honesty needed. upset,.:/

Lifestyle Relationships
141

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:confused:

Yes nahi .. Nadz ke pas bas mohabbat ki liye hi time nahin. She has time for every other theory :smack2:

142

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:confused:

i meant his attention by mohabbat
arzi, methane ;( delete m and e

143

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

Go on hajj with them. Leave your kids with your mother or sil.

144

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

^ thats what i was thinking, go to hajj, become close to Allah and maybe in the process you will find love for your MIL and she for you. ... maybe!

145

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

Can't go with them.

Too expensive

But.mainly as no one ekse to look after kids.def not sil and my mother lives abroad
so out of question

146

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

seriously now that's bordering on the line of sickness.,. you will destroy yourself and everyone else around you...

I would be bloody damn proud of my other half if he wanted to go on hajj with his mum and take her first! SHE GAVE BIRTH TO HIM, HAS MORE RIGHTS ON HIM THAN YOU..THERE IS NO COMPARISON...GET OVER IT

mum vs wife...you will NEVER be higher....live with it and be happy

147

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

hmm, but whyyyyy?

148

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

When there's a will there is a way.

On a 2nd note, how about being supportive and pray that you'd get that opportunity as well.

Finally, spend some time with your husband planning what things you want to do in near future and set some realistic goals that the two of you can work on...be it going for hajj/umrah, renovating the house, sending your children to a specific school system, learning to drive, etc.

149

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

you can go to Uk but cannot go to Hajj ?

150

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

She isn't allowed in Mecca. She will burn up.

151

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

When are you going to realize that it's not a competition? The only prize you're gonna get in that race is driving the wedge deeper between you and your husband. And as far as the bashing goes....ulllu ki patti jaisay baatain karogi, tho phir bashing bhi bardasht karna parega.

Keep reading your words over and over again. And yes, you **can **help feeling that way, you **can **stop the madness and get control of yourself and your life if you **want **to.

But I sense it's just easier to keep playing the victim card.

Nadz, grow up. Abhi bhi waqt hai. Think about your daughters. The example you're setting for them is horrendous.

152

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

.

153

You're childish and you insult the very idea of marriage

154

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:confused:

My cousin, who is around your age, got married last year. Her husband asked her where she’d like to go since they didn’t have a honeymoon. She told him she’d like to go for umrah/hajj. He told her that he was planning to send his mom first and will send her next. Maybe he can’t afford it right now. But the point is that she didn’t create a fuss. She displayed a patience that you should have since you’ve been married longer and have two kids.

You have admitted that you are not religious, that you don’t pray, yet you want to go for hajj…which is a far more strenuous worship than the daily 5 prayers. :konfused: Hajj is done for Allah. It’s done to get closer to Allah, not to get closer to your husband and to possess him and satisfy your ego. You need to reflect over your intentions. At the moment, you do not even have the patience to listen to simple requests made by your husband in the comfort of your own home (not touching BIL’s laptop, showing MIL tickets, making soup for the MIL who makes you khichri when you’re sick)…so how will you have the patience in a less comfortable setting like hajj? The “bashing” that you’re getting here can be reduced if you’d stop and think about your responses before posting comments that will make you cringe even more than your previous responses.

155

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

Nadz ur saying that u want to share this experience with him so u still can in the future. Ur hajj will still be with him and what difference would it make if he has already been there? Whether it was with his mother or alone or with cousins, brothers, whatever.

Do u know how poisonous jealousy is to ur spiritual, psychological and physical self, and also to the people around u. The toxicity just seeps into everything one touches. I would really advise u to intentionally try to control it before ur husband becomes 100% aware of it, because I dont think there'll be a way back after that. It will justify in his mind all the things that ur mil has ever said or felt about u and it will all be ur loss.

Do u see that there is no justifiable reason for u to even think about being against their hajj? That's what jealousy does to u, the inate aim to steal someone else's happiness or satisfaction even if the object u r after is of little desire to u. Like u have no deep seated life long dream to go on hajj, as something that u always wanted to do, and therefore r feeling bad that u can't go and she can. It's just that u don't want her to go. How do u make sense of that. And what closeness can they get that they can't get when ur away for months on end in England? How do u allow urself to do that then? Can't she spend all her time with him then? If he's not brainwashed while ur there I hardly think ur mil will utilize her hajj time to b!tch about u.

Btw the male and female tents in the hajj camps are separate. So they would practically only be together when they r walking to the stone pillars to stone the devil and when they r doing tawaf. Does that help u accept it? That they won't get so much actual time together? Do u think ur mil will choose that time to tell ur hubby how u never cook or ask about her health? And if she does would she be wrong? (as in lying).

If u don't want ur negatives to reach hubby's kaan then wouldn't it be better to put that effort into improving urself rather than policing hubby's interaction with family. If u think that u could only be happy if u moved to England or if god forbid ur mil dies, u r mistaken. The deep seeded jealousy that u have for her will carry even otherwise, because the problem is in ur head. U will still hate it when he wants to Skype with his family, send pics of ur kidsK, be in on family happening and plans in Pakistan, sending gifts or money to his family. It will forever be an uphill struggle unless u train urself to not do it.

Do u have any ppl that u talk to about things like this. Like some close friend from back home or ur mom or sis..anyone? Like who do u vent to k ammi nay yay kaha ya hubby poora din maa ki gode Mae bethay huay thay. Do they have anything helpful to say to steer u away from the self inflicted stress or do they add fuel to the fire? U need a good friend who can talk u out of all these millions of little things that become big competition issues in ur head.

156

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

agree 100% with basha23's monolithic treatise.

157

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

Had to look up both the words :). Tried to fix the monolithic... And thank u for the treatise.

158

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

sasha you are cute

159

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

i do agree with most of you, and especially what sasha just said.

however actually feeling it is very different.

160

Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/

^ nadz have you thought of working on yourself. Maybe when you have these negative thoughts and feeling...stop what you are doing and redirect your thougths. Make it a habbit that you won't thing negative of him n the MIL. Try keeping your mind busy with positive things.

you do see that is wrong what your thinking but you just don't have control over it. so remind youself to stop thinking that way.