If we should live our own lives & not depend on another person (ie. our spouse in this case) to provide us with a certain amount of happiness......then why adjust to & tolerate a husband who is cheating on his wife & clearly has 0 respect for her or their marriage? Why the need to remain in that marriage if the wife is going to live her own life?
BTW Global, are you married or ever been in a long-term relationship?
I never said the OP has to tolerate it nor am I saying that tehzeebranaditta has to tolerate her husband having a second wife(she's choosing to tolerate it because she still loves her husband) all i'm saying is that we can't control or make someone realize that they are being hurtful if they don't see it themselves even if it is made apparent by these women.
I see it as all human beings have flaws and personal weaknesses that we need to realize need to be improved on. A woman should definitely make it apparent that she does not approve of this behavior but if the OP has done that a couple times and he still wants to chat and flirt with other women it's the OP's call as to how much she can tolerate this behavior. As all situations that are brought up in Life1, there are gray areas and both sides aren't heard. Divorce is the last option though since this is a marriage and children are in the picture as well. Divorced women don't have it easy and the desi community still sees divorcees in not the kindest way so I would never suggest divorce or khula to the OP especially if she doesn't have a strong support system in terms of family or friends.
She's the one that has to make this very difficult decision because she's dealing with this in her life not you or me. She's the one that has to live the life of a divorcee if she decides the khula route with her children.
Am the only one here thinking about the possibility of STDs or HIV in a case like this? Am I the only one who would have a HUGE problem being physically involved with a man b/c of safety issues knowing he's also intimate with another woman (and who knows what that woman's health/sexual habits are like)?
no dear you are thinkin too far its not as much ruined issue Allhumdolilah.being a wife its not difficult for me to get about this point the issue is HE IS CHATING WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN SAYING TIME PASSING and maybe having date for few times he admitted by self for the 1 time in saying that was nt meeting he just saw her(i dont know accurate).
if there would be such stage i'll never think over this issue for a signal minute b4 LEAVING him.
no dear you are thinkin too far its not as much ruined issue Allhumdolilah.being a wife its not difficult for me to get about this point the issue is HE IS CHATING WITH RANDOM GIRLS IN SAYING TIME PASSING and **maybe having date for few times he admitted by self for the 1 time in saying that was nt meeting he just saw her(i dont know accurate).
**if there would be such stage i'll never think over this issue for a signal minute b4 LEAVING him.
Chatting was step #1, and then he escalated it to step #2 by meeting in person. All of us reading this knows what step #3 is (if it hasn't happened already). You wrote yourself you don't know whether or not he's telling the truth by telling you that he only saw them. He betrayed your trust by contacting these girls in the 1st place. Its not like he volunteered this information about time-passing.....he admitted it b/c you saw the messages. Do you honestly believe he would actually admit to being sexually involved with another woman to your voluntarily?
If you've thought through the situation & you're comfortable with your decision on how you're handling this situation.....then that's all the matters. As GlobalGal mentioned already.....you are the only one who can/should make the final decision b/c its your life (and the life of your child). Maybe it's b/c I have met women who discovered their husband's infidelity AFTER already being diagnosed with a disease......but I just can't wrap my mind around how a woman (not specifically you...but ANY woman) doesn't view this as a major safety issue.
Chatting was step #1, and then he escalated it to step #2 by meeting in person. All of us reading this knows what step #3 is (if it hasn't happened already). You wrote yourself you don't know whether or not he's telling the truth by telling you that he only saw them. He betrayed your trust by contacting these girls in the 1st place. Its not like he volunteered this information about time-passing.....he admitted it b/c you saw the messages. Do you honestly believe he would actually admit to being sexually involved with another woman to your voluntarily?
If you've thought through the situation & you're comfortable with your decision on how you're handling this situation.....then that's all the matters. As GlobalGal mentioned already.....you are the only one who can/should make the final decision b/c its your life (and the life of your child). Maybe it's b/c I have met women who discovererd their husband's infidelity AFTER already being diagnosed with a disease......but I just can't wrap my mind around how a woman (not specifically you...but ANY woman) doesn't view this as a major safety issue.
thanx for ur concern paheli
1st if he is in physical relation with any other lady i couldn't take any strong step B4 ITS HAVING BEEN PROVED.i didnt say i have been convinced by him on this issue.2nd i dont know you are married or nt but a wife can easily pick this(what we r discussing here)or more simple could have doubt in this even after if there is possibilities(as per my case) but even thinking over it i didnt get any sign.
so in my case your question that y not woman take safety issue as their major problem bcoz i am not sure even i dont have doubt in this matter.ALLAH knows better.
i have two kids i will try my best for the sake of my kids but also i am not accepting this all i want to sort it out
i dont think so he has told the girl/girls to whome he chat that he is married.i cant blame other girls as i dont know them personally its my husband whom i know personally and he is the man who is doing this all:(
Okay - now that we know leaving is not an option for you...we can tell you what you could do next.
I know this will sound positively nuts to you BUT
Your husband does not sound like he will stop because his beautiful wife asked him to. He will NOT stop talking to these women because you are in his life and he shouldn't and its morally so wrong and blah blah blah. That part should have kicked in ages ago when he first sent those messages..but it didn't. Which means...you need to change your strategy.
Some men can be reasoned with and that is all it takes. Some men need more work...this one sounds like he does.
Stop talking to him about these chats and messages. Stop arguing with him about this topic.
GUILT him into stopping. The only person who can stop this man from cheating is himself...you have no control over him it seems.
Make him feel so guilty he hates himself for lying to you.
Am I the only one here thinking about the possibility of STDs or HIV in a case like this? Am I the only one who would have a HUGE problem being physically involved with a man b/c of safety issues knowing he's also intimate with another woman (and who knows what that woman's health/sexual habits are like)?
No Paheli, you're not the only one.
I just don't know what else she can do if she doesn't want to leave him. If she stays, she has to tackle this in a way where it doesn't turn into a bigger problem. If she leaves, well she's free and doesn't have to deal with him at all.
Am I the only one here thinking about the possibility of STDs or HIV in a case like this? Am I the only one who would have a HUGE problem being physically involved with a man b/c of safety issues knowing he's also intimate with another woman (and who knows what that woman's health/sexual habits are like)?
Mod app Jootaye chappal ttu nahi martaye na ?? Ewi Ewi scaring MOI baba I asked her in MOI first lecture" Woman knows her Man" and Sachii Sachii Pakka Pakka I live apart from her Hubby poles apart even I trust that he is not Sleeping or sheeping with anyone --the Reason(s)-- little I figure out from her Posts ---She is very intellectual --intelligent and educated lady ( NO BUTTERING HERE OR EVEN CREAM CHEESE USED)--- based on her concerns and trying to save a beautiful loving relationship She opened up here means a lot to her and She is well aware its worth saving and is not at THAT point of infidelity--------------------------even I TRUST HIM ON THAT BABA ----------------------------------she would have long gone if that would have been the case -----------------------------------------baba app hammer grab karoo bus ----
Aye lo Ji by the time I post something there comes other more decisive comments from others ---Baba SHE KNOWS HER MAN ---
Man are Just Stupid --foolish --scumbags but to a point --------Let her give the Best shot best punch she can to save here marriage--
I have a saying --------------ALL DOGS COME BACK TO THEIR HOME---they can wander the streets --but eventually they will come back home---
dang I had to edit MOI kay Post -------------------------------
thanx for ur concern paheli
1st if he is in physical relation with any other lady i couldn't take any strong step B4 ITS HAVING BEEN PROVED.i didnt say i have been convinced by him on this issue.2nd i dont know you are married or nt but a wife can easily pick this(what we r discussing here)or more simple could have doubt in this even after if there is possibilities(as per my case) but even thinking over it i didnt get any sign.
so in my case your question that y not woman take safety issue as their major problem bcoz i am not sure even i dont have doubt in this matter.ALLAH knows better.
Yes, I am married. As a wife, I know what things I would personally tolerate & what signs would give ME enough worries about my health. As I said earlier, in your case, only you can make that decision. If you're convinced that your health is not in any way in jeopardy, then that's all that matters for your piece of mind. I honestly wouldn't even know what advice to give you since your husband knows that you do not approve of his behavior & still refuses to stop. The only thing I can say is that I wish you all the best & I hope you find a solution to your worries.
Talk directly to the girls and ask them would they like it if their husband was chatting to random girls.
I am male and Phulllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz a VERY STRAIGHT MAN ---- --------But her sucker got caught that's all --------------i think i said it he is probably a lousy cheater ---but most Married man flirt at work place, chat and e-mails only thing who is lousy enough to get caught -----------------------------Na they don't go to that level of infidelity --Na too risky they can't afford one imagine 2 ladies OUCH ???
I just don't know what else she can do if she doesn't want to leave him. If she stays, she has to tackle this in a way where it doesn't turn into a bigger problem. If she leaves, well she's free and doesn't have to deal with him at all.
You're right....I also don't know what advice to give OP since she has already spoken to her husband. To be honest, my comments weren't specifically to her as another poster wrote that her husband took on a 2nd wife. I wonder even in situations where the husband has a 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife etc. I can somewhat understand in situations where the wives live in the same house or at least are in touch with one another on a regular basis....enough to understand each other's personality/lifestyle/daily activities etc to have some level of trust. But in situations where the wives don't know each other.... live in different cities....even continents......how can 1 wife not be freaked out about the health possibilities of that situation? 1x is all it takes to end up with a life sentence.
