i have a long story to discuss with everyone, but before i do, i would ask those who are ready with the usual responses of ‘dump him’, ‘he’s using u’, etc to not even bother reading. i am looking for some genuine advice here.
the guy i have been in love with for over a year is from karachi. he doesn’t have a dad n 5 sisters, 4 of whom r married now. his mom had to work pretty hard to raise 6 kids on her own and marry 4 of them. his one divorced sis and his one unmarried sis live with his mom in khi. he did his bcom or something (some 2 year course) but never got a proper bachelors. he was working as an IT manager at pak and getting paid approx 13000 rs/month. he really wanted to study abroad, so he applied for uk. i am from canada so i kept forcing him to please come to canada but he listened to his friends and came to uk with literally 300 pounds in his pocket. i paid 4500 pounds for his tuition fees, because he had no money. i had just finished uni then so it was basically all my savings, but i had hoped that once he got a nice degree from uk n was settled, it will be all good for the both of us. what i didn’t know was that his friend got him an admission in a college that had it’s licence suspended a week after he got to uk, and he wasn’t even interested in the course that he got admission in. his main goal was to make money and somehow get settled abroad without having to study too much. he has wasted a year and so much money and has nothing to show for it!
well, after he was already in uk, he got a job at a shop and later as a security officer working on cash and making approx 200-500 pounds a week. he was sending 200-300 pounds a month back home to his mom per month, so he never saved even a penny. just recently his security company told him that they could no longer keep him as he was on student visa and they were no longer hiring ppl on cash and they just want people to work full time for them and students in uk are only allowed to work 20 hours a week. he has been looking for another job ever since he got laid off but he is not able to find anything. to top it all off, his college is closing down at the end of this year. he cannot get admission in another college cuz he has no money and i don’t have any savings either. he told me that he wanted to come to canada on a visit visa and then marry me here in secret (paper marriage) and apply for his pr here and study/work here until he settles down. my mom wants to have her future son-in-law visit her so she agreed to send him a sponsorship letter but she doesn’t know anything about his money situation, his visa problem or his college. today my mom talked to her lawyer and the lawyer asked for his passport copy/letter from college saying that he is enrolled there/bank statement. he said that he will do some ‘juagar’ (I HATE THAT WORD!!!) and pay some money to his corrupted college and get them to issue him a letter but he has absolutely no money in his account (barely 200 pounds). i know he won’t get any visit visa this way because they will know that his college is closed down, he has no money and that he will def. settle down in canada. when i raised that issue to him today he told me to tell my parents about his money problem. i got so mad at him saying that if he wanted to tell them he could because i am seriously not interested. now it is at a point where he’s like, ‘u think u r so smart, u r a heroine, but u r not. tell ur parents something will be done cuz so many ppl visit canada n blah blah’. so i told him that yes, i was smart, smarter than him at least. i have a university degree, he doesn’t even have that. i know i acted bee-itchy but i got pissed and he hung up and that is that. i really don’t know what to do now. should i just back off and let him deal with it however he wants? should i tell my parents? i am going crazy here!!!
You are in a deep trouble and thats so obvious . And yea you are exactly right that he is using you and your emotions against you . Even if he’ll come to Canada and marry you then phaleeeeeeeeez don’t think that he’ll stop there . All his life he’ll be looking for ‘jugar’ , and trying to live of you & your parents .
but again miracles do happen and people do survive bungy jumping without a rope . :k:
obviously you know that ppl will say he's using you and u should dump him, hence why you don't want to hear that.
I think you know exactly what you want/need to do, but you're just afraid... He is using u, if u think u can be happy living like that, then so be it, go through all the trouble to be together....
he will come to canada, marry you, get his citizenship, and then divorce you and will send you on your way. this is regardless of whether you tell your parents or not (which as an educated, independent girl, you should have done from the get go). just telling you the truth. are you ready for a divorced life after a year of not-so blissful life?
Aright I just read your post. How.do.you.girls fall for such losers? It really is beyond me. You are a grad, apparently from a well settled decent family, and you think you are 'in love' with some jackass who is not only under-educated for you but has been using all unfair means to get to and stay overseas and make whatever money he can. Love, you are just another 'jugar' for the bloke. Not only his ticket into Canada but apparently also his source of funds while he stays there. Having seen and experienced all what he has been doing right under your nose, if you still fail to see what is wrong with him and this whole idea, well, I wish you a happy marriage.
Either ^ that, which makes you rather unwise, somewhere high up the scale of being gullible and stupid as they say, or you are just a troll.
PS: Do you have any like-minded but much richer friend? I have a few pending ventures should she be willing to finance, oh and of course I will give her my heart and soul in return. You go tell her exactly that, I'll cut you a share.
