How can someone be so dheet?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

That is so cruel and pathetic .:smack:
Do they have a loveless marriage themselves ?
Do they not love you ? They love that guy more than you ?
Ask these questions to your parents. Appeal to their sense of justice and read post # 6 too.

22

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

why dont you go ahead and find a guy yourself and marry him.

can you bring some family friend to speak on your behalf?

23

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Pinky omg that last note u put up that is exactly wat my dad told me. I was lyk Aaaaarrrggggghhhhhhh how can u even suggest that to me. I dunno its been 2 years since dad said that and i still cant get over it. Plays over n over in my head why he wud say that to me. im so gr8ful for some maulvi guy that dad listened to and allowed me to take divorce.

You need to speak to sumone that ur parents luk up to and respect and get that person to explain to them. Thats how my parents came around to my way of thinking otherwise if it wasnt for this guy telling my parents to do the right thing by me or they will loose me for good, id still be in a god awful position today.

Wish u the best of luck in ur situation and pray that ur parents understand before its too late.

24

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

:nono: That is called eloping and is not good option at this time. All the options have not been tried to convince parents to not go for this marriage.

25

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

yaar u dont need to behas with them just keep saying one word

no no and no aint nobody gonna drag u and force u to sign the nikkah papers...finally they will get the hint u just need to be persistent...u dont need to fight or discuss ...just dont give in once they realize ur also dheet they will back down

26

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Sure they wont drag her there. But they can say yes on her behalf and then increase the pressure on her. If shes even slightly interested in her family, what will happen is theyll tell everyone they know that shes engaged to be married to him. The entire social circle will pressurise. And voila. Shell cave. Happened to a close friend of mine. The Noose was so tight around her that she couldnt say no anymore.

27

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

damn... i was such a such and such that whenever i heard stories like that i would say to my parents if you guys ever try to force me ill go quietly dress up as a dulhan and then say no to the maulvi during the nikkah when he asks me k mujhe qabul hai.... pata nahi i guess all girls are not like that but i told my parents long time ago that if they ever even try to do that to me i wont give a damn about their izzat as they are not giving a damn about me....and will say no during the nikkah.,..

kher i also know my parents are not the kind and even if they were thats what i would do... but i realize not everyone would do that so i dunno how to advise in this case except that she somehow needs to stand up to them then...and make them back off

28

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Yeah, I warned you that he might pretend that he didn't get your email if you were to contact him and that he may be more adamant about the ristha if it means that he will get to move out of Pak and settle abroad.

***BUT....you're part of the problem here, Pinkyy. You find him so unbearably annoying.....and yet you STILL told him that you'll consider marrying him if he fulfills a condition. Sorry to sound harsh, but that's stupidity on your part. His qualities that you find so irritating are STILL gonna be there even if he managed to get a job that you approve of. People don't change so easily. And in his case....it will be even harder to change....since he has no desire to compromise...nor does he know how to respect you. He doesn't even know how to communicate maturely. So, what miracle are you hoping for from him even if he were to get a good job. Doesn't seem like he's thinking about you....he seems to be only thinking about what he can get out of this marriage, which is my guess.

Why don't you try contacting your cousin's parents and telling them how you feel? Don't wait for your parents to do it as they won't. You'll just have to go behind their backs and do it yourself and tell em you're being pressured here and don't want to marry him. If there's someone elder in the family who can reason on your behalf....then get into contact with them as well.

I know of a couple of Guppans who were in the same exact situation as you and they got themselves out of it by NEVER giving into their parents. Sorry, but that's basically the gist of the advice you're gonna get here. If you get so tired of the "dheetness" that you surrender to their wishes........then you've yourself to blame. You fight THEIR dheetness with YOUR OWN dheetness. Eventually somebody will get so tired of things and back down..........but it has to be THEM that back down....not you. Worse comes to worst....you may have to move out of your home and find a place of your own.....to send a more clearer message to your parents.

29

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

That's what I was gonna say.

For one last time present your argument with logical points to your parents. Highly recommend you write this before speaking to them. This will keep you from creating bahas with them, rather get to the point.

Keep in mind they will not agree with you, just so they can overpower your points.

After you've talked to them one last time, the answer from then on should be NO. Without hesitation, a straight up NO.

30

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Pinkyy....you wonder how someone can be so dheet. You have no control over another person's actions. So instead of wasting time wondering why someone else is so stubborn.....why don't you become more dheet yourself.

I just can't believe that you'd even tell this guy that you'd marry him if he found a job in an organization....when you're so repulsed by him. That just blows my mind away. Yeah, your nick is Pinkyy.....but don't act like a Pinkyy. It's a name that's often given to lil bachis in the movies/dramas....but don't play that role. Be a woman....be stronger....become dheet yourself. And allowing someone whom you can't stand...a "chance"...is foolish. It's bad enough that your own parents and cousin are hell-bent upon destroying your life. It's EVEN WORSE that you're helping them in destroying your life by coming up with retarded conditions/opportunities.

