I’m 21 (m) and halfway through med school, pretty mature outlook on life and I’m from a traditional-ish family. There’s always been an unspoken, mutually understood agreement that when the time comes, I’ll be introduced to girls with a view to marriage and I’m fine with that. I’m relatively liberal with religion and culture in one sense, but I’m really strictly against drinking, smoking, etc and even “dating” (in the sense of having casual relationships
But I feel ready to meet someone now, and though I’ve been dropping hints for a while, my mum doesn’t really take it seriously. I have an older brother so maybe she’s thinking it’s his turn first (he’s not interested at the moment though)?
In my view, its not like I want to get married right now, I just want to meet someone and become friends etc etc etc so I know I’m not jumping into anything, and its not rushed and maybe get married once I graduate (in a couple of years).
I suppose this is different from other similar threads because I’m a guy in a situation many girls find themselves in!
So I guess my question is, how do I let my parents know that I’m ready without being really overt?
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
Yes mainly it's girls in this kind of situation - being a guy i don't understand why your finding it difficult telling your parents you are ready to meet someone.
Well the only thing you can do is speak to your parents or get one of your bros to do so for you.
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
well I believe you should wait atleast to settle down a bit... finish med school first. your definition of maturity will change a couple of yrs down the line ... when u get done with the degree and start working.. at 21 and in a med school , u should b thinking about studies only.. like it or not, its practically too early for u at the moment.
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
I guess it's because I'm worried about the response I'll get, like you're too young or its too soon (like you guys just said above!). I don't want to get married tomorrow. But at the same time I know this stuff takes time and you need to tread cautiously. I don't want to be 24 when I start looking for someone... you know what I mean?
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
simple.
Amma woh samnay walee larkey ha na main ussay pasand karta hoon. maree shadi kara dain uss say please.
English translation.
Mom how would you like to play with grand kids now ? Some cute little innocent angel like grand kids. I want to see you grandma now. If she is ready to be grandma then she will gladly help you out in getting married. If she does not like the idea it is your bad luck. :p.
By the way is your education complete ? Are you ready to take care of a family ?
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
^ aaaargh that's **not **what I want at all (yet anyway)
No bachay, no "family", just wanna meet a girl, take it slow, get to know her so that when I am ready (and she is too) to get married, I won't be marrying a stranger, it'll be someone I know and get on with.
For any of you who are married, how long did you know your partner before you got married?
^ aaaargh that's **not **what I want at all (yet anyway)
No bachay, no "family", just wanna meet a girl, take it slow, get to know her so that when I am ready (and she is too) to get married, I won't be marrying a stranger, it'll be someone I know and get on with.
For any of you who are married, how long did you know your partner before you got married?
You do not tell parents that you are ready for dating. That is extra curricular activity so you do not share it with them. You can share it once you are ready to commit to her.
In my case I knew the family of my wife for 20 years. We did not date. I liked her. Proposed to her family they agreed, chat mangi , stayed mangnified for one year then got married and we are living happily ever after. We have three kids. I have told my sons I do not mind if they have girls as friends since they go to school and have girls in class. But I would not like them to have a girl friend till their education is complete. Typical desi mentality. I cannot help it I am desi.
Koi shak koi sawal ?
I guess it's because I'm worried about the response I'll get, like you're too young or its too soon (like you guys just said above!). I don't want to get married tomorrow. But at the same time I know this stuff takes time and you need to tread cautiously. I don't want to be 24 when I start looking for someone... you know what I mean?
I know what yoyu mean your not saying you want to get married anytime soon you just want to meet someone get to know someone and eventually when your both ready get married
Are you sure you are not mistakenly taking your desire to explore this new tertiary (relationship with opposite sex) as your readiness? Feeling ready is one thing, and being ready is entirely different field. Have you thought it through? I mean where you see yourself in 5 years from now? being married and practicing as general physician or persuing your career beyond that and going one step ahead on social ladder as you are now? Believe me, if you have plans to be more than a GP then you are not ready for MARRIAGE yet.
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
I think I get what it is you're saying...you want a traditional-ish type of marriage but at the same time, you want to know the person you marry at least to some extent. Thats smart of you.
I dont see how you can accomplish this without being overt with your parents at least to some extent. Tell them whats on your mind - that you are not ready to marry but you do want to know the person you marry before you enter into the bond of marriage and that this will take some time. Assure them that you are not looking to date per se, but you also do not want to marry a person that you havent had a chance to know very well.
I knew my husband for almost 10 years before we married lol! But my case is not a typical one. But then again, we both knew that our marriage would work - and work very well - because we knew each other so well, we knew we both had the same hopes, dreams, desires and outlook on what we wanted...thats important IMHO and apparently it is to you too.
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
first of all bro, ignore the people who say your too young..blah blah.. guys our age are getting married :D alhamdulillah am engaged atm and well you will have to leave clues to your parents hat you're ready.. like being a responsible individual.
as for planning your future, my take is, Allah gives you this 1 life, you are tested in whichever stage you're at ( be it med school or having two kids or having both kids and med school same time) - yes there is certain amount of planning involved but we can do only so much, leave it to Allah and live the simple life, trust me you will be so happy living simple, you will start to feel sorry for those having extravagant lives.
the whole point is, tell ur parents to start looking for you, and everything else will fall into place. but may i suggest, not taking that route of "getting to know", yes you have to know your future partner but stay away from the dating stuff, dosn't lead to anything but high expectations...=failure.
yeah, I’ve got a feeling that might not go down too well in my family. and I guess that’t part of the reason I want my parent’s involvement from the start
thank you! at least someone understands me!
can I ask why you think that unless I’m going to be a GP (which I highly doubt!) I’m not ready? I think I see what you’re saying but not quite fully. Why can’t I be in a hospital job and be married/in a relationship?
Again, don’t equate me wanting to have a relationship with having kids and a family, because I’m not ready for that but I know it’ll come in time. Also, I know people for whom the career thing has just made things worse, because they’re so caught up in ‘getting ahead’ that they’re now 30+ and still single.
To answer your question, in 5 years I’ll have just finished foundation training and I’ll be an SpR, maybe in cardiology…?
I suppose I just need to talk to them but the first few replies to this discussion really put me off!
Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?
not to worry, zab...there is such a variety of peoples here on GS that you will get advice from all colors of the rainbow. Sometimes it may not be what you want to hear but then, it could give you much insight as to how others might interpret your actions. So no matter what the response - positive or negative - its all useful yeah? Thats the beauty of GS!!
I guess it's because I'm worried about the response I'll get, like you're too young or its too soon (like you guys just said above!). I don't want to get married tomorrow. But at the same time I know this stuff takes time and you need to tread cautiously. I don't want to be 24 when I start looking for someone... you know what I mean?
ahh I totally understand what you mean, because am in the same boat. The only difference is that am 21 and a girl. But still my dad is like you have to do your grad study and get in the real world first.
But I totally agree with you, getting to know someone takes time. I mean it does not mean we are like the casual dating type, but you want to know someone with a good intention, there is nothing wrong with that.
sigh, this stuff is hard to explain it to parents.
