Sweetheart that is your version. I dont mean his mum should post a thread on GS, just that it doesn't make much sense going aww based on one side of a story.
Well, his mom wants him to follow their traditional way where she can be able to find a girl for him, and get married to her.
Re: His mom
Seriously hun, Why bother? Your gonna get so much grief if you went into this family.
Well, his mom wants him to follow their traditional way where she can be able to find a girl for him, and get married to her.
Does your boyfriend's mother have ANY other reason for rejecting you? Such as education, cultural background, location, conflicting family personality.....or "she's not gori enough"........................ANY other reason? AT ALL? Besides "She just ain't my choice." ?????
Is this the only reason your boyfriend gave you about his mom? Is it possible that there were other reasons that he is holding back?
If that is indeed her only reason.....it just doesn't surprise me. I know not all desi moms are like that. But I've heard/seen some who have freaked out when they see girls who are not even in a relationship with their sons, but their presence alone makes them insecure. Once again, not all are like that.
Re: His mom
There are such moms. It's an ego thing really.
There are such moms. It's an ego thing really.
Yup! Some of the guys will defend......but based on what I have both heard....and unfortunately even SEEN.....it's a combination of EGO and INSECURITY.
Disclaimer for those rushing to defend desi moms: Not all moms are like that.
Re: His mom
Well, hang on. Even if it is her choice to want a bahu of her own choice, I dont think the son is faultless here either. Why didnt he respect his mothers' wishes in the first place? Unless the matter had stayed quiet in the families and was never discussed, he should have known better.
Seems like if this thing is a norm in teh families (parents choosing the spouse) then kids should respect it....instead of trying to make big dramas for nothin.
Re: His mom
^ Erm you cant help who your attracted too, and who you fall for. And if more people stand up to their parents for people they love, then all this arranged/forced marriage crap would end. Wishful thinking
Re: His mom
^ erm, yes you can.
True, it’s not only the mom’s fault. I’ve even brought up the question about the son’s “efforts” in this dilemma.
And I too was wondering why the son even started something if mom strictly wants a bride of her choice.
Well, it could be that Mommy never told him that his future wifey will be of HER choice…maybe he only learned of this condition/disclaimer when he mustered whatever drop of courage he had to let Mom know about this girl he’s interested in. He probably wasn’t aware. Now if he was…:
^ And even then…Sometimes you just fall for a person, can’t help it. If you CAN, then more power to you because feeling don’t switch themselves off like a light switch. It requires a lot of self-control not be sucked into them in the first place…and then even more so in order to move on completely.
I dunno…he needs to speak up. Either tell the girl that he’s not interested so both can move on. Or he needs to convince his mom and the girl in the meantime needs to back down and let him sort things out.
By the way, Girlie.…how do YOUR parents feel about the guy? Do they even know about him? Any objections from their end. Because in the event he manages to raazify his mom…YOUR PARENTS also need to be okay with it.
^ erm, yes you can.
erm, Obviously not. The proof is this thread.
Well, hang on. Even if it is her choice to want a bahu of her own choice, I dont think the son is faultless here either. Why didnt he respect his mothers' wishes in the first place? Unless the matter had stayed quiet in the families and was never discussed, he should have known better.
Seems like if this thing is a norm in teh families (parents choosing the spouse) then kids should respect it....instead of trying to make big dramas for nothin.
so that means a child should not have a choice for picking who he/she is going to spend the rest of his life with?
so that means a child should not have a choice for picking who he/she is going to spend the rest of his life with?
Sure...but only if they're willing to go through the drama and hassle of trying to convince the parents that their boyfriend/girlfriend will make them happy.
But my main point is, everybody looks at how the parents are wrong, or how the mother is a bad person for not liking teh gf etc.
all im saying is, the son isn't exactly innocent either. Life isn't a movie or book where the people in love are faultless and can do no wrong.
so that means a child should not have a choice for picking who he/she is going to spend the rest of his life with?
According to some desi parents......the answer would be "No." These issues are not discussed before hand by parents........so it comes as a surprise when child mentions bf/gf.....and parents object because it's not their choice.
Believe it or not........some mothers brag about how obedient their daughters were and they say things like "Oh my daughter would not protest at all. She'll willingly accept and go with any guy I would have chosen or handed her over to."