Aright I just read your post. How.do.you.girls fall for such losers? It really is beyond me. You are a grad, apparently from a well settled decent family, and you think you are 'in love' with some jackass who is not only under-educated for you but has been using all unfair means to get to and stay overseas and make whatever money he can. Love, you are just another 'jugar' for the bloke. Not only his ticket into Canada but apparently also his source of funds while he stays there. Having seen and experienced all what he has been doing right under your nose, if you still fail to see what is wrong with him and this whole idea, well, I wish you a happy marriage.
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Ok. Have you ever met his family? do you know any of his relatives? are you sure what you are told is true?
Get out of it sister. you are wasting yourself. why don;t you instead of wasting all that money on him, get a ticket to karachi and meet his family?
I am 100% sure, truth you'll find there will be something else. It's based on my own experience, Beware of pakistani guys ( sorry ppl) especially from those having lots of problems and majbooris and widow moms and divorced sister plus bla bla bla......
Tell him only thing you can do for him is to wait for him, and he has to cope with his problems himself, then see how he reacts. You'll be surprised.
nobody knows more than i do how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone who is struggling financially... just let him go, and from what i can see it's a long distance relationship and i think you deserve someone who looks after you,, you don't want to spend your entire life paying bills for him...his excuses are pretty lame and he's just using you, these little things matter a lot in a relationship so try to speak to your parents and tell him you cant tolerate this behavior anymore
he doesnt deserve a girl like you. clearly you care for him but he is and has used you. let him do his own thing and break it off with him. you will be milesss better off.
Yes he is a jackass and he is using you, dump him and never look back again . This relationship is not based on love , it is based on desperation. He is desperate , you are desperate .
He does not give you any respect , you and your mom are his ATM . If someone is doing me a favor I will be forever obliged to them , will not call them name and will never ever look up in their eyes.
Ok. Have you ever met his family? do you know any of his relatives? are you sure what you are told is true?
Get out of it sister. you are wasting yourself. why don;t you instead of wasting all that money on him, get a ticket to karachi and meet his family?
I am 100% sure, truth you'll find there will be something else. It's based on my own experience, Beware of pakistani guys ( sorry ppl) especially from those having lots of problems and majbooris and widow moms and divorced sister plus bla bla bla......
Tell him only thing you can do for him is to wait for him, and he has to cope with his problems himself, then see how he reacts. You'll be surprised.
The part in bold. See the reaction and you'll know yourself on what you should do
obviously you know that ppl will say he's using you and u should dump him, hence why you don't want to hear that.
I think you know exactly what you want/need to do, but you're just afraid... He is using u, if u think u can be happy living like that, then so be it, go through all the trouble to be together....
totally agree with this. u know in ur heart that he's using u but u just don't want to hear it from other people and confront the reality of ur situation. he is using u as a means of getting settled abroad. does it not ring alarm bells with u the fact that he wants to conduct a secret marriage??
yes i have met his entire khandaan. his family is pretty well settled. his mamoos are all in usa, and all their kids have degrees from good universities. 3 of his sisters are married to well settled men, and the divorced one has a masters degree and is financially independent. i know he is desperate. it's his brother in law, who has told him and his mother countless times that he will never succeed in life. i know he is using me to get a little success. i also know that he has the potential if he tries. he wasted almost 10000 dollars, so he should have studied hard and gotten his diploma or whatever it was that he was going for. at a point in his security job, he was making 500-600 pounds a week, and his monthly expenses was only around 700 pounds, so he should have saved up. kept telling him and telling him and telling him and he kept promising that he would but he never did! now he's where he started, no money, no job etc.
i have been thinking about it too and i think i need to back too. i won't dump him because i may be be making a wrong decision then. i just need to back off and let him deal with his own problems. when he has gotten somewhere in life, and still wants to marry me, i will be there. but i won't be his ticket to success any longer.
thanks for all the advice though, i really just needed to vent. i am still mad at being called 'smart and heroine when u r not'!
You are smart and heroine . You made the right decision. You need to stick to it and do not give in to any emotional blackmails which might come you way. Let him deal with his problems and see how it goes. Although I would agree with his BIL and his mother that he will never succeed in life. Because he has no plan and he just acts on his whims and bad advice. He needs to learn to deal with life wisely, but he does not.
spare him for sometime n let him handle the situation and face the music, bcoz how long will you goona support him lik this. dont dump him rgt now giv him somtime to deal these rainy days himself , might b come up with som good news for you , jst hop for the best n expect the worst in this kinda situation if he really loves he will make his level best to get out of this trouble giv him few years he might wil b the star of north east if he really hav som balls and som positive energy but rgt now jst back off n cut off all kinda contact link for few months at least .
You are smart and heroine . You made the right decision. You need to stick to it and do not give in to any emotional blackmails which might come you way. Let him deal with his problems and see how it goes. Although I would agree with his BIL and his mother that he will never succeed in life. Because he has no plan and he just acts on his whims and bad advice. He needs to learn to deal with life wisely, but he does not.