I dont want to lead anymore, im sick of offering stuff, being all nicey to his sis and bros, they are lovely, but its not that anymore. i just dont want to bother trying now, before i would ring them myself once a week, now i dnt feel like it, because i see that he dosnt try as hard with my family, so why should i. i cant be asked maybe because im hormonal so im mmore sensitive than i would usually be, but even if i wasnt preg, i would still be very angry at this huge imbalance. and before wedding, when he was trying to woo me…so to speak, i wasnt interested in him, he would buy me stuff, he would come home ( as he was living at uni but he wouls be around alot) with stuff for me, from where he worked, he would buy me anything he thought i would like, now its bit different, now i have to say or he will buy only for bdays/annioversaries not like he used to before marriage. he still gives me money but i always get the feelings he thinks its his money, not ours, cos if its was our money he wouldnt call me fazool karch all the time…im beginning to think spending money on my family is fazool to him, but money on his own family isnt…
his is in pak, and no they are well-off, hes just a kanjoos ****, who im sure now, only spends on his own sister and mum, even his dad and brother he doesnt really spend much but with his sister and mum he could easily spend hundred each.
His relationship with his siblings and parents is age old...way older than his relationship with your siblings and parents. Of course he will be ready offer them anything!
What you're looking for from him Nadz takes time to build. You want him to love and be there for your siblings...you just got married! Those natural feelings of care take time to build.
Right now, think about doing something nice for yourself and do it. Bass. Qissa khatam.
The thing is people like my mamoons think of others' before themselves and their own. They would not wait for their wives to initiate. But most people I know are not like that.
I dont want to lead anymore, im sick of offering stuff, being all nicey to his sis and bros, they are lovely, but its not that anymore. i just dont want to bother trying now, before i would ring them myself once a week, now i dnt feel like it, because i see that he dosnt try as hard with my family, so why should i.
Then I don't know what to tell you Nadz. There's a reason it's called the high road...not only does it help you rise above the pettiness, the "high" bit implies that it's a steep, uphill climb which is not easy.
I get sick of stuff too. We all do. We all have relatives/acquaintances with whom we have to grit our teeth and be polite in the face of their glaring insensitivity. Why? Because Allah SWT tells us to and because if we didn't, it would just turn into a vicious circle of people constantly being awful to each other. You can stop offering stuff, you can stop calling...but then all that would do is add one more person who is not behaving so well (you) into the mix. And what will that solve? It will only lead to more tension and more arguments.
In a few months, you're going to be a mother. What will you teach your child? That if someone treats you badly, then you do the same to them? I KNOW that's not the lesson you want to teach your child Nadz...but you will if that's the example you put forth.
It's not easy, but truly the best solution is to show dignity and kindness in the face of thoughtlessness and insensitivity. Because doing so may at least make the other person think and change his/her behavior AND most important, it gives you a clean conscience...very important when it's time to take stock and face everything you've ever done in your life.
Good luck honey. It's Ramadan and I'll pray for you. And make sure to make your own duas.
Oh I thought that he started talking to his family more and more and more during his breaks at work, that he doesnt call her or text her the way he used to....that's why one needs to find balance.
WTH! now the man has to call in and text his wife during his breaks so she doesnt feel ignored!!?? let him breathe for heavens sake, from your postings here its quite obvious that you are stifling the poor man. give him space, back off and rest will fall into place. and stop complaining about him talking to his parents, have you seen the halaat in pakistan? maybe he is worried about them and calling them more than before, stop whinning, total turnoff for him probably.
IMHO I think your major issue is the stingy business, you should talk to him about it, i think thats the best was forward, otherwise ull keep building up on it (with minor things such as the poor guys calls back home :)) so do talk to him before you explode.
You are an example of why people should not marry until they grow up. offence intended!
ALSO i have noticed he calls his family all the time now, atleast twice a week minimum, from work, he has these free minutes, however when they run out, he doesnt wait until his free mins start again few days later, he will just get a calling card, dont know what hes so desperate to talk about, as well as the fact that i feel like he now doesnt call me much because hes calling them. dont know what to think.
he is right...his siblings has right over his earnings and not your siblings since its not your earning. if you start earning then you can give it any one you want to.
I've never asked my husband to give anyhting to my siblings....I always buy things by myself...and yeah I don't even show my husband what I'm giving to my family....coz it's my money....I never ask him what he does with his money...every month he gives me the half of his salary to me...further I have my own salary.....so why should I bother him for giving gifts here and there......we both have the freedom to spend our money...If I have to pay a huge bill than he helps me out...
