Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Jobless kids = free labor . So let them stay in unless they really have some awesome job , or married :D
Once they are liability , kick them out . Kahani khatam :D
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I don’t want my son to stay with me…
agar upnay saath he rakhna tha, phir shaadi he na kerti mein uski!!!
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Werd my brother werd.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
living with your son and daughter in law is never a solution in my opinion. it makes things worse most of the time. i don't understand why should a woman have to put up with her husbands parents? they are not her parents and it's not her duty to take care of them but if they live in the same house, obviously she will have to take care of them too
if they are in financial problem, why cant all the kids pitch in some money for their rent and utilities? If my husbands parents need financial help from him, i know he will give them watever he can and I will have no issues with that but i can never tolerate them living in my house.
Actually it works for a lot of people I know. As long as everyone is respectful and caring toward each other, it can be great!
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
My hubby and I have discussed this on a few occassions, although my boys are still young and at school, I know that once they are married I wouldn't want to be living with them. I didn't want to live with my in laws and I don't, so my DIL will have the same liberties inshallah.
Of course if they boys had some financial reason for not being able to do so, then I am here for them and always will be and will do whatever I can for them.
In my old age( if I get there!!!) I would ideally like to be able to then travel, I will have done my bit of looking after the children and going about their duties. Then it's my time to do what I want, I don't want to be a burden on my children, they can come and visit me in my retirement bungalow any time they wish bring the grandkids....AND TAKE THE KIDS BACK HOME WITH THEM!!! LOL
I can't see the fun factor in this joint family system really. Every DIL comes to her hubby with hopes and aspirations of how she would like here life to be, so did I. I live how I like, I am an independent wife, mum. That doesn't mean I am galavanting around the town, in fact most of my activities going out are with hubby and we love to go out together.
Times are changing and we should change too, and accept that gone are the days of subservience for the DIL. My DIL should have freedom too, do her house how she likes, go out with ther family when she likes without worrying about the old folks whether thay have eaten or not.
Train yourself now to be independent, I love being on my own, I wouldn't want to live with anyone. I don't like change!!!!!
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
i honestly cant say what i will want from my son when he gets married.
a mother's heart moulds itself a million times through out her maternal life.... its easy to say im gonna kick my son out when he is 18 or dont want him living with me when he gets married when you ureself are either not married or even if you are and have a baby... your soo young and energetic and have a social life that you cant imagine needing your child for emotional support... but as you age.. things really change... your lifestyle changes, your emotions change, your emotional needs change...
right now i would say ya i want my son to live seperately... but the way i have seen myself change emotionally ever since i became a mom, i can bet my mamta on the fact that 20 yrs down the road, i will be grabbing onto my son not wanting to let go not cuz i never got love from my husband and need my son to fulfil my emotional needs, but cuz the special bond a mother shares with her child is beyond words can describe.
and then bring in grandkids and any grandmother would kill to have her grandchild be around her 24/7. i just came back from my parents place and the joy my son brought to their lives cant not be described.. i live with my in laws and i can again say, they would have it no other way, just cuz they get to live another kind of life through their grandchild.
my joint family situation is very nice so the pleasure is 2 fold... i think my in laws know the pros of having their bahu live with them (grandchild grandchild grandchild), so they keep the drama to a minimal and i also know the pros of living with in laws (babysitting babysitting babysitting), i also keep teh drama to a minimal :D
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
........Times are changing and we should change too, and accept that gone are the days of subservience for the DIL.....
I don't like change!!!!!
............
It would be really interesting to ask the same question 25 years from now from the same group of women.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
i honestly cant say what i will want from my son when he gets married.
a mother's heart moulds itself a million times through out her maternal life.... its easy to say im gonna kick my son out when he is 18 or dont want him living with me when he gets married when you ureself are either not married or even if you are and have a baby... your soo young and energetic and have a social life that you cant imagine needing your child for emotional support... but as you age.. things really change... your lifestyle changes, your emotions change, your emotional needs change...
right now i would say ya i want my son to live seperately... but the way i have seen myself change emotionally ever since i became a mom, i can bet my mamta on the fact that 20 yrs down the road, i will be grabbing onto my son not wanting to let go not cuz i never got love from my husband and need my son to fulfil my emotional needs, but cuz the special bond a mother shares with her child is beyond words can describe.
and then bring in grandkids and any grandmother would kill to have her grandchild be around her 24/7. i just came back from my parents place and the joy my son brought to their lives cant not be described.. i live with my in laws and i can again say, they would have it no other way, just cuz they get to live another kind of life through their grandchild.
my joint family situation is very nice so the pleasure is 2 fold... i think my in laws know the pros of having their bahu live with them (grandchild grandchild grandchild), so they keep the drama to a minimal and i also know the pros of living with in laws (babysitting babysitting babysitting), i also keep teh drama to a minimal :D
Thank you!
