What are the other options that offer privacy and ensure safety?
Older brother of my friend used to sweet talk his GF using cordless phone and we used to sit in my friend's room, listen to the whole love transmission on his pocket size short wave radio .. hehehe ...
Older brother of my friend used to sweet talk his GF using cordless phone and we used to sit in my friend's room, listen to the whole love transmission on his pocket size short wave radio .. hehehe ...
:o, baychaara bhai... :). Naa ghar main privacy naa ghar k bahir. Zaalim samaajh. :p
Re: Hotel room
interesting story, one of my good pals in business school and I met up for dinner one time, she was involved with someone else and I was as well, but we were good pals, we kinda made an impromptu plan to meet up after work for dinner since it was her birthday. Her bhabhi saw us and while she did not say anything then, she was all inquiring about me. The funny thign was that since this girl had not told her family about her boyfriend, she could not even say not bhabhi that dude is just a pal, then the bhabhi insisted on having me meet her and her husband etc, thats when this girl had to say no, thats the wrong person, he is just a pal, if u guys want to help, u need to meet someone else :) i still give her hell that I helped her cause unknowingly.
gossip goes on if someone sees a guy and girl together in some cafe also, gossip with speculation.
What are the other options that offer privacy and ensure safety? honestly speaking I never found one, cinemas dont work, u can say go for a long drive but unless you have limo tinted windows..ppl can see you, restaurant, hell no...
i have never made it a secret, in my single days, I saw a number of girls, the biggest issue with local desi girls was exactly this, that families were strict and they just did not want to be spotted by someone who can then tell the family.
Now a hotel room was not required because I had my own place, but had we been in diff cities (as in one case it was and I did have to meet in a hotel room) but when you think of situations where both ppl are living with families, the only other option you have at some friends place like if your pal has a place u guys meet there and hang in the living room while the pal excuses himself/herself and goes to their room, but that has its own issues.
when you are in any public setting there is no guarantee of privacy, I recall smoking with my pals like miles away from home in an area no one I knew lived, and of all days dad had to drop off one of his colleagues in that very damn area and saw me smoking. luckily he was cool about it and did not make it an issue.
PS: thats why it was better tohang with desi girls who were not from the town because there were less challenges for them to be spotted by community ppl, or just go non desi which had much less headaches.
If two people want to** talk/have something important to discuss**.......then a cinema/theater would not be the best place for that. And yes, because our culture is so conservative, people will wag their tongues if they see a guy and girl in a cafeteria as well. But.......the wagging would be a lot worse in the hotel room situation (if word got around).
Also......yes, you can find privacy, in my opinion, in public places. If you sit in a** booth** at a restaurant.........you can have a conversation there.........who is really going to listen to you? People might glance at you and then go back to eating their food. Very rarely will somebody come up to you interfere in your private conversation. If you were to have a conversation with someone siting on a bench at a mall/park.........who is going to come up to you and butt into your privacy?
And why does the guy want such STRICT privacy where there are no other people around? In my opinion, it's better to be safe than sorry....also when it comes to one's reputation.
Knowing what desi culture is like and how people talk.... i personally would be wary regarding this situation. And I would advise my own sister, friends, etc to be careful as well. My point is.......why take the chance? People will always gossip, I agree with you there. But gossip can become more vicious depending on the situation. When two people are seen at the mall for example....they can always argue they were seen in public as friends and have nothing to hide. But it's harder to defend yourself (especially for a girl) when gossip about her being alone with some guy in a closed room is running around. (Even if they're just friends). Sometimes, what is done in **secret or behind closed doors **seems more suspicious to gossip mongers than what is displayed openly in public.
It's like a double-edged knife. It's like a lose-lose situation. A desi girl might be so afraid of the gossip that would result if she were seen in public with a guy..........that she agrees to meet him in a closed hotel room............only that can lead to even more vicious gossip. Very few desi dads/brothers would be okay with their daughters/sisters meeting a guy in a hotel room. If she were to argue that she did this to avoid the gossip that would result from her being seen with the guy in public............she would only be accused of trying to hide something and being guilty of something that may or may not have happened in that room.
