Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Nursing homes are not an *American phenomenon Nadz...they exist in Britain too. You should get out more, really.
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As for the rest...well...judging from your posts...you are anything but old and pakistani by nature. No one is talking about kicking their children out.
We're talking about teaching them independence. Maybe do the future generations a favor and not raise mama's boys.
JEEZ, i know that, it was in retaliation to people saying how american it is on this thread.
so only moving out can teach someone independence? whats more important, being indep, or caring for our elderly parents.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Ohmigosh, why does moving out need to equate to abandoning parents? Why? What kind of fool would simply up and leave and never look back if his parents were aging, needed his help or depended on him? I dont know anyone like that.
Why is it sooooooooooo difficult for desies to strike a balance? I dont understand why our qaum is so bad at this. Is it inconceivable to live 5 minutes away but see your parents a few times a week? Would that be abandoning them? Taking them to doctor's appointments and grocery shopping when you do yours as well? Thats abandoning them?
Do you live with your parents Nadz? Why not? Why have you abandoned them? And before you come back with an answer saying "my brother or sister still live at home"...your responsibility is your responsibility...your brother and sister will not be questioned for what you needed to be doing.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I know a couple who not only have the guy's parents living on the next street (walking distance), but even the girl's parents live a 2 minute drive away.... such an ideal arrangement.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Do you live with your parents Nadz? .
She does. She moved back in her parents house with her husband b/c of her pregnancy....there's like 8 people living in her house if i recall correctly. And now her cousin is moving in with them b/c she's coming from overseas to study. She had a whole thread about how upset she is about the cousin moving to her parents house.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
*Ohmigosh, why does moving out need to equate to abandoning parents? Why? What kind of fool would simply up and leave and never look back if his parents were aging, needed his help or depended on him? I dont know anyone like that.
*
Why is it sooooooooooo difficult for desies to strike a balance? I dont understand why our qaum is so bad at this. Is it inconceivable to live 5 minutes away but see your parents a few times a week? Would that be abandoning them? Taking them to doctor's appointments and grocery shopping when you do yours as well? Thats abandoning them?
Do you live with your parents Nadz? Why not? Why have you abandoned them? And before you come back with an answer saying "my brother or sister still live at home"...your responsibility is your responsibility...your brother and sister will not be questioned for what you needed to be doing.
OMG! My sentiments exactly!!!! In this and other similar threads, why does moving out equal abandoning your parents??? Why can't a man keep his wife in seperate living quarters in the same house or a seperate house altogether but still maintain great relations with his family? This way both his parents and his wife have the privacy they desire and in close proximity etc. Momma's boys have no sense of "balance".
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Ohmigosh, why does moving out need to equate to abandoning parents? Why? What kind of fool would simply up and leave and never look back if his parents were aging, needed his help or depended on him? I dont know anyone like that.
Why is it sooooooooooo difficult for desies to strike a balance? I dont understand why our qaum is so bad at this. Is it inconceivable to live 5 minutes away but see your parents a few times a week? Would that be abandoning them? Taking them to doctor's appointments and grocery shopping when you do yours as well? Thats abandoning them?
Do you live with your parents Nadz? Why not? Why have you abandoned them? And before you come back with an answer saying "my brother or sister still live at home"...your responsibility is your responsibility...your brother and sister will not be questioned for what you needed to be doing.
Reha, why get yourself so worked up over such immaturity? These people are immature. And Nadz should be the LAST person talking about living with in-laws. She gets annoyed when her husband calls his parents and the poor folks are all the way in Pakistan!!!!! She is just all talk. Let's see how happy she is when she has to move back to Pakistan and live with her in-laws who honestly don't seem bad at all yet she is always getting annoyed at them for petty things.
