I can sympathize with you. Being resentful can take a lot from who we are and who we want to be. You are vengeful and try to hurt people who have hurt you in little ways that you can. You are going to be this way as long as nothing in your life changes. A want can become a need when it goes ignored or unfulfilled for long enough. You need to forgive others and yourself and allow yourself to live your life. Accept your reality and find ways to make yourself happy by not being vengeful. You need hobbies! Stop focusing on what bothers you or it will eat away at your soul until nothing remains. Trust me.
arzi 3as and 3rs
nadz thats what happens when beeyootiphul girls turn me down.
On a serious note, nadz both husband and wife are garments for each other. and this is not in answer to any of your questions. reread the parts of post where you have discussed him.
edit: incase i didnt sound clear enough to you. i meant look at the sort of words you have used for him. they arent appropriate.
Everyoneâs already given all the sensible advice. What I want to know is why do u want ur mil to cook if sheâs sick and why wouldnât u do it that day. Who does it otherwise? She cooks everyday or u take turns. Also, when u say she doesnât cook for u if ur sick, u mean she otherwise makes food or everyone, saalan roti whatever but ur husband doesnât ask her to make soup for u? Is that what u mean?
Also why do u need to show tickets if uv already told them about ur travel dates? Did u ever lie about ur travel dates previously that u need to show them proof?
I think u keep testing ur husband, with odd tasks, and âmuqaablaâ type things, to see whether heâll do them or not (even if u have no real need or want for them) just to see whether heâll do them or not so u can throw them in his face later. And he bichara is randomly walking into rooms and talking to his family members (who he has been with all his life) unbeknownst to him someone from the CIA is monitoring his every move.
And seriously? Counting every time he goes to his mom or talks to her, itâs not borderline crazy, itâs waaaayyyyyyy deep in the downtown of loonyville. I did not know ppl did that. And with all these jealous undertones (which u may think u somehow mask very well), ur mil knows, and she has every right to not put u in her good books and also not make soup for u. Stop competing. If ur counting every time he sits with her, if this was a normal relationship, uâd be already there sitting with her (in the tv lounge or common sitting area) and heâd be joining the two of u. If ur cooped up in ur room and then u get pissed why heâs outside I think itâs totally ok for him to want to spend some time with his Tparents when he gets home for work. Thatâs what my husband does. If there is actually something that I need to talk to him in private for then I just discretely ask him to come to the room, send him a whatsapp message or just go to the room and call out to him. And after two kids u still have time to keep tabs on his mom time?
Youâre beginning to lose itâŚif you think you will ever be equal to his motherâŚyouâre dead wrong.
Alhumdulillah, I have parentsâŚif my husband asked me to choose between he and themâŚIâd choose the people who gave birth to me, raised me, created meâŚno one comes even close to them. They mean the world to me. How can you possibly compete with someone who has an entire LIFETIME over you??? Do you not feel silly???
Life is difficult enough as it is for youâŚWHYYYY are you adding to the drama? Relax, back off, let them have their space together (you will never ever ever be more important than the woman who gave him life) and YOUâŚget yourself a life! A real life! Youâve got cabin fever or somethingâŚno one in their right mind competes with someone twice their age. Get a job, a hobby, friends, take some courses online, etc. Do SOMETHING with your mind that is useful and sensible.
Happiness is something, which increases when you share it. It appears you do have the tendency to make your hubbyâs life tough and I am sure he is same. But if you didnt make the really small things an issue, I think more than 50% of your happiness would still be with you. Good thing is you realise it too. That means you can improve on your side. Start with just the silly things where you make a mess. Stop making mess on small patty issues, With that he will not be shouting for sure as he is doing it in response. Once you can take care of small issues, you will be moving in right direction already.
There is a hadeeth. apni maa kay paas beth jaayaa karo, kiunkay wo waqt ibaadat mei sgumaar hotaa hai aur aakhirat mei nijaat kaa baayes bantaa hai.
And you want to drag him away from jannat ? Strange.
His mother knows him for way longer than you. your rights do not cross paths with her rights. Both shouldnt think this way.
Do you have a son yourself ? Do you love him ? Do you want him to love you back ? How will you feel when someday another woman will demand him not to love you back ? Because this will happen one day no matter what you do. Just remember that. And then all the flashbacks will go through your mind and it will be too late.
It appears that your husband tries very hard to create a peaceful and friendly atmosphere in his house and for this he tries to manage emotions and expectations on both sides (i.e. his wife and his parents/siblings) thats why he asks to do / refrain from certain things but seems like you donât pay any heed to what he asks you to do and hence all the shouting and fighting.
Why canât you look at the brighter side of things ? he doesnât want to let go of you that is he wants a friendly atmosphere in his house , he wants to keep both sides happy . Why do you compete with his mother and siblings ?
I donât blame your husband atleast not in the scenario that youâve mentioned in this thread , you completely ignore his requests and then you expect him to be polite with you ? for me this is a serious lack of respect âŚwoh bechara shout nahi karey to kiya karey ?
OP, U do opposite of what ur husband says. I think u should turn around the table.
work on urself first. If u really love him and want to be with him then work out by urself.
U r not a working lady, u have sole responsibility of ur husband, home n ur child.
It would be good if u spend time with his sick mother n cook for her, just think of ur mother. Make urself a home dear.
If u really want ur husband to be happy wd u then do whatever he expects. I hope in near future, he all will be ur. just give a try , full effort, atleast for 2 years. then u see the result.
Good luck dear and as a Muslim, keep in touch with ALLAH. HE will definitely help u.
This might come off harshly but I think it needs to be said.
Aap apna ghar (marriage), apney hi haatouN se toRh Rahi haiN.
Youâre husband is most likely hanafi? If so, push the man enough to utter the D word 3 times and It all ends. All of it. You will have nothing left but a life full of regret. Think if your daughters for crying out loud! Imagine them being 18, craving for their father and blaming YOU for not trying hard enough, not compromising enough, not having put THEM first in all of this selfish drama youâre creating.
Heâs not a bad guy Nadz, show him how amazing of a partner you can be before expecting it from him.
PS. It is unfruitful to compete/ get jealous of his mother. If you love your husband, do you want eternal peace for him? Well that peace lies right there, at the foot of his mother. NOT yours. Speaks volume doesnât it? You as a mother should understand this.
I understand how u feel abt your MIL - iâm not a big fan of mine either. I think you need an extended, long period away from your in-laws. All your threads are almost exactly the sameâŚwhat is probably innocent is always percieved by you as an insult or some way to take your husband away from you. Do you have friends where you live? Spend time with them. Spend time solely on your daughters. Be around people other than your in-laws and their relativesâŚyou might be able to see things more clearly then.
I agree to an extent with khatti - u react first and then think later abt ur actions. You obvs feel bad/know u are wrongâŚthis thread is proof of that. Think before you speak. If you canât get professional helpâŚyou need to force yourself to let things go. If you push ur husband far enough, u really wonât be left with anything. No one tells off their mother or fights with their mother for petty things like proper ettiquette if the wife is sick (not making u soup, visiting your room to check on u etc). That only happens on Star PlusâŚnot in real life. Imagine your husband having a row with you cos your mom didnât pour him a glass of water when he visited her. It sounds stupid but those are exactly what your complaints seem to be.
Also, do u enjoy living in constant drama? Why donât u work with your husband to keep a friendly/neutral atmosphere if u hate all this madness? If your husband asks u to do something, even if it seems stupid to u, just do itâŚhe knows best how to deal with his family. That would be the quickest and easiest way to keep your MIL out of your hair and hubby would be happy too.
I said it a few years ago and you all got on my case. Nadz is a typical example of a woman who doesnât deserve to be married. She creates the drama. She feeds on it. Then when it blows up in her face she comes running here for sympathy.
If anything all you women who supported her the first year or two years she was here are to blame as much as her. You lot didnât shut her down when she was acting like a horrible wife and woman. No you supported her.
This is what happens when you women support everything without understanding the situation.
Nadz and her MIL are an example of the chicken and the egg - it no longer matters what came first - Nadz immaturity and dislike of living in PK or her MILâs dislike of her and undermining and marginalization of her. Neither of these women is willing to change and they will continue to be a source of aggravation for one another.
And at this point, I actually no longer feel sorry for the husband either - he brought all of this on himself by marrying a UK-born girl***** who didnât want or wasnât comfortable with moving to PK and who isnât capable of thinking beyond herself, and marrying her likely against his mamaâs preference and not seeing his mom capable of being wrong about anything except the initial marriage decision, thus setting up the cycle of misery.
*Ab sab bhugto!
*** To clarify, not because she was born in the UK, but because apparently she obviously had a preference to remain in the UK.***
We keep answering you Nadz when you bring your grievances to the forum.
Iâm wondering if you have the ability to step outside and look in.
Why not try it as an exercise? Iâm sure that at some point a therapist is going to make you do this anywayâŚ