Even if a girl were to argue that she decided to meet a guy in another city out of fear that she might be recognized by members of her own community...............she'll be accused that she must have something to hide about that relationship if she chose to go to another city (even if the guy is just a friend). And meeting in another city doesn't sound as "bad" as meeting in a hotel room.
There are a variety of ways to go about a situation. Yes, X2, I agree that in our conservative culture....a girl is screwed either way....you're damned if you seek privacy and you're damned if you go public. But you're more damned in some situations than in others. And it's just better, in my opinion, to try to go for the less risky/safer/practical option.
Also....even in Western culture....there are certain "stronger connotations" attached to the idea of a guy and girl meeting in a hotel room.
Sorry dear - we don’t mean to be sarcastic and funny. We can’t help ourselves.
But seriously - no it doesn’t mean 100% that he has bad intentions BUT…
I think things like this should be avoided all costs. I know because while working for an a consulting firm, I was traveling all the time. I lived in hotels and airports but my hotel room was off limits to clients, co-workers, even friends at work. I would meet someone in the lobby but again I thought the room was too personal a space.
If you have NO CHOICE and you trust the guy, I would set an expectation before you enter that room.
**“Okay I’ll meet you but if you try to get fresh with me you will recieve a thapar a size of texas and maybe a knee or two and maybe you won’t be able to have kids”. **(just so you are in the same page)
Khabi kabhi,
The Life and Relationships forum will tend to be more serious than the **Cafe **forum…because it focuses mainly on relationships…which are a serious and important part of daily life. You will get a variety of responses in this forum. Some of them will be sarcastic, a few will be silly, and many of them will be serious.
If you’re bothered by the seriousness of the responses you have received…keep in mind that you’ve entered a more serious forum. And also keep in mind that the question you have asked is a rather serious one when seen from the point-of-view of our conservative desi culture. Also, even a **non-desi **girl would be advised by non-desis to be careful/wary of a guy who wants to be alone with a girl in a hotel room.
Don’t feel discouraged about coming to this forum in the future. I don’t think anyone here has the intention of making you feel unwelcome. You can learn a lot from this thread. Just keep in mind that you’re likely to get a variety of responses here and they are not a reflection of your character. They are really just an attempt at understanding the poster’s question/problem 
LOL
At this time, after reading all of GS’s thoughtful advises, there is a feeling that EVERYONE here - are sitting outside the hotel room - like right in front of the room and the car park…(no! wait! that must be a motel room right?)
ummmm - i can see about 5 GS members there discussing about this issue at any given time.
LOL
So i feel that must be a cheap motel… cause there ain’t no lobby.
go home people - koi dekh lega… and setup a higher standard - atleast hang out at a hotel lobby - just a little bit more privacy… and looks little upper class… lol
shewwww now.
Well said… 
Re: Hotel room
I dont think total privacy can be achieved anywhere but where two people are alone.
Any other placewhere there are people eithr frequenltly. i.e a shopping mall bench, or less frequently, i.e a empty park bench, is still a public place.
In a Hotel room, two people can freely talk bizness aswell as eat/drink/relax watch t.v etc.
If you look for seclusion in a public place, such as a park bench, there always remians the possibility of a relative or nosy person popping up, and you could get a reputation for being with a gher-maram girl in seclusion.
And im assuming this thread is more of a joke, than a serious problem?
so stop getting alarmed people!
If two people want to** talk/have something important to discuss**.......then a cinema/theater would not be the best place for that. And yes, because our culture is so conservative, people will wag their tongues if they see a guy and girl in a cafeteria as well. But.......the wagging would be a lot worse in the hotel room situation (if word got around).
Also......yes, you can find privacy, in my opinion, in public places. If you sit in a** booth** at a restaurant.........you can have a conversation there.........who is really going to listen to you? People might glance at you and then go back to eating their food. Very rarely will somebody come up to you interfere in your private conversation. If you were to have a conversation with someone siting on a bench at a mall/park.........who is going to come up to you and butt into your privacy?