All the single girls out there.....please have faith. There are tons of eligible bachelors out there who have the sense and maturity to move out when they get married and keep a balance between taking care of their wife as well as their parents. Please don't get disheartened by the sheer immaturity and irrationality exhibited on this forum. It represents a very small proportion of guys living in the West. In fact the guys who have the maturity and a strong sense of responsibility are out there working hard to provide for their wife and be there for their parents. They don't have time to come on these forums and post ridiculous things. They're actually doing a great job at balancing the rights and responsibilities of everyone in their family.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
i'm going go by my mom's example and see my son(in the future) as somebody that becomes his wife's totally and completely after marriage. I'll just be visitin' that's it and hopefully they live separately
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Yes, I want my son to move out. I want him to be an individual, and be free to make choices (and I want to be free of necessity of monitoring his decisions!) I was a complete person before I got him, and will be a complete person without him in my daily life - just as he will be when he is an adult.
It is my job as a mother to help him grow up to be the best person he can be, to be a responsible and productive and decent person, and hopefully creative and happy. I try to keep him on the right road, but I am not raising him up to be a leg of my charpae. I want him to travel, I want him to try new things, different things, find the right woman and have a kid or two (I tell him, you wait, you'll have kids and then YOU'LL know!!:p).
I hope that if I raise him right, he will want to see me frequently, and will take care of me when I need help, just as I take care of my mother - whom I do not live with either. We are Americans, and independence and self-reliance are really important to us.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I would humbly serve my sons like i do now, i will take care of their kids, change the dipers, comfort the crying, pick and drop the grand kids, teach them and play with them (if i can still move by that time).
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I don't have a son so I guess I am not in a position to answer the question. However, I think it would be really hard for a mom to predict what would happen. Situations change.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I cannot wrap my head around this way of thinking where some of you say..I want by kid out by this and this date.
What's the matter with being so rigid? Each individual child is different. Some will need you to hold their hand longer others will learn to walk on their on soon. Unless my child is being a lazy bum and staying at home only because its free to, I won't kick him out. He can stay. But I would prefer him to have his own place once he gets married, primarily for the sake of his wife who deserves to have her own little (or big) place.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Perhaps you don't know any joint families that work, but many do. It's not something I would have wanted, but I wouldn't have minded it for a little while.
Im sure it works but not for the majority. most women who live in joint family wish they lived seperately. just look on this forum and most women here will tell you they prefer living seperately
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
^ And what exactly makes you think 'the majority' is on this website spewing garbage about their in laws? As for the ladies *****ing about joint family situations, well that tells us why those married ladies don't have anything better to do than to be on this forum all day. I love when clueless idiots become champions of a cause merely by listening to a couple of like-minded gits.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I wouldn't, I want 5 or 6 manly sons to be my side when I am an old white haired man, inshalla, I pray for that. I want to be like my grandparents.
However, I would just enjoy their company, I would never butt into their personal lives. That's a mistake some old Pakistani grandparents make. I say when you are old, put your feet up and relax, smoke a cigar and go on a cruise paid by your son. Don't worry about the little nitty gritty things.
After raising 6 kids my grandparents are truly enjoying themselves now. They live with one of my Chachas, but visit America from time to time as well, they don't have to pay for anything, each of their sons gives them money. Their grandkids run around them like servants, they get so much respect. No one dares to raise their voice in front of them.
Their investment was their kids, not a 401 k plan or retirement bonds. The investment they made yields far greater returns, in addition to monetary benefits their also getting the emotional support old people love and crave. Remember as we get old we kind of turn back to little kids. Old people want someone to sit with them and listen to their stories.
I feel sorry for old white people, abandoned by their kids, trying to stir up random conversations with strangers at Walmart or on a bus. Working at Wal mart as greeters to pay their prescription bills. Sad.
How many of you in the States have had some old white person keep talking to you, just craving a conversation? Its so sad.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
^ And what exactly makes you think 'the majority' is on this website spewing garbage about their in laws? As for the ladies *****ing about joint family situations, well that tells us why those married ladies don't have anything better to do than to be on this forum all day. I love when clueless idiots become champions of a cause merely by listening to a couple of like-minded gits.
Not just women on GS but almost all married women i have met complain about how bad it is living in joint family system. thats why more and more pakistani american girls are against it. Im sure there are women who are okay with joint family but majority is defitnly not, atleast not the ones who grew up here in america