Re: honesty needed. upset,.
^ The one time Iām not careful with what I wrote 
The husband isnāt *dood ka dhulla *and neither is his amma, both of whom were born in Pakistan. This isnāt about country of birth, but conflicts arising from residency preference.
No one in the disfunctional relationship of DIL/MIL or husband/wife or mother/son - knows balance or compromise - but home country canāt be blamed for personality issues.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
You know what. Its OK to be want to be PC most of the time. To appear to give a balanced view. But sometimes thats not whats most appropriate. I would refer you to Zafraās post earlier.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
You know what. Its OK to be want to be PC most of the time. To appear to give a balanced view. But sometimes thats not whats most appropriate. I would refer you to Zafra's post earlier.
Had anyone but you highlighted the section, maybe I would have left it. But it's interesting how you only hightlighted the section that criticized Nadz and failed to acknowledge the mom's fault in all of this.
I've said this before to you, I think there are times you bring a lot of value to threads with your different perspective and insights that I appreciate. But, then you ruin it with your not-so-subtle jabs at some and your single-minded criticism and belittling posts directed at women in other threads.
And I disagree with Zafra - if he thinks Nadz didn't deserve to be married, then neither did her husband - neither one knows how to balance relationships.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Had anyone but you highlighted the section, maybe I would have left it. But it's interesting how you only hightlighted the section that criticized Nadz and failed to acknowledge the mom's fault in all of this.
I've said this before to you, I think there are times you bring a lot of value to threads with your different perspective and insights that I appreciate. But, then you ruin it with your not-so-subtle jabs at some and your single-mindedness criticism and belittling posts directed at women in other threads.
And I disagree with Zafra - if he thinks Nadz didn't deserve to be married, then neither did her husband - they don't know how to balance relationships.
So you don't focus on the content of my post? You rather respond to it based on your judgement of what my intent may or may not have been? Thats so sad :(...speculative much?
You are right in saying its everyones fault to some extent. but from what she posts here. Its pretty simple who has a greater role to play.. When sheit hits the fan..the right thing is to handle the shiet that has befallen upon one's situation. rather than keep putting blame and 'why this, why that'..... As zafra said earlier, as long as nadz keeps getting some sort of support/real or virtual/ she goes on to what she does.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I don't agree with the notion that the women/girls here on GS have a hand in enabling Nadz. I wasn't active on GS when before nadz got married, but from what I've seen and heard, PLENTY of people/girls/old time posters here told her over and over again NOT to marry him based on the differences that were already apparent. But in true Nadz fashion, she dismissed/brushed off the warnings and plowed ahead. And for the 3 years I've been here, I've never seen blind support for Nadz.
She's been told from day one that she needs to think clearly, change her actions and perceptions, get a grip etc etc...
Like the saying goes, taali do haat say bajthi hai, aik se nahin..it is totally irresponsible to ignore Nadz' husbands role in all this.
Neither of them have any sense or ability to plan, manage conflicts and work through their differences
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Oh I agree the husband is an idiot. He tried to move a BBCD to Pakistan. Dumb idea. She is unhappy and he is unwilling to do what he should do.
However the support group that was created here for Nadz a few years ago for 2 years. That is what did her in. She thought she was right when she wasn't. And all the sisterhood advice helped destroy her relationship.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I don't agree with the notion that the women/girls here on GS have a hand in enabling Nadz. I wasn't active on GS when before nadz got married, but from what I've seen and heard, PLENTY of people/girls/old time posters here told her over and over again NOT to marry him based on the differences that were already apparent. But in true Nadz fashion, she dismissed/brushed off the warnings and plowed ahead. And for the 3 years I've been here, I've never seen blind support for Nadz.
She's been told from day one that she needs to think clearly, change her actions and perceptions, get a grip etc etc...
Like the saying goes, taali do haat say bajthi hai, aik se nahin..it is totally irresponsible to ignore Nadz' husbands role in all this.
