Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Wheres the beauty everyone's fighting over?
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Wheres the beauty everyone's fighting over?
^Sleeping? :/
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
after Nadz gets out of the mess, she should write a book, "4 years in hell called Peshawar" or "not without my Man" or "My Mil monster"
:)
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Makes you take such books with a grain of salt.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I am not 100% aware of the conditions under which nadz got married to this person, but it seems (after reading her posts) that she was not pressurized to marry this person either by him or by her own parents.
If someone can b honest with you and tell you the conditions under which they are ready to go ahead with marriage, the one should respect it and decidE accordingly.
If he didnt want to move to the uk, that is his right..and she had full right to say no.
However, she decided to marry him and move with him.
Now she should try her best to adjust with the place and in laws. And adjusting in her case is mainly learning to ignore many things.
At the end of the day, her husband is not disrespecting her, not beating her up and neither not supporting her financially.
The mental support is there, but maybe lost somewhere due to all the arguments ad complaints she has.
I wished ladies stopped playing the victim game. It never goes anywhere.
If someone is a victim of abuse, then she should leave. End.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Well, just for clarification, they were supposed to settle in the UK. Mr. nadz did move here and stuck it out a while but decided he'd rather go back home where mummy and daddy can foot the bill. nadz did not end up in Pak in a straightforward manner - it was never supposed to be permanent. I think her husband was pretty underhand in how he went about it. Without professional qualifications or a (family) business to go into, with blaaah Pakistani qualifications one will find it near impossible to find decent employment... Mr. nadz didn't have what it takes to work hard and make a go of it.
But like she's been told SO many times by so many people, she needs to accept her circumstances and make the best of them.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Right, i still would say that it is unfair for a spouse to degrade husband confidence and character just by looking at the job factor. The husband tried, he was unlucky just like thousands of unemployed britz .. He probably wanted to be able to keep a roof over his family and thus moved back to a financially more stable place( at least for him)
Going from how madz reacted in most posts, i can maybe assume that she was nagging about the lack of money while he was in the uk.
Support and encourage your partner..show them that despite you wished you were in a better situation ,you appreciate his/her efforts to make the journey work.
education, job, being financially stable are important...but it is someone character and espc respect towards the partner that make a relationship work. If he/she doesnt cheat, doesnt abuse and care for the family...then try your best to be patient with materialistic factors of life...
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
As usual, after starting the thread she is out of the picture.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Right, i still would say that it is unfair for a spouse to degrade husband confidence and character just by looking at the job factor. The husband tried, he was unlucky just like thousands of unemployed britz .. He probably wanted to be able to keep a roof over his family and thus moved back to a financially more stable place( at least for him)
Going from how madz reacted in most posts, i can maybe assume that she was nagging about the lack of money while he was in the uk.
Support and encourage your partner..show them that despite you wished you were in a better situation ,you appreciate his/her efforts to make the journey work.
education, job, being financially stable are important...but it is someone character and espc respect towards the partner that make a relationship work. If he/she doesnt cheat, doesnt abuse and care for the family...then try your best to be patient with materialistic factors of life...
Think it was mentioned somewhere that he thought certain jobs were 'beneath' him so it wasn't a case of him being unlucky and as Stoppit said he decided life would be easier in Pakistan..
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I'll quote myself from her last thread (3 weeks back) about her husband doing something or another to upset her:
I think the definition of insanity in this case is everyone who gives the same advice to the same person for the same problem over many years expecting a different result. I think nadz just made everyone insane in this thread.
If this were a game, the score would be:
Nadz 100; Everyone who posts in her thread - 0
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
FYI nadz hasn't returned since the first page. This is very common of her threads....interesting isn't it.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
im here.
mil is ill today and she has asked husband who was sitting outsude watching tv to come inside and watch with her.
fine.
i pretend i am not about to blow up.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Lol...it is nothing to blow up. Take a chill pill, make some yakhni, take it to her when your husband is sitting with her. This will earn some major brownie points.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Essay posts. 3 2 1. Attack
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
:k:
Good job. Start with pretending, one day it’ll come all naturally.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
problem is guys, that she doesn t like me and makes efforts to say negative things about me to him. which is why i feel as if she would do the same whenever she is alone with him. why would i have any problems if she was an altogether nice enough woman.
also i am finishing off my studies, i am doing my pos grad through distance learning,and have exams in may, i am going uk end april for them.
yes i keep hearing how i have a lovely husband who lets me go on a yearly basis for few months at a time and noone elses husband does that,. yeah yeah. i pay for my own tickets,.
hm.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Nadz at the end of the day your husband is nice enough that you want to stay with him. U don't want to leave him right? Then why don't you do what you can to make your life happier. In most cases it would be developing a thicker skin and being pretend nice to all and that way husband will be genuine nice to you. Plus if you just listen to him instantly without question perhaps it'll save you two fights.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
And what do u mean you buy your tickets. There is a clear demarcation in your mind about his and your money it seems. Even if you do yhat doesn't mean he has to agree for you to leave with his babies for months on end.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
^if she doesn't have a savings of her own, then it's possible that her parents pay for her air fare.
Demi, she knows that if she would listen to husband's requests and lets some things slide, she'd have more peace in the marriage. She's been given this advice numerous times before, but it seems she either can't push herself to do it or refuses to. Courtesy demands that she not touch her BIL's laptop without his consent but she did it anyways. Yet she gets upset when others don't show her courtesy. Studying for exams is not a fun activity, but if she can discipline herself to do study ...then she should be be able to do other things in life that are not fun but are also an obligation.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
When you expect him to choose between you and his Mom what do you expect? Why do some desis get into this competition and not realise every relationship has its place and its own dynamics. How he treats his Mom will be different to how he treats you and vice versa.
His Mom is getting old and old people sometimes act more like children and can’t be reasoned with so why argue with them, however you should know better.
I also echo what Sehrysh said. We have an immature saas and an immature bahu who clearly hate being under the same roof, what is the point of this whole exercise then and why is this situation being allowed to continue?
I will copy paste this response in another thread few weeks later. 