're a pretty close group at work at least; go out for lunch, talk about everything, joke around etc. he knows he can trust me 100% and he has some trust concerning the guys too, he knows that they won't make any moves on me. so he might not like it but he's cool with it and never gives me grief. makes me love him even more.
You have a good point. I'm just annoyed by her I guess.
Maybe he is the best sense of humor in his group and she is really enjoying his jokes. I am just saying that cause you said that she has a BF ...
Yeah, but you know for these types of girls having a bf is about the same as being single, they are with a new guy every week so the fact that she has a bf isn't giving me any peace. I guess I wouldn't mind the inside jokes and hanging out so much so long as she just kept her hands to herself!
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
hey chill out..you have to learn to trust your fiance...you find such girls in many offices and you cant really insulate him from them all the time...so just as he told you already,trust him and relax:)
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
Yeah, but you know for these types of girls having a bf is about the same as being single, they are with a new guy every week so the fact that she has a bf isn't giving me any peace. I guess I wouldn't mind the inside jokes and hanging out so much so long as she just kept her hands to herself!
^ya of course but you have to deal with it now. tell him not to mention her at all and you try to forget she exists.
next time maybe he should act like a grumpy pants so the girls won't get so familiar.
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
Hun if your boy toy told you that, and you know he's not gonna cheat, then why worry? Its a big turn off for a guy if his girl is always jealous, and thinking about him stuck in girls and worrying about it. Let it go, because this is a very small issue. And the more you talk/think about the more its gonna bother you and drive your hubby crazy!
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
Mano, first thing first , trust him ...not just in words but in actions too .. you must tell your heart and your mind firmly that you trust him.
Secondly, he can make some effort to maintain a distance... my fiance had an issue with a woman at work who was always touching him one way or the other in a playful manner ... it was just her style , irrelevant whether she does it just to him or others as well ...because at the end of the day he was getting irritated and so started slowly maintaining his distance for example : sitting in a bunch he always chose to sit a few seats away from her... ignored looking at her directly unless it was for some work.. stopped joking with her ... he too was on a project with her and occasionally she would say lets go to the cafe and we can prepare our presentation there ... he would make an excuse and tend to take all meetings in the office ...
So really , it goes both ways ... but most important is that you dont wanna give an impression that you are feeling jealous coz he might feel hurt when he thinks you are not trusting him.. next time when he mentions her just casually let him know that he can do all the above to avoid any discomfort from that girl.
Mano, first thing first , trust him ...not just in words but in actions too .. you must tell your heart and your mind firmly that you trust him.
Secondly, he can make some effort to maintain a distance... my fiance had an issue with a woman at work who was always touching him one way or the other in a playful manner ... it was just her style , irrelevant whether she does it just to him or others as well ...because at the end of the day he was getting irritated and so started slowly maintaining his distance for example : sitting in a bunch he always chose to sit a few seats away from her... ignored looking at her directly unless it was for some work.. stopped joking with her ... he too was on a project with her and occasionally she would say lets go to the cafe and we can prepare our presentation there ... he would make an excuse and tend to take all meetings in the office ...
So really , it goes both ways ... but most important is that you dont wanna give an impression that you are feeling jealous coz he might feel hurt when he thinks you are not trusting him.. next time when he mentions her just casually let him know that he can do all the above to avoid any discomfort from that girl.
Thanks CB! By far the best advice i've gotten so far. Thank you, that puts my mind at ease.
What do you think would be a good way to say all that to him to maintain his distance, etc. without coming off as a jealous/ or insecure type?
Thanks CB! By far the best advice i've gotten so far. Thank you, that puts my mind at ease.
What do you think would be a good way to say all that to him to maintain his distance, etc. without coming off as a jealous/ or insecure type?
Thanks Mano... as I mentioned dont tell him directly ... wait until he mentions this girl again, let him start the topic and then just casually say : well such people are so hard to avoid and manage why not sit a couple of seats away from her etc etc ...
Ensure you are not overdoing it in your advise to him... jsut mention it once and consider your job done .. rest , just trust him fully and dont start being suspicious if he isnt able to carry out the task immediately ... its just a matter of 2.5 months not like he is always going to be working with her ...
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
Thanks CB! By far the best advice i've gotten so far. Thank you, that puts my mind at ease.
What do you think would be a good way to say all that to him to maintain his distance, etc. without coming off as a jealous/ or insecure type?
^you can't.
if you read what CB said, the fiance had an issue, so i assume he instigated it himself.
if yours doesn't do the same himself, he will only get annoyed if you suggest it.
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
Although its not a good thing to refer to stereotypes, you should know that Italians and Spaniards are known for their touchy-feely ways, they speak almost as much with their hands as they do with their mouths. Its not a slutty thing, its just how they do things. In much the same way that Irish like to tell stories. Yeah yeah I know its a no-no to refer to sterotypes but there is indeed a reason for them yeah? I've never met an italian or a spaniard that could hold a conversation without much touching and hand-motioning lol.
Aside from that....you need to get a firmer grip on your feelings of security. Guys like to look at nice-looking women and that will never change. BUT they dont love them, they love the ones they marry. They love their family. And your guy is showing you this in every way he knows how...so you owe it to him to trust in him and have faith in him. Its when they come home from work all silent and brooding that you should start worrying - but when they tell you ALL - like your hubby did - theres nothing to worry about and you should reward him with your trust and your love. IMHO.
