Ok so this discussion has come up in alot of threads. Alot of men also stated that once we become MIL we would want our sons to live with us.
I DISAGREE totally.
I will never want my son to live with me unless he has finanical problems, in that case i would offer him to live in my home with his wife until he can buy his own place but other than that, he should really move out as soon as he gets married. I would never be so selfish to expect my son to live with me to take care of me.
How can any parent think like that?
Plus I wouldn’t want my daughter in law running MY house . it’s my house and i like it the way it is, she should have her own home that she can run based on what she wants. I don’t see american parents demanding their sons live with them. they actually WANT thier kids to move out once they are 21+. why are desi parents so dependent on their kids emotionally?
I would much rather just live with my husband peacefully in our own home when we are old and relax our retirement together with not a care in the world, just us two wrinkly old couple. If i have certain medical condition that requires 24/7 care, I would much rather live in a nursing home where there are other people my age that i can interact with and trained staff who can take care of me. i would NEVER want my kids to have to worry about me if i m medically unfit. It would be nice for them to visit me every once in a while but thats about it. I dont want them eve to have to live with me or me moving into their house.
How many of you ladies would want your sons to live seperately? GIve your reasons for why you would want that or dont want that to happen.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
No, I'd hate to have my entire life revolve around what my kids are doing lol, it's a bit sad in a way if someone has that level of dependency or over-attachment.. I'd also find it a bit pathetic if my grown up son never wanted to leave and was making his wife live out of one or two bedrooms in our house (unless he'd lost his job or was unable to work or something, obviously). Being honest I'd find it hard to respect him.
My dad and I were joking about this earlier and saying perhaps the reason all these older desi women can't seem to let go of their sons is because they're maybe missing that feeling of unconditional love from their arranged-marriaged husbands and feel they get that from their sons instead..
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Why do you consider american parents as a benchmark in your decision making?
Because I grew up in America so this is pretty much what I have seen and i think their family system is way better compared to desi ideology of joint family
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
My dad and I were joking about this earlier and saying perhaps the reason all these older desi women can't seem to let go of their sons is because they're maybe missing that feeling of unconditional love from their arranged-marriaged husbands and feel they get that from their sons instead..
actually that does make alot of sense. i never thought of it that way but it can be the case for alot of desi women
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I'd never want my son to live with me after hes married.
Its only drama and I seriously can't be bothered to solve such drama.
Everyone should just live a peaceful life for themself.
I mean if you spend TOO much time with the SAME persons,it will actually lead to fights and tension.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
it would be interesting to see how many of our "western born n bred" brothers or husbands or friends live with their parents still after getting a job, or after getting married etc. its easy to say that a mom is selfish for wanting her kid to stay etc etc but my older bro (who is 25) is finished with school, has a good job still lives in our parents' home. he isn't yet married and i don't know what my mom will want if/when he does get married. but i personally kind of like knowing that my parents have him around in general just as a security thing.
on the other hand, my paki born n bred husband lived alone even before he got married. even tho his mom has had a U.S. visa since before he was born, she prefers living alone in pakistan.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
I would want my sons and daughters to move out and live on their own as soon as they are settled in their careers (ie. can afford it).
My SO's parents also live alone. His dad is now retired. His parents spend their days also doing volunteering, and they travel a lot. They're both in their mid-60's, physically healthy, and are blessed with financial security. Now that the dad is retired, the kids are grown and out of the house, and they have disposable $$$, they finally are able to travel to many exotic places like they've dreamed about all their lives.
And that is how SO and I imagine our lives once our kids are grown. Once my children are grown, I want them to live their own lives. Of course I want to be a part of their lives...but at the end of the day, it is THEIR lives. My son or daughter moving out doesn't mean they respect me or love me any less. I would want my DIL to have a home that she can call her own and truly make it her own. I won't expect my grown adult children to "chit chat" with me at dinner every night. And SO and I both are not morning people so being woken up by screaming grandkids probably isn't our idea of a "blissful day"....lol.
I guess this idea of parents "needing" their adult children to live with them just for the heck of it is foreign to me. I was born and raised "back home" and even there, NONE of my family members live with their in-laws or parents. In my family, the ONLY time a parent/parents move in with their grown children is when they're physically unable to take care of themselves. Even my own parents....my dad lived across the street from his parents. I grew up across the street from paternal grandparents, my dad saw them almost daily (or at least every other day)....I used to see them several times each week. But my mother still had a totally separate home. My grandparents home was certainly large enough to fit us all....but we still had a totally separate home across the street.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
not all parents are financially stable enough that they can support themselves, and as they get older and less independent, they need someone close by, and retirement communities are not not always an option due to cost.
There are ways to do things where either people live close enough that they have their own space but can be there right away if they are needed, in some cases as I have seen its a whole separate unit which may be attached to the house through a common garage or hallway but othewise has its own kitchen, living room etc.
different situations, different needs, different solutions.
I wouldn't mind having them live with us, but I think it would be better for them if they didn't in most cases. Close by would be lovely, so we could see them and our grandchildren, inshAllah, regularly.
It's interesting. One of my cousins insisted on living with her inlaws when her MIL did not want it! But it ended up working out nicely for them and they moved out several years later.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
not all parents are financially stable enough that they can support themselves, and as they get older and less independent, they need someone close by, and retirement communities are not not always an option due to cost.
There are ways to do things where either people live close enough that they have their own space but can be there right away if they are needed, in some cases as I have seen its a whole separate unit which may be attached to the house through a common garage or hallway but othewise has its own kitchen, living room etc.
different situations, different needs, different solutions.
living with your son and daughter in law is never a solution in my opinion. it makes things worse most of the time. i don't understand why should a woman have to put up with her husbands parents? they are not her parents and it's not her duty to take care of them but if they live in the same house, obviously she will have to take care of them too
if they are in financial problem, why cant all the kids pitch in some money for their rent and utilities? If my husbands parents need financial help from him, i know he will give them watever he can and I will have no issues with that but i can never tolerate them living in my house.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
First, I will make sure each kid gets proper education, makes living. During upbringing I will try for them to read poetry and literature (very important) so they understand woman nature. Then I will like each kid to live separately. During my later years, I will stay few days with each of them.
Re: How many would want your son to live seperately?
Life1 - successfully putting people off the idea of marriage since god knows when. :k:
Some of you ladies really deserve to be chained to the stove for your pathetic thinking. Quite obviously you were raised in a really disturbed and messed up household, but yeah its not decent to comment on it so I won’t.
