This had been true all my life till my BFF met and fell for a douche bag of epic proportions, who after arranged rishta meeting and carrying a relationship for two years cited the above reasons for not marrying her. A guy who's parents had said Hamari koi requirement nahi hae, bus yay Jisko pasand karay hum uski shadi within a month kar daingay. He strung my friend along for two years, 1.5 of which he was deciding, then after actually ordering a ring and setting up an elaborate proposal plan, with a cruise and dinner etc., went back to the deciding phase because his ring didn't arrive in time for all this to happen as planned and he saw that as a sign (go figure). Anyway another few months of stringing along, saying he doesn't know how to brig it up with his parents (the ones who have met him up with umpteen number of girls so that he would finally marry someone, and who have already told him just tell us the girl and we'll have the wedding). Ofcourse I kept telling my friend to just end it all along cuz I could see all the signs and she couldn't.
Sad but cruel guys like this do exist....Allah bless your BFF with a very happy life, inshallah and she's lucky to have a good friend like you watching out for her.
But basically what I'm saying is that our parents generation got married without even seeing each other, and** if they could manage to live fulfilling lives **then maybe we're over thinking this one with the sparks and the physical attraction n all.
What makes you so sure that all those couples actually lead a fulfilling life? Whether they wanted to or not, did they have any other choice but to spent the rest of their lives w/ the person chosen for them?
Plenty important. If I think of him as "bhai" type (i.e. feel zero attraction for him), how can it possibly go beyond that? No point in wasting anyone's time.
One minute silence for our friend zoned brother
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Its his choice to remain there. Why feel sorry for him?
He can have some self respect and start being at arms length.
I think human psychology is complex enough that a friendzoned guy or Bhai type guy could also end up bein really attractive to u **depending on how things conspire **or how ur relationship develops.
Are these euphemisms for saying "the hot guys that I really like to beep weren't available or suitable for long term so I have no choice but to consider guys I wouldnt have taken a crap upon in a free state of mind" ?
Must be very flattering and re-assuring for friend-zoned guys.
Attraction is overrated....physical attraction that is. Some guys I have been attracted to but as soon as they opened their mouth or did something stupid, all that attraction disappeared. I am personally attracted to guys who are confident, know what they are talking about and how to carry themselves.
This physical attraction stuff on first sight is all nonsense.
It all depends on your brain. You develop understanding, compatibility, attachment/feelings with time (living with a person) and physical attraction goes hand-in-hand with that.
I'm just wondering if a man is pressured into marrying a girl would he never be intimate with her? Since attraction is for the most part physical for most people not including me, can men just live a platonic relationship with a girl just because of such a reason? I feel like the answer is no, he would eventually get busy i mean if he isn't gay.
Brain and Looks. I think attraction is important though one needs an intelligent partner along with looks. :)
Even though it is myth (untrue), story goes that … Marilyn Monroe once said to Einstein that she would like to have a child from him, with her looks and his brain. Einstein told her that he fears what would happen if the child would have her brain and his looks.
On the other hand, when Princess Diana's brother Charles Spenser divorced his wife (in South Africa), someone reminded him that his father (Mr Spencer) told him to stick with Victoria (wife Charles divorced) in her think and thin (good and bad). Charles said jokingly that she was surely thin and thick (unattractively slim and stupid).
how important is sexual intercourse to you? if you want babies out of marriage, this is a crucial step. is it possible to have successful intercouse with someone you feel no attraction to? if yes, you are all set. if not, find someone who you feel the urge to make babies with.
You can be gay and still get married to the opposite sex for the sake of getting a baby since i'm guessing many desi men don't go around announcing they are gay. Most probably hide it even if they aren't attracted to the one they married. They would get married to a straight woman so parents will be happy
What makes you so sure that all those couples actually lead a fulfilling life? Whether they wanted to or not, did they have any other choice but to spent the rest of their lives w/ the person chosen for them?
I think all of us can atleast tell if our parents are happy or not. It comes out some way or the other no matter how much they might try to hide it or shield us from it.
And yes I understand what one of the the other posters meant by that was another time anothe rgeneration. I meant that if everything else checks out but the guy is not exactly hot, u could still find him attractive once u r in the husband wife mode or even during the engagement period.
I speak from experience. Because in my head I had always liked atheletic build guys, not those bulky muscles but lean swimmer type bodies. And my husband was in the Bhai category AND he did not have an atheletic body. But he was the person (from like 30-40 Pakistani ppl at my university) who everyone had something good to say about. Even the ppl who my hubby later told me that he himself didn't like, they had on different occasions always said something nice about my hubby. And when the rishta came and I told my mom about it, she discussed it with my dad. From that time till the rishta was done my dad and I had no direct conversation about it at all. I think he felt awkward and I felt shy, so all rishta talk was thru my mom (I was in the US at that time and my parents were in the middle east). But once the parents met and it was done, my dad called me to congratulate me and he told me how happy he was and how much he liked my hubby from the first time he'd met him. That he was the best guy from all the ppl he'd met when he visited. Anyway my point is that even now if I have to describe someone as good looking and attractive my criteria is still the same. And though my husband may not fulfill all that criteria he is certainly the one I am most attracted to. I guess it IS a blessing that Allah puts love in our hearts for our spouses, no matter what we may have hoped for or wanted for in our lives He certainly knows what is actually best for us.
No where I am denying Allah's supreme power (nauzbillah). All I am saying is that Allah has given us the ability of making informed decisions and we should use it to best of our knowledge.
I know a few people who were not attracted to their spouse's before they got married. However, having all the information, they choose to get married and eventually ended in a divorce as there was no physical, mental/intellectual, or any other attraction to help the couples continue living together.
*This physical attraction stuff on first sight is all nonsense.
*
It all depends on your brain. You develop understanding, compatibility, attachment/feelings with time (living with a person) and physical attraction goes hand-in-hand with that.
You can usually tell within a few 'viewings' whether you're physically attracted to someone or not.
Its not a big deal. Really. For instance, I feel physically attracted to atleast half the girls on an average university campus.
Unless you're extremely shallow and men who meet your criteria of physical attractiveness are a rare breed, physical attraction at 'first sight' is not a big deal. It should be a pre-requisite for relationships.
^Men feel attracted to almost every girl who's smartly dressed and has decent looks, I don't believe that's the case with women.... I was sharing a woman's perspective :)
^He should feel a bit more attracted to his wife than 'almost every girl' out there imo
To those who say physical attraction isn't important would you be ok with your husband (or wife) saying they don't find you physically attractive then?