I'm a pretty jealous type, I think most women are.
Actually no. There are a few women who are not insecure and crazy when it comes to another woman looking or talking to their man.
It's not funny when a man is jealous of the guys his wife sees, and it's definitely not cute to see this trait in women.
yeah, spanish girls tend to be more affectionate in their gestures, i remember going to my spanish friend's baby shower and her husband leaned in to kiss me on my cheek...it happened so fast i was like ???? :-S the first thing i did was to look around and see if any desi ppl were there!
This has been causing me to stress lately, hopefully you GS ladies will help me out.
I'm a pretty jealous type, I think most women are. Here in the U.S. women have no problem dressing extremely provocatively at school/ work, and talk to men who are married and unmarried, go out with them for lunch, hang out, talk, flirt/touch, etc. How do you ladies deal with this?
The reason why I am asking is cuz my guy is working on a project with this group and this spanish girl who has a bf and knows that my guy is engaged is talking to him and always putting her hands on him playfully when she laughs whenever he says anything to the group. I guess this is just how some women talk but this is really irritating me. I really respect fiance for telling me about this, but the thing is he cannot leave this project or switch partners or anything, and its in another state so i'm not there or anything and its really annoying me. I've seen her pics online cuz i looked up her name and she dresses very provocatively and seems like a slutty/flirty type of girl.
I trust my fiance, and respect him even more for telling me about her and he told me that I can trust him, but I wish that girl would just disappear! I told him to tell the girl that she is not being professional but she will most likely say "how dare you think I was flirting with you! I have a bf!, etc." and it will ruin the working relationship between the 3 colleagues and he has to put up with this for another 8 weeks and get good marks. This is making me so, so irritated. It bothers me all day cuz I know he has to work with her all day and see her everyday 5 days a week for the next 2 1/2 months, and also cuz she's always joking with him and he laughs along to be polite, and they have to ride the same bus together to get there and she always sits down right next to him on the bus and is always putting her hand on his shoulder or arm when she talks to him.
Advice???? I'm so mad at this girl.
Can you post those pics of her?
Hi Mano,
If you're feeling extremely jealous of this girl who is will be your fiance's colleague for just another 8 weeks........................then how will you react when your husband for 8 months/years in an office with several attractive female coworkers??????????????????? Have you thought about that?
If you're so worried about this temporary colleague...........then how will you react when your husband sees attractive female actors/models/news reporters on TV? Or how about pictures of pretty women in the shopping catalogs that you'll get in the mail? Or how about beautiful women that your husband might encounter as you both are vacationing on your honeymoon, or shopping at the mall, or eating at a restaurant, or simply walking on the streets????????????????????
Mano, your husband can't walk around with his eyes closed and you can't lock him inside the home from the outside world. TRUST is one of the most fundamental requirements of ANY relationship. And without TRUST........a relationship can become very fragile and that can be dangerous.
Also, keep in mind, that jealousy stems from INSECURITY. And as human beings......we ALL have insecurities. It's a normal part of human nature. BUT........the KEY......is to NOT allow your insecurities to control you to the point that they damage your relationships with others and cause you to go to insane with worry.
So, to try to **relax **and become **MORE CONFIDENT **by reflecting on the following things:
1) Your husband TOLD YOU about this girl. If he had any intentions to cheat on you......he would NEVER have told you about her in the first place. The fact that he has told you indicates that he has a clear conscience. Take that as a good sign. BUT keep in mind that in the future he might forget to tell you about the hot secretary that sits outside his office.........BUT that doesn't mean he is up to no good or that you should suspect him.
2) **Think about why you're so afraid of this girl. Is it because you think she's prettier than you? Is it because you think she has a better personality than you? There are MANY pretty girls in this world.................BUT.................out of all of them.....your fiance chose to marry **YOU. This thought should bring you some comfort. Your fiance is an adult and he can make his own decisions. Nobody forced him to marry you. He was not obligated to do so. BUT, the reason why he chose to marry you is because he finds you attractive and because he likes your personality. He would not have made such a huge decision in his life if he was not serious about being with you. Plus, he told you about this girl because he TRUSTS you as his wife that you won't doubt him. And in return, you should have more faith in him.
**3) **Looks will fade with time but personality is more permanent. And confidence and a positive attitude are ALWAYS attractive. These two qualities can make even an average looking person appear more attractive. Men and women BOTH get turned off by controlling behaviors and extreme jealousy/insecurity. It's suffocates the two partners and the relationship. So, don't let it get that far.
4) ** As Muslims we know that life is a test right? It wouldn't be a test if Allah made everything easy. For example.........how would our faith be tested if there were no temptations around us? How would **YOU know if you have a guy who is worth holding on to......if you don't let him go? How can he prove that he is faithful if you don't let him go and trust him? That's something to think about.
Hope you feel better soon :)
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
Mano...he is your fiance and he loves you. He probably told you because he is feeling uncomfortable and wanted to tell someone. Please dont let this become a problem between you two...just tell him to try and keep a physical distance.
I really dont think you should lose any sleep over this.
Hi Mano,
If you're feeling extremely jealous of this girl who is will be your fiance's colleague for just another 8 weeks........................then how will you react when your husband for 8 months/years in an office with several attractive female coworkers??????????????????? Have you thought about that?
If you're so worried about this temporary colleague...........then how will you react when your husband sees attractive female actors/models/news reporters on TV? Or how about pictures of pretty women in the shopping catalogs that you'll get in the mail? Or how about beautiful women that your husband might encounter as you both are vacationing on your honeymoon, or shopping at the mall, or eating at a restaurant, or simply walking on the streets????????????????????
Mano, your husband can't walk around with his eyes closed and you can't lock him inside the home from the outside world. TRUST is one of the most fundamental requirements of ANY relationship. And without TRUST........a relationship can become very fragile and that can be dangerous.
Also, keep in mind, that jealousy stems from INSECURITY. And as human beings......we ALL have insecurities. It's a normal part of human nature. BUT........the KEY......is to NOT allow your insecurities to control you to the point that they damage your relationships with others and cause you to go to insane with worry.
So, to try to **relax **and become **MORE CONFIDENT **by reflecting on the following things:
1) Your husband TOLD YOU about this girl. If he had any intentions to cheat on you......he would NEVER have told you about her in the first place. The fact that he has told you indicates that he has a clear conscience. Take that as a good sign. BUT keep in mind that in the future he might forget to tell you about the hot secretary that sits outside his office.........BUT that doesn't mean he is up to no good or that you should suspect him.
2) **Think about why you're so afraid of this girl. Is it because you think she's prettier than you? Is it because you think she has a better personality than you? There are MANY pretty girls in this world.................BUT.................out of all of them.....your fiance chose to marry **YOU. This thought should bring you some comfort. Your fiance is an adult and he can make his own decisions. Nobody forced him to marry you. He was not obligated to do so. BUT, the reason why he chose to marry you is because he finds you attractive and because he likes your personality. He would not have made such a huge decision in his life if he was not serious about being with you. Plus, he told you about this girl because he TRUSTS you as his wife that you won't doubt him. And in return, you should have more faith in him.
**3) **Looks will fade with time but personality is more permanent. And confidence and a positive attitude are ALWAYS attractive. These two qualities can make even an average looking person appear more attractive. Men and women BOTH get turned off by controlling behaviors and extreme jealousy/insecurity. It's suffocates the two partners and the relationship. So, don't let it get that far.
4) ** As Muslims we know that life is a test right? It wouldn't be a test if Allah made everything easy. For example.........how would our faith be tested if there were no temptations around us? How would **YOU know if you have a guy who is worth holding on to......if you don't let him go? How can he prove that he is faithful if you don't let him go and trust him? That's something to think about.
Hope you feel better soon :)
Thanks RV, you're so sweet and you always give great advice. Alhumdolillah I trust him to the fullest extent. I just dont trust that girl. And like I said before, I dont mind him hanging out with coworkers and having lunch because I am absolutely okay with that, I know he sees women all around him everyday and that is not a problem. The thing that is bothering me is that she is touching him. She does this everyday. I am his fiance and **even I **don't touch him when he is around me. I have faith in him, I just dont want her hands on him or her making advances on him. I know he wont respond to them but I want advice on how to tell him that I want him to give her a hint to just back off.
I know he wont respond to them but I want advice on how to tell him that I want him to give her a hint to just back off.
This is a tricky situation because she's a colleague, Mano. You said that you KNOW he won't respond.............so that basically takes care of the problem. If your husband is faithful, these things will have little effect over him.
Keep in mind that you CAN'T control other people's behavior. You can only control yourself.
What matters the most here is NOT that this girl is touching your husband.......but how your husband reacts. Sometimes, women get mad at the "other woman" when their husbands have an affair..........and don't realize that the major culprit is the HUSBAND...........it's HIS ACTIONS that matter most and determine how committed he is to his wife.
Giving a hint to her to back off might cause problems in the group project. Do you really want to show your husband that you're THIS SCARED? Or do you want to show him that you're not bothered by what this girl does because you are a CONFIDENT **WOMAN **who **TRUSTS **him? **What image of yourself do YOU want to portray here to your husband? **It's your choice.
I understand that from an Islamic perspective non-mahrams shouldn't be touching each other. But it's hard to prevent this from happening when you deal with people of other religions/cultures because sometimes you can't predict it. Like for example, a coworker gives a "welcome back" hug and you don't see that coming. Or a female coworker gives you a "high five" for a job well done. Know what I mean? Can't always see it coming.
Giving this girl a hint is as tricky as telling someone they have offensive body odor. Perhaps your fiance could maintain a distance (sit further away from her, not talk to her as much, not look at her as much)........and that will give her the message that he's not interested. Or perhaps he could make a hint/joke such as "If I had a quarter for every time you touch me, I'd be rich. Then my wife and I could live in a mansion." And maybe she'll get the idea/hint that he doesn't want her touching him and also that you are in a committed relationship. You can try casually suggesting this joke to your fiance and see what he says.
But I still think it's risky to ASK your husband to give hints.
Re: Hubby's female coworkers/colleagues/fellow students
^ Good stuff woman...keep it up!