How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

[Southie]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

My opinion was based on the facts as provided by OP.

So, you were angered. The Aaloo is all yours.

[Sady]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

Despite that I didnt mean ‘insult’, just leg pulling. Because we had a PEACE deal, remember? But still if you’re offended, I offer my sincerest APOLOGIES!

No no please, help yourself. I really dont like aaloos

@Southie

My opinion was based on the facts as provided by OP.

So, you were angered. The Aaloo is all yours.

[Southie]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

Ok. I will take them aaloos!

[Sady]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

I bet you’ve already eaten them aaloos that’s why you sound so much better

[TS]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

Let’s all have a potato party in ‘Aaj kiya pakaaya, kiya khaaya’.

Promise, no bhaija fry over there.

[Sady]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

And out of all the veges, it had to be AALOO party? :o

Okay, I accept the invitation only if ‘bhindi’ is also on the menu

@TS

Let’s all have a potato party in ‘Aaj kiya pakaaya, kiya khaaya’.

Promise, no bhaija fry over there.

[BigdaNawab]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

I don't really know how you actually talk to your mom. But I have a feeling the way you have put things together on this board are not exactly accurate.

You've made your mom sound manipulative. Either that how you view her, or how she really is. But if thats not the case, you need to act more responsibly with how you deal with your mother EVEN if she is wrong and have the wisdom to make your own decision without taking away rights of your wife.

This is the only thing you need to remember. Its that simple.

[Theorist]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

i think in this particular case, parents are not complaining about the son seeing his wife every weekend, they are more so concerned about his staying at in-laws for longer periods,as op mentioned that his mom and dad advised him earlier not to stay for longer at in-laws. So this means they have no problems with him seeing his wife but have problems at staying at in-laws. Another thing is, OP himself admitted that he feel tired with all the travelling, this perhaps is a very strong reason for his mom to feel concerned about his son's tight schedule and lack of rest, that made her talk to her DIL about sending him back on Sunday. If you notice, she is not telling him not to go there at all, she is just telling to cut short the visit by few hours. And frankly speaking mothers and fathers do have this much right on their children even on the married children.

If the inlaws have no problem with him staying over then why are his parents concerned? They may not have a problem with him seeing his wife but asking his wife to send him home as if he has a curfew to follow is lame. Why don't I see mothers having similar concerns for their married daughters? I don't see mothers asking their son in laws how their daughter is doing or whether or not she is getting enough rest. I am talking about this double standard. Mothers need to stop babying their sons just like they stop babying their daughters when they get married. The girls get told "ab tum bari hogayee ho, shadi hogayee hai, khud sambhalo apne ghar ko aur apne shohar ko" but when it comes to the boys "beta, khana khaaaya? kyon nahi khaya, soye? kyon nahi soye? nashta banadun? kahan jarahe ho? kyon jarahe ho?" EVEN though they live in the same damn house. That's my problem. I get jealous when my MIL pampers my husband sometimes because it makes me miss my own mother and then I tell myself "ab main baree hogayee hoon, shadi hogayee hai, apne ghar ko sambhalna chahiye aur apne shohar ko bhi"............. true story.

[Xtron]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

^haha..Truly spoken from heart. Mother and Sister vs wife. It becomes quiet competitive..i must say. But one must make sure..the rights of each of them are not abused. Yes..we must give time to our mothers, sisters and our wives likewise.
Interestingly enough..ye sarii balance kee batain..likhnay main bahut achey lagtey hain what i said above. Lekinnn..os ko sahi mannay main..balance karna...waqai main..challange hai. Women..must realize that..while we are their husband.. please understand that we are sons and brothers too. We have tons of responsibility on our shoulder.

[Theorist]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

^haha..Truly spoken from heart. Mother and Sister vs wife. It becomes quiet competitive..i must say. But one must make sure..the rights of each of them are not abused. Yes..we must give time to our mothers, sisters and our wives likewise. Interestingly enough..ye sarii balance kee batain..likhnay main bahut achey lagtey hain what i said above. Lekinnn..os ko sahi mannay main..balance karna...waqai main..challange hai. Women..must realize that..while we could be their husband..but we are sons and brothers too. We have tons of responsibility on our shoulder.

Men also must realize that while we are their wives, we are also daughters and sisters. We also have a ton of responsibilities on our shoulder. It is 2015. We ALL have responsibilities. I don't want to derail this thread so I will leave it at that. This inequality bothers me maybe even more so because I have no brothers.

[TS]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

@Sady

And out of all the veges, it had to be AALOO party? :o

Okay, I accept the invitation only if ‘bhindi’ is also on the menu

News Flash Aloo is not a vegetable.

And I love bhinDi. Especially when it is crisp with crispy piaaz and tomatoes.

[WendyDarling]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

@TS

In the Eastern culture, they do. In the Western culture, they don’t.

I second what you have said.

If my son was going through such a hectic and tiring schedule, I would be so .
And I am a man (or so I think ).

It is completely reasonable for the parents to ask him to come back Sunday so he can get decent amount of rest before the start of the work week.

I would tell him to be back before dark or else.
Agay tum khud samajhdaar ho.

He’s not a little child who can’t think for himself. If he’s tired and feels like he needs to go home and rest, that’s what he’ll do. If he wants to spend that time with his the person he married then that’s his choice.