Tell him that you have found a boy that you are chatting to ... For fun ... Just flirting with a guy on FaceBook ... See how he likes it.
look at MOI seems like I have nothing esle to do in MOI kay Life -------------I said in MOI first post in this thread that ------I am 2 face double standard hypocrite Male ---that's what V R ---
I also said MAN DO --HEAVENLY ORDAINED
WOMAN DOES THE SAME ---SINNER BURN IN HELL------------------------------------
Tell him that you have found a boy that you are chatting to ... For fun ... Just flirting with a guy on FaceBook ... See how he likes it.
psyah bhai -
Usually I am all for eent ka javab eent se...but I don't think it'll work for her. Her husband is dheet and it won't affect him at all. In fact, if anything it'll push him away even further.
You're right....I also don't know what advice to give OP since she has already spoken to her husband. To be honest, my comments weren't specifically to her as another poster wrote that her husband took on a 2nd wife. I wonder even in situations where the husband has a 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife etc. I can somewhat understand in situations where the wives live in the same house or at least are in touch with one another on a regular basis....enough to understand each other's personality/lifestyle/daily activities etc to have some level of trust. But in situations where the wives don't know each other.... live in different cities....even continents......how can 1 wife not be freaked out about the health possibilities of that situation? 1x is all it takes to end up with a life sentence.
Usually I am all for eent ka javab eent se...but I don't think it'll work for her. Her husband is dheet and it won't affect him at all. In fact, if anything it'll push him away even further.
Absolutely.
Its scary no doubt.
She has to make a choice.
He's the kind who are spoilt brats as kids ... They don't care until it hurts them ... Above and beyond the silent technique ... She should rule him ... No rotis for him ... Get him to buy food for the family ... She needs to use emotion to her advantage ... She needs to cry and be moping and sobbing ... Men hate that ... But I think a fake friend on FB would be good payback.
What I don't understand is why he has this need to talk to other girls. What's there to argue about? Is he honestly expecting you to be okay with him meeting up and flirting with other women? Where are you when he meets up with them? Maybe try stalking him and catch him in the act or something. These ladies apparently don't know his married, is that right? Ask him to tell them.
What I don't understand is why he has this need to talk to other girls. What's there to argue about? Is he honestly expecting you to be okay with him meeting up and flirting with other women? Where are you when he meets up with them? Maybe try stalking him and catch him in the act or something. These ladies apparently don't know his married, is that right? Ask him to tell them.
this is as much strange to me.which conversation i have red in that he was mentioned nt married.well he has a routine of comes home at 6 of evening in between for lunch at home for 1 to 2 hrs and pick&drop of our son for schoolhe never goes out in nights of the house.when he met or saw that girl that was the days i was nt able to come
out of the bed 15 days after birth of our child.then he went alone for groceries and needed items b4 & after that
he never goes out of the house without me rest of office.if you check my posts i have problem with chating with other ladies i have no clues for him meeting them.
this is very common in our society, where men are not happy with their wives and show THERKINESS at their work place specially, similar thing happened to my friend when she found out that her husband is talking to someone online, and guess what, she did exactly the same, she started talking openly to her old friends, she stayed with in limits though, never let go of her decency and grace, and sooner things started to fallen into place...So when talk talk isnt working, you gotto let the doctor taste their own medicine
Chatting was step #1, and then he escalated it to step #2 by meeting in person. All of us reading this knows what step #3 is (if it hasn't happened already). You wrote yourself you don't know whether or not he's telling the truth by telling you that he only saw them. He betrayed your trust by contacting these girls in the 1st place. Its not like he volunteered this information about time-passing.....he admitted it b/c you saw the messages. Do you honestly believe he would actually admit to being sexually involved with another woman to your voluntarily?
If you've thought through the situation & you're comfortable with your decision on how you're handling this situation.....then that's all the matters. As GlobalGal mentioned already.....you are the only one who can/should make the final decision b/c its your life (and the life of your child). Maybe it's b/c I have met women who discovered their husband's infidelity AFTER already being diagnosed with a disease......but I just can't wrap my mind around how a woman (not specifically you...but ANY woman) doesn't view this as a major safety issue.
i dont know i trust him more or love but still i am not doubting him in this way.but all ur posts make me senses that as i think he is nt indulging in these activities its nt as bad as i thought.i am more sure now i have to save our relationship i have to make him clear i am nt ok with it.in any of my post i never said i have this issue i opened up what was problem and i still stand by.
oh yes i am just waitin for his sin to use hammer(it must be gettin bore in drawer)today we have a polite discussion over it and i warn him 1st &last time what what will gonna happen with his brand new mobile(he purchased just b4 couple of days) if he does it again so i dont have to face his anger it must be just regret & regret for him over his mobile:D.and surprising is he gets it and its 2nd time he promises me i wish and pray it would b last time(Ameen).
thanx buddy for your honest concern and advice to me.may Allah bless you.
and yes if i have to break his mobile i’ll sure share it after my attack:devil: