clever/chalak/taiz/whatever…
I talk alot apparently…would that turn my in laws offfffff i cant be doing the JEE JEE routine and sitting there with a perma smile and a halo over my head
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
It's not the talking that pisses people off - it's the useless talking for the sake of taking up decibals that pisses people off. Never forget.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
a clever DIL could live with her inlaws by trying not to be too clever :D
Believe me there are some in-laws who think their daughter-in-law is too quiet, too reserved, etc.
People have their OWN preferences for socialization. Some prefer individuals who are very outgoing, loud, and talkative. Others prefer someone who is more calm and introverted.
Bottom Line: **You can't and will never be able to please everybody. So you shouldn't bother trying. Just keep one thing in mind...the **GOLDEN RULE: ** Do unto others as you would have them do to you.**
Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert....while interacting with others....show respect, kindness, and be helpful. Avoid tactless comments, stereotyping, ridiculing, and gossip. Even during an argument, one can agree to disagree calmly. It's tough, but it can be done.
Asking this question is an indication that you want to make the effort to get along with your in-laws. It's just common sense. You'll do fine.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
firstly, whose calling u all these names? ur inlaws or people in general?
whatever the reasons..
I agree with Straight_Up. Talk when its necessary and dont when your input doesnt matter.
Dont stop talking for people to think that ur rude and dont want to mix.. and dont talk too much for people to say that you are chalak and tlak for no reason at all.
Be polite and fun... that's all
clever/chalak/taiz/whatever.....
I talk alot apparently....would that turn my in laws offfffff i cant be doing the JEE JEE routine and sitting there with a perma smile and a halo over my head
ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nadz123 I just have a feeling you will be one HELL of a DIL
poor In-Laws.
Your ways of thinking just seems like you want to OUT DO everything BEFORE you even to step into that new home.
ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nadz123 I just have a feeling you will be one HELL of a DIL
poor In-Laws.
Your ways of thinking just seems like you want to OUT DO everything BEFORE you even to step into that new home.
^ Uh-oh. Yaar, Masti....now there's gonna be a back and forth argument b/w you and nadz.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
also, i might just add
there is nothing wrong with doing he jee jee thing.. if it keeps you from saying something that may hurt someone, better just say jee jee and get on with ur life. Really, no harm in that.
And i know most people will disagree with me
also, i might just add
there is nothing wrong with doing he jee jee thing.. if it keeps you from saying something that may hurt someone, better just say jee jee and get on with ur life. Really, no harm in that.
And i know most people will disagree with me
Sadzzz, I am soo glad you said this! Thank you! Why does everyone think the jee jee is a bad thing? It's one of the most socially challenging things to do - keep quiet, smile and nod when you hear or see something you don't like. It takes strength to do that.
Respect to ladies who can maintain class at times when needed.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ i dunno Straight_Up.. most people think its like being a door mat or something or not being straight forward enough.
Yes, if its something naive ur MIL says and all you want to do is explain to Ammi that thats not really how it is anymore.. and times have kinda changed. Say it.. but say it nicely.
But if its something that can be avoided and aint harming u or ur kids in anyway.. then move on from it. No need to correct everything thats out there. Work on yourself and raise your kids right... set a good example for them, rather than trying to change people around u, cus thats a lot harder.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ I do agree that it takes a lot more courage and strength to stay quiet and let things go. It's easy to lose control and lash out. And strangely people think that silence is a sign of weakness. On the contrary, silence can be golden.
^** BUT** up to a certain point. There's a limit for everything. It's okay to let go of minor slip-ups and tactlessness. But if the other person has REALLY CROSSED OVER THE LINE **(bad-mouthing your family, spreading rumors about you, making false accusations, and jeopardizing your reputation as well as your marriage).....then it calls for some **communication. And you can communicate your views with "class" *without resorting to disrespect and stooping to the other person's level. I believe that sometimes (not always) you can make a person realize their errors through civil discussion....and you gotta go beyond *"jee, jee, haan jee" for that. Help educate the imbecile, lol ;)
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ I agree to a certain degree. If the badmouthing is happening about me to people i dont meet on a regular basis, to people who i'd prob see once or twice a year. I wouldnt care.. really. Why should I? these are not people I interact with... i have no interest in them, and if they arent smart enough to ignore the badmouthing, then they are not worth it.
Id treat it more like "oh she/he is prob just letting out their frustration to someone who has no idea about me".. that's what friends are for right? Tell them something which aint gonna go anywhere. If these friends want to judge me on that basis, i dont care... as im not meeting them..
But when it starts happening with people in the same circle, people you're interacting with... I might be a little concerned. But only if these people start believing the person and forgetting how well they may know you.
you really gotta pick your battles.. Life is too short for such silly drama
having said all this, i know just after having my daughter, i went through a lot of emotional crap. Hence, I say all this from experience.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ U pick n choose your own battles. Life is too short to make every little thing an issue. I agree with that. And I'm not too bothered by people whom I don't care much about or see on a regular basis. Maybe the offender will get exhausted once he/she sees they have no effect on you. But it's not always like that.