[TS]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

@Theorist

If the inlaws have no problem with him staying over then why are his parents concerned? They may not have a problem with him seeing his wife but asking his wife to send him home as if he has a curfew to follow is lame. Why don’t I see mothers having similar concerns for their married daughters? I don’t see mothers asking their son in laws how their daughter is doing or whether or not she is getting enough rest. I am talking about this double standard. Mothers need to stop babying their sons just like they stop babying their daughters when they get married. The girls get told “ab tum bari hogayee ho, shadi hogayee hai, khud sambhalo apne ghar ko aur apne shohar ko” but when it comes to the boys “beta, khana khaaaya? kyon nahi khaya, soye? kyon nahi soye? nashta banadun? kahan jarahe ho? kyon jarahe ho?” EVEN though they live in the same damn house. That’s my problem. I get jealous when my MIL pampers my husband sometimes because it makes me miss my own mother and then I tell myself “ab main baree hogayee hoon, shadi hogayee hai, apne ghar ko sambhalna chahiye aur apne shohar ko bhi”… true story.

Aap apni saas ko apni ammi naheen samajhteen.

[TS]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

@WendyDarling

He’s not a little child who can’t think for himself. If he’s tired and feels like he needs to go home and rest, that’s what he’ll do. If he wants to spend that time with his the person he married then that’s his choice.

But boys are mentally so immature, even when they grow up.

[Sady]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

TS what is aaloo if not vegetable?

My mom makes bhindi by making seperately Karahi like masala and separately frying bhindis before adding to masala. After that she cooks for ten minutes. She also adds salt in bhindis while frying. This version is also very tasty. I learned from her last week. Hope she let’s me cook next time.

I can tell how thankful OP must be as not only did he receive advice to his original problem but also recipes of home made aaloo, bhindi and remedy for PMSing

Am so sleepy now.

Have fun

Later

@TS

News Flash Aloo is not a vegetable.

And I love bhinDi. Especially when it is crisp with crispy piaaz and tomatoes.

[TS]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

[Deeba1234]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

Completely ignore @Southie's advice. He/She is a complete idiot. He / she seems to be from a family / culture where they do not teach abc of parents' 'respect' especially that of a MOTHER's.

P.S: "Southie. With apologies, please do not base your advice on your own personal relationship & experience with your mother as from the original post, the mother by no means seems MANIPULATIVE."

Don't know why you're feeling the need to get so personal with him.. He hasn't posted anything that warrants those remarks..

Maybe he was simply brought up to believe that parents can sometimes be wrong and they aren't superhuman..

You can also still disagree with your parents without being disrespectful.. Respect doesn't mean you must always believe they're right..

[Sady]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

I think I already explained to him that I did not mean 'personal attack' & already apologized from him incase my post hurt his 'fillings'. And he seems to have accepted my apology. Do you personally think my apology was not enough. Or do you want me to apologize from you too for him? I dont see any other reason for you to bring that up.

I disagree with my parents all the time on most things. But if an outsider, without having both sides of info, would tell me that my father or mother manipulative, I will be sure that his opinion is not justified. Now that is me who would think that. Usually, people tend to absorb such opinions even if in their subconscious because they want to know they're on the 'right' even if they're not. Those thoughts, views from outsiders not inside in a situation & without enough information are what create family politics.

Let's for a minute believe OP's mother really is that evil character of some indian soap opera that Southie tried to relate her to. And let's assume we all believe the same. So, should we all tell him to beware of his mother because she is MANIPULATIVE? Will you do that to a sister or any other loved one especially when you do not know both the sides of stories? Should we not try to defuse a situation instead of adding more fuel to fire? What do you think the OP would do to his mother if he goes by Southie's advice? Will he continue to have the same respect for his mother or become distant from her? His posts encouraged the OP to consider his mother as the evil in this entire matter. That is what I did not like. But did not mean 'personal attacks'. Hope Im clear enough this time around.

Don't know why you're feeling the need to get so personal with him.. He hasn't posted anything that warrants those remarks..

Maybe he was simply brought up to believe that parents can sometimes be wrong and they aren't superhuman..

You can also still disagree with your parents without being disrespectful.. Respect doesn't mean you must always believe they're right..

[Sady]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

You are right. I just read his post again & it seems that in his mind, he already is suspicious of his mother. After reading his original post again, I also think that it might be his wife who raised concerns to his parents about his long stay at the inlaws. Parent tried to do their bit but then told the wife to tell him herself directly. We cannot and should not make the mother 'the bad guy' just because indian / geo dramas teach us that. He really hurt his mother that is probably why she said that he can live independently with his wife and they wont object. That alone means that the only problem here is him spending his long weekends at inlaws. And the parents do not want any bad gossip for them and their son.

@BigdaNawab

I don't really know how you actually talk to your mom. But I have a feeling the way you have put things together on this board are not exactly accurate.

You've made your mom sound manipulative. Either that how you view her, or how she really is. But if thats not the case, you need to act more responsibly with how you deal with your mother EVEN if she is wrong and have the wisdom to make your own decision without taking away rights of your wife.

This is the only thing you need to remember. Its that simple.

[Iconoclast]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

Bro you are too horny to comprehend your own situation . And yeah when someone tell you that you are too simple to understand , then it means you are a jackass.

Good luck

Now, thats class.