And why does the guy want such STRICT privacy where there are no other people around? In my opinion, it's better to be safe than sorry....also when it comes to one's reputation.
Knowing what desi culture is like and how people talk.... i personally would be wary regarding this situation. And I would advise my own sister, friends, etc to be careful as well. My point is.......why take the chance? People will always gossip, I agree with you there. But gossip can become more vicious depending on the situation. When two people are seen at the mall for example....they can always argue they were seen in public as friends and have nothing to hide. But it's harder to defend yourself (especially for a girl) when gossip about her being alone with some guy in a closed room is running around. (Even if they're just friends). Sometimes, what is done in **secret or behind closed doors **seems more suspicious to gossip mongers than what is displayed openly in public.
It's like a double-edged knife. It's like a lose-lose situation. A desi girl might be so afraid of the gossip that would result if she were seen in public with a guy..........that she agrees to meet him in a closed hotel room............only that can lead to even more vicious gossip. Very few desi dads/brothers would be okay with their daughters/sisters meeting a guy in a hotel room. If she were to argue that she did this to avoid the gossip that would result from her being seen with the guy in public............she would only be accused of trying to hide something and being guilty of something that may or may not have happened in that room.
Even if a girl were to argue that she decided to meet a guy in another city out of fear that she might be recognized by members of her own community...............she'll be accused that she must have something to hide about that relationship if she chose to go to another city (even if the guy is just a friend). And meeting in another city doesn't sound as "bad" as meeting in a hotel room.
There are a variety of ways to go about a situation. Yes, X2, I agree that in our conservative culture....a girl is screwed either way....you're damned if you seek privacy and you're damned if you go public. But you're more damned in some situations than in others. And it's just better, in my opinion, to try to go for the less risky/safer/practical option.
Also....even in Western culture....there are certain "stronger connotations" attached to the idea of a guy and girl meeting in a hotel room.
Yes but in western culture there are minimal issues with a guy and girl seen at a restaurant or cafe.
the idea of a booth in a restaurant is limited, not many places have booths with doors, so u can be seen, and the point of privacy is not from random strangers but to be seen by someone you know. we actually saw someone get busted on a date, altough it was dumb of those guys to be at sabri anyone, one of her aunties showed up by chance :)
yes, meeting in a place like a hotel room has higher issues if you are caught, however the probability of that happening is low. and that is what someone must decide.
In the end it is not a black and white here, it has its issues but it can be the only place someone can meet face to face away from prying eyes, If there are other places, then so be it. Ideally I suppose it can be a situation where its some group outing where the two can be left alone for a bit, and that is usually what ends up happening in most situations I think.
The issue here is that from the get go everyone had jumped on the guy's intentions and what nots, without knowing zilch. The advise was not that oh it would look bad, like you are saying but..why would he want to be with you in a hotel room, he defintely has other motives.
Thank you RV
I think I was overwhelmed with the heavy responses which **assumed **that I was some naive, dim witted, illiterate individual simply because of a question which was alittle sensitive (yes ive seen worse on here!). 
And yes the cafe is a much safer place to hang out! but yes i’ll visit this section aswell as it is good for getting perspectives of both males and females in daily matters.
X2 I had thoughts which were very like yours when discussing this scenario with a friend…sometimes cinemas, resteraunts and public places are like you are asking to be caught… And I also thought it must depend on how much you trust your partner and how much understanding you have of one another.
Caution is always good as guppies and guppans have expressed, any self respecting girl/guy would understand that and wouldn’t go over the limits.
Anyways I hope i’ve cleared myself up inshaAllah
You are so wise 
. Then why did you ask such a simple question with such a straight answer ? 
I wanted to see if my thoughts matched anyones heree… wanted a broader view …regretably so:smack:
Re: Hotel room
People this story was reported in newspapers.
A policeman suspected his wife to be cheating on him, so he boks a ticket for another country, wife drops him at airport, he checks in, moves all the way to aeroplane, but then disembarks, comes back and starts to follow the woman, she is picked up by another man, both go to a hotel room, the guy calls the police and they force open the door, woman is in bathroom. She claims that they were just discussing a business deal.
