How do you let your parents know you're ready?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

Just have a GF, take her home. Big deal. Dude its time to be a man.
Do stupid things. You have earned it you are a man now. well almost.

22

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

zab101: lol - ookay lemme give it a try -

here's what you can do to drop a hint - believe me your mom will be the first to talk to you about a possible rishta soon after!!!

okay tell your mom some of your friends will be visiting you at home for dinner( or whatever)... gather up girls that you already know and are just friends with... the more girls the better, but make sure you also have couple of your best buddies too.

When your friends stop by your mom will definitely be interested in knowing who those girls were.. you can casually just drop a hint and point to a female friend whom your mom would be least interested in - and let her know - she is the one interested in you!

Your mom will jump out and start scanning for girls of her choice immediately. (see you won't even have to let her know you are interested - but you will be introduced to the best possibilities soon after).

hehee

23

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

call me zabair, zab sounds a bit funny. guess I should have chosen my username a bit more carefully!

lol @ mamaof3, I'm in the UK so a little too far from sid09 (but how good an idea is gupshup matrimonials?!)

yup this stuff is so hard to explain to parents, leading back to my original question! I think my mum is probably thinking "I'm too young to be a daadi", so maybe I need to make my intentions clear. There's been a couple of people who've approached her with a rishta but she's always politely declined (without even asking me!)

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i think his head will be off before he has time to say anything about those girls

25

lol its not like that, a lot of my good friends are girls and may parents know it (partly because a lot of my friends are my mum and dad's friends kids). My parents are pretty cool but I suppose they still see me as a kid.

To all the people suggesting the "get a girlfriend, take her home" route, quite honestly I'd have more of a problem with that than my parents. It's just not how I've been brought up.

Timepass - October 2012
26

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

Zabair i just wanted to ask you this...so if u go ahead n start talking to a girl who is probly. younger thn u (18-21) ...2 years the down the line she will want to get married and so will her parents, do u think u will be ready in 2 years?
most likely not,
a friend of mine went thgt this...the girl wanted to get married and he didn't (wasn't finically ready at the time) the girl was already 24 and her parents wanted her married...
they ended up fighting all the time and thn eventually broke up (the parents knew abt them being together n everything but couldn't do anything as the guy wasn't ready)

now think abt it...do u really think you will be emotionally and finically ready in 2 years to start a family?

Tere salook
27

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

You sound like a mature and lovely person Zabair...and I really think that your parents would be very understanding if you explained what it is you'd like to do...and I really dont see a way around it...you have to let them know what you;d like to do and that you want some time to know a rishta before you take the "leap" yeah? It sounds like they know you well, an indication of an excellent relationship! They know you arent ready to marry, now you just have to let them know the other details...about wanting to really know a prospective bride. I;m quite sure that they know and trust your intentions and that you arent looking for dates and casual relationships...so you just have to take a deep breath and speak your mind with them yeah?

28

Rabia, I've seen so very many gals, even here on GS, who want to wait, graduate from uni and have some experience in the working world before they settle down to marry....so many gals prefer these days to marry in mid to late 20s. Even early 30s is not all that unusual anymore....

29

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

yes no many do and but so many dont. here in the US i have seen many girls getting married at very early ages cuz parents dont want to wait too long.

30

I think its also because your the youngest in the family? So its going to take a while for your parents to understand that you really are ready.

Zest Fashion Avenue
31

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

My opinion on the matter:

Usually when you start meeting people, its because you are ready for marriage...not to just meet someone. Meaning, once this looking-around process starts (especially through parents) you never know where it will go. Its silently understood that both parties are ready for a commitment IF this ends up working out. The girls' side may want an engagement or nikah right away if everything else gels. At that point, if your parents say "our son was just looking to meet someone and get to know them for now", then you have a problem. Also, whats the difference between this and dating? Are you saying you wont be meeting the girl on your own and getting to know her? Will it be strictly phone conversations, text messages and emails?

32

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

^I totally agree with that, and if yes if everything gels then why not get married? I think somethings that I've said, people have taken literally, word for word. Let me put it this way: I'm ready to meet someone and take it from there, whether that means getting married in 2 years or 5, by mutual agreement. The challenge will be to find a like-minded person. Like someone said earlier, no point in getting involved if the other side wants a full blown shaadi next month.

And I suppose the different between this and dating is that from the onset its with a view to a long term commitment, with parents involved. My (21st century) definition of a halal relationship would include meeting up alone so long as both sets of parents are happy and trust their kids.

KYA BAAT HY JIS KA GHAM BOHAT HY
KYA BAAT HY JIS KA GHAM BOHAT HY
33

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

dude your only 21. stop stressing.

34

First off, wow! 21 and half way med school. good for you!. and I understand what you are saying....But, you will have to sit down with your parents and tell them...and Inshallah, it will work out just fine. Hubby and I got engaged when he was doing in his last year of med school. and got married this May approx 2 years later and he's doing his residency.

35

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

I think you need to simply let them know you might be ready for marriage and then let them do the searching. Lots of couples get married young and thats alright if you can handle it.

36

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

how do you let em know youre not ready? :P

37

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

^ start acting like a child

38

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

Zab101...yar just get a Dog orr qissa mookaao!!

39

Re: How do you let your parents know you’re ready?

zab, the other thing u need to consider is. Lets say you do get the go-ahead from ur parents into looking at a girl.. and u have their involvement from day one… ur parents like the girl and vice versa… sometime later, heaven forbid, you two decide thats its not working for some reason or another… it’ll be hard for u two both, but now u will have involved ur parents, and even her parents maybe, how will that work?

Its like being engaged for a few years before getting married… things can get tiny bit messy. But thats cus i dont agree with long engagements, you maybe different… it may work really well for you..

lekin, yeah.. its really nice to know that ur not into the dating stuff.. and would like to meet someone with ur parents blessings… lekin, think about the other stuff too :slight_smile:

good luck with everything though :k:

p.s i knew my hubby for about 2 months before we decided we were the ones for each other.

40

Re: How do you let your parents know you're ready?

^ My family does not agree with long engagements either. My parents are considering a nikah before the wedding in June now because Islamically there is no such thing as an engagement.