Hello Everyone,
You must be having an idea of my situation which I had mentioned in my previous thread,that,this guy and I know each other for the last more than 2 years and want to get married to each other,but his mom doesn’t approve of this relationship,because she wants him to get married to someone of her choice.Now the thing is that, his mom still doesn’t approve of this relationship,instead,a day before,she called on my home phone,and talked with my dad,and told him that,he should make his daughter,i.e.,me understand because I’m creating so much trouble into their lives because I keep on staying in touch with her son,and stuff like that.
What should i do in such a scenario?Should I break all the contact with him?Should I leave him?
If you want a peaceful, happy married life.. leave the guy... move on. Find someone who will accept you, his family will accept you and respect you. No on needs to be treated this way.
Re: His mom
forget him
Re: His mom
If he *really *wanted you, he wud make his mum want you too, he wud make his mum understand how much you mean to him. Instead he hasnt done anything, He didnt even stop his mum frm phoning your dad and saying such things. I say forget it, get sum1 that will love you for who you are and accept you, and find a man that will be a man and stand up to mummy and show you how they feel.
Cut all contact, and dont ring him again, If he rings you, ignore him. Your to good for them.
Re: His mom
Can this thread be merged with other?
Girlie, you need to specify what is **his **position at this time.
How did the relationship start and what is the relation between two families.
You might be better off not pursuing so hard if he is not.
Re: His mom
Move on. If he really wants to marry you, he'll convince his mother. Don't wait around for him, that will only ruin your life.
Re: His mom
Leave him.
Re: His mom
:(
Re: His mom
^
It seems impossible, but you're better off without him and you will realise that in due time.
Stay strong and good luck!
Re: His mom
It would be interesting to hear his mum's side of the story.
Hello Everyone, You must be having an idea of my situation which I had mentioned in my previous thread,that,this guy and I know each other for the last more than 2 years and want to get married to each other,but his mom doesn't approve of this relationship,because she wants him to get married to someone of her choice.Now the thing is that, his mom still doesn't approve of this relationship,instead,a day before,she called on my home phone,and talked with my dad,and told him that,he should make his daughter,i.e.,me understand because I'm creating so much trouble into their lives because I keep on staying in touch with her son,and stuff like that. What should i do in such a scenario?Should I break all the contact with him?Should I leave him?
His mom most likely made that phone call behind her son's back. Because no guy will tell his mom to make such a call (if he's sincere). Anyhow, I'm disgusted with this mother especially if she has NO OTHER objection toward you......besides you not being HER CHOICE. She's a pathetic woman. She, like many desi moms like her, believe that a girl of HER CHOICE will be perfect......obedient.......won't steal her son away from her. I wouldn't be surprised if she already sees YOU as the woman who is stealing her son away. She can't believe that her son has the AUDACITY to like another woman besides HERSELF. And she thinks that she will have MORE CONTROL over the marriage and her own status in her son's life if she gets to choose who his bride will be. Sad, sad, sad woman.
Anyhow..............you haven't mentioned anything at all about your boyfriend. How goes his progress? Has he been keeping in touch with you? Is he making any effort at all to convince his parents?
My advice: Tell your boyfriend about his mother's phone call and what she said to your dad. Tell him that you think it's unfair that his mom thinks YOU are the one creating problems in her life............when a relationship involves two people....(the boy AND the girl)..........NOT just the girl. Tell him that, out of respect for yourself and your family **AND **also respect for his family, you're not going to interfere anymore. Explain that desi culture is such that if a girl is made out to look like the one chasing for a rishta, it hurts her reputation. Rather there is more IZZAT for the girl if the guy AND his family formally ask for a rishta. And until that happens............things are pointless. Tell him that if he's interested, he will find a way to convince his mom.