Its your guess what the court's verdict was.
Re: Hotel room
Was her being in hotel room a criminal activity that the court can charge her for?
Re: Hotel room
The court accepted husbands claim that she was cheating on him.
The court accepted husbands claim that she was cheating on him.
in which country was this court?
khabi kabhi - eh? you are NOT a dim wit? 
I apologize from other guppans here - on thinking of such about you. cho cho chad =(
RETHINK you r strategies!!!!!!!!!!!
then post!THANK YOU.
cannot be in USA .. cause I dont know if you are allowed to disembark a plane in USA after you board one.
Yes but in western culture there are minimal issues with a guy and girl seen at a restaurant or cafe.
the idea of a booth in a restaurant is limited, not many places have booths with doors, so u can be seen, and the point of privacy is not from random strangers but to be seen by someone you know. we actually saw someone get busted on a date, altough it was dumb of those guys to be at sabri anyone, one of her aunties showed up by chance :)
yes, meeting in a place like a hotel room has higher issues if you are caught, however the probability of that happening is low. and that is what someone must decide.
In the end it is not a black and white here, it has its issues but it can be the only place someone can meet face to face away from prying eyes, If there are other places, then so be it. Ideally I suppose it can be a situation where its some group outing where the two can be left alone for a bit, and that is usually what ends up happening in most situations I think.
The issue here is that from the get go everyone had jumped on the guy's intentions and what nots, without knowing zilch. The advise was not that oh it would look bad, like you are saying but..why would he want to be with you in a hotel room, he defintely has other motives.
X2 Bhai,
I've also giving the guy the "benefit of the doubt" by saying that even if the guy has sincere intentions and even if nothing happens between the two.......at least keep the potential of gossip in mind.
Yes, you are right that chances of gossip might be low if "nobody" sees the guy and the girl. ** BUT**.......gossip can still spread if either the boy or the girl is not careful when talking to their friends. For example....the guy might tell one of his bestest buds that him and the girl were in a hotel room. And even if the guy and the girl are just friends and no physical intimacy took place between them......what if his friend leaks the information? Maybe not on purpose...but by accident....without thinking? Similarly what if the girl tells her closest friends that she met with him in a hotel room......and her friend leaks the information?
Your closest friends can sometimes slip when talking to others. And I have found that even your closest friends can be jealous of you. And a jealous friend or a spiteful friend might betray you and play a role in destroying your own reputation. As they say.....the people closest to you can make the worst enemies.
And as i said.....even if "nothing" happened between the two, when people find out such things, they automatically assume things because of the connotations associated with being in a "hotel room."
My point about the doubled-edged knife was to imply that things can blur. And X2, I've already mentioned in a previous post that it's best to opt for the most practical/less risky/safer method.
Is it wise to go on a date to Sabri, a place where other desis go as well? No! You know what, I used to live in Saudi. And I remember that in my early teens.....I would hear the girls say that you shouldn't meet up with your boyrfriend at Al-Rashid Mall on the weekend during the evening because so many people go there. Well, that's common sense. Why would you take such a risk by going to that location during that particular time? It is more prudent to go somewhere else where there is a less likelihood of being spotted by someone you know. Some, would even go to Al-Rashid Mall during the week days during the afternoon. Why? Well, because aunties can't drive there and most of them are in their homes in the afternoon during the weekdays and their husbands are at work. Or they might to go a park in the afternoon....knowing that the desi population is less likely to go there during the weekday...during that time.
You work it out X2, you opt for the most practical and safe way. Being seen in a public place (mall, park)....during a time/day when it is LEAST LIKELY that you'd be spotted by anyone from the desi community who knows you........is better.....than being in a hotel room. Why a room? Why not the the hotel lobby? Why not the reception area? Why not the lounge? These places seem better than a hotel room. You can be in a more public location where there is still LITTLE LIKELIHOOD of being spotted by someone you know. Even if the didn't have any funny business on his mind....it's common sense to contemplate his intentions (for your own safety) if he makes such a proposal and go about the situation in a way that will be prudent for both parties.