Neither of them have any sense or ability to plan, manage conflicts and work through their differences
Nope she wasn't. I was warned by moderators about my comments in Nadz's threads. People would support her and tell her she was right.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
None is saying blind support or unconditional cheer leading for her. Mere exisitence of reasonable doubt in criticizing her actions/approach is enough for her to count it as validation of victimhood
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
So you don't focus on the content of my post? You rather respond to it based on your judgement of what my intent may or may not have been? Thats so sad :(...speculative much?
You are right in saying its everyones fault to some extent. but from what she posts here. Its pretty simple who has a greater role to play.. When sheit hits the fan..the right thing is to handle the shiet that has befallen upon one's situation. rather than keep putting blame and 'why this, why that'..... As zafra said earlier, as long as nadz keeps getting some sort of support/real or virtual/ she goes on to what she does.
Tell the truth - are your posts not laden with sub-text?
And as far as Nadz, she has been told umpteen times that she is wrong and that she is responsible for most of the issues. Nadz refuses advice and she comes back here time and time again. It's widely understood that she comes to vent rather than seek advice since she never accepts and applies any suggestions to help her out.
Is allowing her to open threads enabling her in continuing her disfunctional relationship and not remediating the situation? I don't think so - because as often as someone tells her that her MIL is terrible, others will tell her she's wrong and to improve her own behaviour. She's not getting validation here - she probably gets more criticism than anything else.
Until the day she takes ownership for her actions, perceptions and her reactions - nothing is going to change and the cycle continues.
But maybe somewhere along the way she'll have an epiphany (and no, I don't think GS will be responsible for her epiphany) and realize her happiness is in her control - contentment is being grateful for what you have and seeking joy not from others, but from ourselves.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
None is saying blind support or unconditional cheer leading for her. Mere exisitence of reasonable doubt in criticizing her actions/approach is enough for her to count it as validation of victimhood
More so everybody on this forum willingly blames the husband and the MIL at all times. Regardless of knowing the actions of the woman. I remember off hand a huge "drama internet fight" that broke out on gender lines due to a thread by nadz. But most men picked up on her nature and her actions. But she was defended by the women here.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
None is saying blind support or unconditional cheer leading for her. Mere exisitence of reasonable doubt in criticizing her actions/approach is enough for her to count it as validation of victimhood
But that's the beauty of the board - having multiple perspectives and opinions and advices (sp?) being offered - for most people, it forces them to at least consider another perspective. To actually accept an opinion that goes against us, is a mark of maturity and very few people tend to see themselves at fault. Hence, people end up opinion-shopping and only listening to the one that suits them.
In Nadz situation it has never been a clear black-and-white situation with Nadz being wrong and her MIL/husband right or vice versa. And that's where Nadz cycle of victimdom continues because she's not to blame 100% and she runs with the 5% or 95% (given the situation) that works in her favour. But that's speaks to emotional maturity and one can't force or compel maturity.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
yes it is all in your head and it's the same stuff over and over again.
stubbornness, lack of empathy, selfishness... you really do need to see a professional.
come on people.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
Tell the truth - are your posts not laden with sub-text?
And as far as Nadz, she has been told umpteen times that she is wrong and that she is responsible for most of the issues. Nadz refuses advice and she comes back here time and time again. It's widely understood that she comes to vent rather than seek advice since she never accepts and applies any suggestions to help her out.
Is allowing her to open threads enabling her in continuing her disfunctional relationship and not remediating the situation? I don't think so - because as often as someone tells her that her MIL is terrible, others will tell her she's wrong and to improve her own behaviour. She's not getting validation here - she probably gets more criticism than anything else.
Until the day she takes ownership for her actions, perceptions and her reactions - nothing is going to change and the cycle continues.
But maybe somewhere along the way she'll have an epiphany (and no, I don't think GS will be responsible for her epiphany) and realize her happiness is in her control - contentment is being grateful for what you have and seeking joy not from others, but from ourselves.
Obviously you have your opinion. We can agree to disagree.
The disclaimer at the back of cigarette pack doesn't mean its doing any good.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
Agreed.
See, we can see eye-to-eye on something 
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
So the legends are true. Nadz really DOES exist and sheās not a myth:naak:. The GS grand daddys told me all kinds of bed time stories about her
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
I normally do not comment on this type of thread but...
It seems that everyone involved is completely devoid of any common sense.
Nadz - I have not read any of her other threads but, based on the comments in this one, she seems to be quite lacking in common sense and emotional maturity. Despite handling various situations inappropriately and making a mess of things numerous times, she disregards her husbandās advice as āsillyā and thinks that she knows better. Why? Wouldnāt the fact her behaviour in those previous situations resulted in drama and led to problems be an indicator that she does not know better and should do things differently? As Albert Einstein quite aptly stated, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Her husband ā He married a woman raised in Britain who clearly was not comfortable moving to Pakistan or living with his mother. Quite frankly, all of the drama that has ensued should not come as a surprise to him. Iām also under the impression that his mother never liked her to begin with. If that is the case and he was aware of this, no sympathy there either. He knew what he was getting into and chose to proceed.
Her mother-in-law ā By now, she must have realised that her daughter-in-law is extremely immature. Knowing this, why does she continue to engage her in petty arguments and entertain this drama? It is rather pointless to argue with someone who does not have the maturity to discuss things rationally or the common sense to listen to reason. At her age, she should know this. There is a Pashto proverb that comes to mind: If you choose to argue with a crazy person, you are crazier than they are.
I apologise if this comes across as rather harsh but the situation just seems so unnecessary.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
I dunno man. Icono ne Nadzās k threads ko yaad kia on the 24th. Then on the following dayā¦lo and beholdā¦thereās a thread from Nadz. Coinkidink? 
And do laptops stop working easily from falls? Must have fallen from a great height then.
The nature of the complaints is the same. The advice is the same and is often glossed over. Rarely do we hear OP sayā¦āSo I tried the suggestions you all gave me.āā¦āI tried lowering my expectations from MILāā¦āI tried being the first to do a kind gesture for MILāā¦āI tried ignoring annoying remarks and actions from my husband and MILāā¦āI realized I was wrong and tried apologizing and correcting quicklyāā¦āI tried doing what my husband wanted without complaint and argument.ā
She either doesnāt want to change or she is trying to entertain/troll. If sheās truly struggling, I think she needs to see a spiritual healer first before a counselor cuz it seems she has a lock on her aqal and thereās also an inability to pray and come toward deen. Nadz, you asked if being away from deen is what is causing you to feel overwhelmed. I believe that is a major reason. Itās said that when we turn away from the remembrance from Allah, He assigns a shaitan-companion to us that makes it hard for us to think and act in a way that is sound. So you become internally vulnerable to the evil whisperings of your own nafs/shaitanā¦and plus you have a MIL that doesnāt desire good for youā¦so you are both internally and externally vulnerable to harmful influences. And for Shaitan, the biggest achievement in terms of sins is to incite people to think ill of their spouse and for it to lead to separation.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
Yes, they most certainly do. I accidentally knocked my previous laptop from the countertop in my kitchen (moral of the story: PRINT recipes out rather than taking your laptop with you to the kitchen lol) and it did not turn on after that.
As far as the laptop incident is concerned, I donāt understand something. Why would anyone think that is is alright to use someone elseās things without asking for permission? Especially when they were explicitly told not to? That rather seems like common sense in any culture. Seriously, would she be alright if someone borrowed something of hers without asking and then damaged to it to boot?
Re: honesty needed. upset,.:/
^ I don't think she considers her inlaws "real" people as such with feelings or whatnot. Only her own family have those. Real people have wants, feelings and british nationalities.
Re: honesty needed. upset,.
Yea except i didnāt resort to namecalling Not too mature innit? 
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