Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I actually think she's just having fun with everyone going a little crazy.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Why would anyone think that is is alright to use someone else's things without asking for permission? Especially when they were explicitly told not to? That rather seems like common sense in any culture. Seriously, would she be alright if someone borrowed something of hers without asking and then damaged to it to boot?
She cannot think clearly...even in basic scenarios. She is making the same mistakes over and over and over again. She gets irritated over the smallest of things and so does he. Even when she's in the UK, she gets irritated with him. She sees and knows they are drifting apart.....and yet it's like she cannot bring herself to think and act in a way that will help her and her marriage....like there's a lock on her mind ...that is...if she's genuinely struggling and not trolling. And if she's for real, something strange is going on with her.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I actually think she's just having fun with everyone going a little crazy.
Not everyone baji g. Not everyone.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
alright namoney bhai 
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Oh I agree the husband is an idiot. He tried to move a BBCD to Pakistan. Dumb idea. She is unhappy and he is unwilling to do what he should do.
However the support group that was created here for Nadz a few years ago for 2 years. That is what did her in. She thought she was right when she wasn't. And all the sisterhood advice helped destroy her relationship.
Do you happen to remember the thread? I'm curious. I could see that happening, but I also see a lot of good advice that nadz continuously ignores. I still don't think GS has anything to do with it, crazy needs no help (referring to both the husband and nadz).
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
As far as the laptop incident is concerned, I don't understand something. Why would anyone think that is is alright to use someone else's things without asking for permission? Especially when they were explicitly told not to? That rather seems like common sense in any culture. Seriously, would she be alright if someone borrowed something of hers without asking and then damaged to it to boot?
Precisely BECAUSE someone asked her not to. How dare he!
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
hello again, may be a long post. i had a feleing before i was going mad, like everyhings was my fault, my reactions to issues were possibly larger than the problem.** no worries, we have all been there:)**
me and husband also having problems. i have issues with mil anyway as we all know, well me and husband also not on friendly terms. i keep thinking i am fighting for my rights. maybe i have no idea what i am fighting for. or against.** stop thinking like that, pick and choose your battles. your thinking like that because u were treated bad for a long time, and you may have lost some liberties, your afraid your husband/inlaws will control you more.**
the other day we bought tickets for my annual trip to uk. his parents knew about it this time we discussed with them as last year when iu went we didnt and it was an issue for them.so bought tickets and we told them the dates and etc, however husband insisted i actually SHOW them the tickets too,.i said ok later. i didnt. because i didnt understand why he was sucking up to them and why they needed to see it not as if im going today he later asked me i said no i didnt show yet.he was angryshouted. You should have just showed it to them. his parents are mean/annoying, but u wouldn't have anything to gain by not showing them. your husband probably bought the tickets, so if he knows they know.
so again, another time recently, he has always told me never to use his brothers laptop cos incase it messes up they will blame me. i found this silly. but i did use it and left on table where my daughter threw on floor. and it stopped working. he shouted at me for that. in private but sill shouted and sounded really mad. you shouldn't have used his laptop. you should ask him to buy you a laptop if you don't have one. He was right, because now he will have to buy a new laptop for his brother.
fair enough i was wrong, bu when he makes similar mistakes i would never shout at him. he has no value of me hence why he shouted.** try not to make assumptions, he was really mad because he has to get a new laptop now.**
he thinks shouting and showing some sort of aggression is ok. for him.
why is ok for men to be one way and women another. every relationship in life has a dominate and submisive person, teacher/student, boss/employee. with husband and wife, its just that its either the guy or the girl incharge, but usually its one person. You can yell too, but I guarantee, the fight will go on longer.
somewhere i am to blame for my atiude and feelings. like his mother when she is ill he will go in her room to ask her how she is, i get really madly jealous and dont want him in the room. and im always weary when he talks to his sister too. i always feel they r brainwashing against me. or maybe he cares more for them. i literally count the times he comes to me when im ill and in what manner, and count he times he foes to his mum. he is a mama's boy, you can't change that, you can only protect yourself, and you are right. Everytime he speaks to his sister/mom, he will become a little more attached. its human nature, think about it, u watch a tv show, once, twice, then you get hooked to the point where u start caring about the characters. It will not help you to count howmany times he meets with them. Try to get him on your side, by indirectly reducing the time he hangs out with his sister/mother. Like go out more, get him involved with something with your daughter (maybe have him tutor her everyday in Quran or school). But remember he is a mama's boy, accept it and move on. If ur lucky with time you siL will get married and your MIL will die. Think about that and ease your anger. ** see, this is my issue. madness. and i dnt know how to resolve it. in my head. **get a hobby, workout, try to be pleasant, make some friends, become a better cook. you need something to do, so u think less about it. I think your in pakistan, and are stuck in that house 24hrs a day. Take some cooking/sewing classes, so you can get out of the house for a couple hours a day.
namaz? I AM NOT religious. is this why ive lost it. Prayer makes you stronger, don't give up on God, sometimes God tests us.
my issues are not PAKISTAN. PEOPLE live here and do as rhey please. maybe i habe made my life hell. lets all be honest, pakistanis, and pakistan in general there is a different mentality and a different way of life, and it is a bit backward for someone who comes from a western country. People are living there, and surviving with harsh lifestyles because they KNOW how to handle these situations, and its something that occurs for a majority of people.
husband is a dull emotionless human being. no ronance, excitement, nothing. he chose to marry me, yet since marriage hes so dull and lifeless. if i dnt tell him to take me out he will not even notice. so he is dull and lifeless, who cares, if he takes you out when you ask him too, consider it a good thing. He could always say No. Give him a reason to not be so dull and lifeless, maybe cook something new, do something different with your look....
my issues are all wrapped and warped. and no i wil never see anyone for my head stuff. ? no there not, you are just like only focusing on negative, get some other activities/hobbies. when you see this stuff with a clear head, it wont be so bad.
gs help me out and i want all honesty.
I FEEL upset, confused, like i want a divorce.....or am i being over dramamtic. i dnt know.
** No one knows what you are going through but you. Sitdown and think, what will your life be like if you were divorced, would it be better or worst? If you want to leave, because he yelled at you a couple of times for a laptop, or not showing tickets to his parents, or cause he is boring and dull. Its not a good reason. If he starts taking your money and giving it to his parents, or physcially abusing you, then yea you should consider it. See if there is anyway, you guys can get your own place. Dont push it, but if possible i see like 99% of the problems disappearing. If not, remember, time heals all wounds, your biL and SIL will get married and move on, your MIL and FIL will die. they you won't have to deal with them. I know it sounds stupid, but you live in a house where your MIL is in charge, and everyone listens/obeys/respects her, if you are on her bad side, you will be on everyone's badside. If you feel your MIL or SIL set u up for problems, I recommend keeping yourself busy with different hobbies and activities. Once your kids get abit older, you will have more people on yourside. Its not easy being in another country, with noone really on your side.**
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
More so everybody on this forum willingly blames the husband and the MIL at all times.
Absolutely untrue.
Let me know if you want documentation.....
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
nadz...where are you?
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
she is planning her escape. 
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Mr. Nadz is a pakka jannati aadmi...I need to meet him to make dua for me seriously.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
For once you have done few "eitarafaat" (admission of wrong doings). I am sure there are few other details that we don't know of.
No I am not saying that everything you tell is a lie but girl you are caught between two societies, two different cultures, two different upbringings and unfortunately you and your husband do not have what it take to be in this situation. It take lot of patience and control over temper (and tongue) to go through all this and seems like non of you two has it. This is why if someone take my advise on marrying in different culture (or upbringging), my advise differs mostly on basis of how much accomodating that person is and how much self-control that person has.
To be honest you actually have to stop complaining on daily basis and have to decide once and for all if you want to live with him or not. Shouting, showing temper, showing jelousy really wont help. Things ultimately will come your way but no one can tell when. It could be 10 weeks, 10 years or 10 months God knows!
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
To be honest you actually have to stop complaining on daily basis and have to decide once and for all if you want to live with him or not. Shouting, showing temper, showing jelousy really wont help. Things ultimately will come your way but no one can tell when. It could be 10 weeks, 10 years or 10 months God knows!
Ditto!
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Oh I agree the husband is an idiot. He tried to move a BBCD to Pakistan. Dumb idea. She is unhappy and he is unwilling to do what he should do.
However the support group that was created here for Nadz a few years ago for 2 years. That is what did her in. She thought she was right when she wasn't. And all the sisterhood advice helped destroy her relationship.
Zafra does have a point here.
Nadz used to get a lot of support in the beginning. She would at times open a few threads in a row asking what she should do now (she would literally follow the advice given to her and then open a thread asking how to preceed next).
She would only open threads to get sympathy and if needed she would add details, which werent unimportant, to get people on her side telliug her she wasnt wrong. Hearing that would give her a boost and that was obvious from her threads.
I even remember her once saying that her husband hit her, and she would keep changing what exactly happened and how she couldnt remember it clearly anymore.
Everyone questioning it and being critical about that got a hard time from the posters.
And later nadz herself admitted it never happened.
It was later that people noticed how nadz would add grand details as soon as people didnt support her right away, and only then did people start telling her what they do now.
So the people who partly used to take her side do have a role in this.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
So the people who partly used to take her side do have a role in this.
They may have a role but their role is nowhere near as large as Nadz's role in the entire ghastly debacle. When giving advice, most people do so based on the information they have available to them, which is what the asker has told them and which may or may not be the entire story. The asker is the only person who knows for certain what the specific scenario is. If Nadz misrepresented the situation and then proceeded to follow advice that was not geared toward her exact situation, knowing completely well that she had misrepresented things and that her situation was not as she had presented it, then, quite frankly, she is entirely to blame for any damage that may have resulted.
And all the sisterhood advice helped destroy her relationship.
No, it didn't. Nadz's inability to discern reality from her own, rather skewed, point of view and her foolish decision to blindly follow advice without considering whether it was actually appropriate for her situation is what destroyed her relationship.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Zafra is saying stuff on the assumption that the content of the posts here does have a bearing, however small, on the actual events.
Otherwise, all this discussion would be useless.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
^Pwner, I quite agree that it does have a bearing and that the content of the posts may have played some role. However, I disagree that it is as large as people are implying. Some people are making it appear as if the posters are more responsible for Nadz's situation than Nadz herself.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Pwner, I quite agree that it does have a bearing and that the content of the posts may have played some role. However, I disagree that it is as large as people are implying. Some people are making it appear as if the posters are more responsible for Nadz's situation than Nadz herself.
I don't think thats what they are implying - you need to distinguish rhetoric from the main point in that particular case.
What is being said is, that the posts DO play a role. Its pointless to argue whether nadz is herself responsible or not; i don't think that even needs to be mentioned...its plain common sense. BUT using the 'disclaimer' and then saying we didn't have anything to do with it - is a bit on the evasive side.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
They may have a role but their role is nowhere near as large as Nadz's role in the entire ghastly debacle. When giving advice, most people do so based on the information they have available to them, which is what the asker has told them and which may or may not be the entire story. The asker is the only person who knows for certain what the specific scenario is. If Nadz misrepresented the situation and then proceeded to follow advice that was not geared toward her exact situation, knowing completely well that she had misrepresented things and that her situation was not as she had presented it, then, quite frankly, she is entirely to blame for any damage that may have resulted.
No, it didn't. Nadz's inability to discern reality from her own, rather skewed, point of view and her foolish decision to blindly follow advice without considering whether it was actually appropriate for her situation is what destroyed her relationship.
That is why I said 'a role' and not major role. Ofcourse the referrent person should use her own brain and is responsible for her own actions, but others can also play an indirect role.
I agree with you that an OP is to blamed for misrepresenting situations, but there are always people who fill in the blanks and add their own interpretation and detials as if they were present aswell.
And someone like nadz will use that information and be more firm of herself, and even start believing in it.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I love how all the ladies take zafra's trolling so seriously.