^I had heard that some aunties say/do this. I didn't believe it until I actually HEARD one bragging in this manner to other aunties at a party. I happened to be sitting in front.....and well......they were loud enough. And this too.......from an educated aunti, mind you.
So, perhaps going against parents' choice is viewed as "disobedience" or "shameful." It's sad.......because I've even seen/heard cases where parents' choices were not the best.
Re: His mom
We still have no idea what he really says about this to her. Trashing people without reason or just made up assumptions is not a good thing.
Looking for a bahu herself is hardly a strong reason and not to be overcome by the strong position taken by the man. What we know is that this is causing his family difficulties.
Seems 'so far what we know', the man does not feel strong enough for her to persuade or change decision of his mother to approve this relation. Maybe he does, but not known yet.
It takes a good reason in many families where a girl or boy would be able to break a long term relation and love between parents and their children.
Mere few months or perhaps year 'relation without marriage', may not be able to break that relation.
If these signs are there, leave the person alone.
Re: His mom
^ Yup I have heard of such bragging as well.
I know a couple that was in this situation. The guy ended up defying his mother and got married to the girl of her choice. The mother refused to attend the wedding and cut off contact with her son. Its been years and the mother still hasn't talked to them... visiting to door ki baat hai. She has not even come seen her grandchildren that have since been born. Pure stubborness!!! So it's a bad situation either way..... either the girl will have to deal with her MIL's crap her entire life... or the MIL will be like this one and peace them out. It is a very sad and hurtful situation. Especially when children are born.
The couple I know are madly in love and extremely compatible. They are Alhumudullilah doing great in every other aspect of life. But they definitely had to sacrifice some things.
So I guess if you want to sacrifice... something... then go for it. You can definitely not have "your cake and eat it too" in this situation in my opinion. It might be for the best to walk away from it if you can.
Re: His mom
^ hey..no MIL to deal with! thats a dream come true for most girls:p
We still have no idea what he really says about this to her. Trashing people without reason or just made up assumptions is not a good thing.
Looking for a bahu herself is hardly a strong reason and not to be overcome by the strong position taken by the man. What we know is that this is causing his family difficulties.
Seems 'so far what we know', the man does not feel strong enough for her to persuade or change decision of his mother to approve this relation. Maybe he does, but not known yet.
It takes a good reason in many families where a girl or boy would be able to break a long term relation and love between parents and their children. Mere few months or perhaps year 'relation without marriage', may not be able to break that relation.
If these signs are there, leave the person alone.
Well, Diwana........I and others have asked her about how his progress is going in convincing mom.........and whether or not other reasons were given.
Not ALL desi mom's are the same. I've made that point as well. But some are. And this is based on my own observations and experiences. Not something I've made up for the heck of it. Yes, there are questions that need to be addressed by the poster to get a clearer picture. But so far.....it seems (based on her post) that this is the only "reason" given to her.
^ hey..no MIL to deal with! thats a dream come true for most girls:p
You took the words right out of my mind!! best dream ever. and im living it! hehehehe
Well, Diwana........I and others have asked her about how his progress is going in convincing mom.........and whether or not other reasons were given.
Not ALL desi mom's are the same. I've made that point as well. But some are. And this is based on my own observations and experiences. Not something I've made up for the heck of it. Yes, there are questions that need to be addressed by the poster to get a clearer picture. But so far.....it seems (based on her post) that this is the only "reason" given to her.
Many different possibilities in this kind of situation.
1- Mother is too stubborn. Son is genuinely trying but not getting anywhere.
2- Mother is concerned based on something we do not know.
3- Son is mama's boy as women say when he leaves them or does not fight for them.
4- Girl is too pushy and a dreamer.
5- Son had not expected mother's reaction. Things he could not see what mother could.
6- Son deliberately led her on and is a player. (Not possible since he has caused trouble in the family)
Solution based on info available:
Tell him no need to continue relation until he gets his mind clear and gets mother on the side.
Girls should have some dignity after all.
I know it is difficult for many girls in similar situation but this is the risk girls take when go too far in relationship.
And please no need to speculate mother's role on assumptions (she is not gori enough etc.) , some skewed unusual experiences, or observations.
Mothers for the most part do look for best interest of their children.
I am siding with a woman here and what I see sometimes women being the worst enemies of women.
^ hey..no MIL to deal with! thats a dream come true for most girls:p
Lol tru that. But its a bit sad for them now when they have kids and they don't have their daadi around.