And then just back off. Don't call his cell or home. Take a break from him and allow him to sort out his feelings. If he wants you..........he'll find a way to make mom come around......at least enough to make a formal proposal. And if he isn't interested..........then move on. During this break, you should also think about whether you'd feel comfortable marrying into a family where the mother doesn't exactly have sound objections toward you. You can even tell your boyfriend that your parents are searching rishtas for you.........and give him a time limit (a couple of weeks or a month).....because you can't wait forever. Then leave him alone to figure him and his mom out.
It would be interesting to hear his mum's side of the story.
True,,... Do you have any idea why she doesnt like you and is not willing to accept you?
Re: His mom
We don't know the whole story so no need to generalize or criticize desi moms.
Even non-desi moms would do something like that if necessary.
Re: His mom
i agree with wat redvelvet said ...... do not break off without giving the guy a proper chance and listening to his side of the story and letting him kno wat happend ... and then see how he takes things on from there ... uc an't really punish the guy cuz his mom is a loser
^^Even if the guy stands up for her now and gets married, at the end of the day his mom is HIS mom. Remember in TLK's thread "guy's perspective on love marriage", he mentioned that after a guy gets married to the love of his life against parents' wishes, he starts to feel guily and to make up for that guilt becomes extra caring towards his family and sometimes is unfair to his wife. His mom is HIS mom. He can come under her influence anytime and not treat her good.
Or even if he doesn't comer under her influence, she would never gain that DIL spot in the family. She would never be respected in his family. She would not have an in-laws house to go to on every eid occassion or other big occassions. Girl you gotta be very careful, because it's a matter of your whole life not just a few days.
His mom has called your dad today. It's not a small thing and it's not common either that in-laws call up girl's parents to complain about her ..it only happens in bitter situations. So do THINK about it.
Guy may be a gem but again weigh out the situation carefully. You seem young so don't rush into any decision. Also, do Istikhara!
Best Wishes,
Chaachi
Re: His mom
yes.
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-relationships/371489-without-parents-approval-2.html
hmm. I know the similiar story..but this time it was girl's father who called the guy's father and swore and used very abusive language to this guy (When talking to his father). What we say to that?. The story goes something like this:
Guy liked this girl and they both have very good understanding. The guy told his father and his father rang up and talked to her father. First conversation went rude because, the girl's father was like..." he needs to do more in terms of education". Though, guy had a good job..and just finished his bach. and was planning to study part time doing masters. And he wanted to get married to her asap to avoid "haram relationship"..beside caring about her.
Then few months later, i guess girl's father and mother was trying to hook a girl with some "engineer" dude but she refused and of course therefore mayhem at her house. This trigged the girl's father to called guy's father and used VERY abusive language to a guy..and told his father that..he should cut ties with her and not talk to my daughter. etc. And this whole time guy's father was calm..and trying to tell her father that... "vo apni beti ko samjhaen and don't come to me if you can't control your daugher". The guy's father was pissed as well but he acted maturely and didn't use any abusive language toward the girl OR even her father.
And now the situation is same, the girl and guy are talking regularly and still wants to get married but the guy is being extremely understanding and telling her that..if her father isn't agreed to this...why are we going with this? To this, girl gets emotional and cry and cry..and of course..this guy tells her that..insha'allah whatever Allah wills it will happen..but we should remain patient and of course hoping her parents will come around.
Guy's father is calm and tells his son to be patient and try finishing his masters in meanwhile.
Anyway sorry about that..thread starter. This is the story of my bestfriend and my yar!! I hope everything works out for both of them.
Now tell me what should this couple do? Because leaving each other is not an option.
It would be interesting to hear his mum's side of the story.
That's already mentioned in my previous thread
Re: His mom
It would be interesting to hear what he thinks. If he hasn't made the move of overriding his mom, then why keep in touch with him. You let him know you are there and available when he has the balls to decide on his own. Until then consider that he is just going to follow his mom.
What reasons does she have of not wanting you?
That's already mentioned in my previous thread
Sweetheart that is your version. I dont mean his mum should post a thread on GS, just that it doesn't make much sense going aww based on one side of a story.