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Depends on circumstance and bahoo rani he gonna bring but looking at the girls of life1, I can sense what ahead :)
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Because I grew up in America so this is pretty much what I have seen and i think their family system is way better compared to desi ideology of joint family
Perhaps you don't know any joint families that work, but many do. It's not something I would have wanted, but I wouldn't have minded it for a little while.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I agree with Sahar that joint families do work. But if just on bad fish (bahoo) comes who is Wiccan or Pagan, she makes the whole pond dirty.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
My uncle lives with his mum and dad, my grandparents, had he not been there, both gran and grandad wouldnt be here today, so many falls, so many accidents, my gran once left the gas on the cooker without igniting it, old age does these things. my gran was sick, had no one been there, she wouldve been in that state until someone came to visit. shes only 60. not that old either. its not just that, i dont understand this concept of moving out, just because you can. its not always finances. we think just because we can afford to move, we should. if i was a boy, i would stay with my parents. Not ALL kids should stay, but one atleast should.
i guess we should also kick them into a home once theyre 50...i mean it is the AMERICAN thing to do isnt it.
the fact that our parents go through alot for us, give us their last pennies, yet as soon as we have a dollar in our pocket we think of moving.
if we stopped trying to be american/british/western/modern/etc and tried to include bit more of our own culture we may have the manners and respect our parents do.
of course the answers here are given from a cool american point of view. i take it my old style pakistani opinion is now to be shot to pieces.:) oh and im british.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
oh and visiting once a week, and living with them to look after them isnt the same, despite people saying it is. us lot are all young, we obv thinking of kicking our kids out at 18, our parents dont have that thinking. im scared for my childrens kids, theyll be kicked out as soon as they start teething.
I agree with Sahar that joint families do work. But if just on bad fish (bahoo) comes who is Wiccan or Pagan, she makes the whole pond dirty.
They can work, but not all do. And it requires a great degree of maturity, love, and respect on everyone's part. If that's not possible, many of the relationships go sour, and it is best to give everyone some space in order to maintain a connection.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
My uncle lives with his mum and dad, my grandparents, had he not been there, both gran and grandad wouldnt be here today, so many falls, so many accidents, my gran once left the gas on the cooker without igniting it, old age does these things. my gran was sick, had no one been there, she wouldve been in that state until someone came to visit. shes only 60. not that old either. its not just that, i dont understand this concept of moving out, just because you can. its not always finances. we think just because we can afford to move, we should. if i was a boy, i would stay with my parents. Not ALL kids should stay, but one atleast should.
i guess we should also kick them into a home once theyre 50...i mean it is the AMERICAN thing to do isnt it.
the fact that our parents go through alot for us, give us their last pennies, yet as soon as we have a dollar in our pocket we think of moving.
if we stopped trying to be american/british/western/modern/etc and tried to include bit more of our own culture we may have the manners and respect our parents do.
of course the answers here are given from a cool american point of view. i take it my old style pakistani opinion is now to be shot to pieces.:) oh and im british.
Nursing homes are not an American phenomenon Nadz...they exist in Britain too. You should get out more, really.
As for the rest...well...judging from your posts...you are anything but old and pakistani by nature. No one is talking about kicking their children out.
We're talking about teaching them independence. Maybe do the future generations a favor and not raise mama's boys.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I would like to keep my kids near me (sons and daughter both preferably although its kind of impossible 
)… maybe living next door or in the same community or maybe even separate portions in the same house… you know there are multiple family dwellings here in US. Hopefully, we will be able to make enough money to buy a multi-family house, inshaAllah… lets see what the future holds.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Out of all women here, RV always makes some sense. RV come and post something :)
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I am with you on this one.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
living with your son and daughter in law is never a solution in my opinion. it makes things worse most of the time. i don't understand why should a woman have to put up with her husbands parents? they are not her parents and it's not her duty to take care of them but if they live in the same house, obviously she will have to take care of them too if they are in financial problem, why cant all the kids pitch in some money for their rent and utilities? If my husbands parents need financial help from him, i know he will give them watever he can and I will have no issues with that but i can never tolerate them living in my house.
wow retarded reply, tsk tsk.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
whatever the man said :k: