Ok, as I had mentioned in few of my previous threads that,my parents want me to get married to my cousin, the main reason being, he is one among our relatives, as in their language, he is apna My reasons for declining him are, he lacks proper education. Second, his habits are too irritating, like, he has so much of chichoparan in him.
So, on advises and suggestions of few of my friends, I contacted him directly,and wrote him that I do not want to marry him, since my parents weren’t willing to listen to me.Initially, he kept on ignoring my messages,and tried acting as if he had never received them.When I kept on sending him messages,he finally replied back, saying, he wants to marry me,but if i don’t want to marry him,then that’s my problem,not his,and that,i should talk to my parents and ask them to decline,but he will not do that I wrote him back that how could he even think of marrying me since he already knows I am not happy with this marriage,and then he again gave the same reply that,that’s my problem,not his.Then I told him that,i would marry him on this condition that,he should get a good decent job in an Organization,and that also at the earliest, and his reply was,his father isn’t a CEO that he should get a job in an office though i couldn’t understand the connection between the two . So, according to him,my condition is unacceptable to him.
Now, what should I do? My only hope to get rid of him was to talk to him directly,and I thought he would have enough self-respect to decline to marry me, but no
If I were in your condition (God forbid), I wouldn't go for it no matter what if it was that difficult for me to accept. I wouldnt be able to do justice to the relation.
Keep declining, sooner or later they will get the message, and as soon as they are not forcing you, beating you etc just keep declining ...
One of my friends parents tried to pressure her into marrying her cousin, she declines for over 1 year, finally they got the message, and stopped harassing her ...
I hope it works out for you, just don't give in ... you have to be strong ... this may only last a few month or a year or 2 ... but if you give in and marry him, you'll be stuck for life ...
Sorry about the situation you're in pinky.
Stay firm on your decision. Now that you've told the guy that you're not interested, if you go ahead and marry him, it will only lead to more tensions between the two of you.
I don't think expecting your husband to have a job is an unreasonable expectation. If this guy is giving you lame excuses on why he cannot work, that's a huge red flag right there. Maybe you can tell your parents that you've told him you're not interested? Why are they comfortable with the fact that this guy has no job? (Does he have a large side-income, family business?)
Firstly, I agree with him. In a situation like this, where so far parents are making all the decisions and you two are not “dating”, and this guy has no emotional connection to you…why should he care about your “feelings” right now and initiate a conversation that may cause a fight in his family? YOU are the one who doesn’t want to marry him. If YOU are not “adult” enough to stand up for yourself…why should he?
Secondly, given the amount of divorces I’ve handled in the past few years…here is a piece of advice I’m giving you from the bottom of my heart…from one woman to another. Do NOT put “conditions” on a marriage and expect that man to abide by them. Especially conditions related to education/career. If a man doesn’t have it “in him” to get a job and support himself right now…I promise you that the “ambition” isn’t going to grow in him just b/c a signs a nikah paper. And besides, any guy who gets a condition like that (especially in a situation like yours) knows that its a empty “threat”. What’re you going to do if he doesn’t get education/job after the shaadi? Divorce him? Again…you’re not willing to say “no” to the marriage in the 1st place…so you initiating divorce AFTER marriage isn’t going to happen either.
Botton line: I’m assuming that you’re not in physical danger (ie. your parents going to physically harm you or literally kill you if you decline). I’m shocked that you actually thought that he’d agree to call it off just b/c you asked him to! Life isn’t that easy.
This guy has enough self-respect to stand up for what he wants. He has enough self-respect to say “no” to a condition that he doesn’t agree with. Would you rather he lie to you right now and then go back on his word after marriage?
Now its YOUR turn. This is YOUR life. You really need to stand up for yourself. You need to have enough self-respect to be able to say to your parents that you will NOT accept a husband who you feel is not compatible to you. Everyone wants this marriage except you. So going by that…this really is YOUR problem. A problem that you need to handle as an adult.