From my own experience, there are people who love to engage in fitnah/mischief...to the point that they have a sick systematic AGENDA to cause serious problems for you. And when you've tried all the other tactics such as staying quiet, or showing undeserved kindness, and they're still persisting........some straightforward communication needs to take place. The other person may not change with this discussion....but I feel that when you see a persistent wrong taking place....then you should try to do something positive about it. Otherwise, leaving things unchecked can lead to a vicious cycle in which there will be other victims.
Patience and tolerance are difficult, that's why they are such admired qualities in Islam. But then there is also the hadith, that if a Muslim sees something wrong happening, he should try to stop it himself. And if he can't do that, then he should contact someone who can help. And the weakest level is to pray for improvement if the above two can't be done.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ yes... the past few months ive had to deal with "good" friends doing that. It's come to a point where I dont even go to a place where that person is invited. I feel sick to the stomach when thinking about what this person has done.
yes, i should probably confront the person. But all im gonna get out of it "im sorry.. i didnt do it..." and then turn around and badmouth me further. Blah.. its a never ending cycle.
If people know me, know what im like.. and still go ahead and want to be friends with a person knowing the person lies... its not for me to worry about then. And, i REALLY dont want to be friends with these people.
I should say something though.. ur right. I need to show my daughter, that you cant be trampled on just cus ur nice (not that i am lol)
khair, im going off on a tangent. Point is, be respectful to people and ur In-laws.. not every conversation is a mud-slinging contest.
For example, u have a kid.. ur MIL wants to make her sarr.. her nose.. press for forhead u disagree... tell her nicely that you may not agree but maybe ask her for her advice about something else.. so she at least feels important still..
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
Sadzzz,
There was this co-worker who would tactlessly make comments about my physical appearance. Perhaps it was jealousy....but I let it go because at times she could be nice and I tried to see the positive in her. When the boss favored me for something over her....she told me that the only reason he favored me was cuz he thought I was weak and couldn't handle it. Pathetic logic.... and very insensitive. It's funny she should say that when I was never competing with her. I let her go.
Anyways I let all of her transgressions go UNTIL ONE DAY......the boss said that we had to work in groups to do presentations on various topics. Me and my partner (another co worker) worked very hard on doing our research and presenting it during our staff development meetings. During this meeting.......this particular co-worker tried to sabotage our presentation. While we were presenting, she had the NERVE to scream out in front of everyone that we didn't know what we were doing.
It was very immature. Not to mention unprofessional. And to humiliate a presenter in front of others.....that is such low and cunning behavior. I was shocked speechless, fortunately my partner handled her. After this incident, I decided that I couldn't let things slide. I confronted her about the issue in a nice way.....and she cried. I'm not a mean person, by nature. I don't like hurting people. But her reaction surprised me. And she apologized for her mistakes. And I could tell it was genuine. There was a lot going on in her life and she was insecure. But now she'll hopefully **think twice **before trying to jeopardize another coworker's career. Because she'll realize that people will not always "let things slide."
Just getting an offender to "think twice" in the future can prevent someone else from becoming a victim and hopefully break a cycle.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ yeah i can understand in those circumstances. Its very sad what the person did, but ur one very lucky person that u got the apology.
I cant quite write the details of my saga here, but lets just say, even when i did confront the person in a subtle way, it never worked. I usually get a very sob story and tears, but nothing happens with that... they say sorry and the saga continues.
When it happens numerous times, just cant be bothered anymore.
^ yeah i can understand in those circumstances. Its very sad what the person did, but ur one very lucky person that u got the apology.
I cant quite right the details of my saga here, but lets just say, even when i did confront the person in a subtle way, it never worked. I usually get a very sob story and tears, but nothing happens with that... they say sorry and the saga continues.
When it happens numerous times, just cant be bothered anymore.
If you ever decide to confront the person again, tell them nicely,** "I'm not having this discussion to topple you down or to make myself superior or to to show that I'm perfect. Because I'm neither of these things. I'm having this discussion with you because I feel that you have hurt me and because I believe that you are an intelligent person with an innate sense of goodness and an open mind. I have encountered evidence that you are continuing to wrong me behind my back. I don't understand the purpose of apologizing if one continues to make the same mistakes. You are an adult and can do whatever you wish. But I cannot pursue a friendship where there is a lack of mutual respect. What goes around comes around. All I can say is that I leave the matter to your conscience, for I don't have the time nor desire to engage in hurting others behind their backs. In spite of what you're doing, I wish you well."** And then walk away.
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws…
^ thats great advice redvelvet :k: If i ever have to go through it again, I shall speak to the person. In the meantime.. im just going to continue enjoying my life.. thank u though
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
Sorry, sadzz, I get carried away sometimes, LOL. U're right, move on and enjoy life. What goes around comes around!
Re: how would a clever DIL behave while shes living with the inlaws...
^ haha no need to apologise. My hubby reckons, if its bothering me that much, I should speak about it. BUT... if i just want to be happy, than forget it and say watever..
totally off topic..
i dont understand how people can be friends with people who gossip and bouth mouth people. I dont know.. i just cant do that