Ithink embarrassing her outright on the dinner table is not required. Better to just stick to offering ur cooked dish to her and everyone else on the table. And it's really wierd that u were complaining about cooking while mil is ill, u expect her to cook for the household even when she's ill and for u specially when ur ill but u never want to cook even when she's ill what's that about. Do u have any specific responsibilities when it comes to household duties or r u just expected to do ur kids work?
Ur points system has way surpassed the points system of any of the other vengeful wwomen I have heard of. Tit for tat will never build love in ur household it will just feed the green giant inside u. (keeping track of whereabouts, how many times sil or were asked about food etc.) I think u torture urself with envy/jealousy more than mil could ever have on her own. If she wants to piss u off she must be having a blast cuz its working.
^I gave Nadz more than one option that reflects tameez. However sometimes behaving with tameez can evoke sharmindagi in the other person even if they have no intent to embarrass you. Taking the higher road would be for Nadz to cook something and share openly with the in-laws. Even if her intent is not to embarrass her MIL, it can still evoke feelings of humility or self-reflection in MIL...as well as other family members. As for the second option, if one is hungry and desires to partake of a dish but is unsure about serving themselves, then the etiquette would be that one politely ask if they can also have some of that dish. Even if one only asks this question and says nothing after it, it is sufficient in evoking some humility in the MIL and a realization that a fard of the family whom I have not offered felt uneasy enough to ask permission in their own home. Even if Nadz has no intent to embarrass, it can bring to her FIL's attention (as he is her mamu) that his own niece is asking and is not offered. It depends on one's intent....but even if one has no intent to embarrass.....acting with tameez or politeness will often produce that effect on its own and its better to instill ehsaas in someone (especially an elder) in a indirect but polite way first ...than to rush direct confrontation.
If your MIl doesn't talk to you, good. Otherwise there will be more arguments and disruptions. Yes, she is not very nice to you and yes that must feel bad to you. I understand that you needed to vent, but be thankful she doesn't make you cook etc. I f i were you, I would cook once in a while at least. I know its hard with little kids but still. At least by doing this your husband will see that you are putting in an effort. There are many men who don't care about their wives even if they do all the housework and "do khidmat" of their in laws. At least your husband is not that way.
Many of us have little kids, we cook, clean, take care of them, go to school, and work outside home. So dear nadz, you need a wake up call. All you do is complain but have you ever thought what you can do to change things for yourself. How about wake up early and get the studying out of the way before kids wake up.
When I visit my parents, my mother literally offers me something to eat all day long. Damn, she even cuts the fruit for me and brings it to me.
It really is saddening to see a girl ruin her marriage. It really is. So many posters are trying to help her out with tips to better manage the situation, but like Nadz mentioned above... She's only venting... It's all about the other persons fault... Yet to see her make any real effort to make a positive change in herself/ her family. May Allah guide us all.
my main issue is why he changed and why he informs her we are going out when i already have. i know she moans at him hence hes change.
i thought i would try to write some positive things about her so lets see,
cooking - she does it mostly. unless ill. however she may complain afterwards but she does do most of the cooking.
they make their own breakfast. she has once said she doesnt expect me to however what she actually mean was she DOES expect it from a bahu. and she has years ago said i too.she doesnt say anyhing now.
they are awake from fajr time. we are not. sometimes i wake up 8am, sometimes 10. if im in bed cos of illness and its midday, she won say anything to my face, but will def say later insinuating to whoever that i woke up late not because i was ill.
she doesnt talk much anymore to me.
if i am ill and she knows, she may make khichri or kava for me.
hmmmm. does this sound positive.
she gave me 200 quid last time i went uk. { possibly FIL made her give it}
based on above you have an awesome person as your MIL ..... trust me.
So.now fil has told husband to go on hajj with mil because fil has already been years ago with his own mother and he is old as is mil so son should go .
OK makes sense but I'm seething inside. Why? I feel wrong to feel this
But I just feel like screaming noooooo don't go.
Maybe because I feel as if I want that experience with him and.no one else or that hajj may make him.closer to her than me.
^ ok just as i was gonna post at this thread that people shud stop being mean to u...after the ^ post of yrs, i feel maybe that is actually your agenda!
So.now fil has told husband to go on hajj with mil because fil has already been years ago with his own mother and he is old as is mil so son should go .
OK makes sense but I'm seething inside. Why? I feel wrong to feel this
But I just feel like screaming noooooo don't go.
Maybe because I feel as if I want that experience with him and.no one else or that hajj may make him.closer to her than me.
waits for daily quota of nadz bashing
You go girl!
Don't let husband perform Hajj with his mother. He is only YOURS.
Go throw a tantrum about it and then come back with a new thread asking if you did the right thing.