Since you have already taken panga with him , no matter what happens do not marry him. He will treat you like dirt , he is already doing so. Any self respecting person will decline to marry you after receiving those emails you sent him.
Raise hell with your parents , involve some people who are respected by your parents. Talk to imam of your masjid to talk to your parents about importance of taking the consent of girl as per Islam.
Fake temporary insanity. Fake jinn possession it is very easy , many boys and girls do that in Pakistan under similar circumstances.
( I am thinking to write a book in Urdu and English for desi kids to teach them what methods they can use to get out of a forced marriage. )
find that ninja costume and wear that=]
listen to me carefully. You are not marrying him. and then i like his tone of replying to u.Use that on ur parents. tell them its their problem that u dont want to marry him.
**now, the way boy is NOT accepting a ‘NO’ directly from the girl and asks parents to decline instead…i see this scenario in future:
Qaazii to the Bridegrrom: do you accept Pinkyyy as your lawfully wedded wife? Bridegroom to the Qaazii: it’s NOT my problem…ask my father and her mother!****
Sorry about the situation you're in pinky.
Stay firm on your decision. Now that you've told the guy that you're not interested, if you go ahead and marry him, it will only lead to more tensions between the two of you.
I don't think expecting your husband to have a job is an unreasonable expectation. If this guy is giving you lame excuses on why he cannot work, that's a huge red flag right there. Maybe you can tell your parents that you've told him you're not interested? *Why are they comfortable with the fact that this guy has no job? (Does he have a large side-income, family business?)
*
Sometimes family ties trump everything :(
Pinkyy, stay firm.. Most parents tend to back down if you're stubborn enough but it could take months or even a year or longer.. The main thing is they want to save face infront of family and the wider community so will usually go down the route that will cause the least embarrassment to themselves.. If you say you won't accept it at any cost chances are they won't risk you making a scene at the nikkah or a v.quick divorce if that's what they really believe you might do..
He will treat you like dirt , he is already doing so.
Yep. Whatever this guy thought before is gone now......by having that conversation with him.....she pretty much indirectly told him that she's weak and not willing to stand up for herself. So now this guy knows that no matter what he does after marriage....she isn't going to do anything to "go against the family" and just put up with him. He now knows that he'll have total control.
He's dheet alright, but it's a wonder you're cajoling him to get a job and become worthy of you.
If your very consent to this marriage is irrelevant to him, one can only imagine what he'll do to you behind closed doors once you've signed the nikah.
When will desi parents understand that inbreeding does not guarantee marital bliss.
I don't understand in this day and age how parents can still force their daughter to marry someone. What, are they gonna drag you by your hair to the nikkah and torture you until you sign the nikkah nama? Unbelievable.
And he's right, it's not his problem it's yours. What do you think, that if he backs down than you're good to go? So lets say that is what happens. He says I don't want to marry Pinky, and you parents understand or whatever. So a little while later, you have another rishta (found by your parents) who ALSO doesn't meet your requirements.
What are you gonna do than? Message him like you have been doing with this guy, until he back down?
you should seriously speak with your parents and let them know apna wapna is nothing in married life. you are the one on ground who spend whole life.
you ask them that you are not against their chosen partner but they really need to find someone compatible partner for you. such statement will allow them to reconsider their own position and they may start looking for another guy for you.
My reasons for declining him are, he lacks proper education. Second, his habits are too irritating, like, he has so much of chichoparan in him.
I wrote him back that how could he even think of marrying me since he already knows I am not happy with this marriage,and then he again gave the same reply that,that’s my problem,not his.Then I told him that,i would marry him on this condition that,he should get a good decent job in an Organization,and that also at the earliest, and his reply was,his father isn’t a CEO that he should get a job in an office 
My only hope to get rid of him was to talk to him directly,and I thought he would have enough self-respect to decline to marry me, but no 
hahahaha