31

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

i was in the same exact position!!!! my parents set me up and at first i agreed...but the guy wasnt right for me at all. i didnt like his habits and the way he talked to me. I told him i want out and he told me its my problem. I fought with this guy, asked him nicely, begged him a thousand times...and he kept telling me its my problem and that i should either convince my parents or find someone else to marry. It took a lot of courage and fighting with my parents to convince them to end it and it took about a year to do so. it damaged my relationship with my mom (but it'll heal over time...in the end our parents just want what's best and safe for us) . I know exactly what you mean...how can he be so dheet...i had specifically told this guy before he sent his parents over that i dont wana marry him...and he thought i was playing some sort of a game (seriously!!) anyway...i guess you keep fighting if you really cant put up with him. :-/

32

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Pinkyyy... Don't marry him even if he is the last person on this earth. He now knows that you don't like him so he will make your life hell after marriage. You might need to tell your parents that you have informed your cousin about your disliking for him and that they should not proceed with this proposal now since your cousin will make your life hell after shaadi. Your parents will not like this but they will be fine after sometime.

33

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

If it is your problem now , it will always be your problem.. Just say no sweets and be respectful to everyone whilst saying no

Good luck

34

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

^Ashy's made a great point. He's already showing you his ego (by saying that it's "your problem") after you turned him down and EVEN after you gave him a condition/compromise..................so it's likely to get worse after the wedding.

About telling the parents? Hmmm....if she tells them, they may cover up for her mistake by telling the cousin that their daugther was shy/kidding around/etc.......and they may become MORE strict with her......as in not allowing her to make necessary contacts to get herself out of this mess, watching her every move, restricting her from leaving the house (who knows?).

I'm thinking that NOW she needs to go behind her parents' backs and call up her cousin's parents.....and tell them that she doesn't want to marry their son. So far, we only know that her parents and cousin are adamant about his marriage. But we don't know if the guy's parents might be more reasonable. So, she should talk to his parents first...and then perhaps an elder from theh family who can reason on her behalf. US KE BAAD.....she should tell her parents what she's done.

35

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Pinkyy, do you have any brothers or sisters.. and if so can't they help you?

You need to be strong but sound as tho you need more support.. sibling or another other sympathetic relative, friend of the family or even imam..

36

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

I would suggest you write down your thoughts about your cousin, and make t clear that you will not go ahead with it and hand it to your parents. If nothing works, if you are in the UK, there are organizations that can help you.

37

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Come on people, give pinkyy a break. Yes she exposed her weakness to him by telling him and bla. But she did it with the best of intentions and seeing IF he has it in him to do something for her and her happiness.

Whats done is done. You know the answer whether you wanna marry him or not. You are NOT confused. So rather than complicating it for yourself, make it others' complications by sticking to your refusal.

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Re: How can someone be so dheet?

Pinkyy, ive been throught similar

i got engaged to my cousin 2 years ago, was happy with it, but as soon as the mangni rasam passed he became the biggest prick alive and tried making my life hell just because he seen me talk to a male friend from school who happened to be in pak at the same time as me. When i came back to england, i told my mum how i felt, but all i got was do u not care about our izzat etc. Well cut long story short, its been 2 years, and i've been fighting like hell, hes come over lives in our house, and just a few weeks ago my parents decided to let me have my way.

I fought for myself, at one point i had nobody, mum dad sis all said i was wrong, but i stayed firm and then they gave up. They realise its my life and im gonna wake up besides my husband each morning not them. Mum told me the same as yours did, that eik bacha ho jaye sab theek ho jaye ga, but i had to be straight up and say what bacha????? i cant stand the guys face, never mind touching him...

I hope inshallah everything works out for you, pray to allah, i realized allahs by my side and got through this.
If you know what you want is right, stay positive and stick to what you want, no one can force you, and nobody will, im telling you your parents think you're gonna give up, but you're not, they will

39

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

^Thank you for sharing, MM. I believe yours is the most helpful post here. Pinkyy, your parents think that their stubborness will force you to give up....and you have to make it so that THEY give up. You have to fight in the same way they're fighting...with stubborness.

Even if they were to drag you to a maulvi to get you nikkah done.....it won't take place if you say "No." It doesn't matter if the entire family supports this rishta. According to Islamic law...without YOUR consent this marriage cannot take place. You have that MUCH power.

40

Re: How can someone be so dheet?

No, they don’t have a loveless marriage themselves, but they think I am still just too immature, and they are sure about this that, once married, I will accept him and will be happy with him.

redvelvet, the only reason I put up such a condition infront of him was because, I know he won’t be able to get a good, decent job in any Organization, and he knows it as well, and that’s why he isn’t willing to accept the condition. And I thought, because of this condition, he would back off, but no, he is just too shameless to do that.