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Am sure WendyDarling wouldn’t support a potential wife (or husband) being exposed to stds..
The gist of what she said is correct.. there is some leeway for common-sense :k:
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You're not meant to say but you're not meant to actually lie if asked either.. It's one of those situations which is a bit of a grey area and I've read it's better to just remove yourself without giving too much info (before nikah obviously :D)
I think it's assumed most ppl would have the common-sense to deal with these situations without causing harm to the other party..
In this particular case it happened after the Nikah. So lying(actual or by ommission) would've been better, even if she got interrogated about it. Unless she knew her previous guy was a REAL douche who'd tell her husband.
That'd be the smart thing to do. Unless of course she's carrying someone else's kid or STDs. Not telling about that would be really evil. The guy raising someone else's kid, without actully knowing :( or worse getting a STD :(
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Like posters have said, it was stupid of the wife to mention it and it was equally stupid of the husband to tell you. Unlessit's the playground type of thing, where the 'friend' is you. Either way, things like a sexual past in our culture, society and religion are wrong, so if the sin has been committed, keep quiet about it. Yes the past is the past, and no one has the right to judge someone over the past, people seem to forget everyone is entitled to a preference. When problems arise after the past is brought into light, it's usually from the preference combined with cultural labels.
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You’ve actually made me wonder now.. what is worse, raising another man’s child or getting a STD 
If the girl has sincerely apologized and prayed for forgiveness than you should just tell him to be a man and forgive her.
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i am surprised that people of marriageable age don't know about protection...still talking about STDs and whatnot!!!!!!!!
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Firstly, they had the nikkah done but no ruksathi yet.They started to meet in parties, weddings, satretd to talk on the phone, long walks, you know how it is..Inshort she brought up the issue after little bit of emotional blackmail and then she bursted into tears and he deliberately hung up the phone.
I dont understand why some people are responding so awkwardly. We talk to people, share our problems with them, ask for advices, if we find them trustworthy and harmless.
And yeah, my very first advice to him after knowing the issue was to cut off with her for a while.Because quest to know more about her past is like digging your own grave.
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Raising another man’s child thinking he\she is yours.
Getting an STD is worse for sure. Cause it’s painful.
We haven’t gotten rid of the STD epidemic, here on Earth, yet. So talking about them makes sense.
Apparently people aren’t that aware or we wouldn’t have so many unwanted pregnancies or STDs.
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**"When we lived in Virginia, I ran away with an Afghan man. I was eighteen at the time... rebellious... stupid, and... he was into drugs...
We lived together for almost a month"*
So, does what I told you bother you??*
Wow! that fling sounds thrilling, adventurous, passionate, dangerous, unpredictable, spontaneous and destined for failure which makes it all the more alluring for a young woman. I bet that guy 'expanded her boundaries' too like no future husband can.
This doesn't sound anything like an ordinary bf-gf dating/commitment thing that doesn't work out for some reason.
When she is 35 yrs old, she will look back and would not want to change anything about her past. Because this experience has had made her what she is. It is an important part of her past. She will value the bitter sweet memories that it has left behind.
Its sad that the OP's friend will have none of it. He will have no bitter sweet memories of his own. He has . He has no regrets of his own. He cannot reflect upon his past and regret a passionate wild yet disastrous affair he had with a woman.
The point I made in an earlier post got overlooked but I would still stress its importance. If I were him, I would want to take a good look at who her Afghan lover was and how I compare to him.
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**hey. i just watched this video and i couldnt help but get reminded of this thread .. pls watch it and do show it to your friend as well…
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^^ Thank You but I wanted to see his situation from diff. perspective, morally and duniya dari.There are people who suggested islamcally ahsa karo tu ye hoga woh hoga, Islamically she should be stoned to death.
**"When we lived in Virginia, I ran away with an Afghan man. I was eighteen at the time... rebellious... stupid, and... he was into drugs... We lived together for almost a month"* So, does what I told you bother you??*
Wow! that fling sounds thrilling, adventurous, passionate, dangerous, unpredictable, spontaneous and destined for failure which makes it all the more alluring for a young woman. I bet that guy 'expanded her boundaries' too like no future husband can.
This doesn't sound anything like an ordinary bf-gf dating/commitment thing that doesn't work out for some reason.
When she is 35 yrs old, she will look back and would not want to change anything about her past. Because this experience has had made her what she is. It is an important part of her past. She will value the bitter sweet memories that it has left behind.
Its sad that the OP's friend will have none of it. He will have no bitter sweet memories of his own. He has . He has no regrets of his own. He cannot reflect upon his past and regret a passionate wild yet disastrous affair he had with a woman.
The point I made in an earlier post got overlooked but I would still stress its importance. If I were him, I would want to take a good look at who her Afghan lover was and how I compare to him.
Horrible!!
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:k: I was thinking the same. He should forgive.
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WendyDarling
Ive been to countless hookers. Would you agree my potential wife doesnt need to know anything about my past, Islamically?
You must be one lonely and desperate man.
They haven't had their ruksiti yet, and this is a serious thing that the silly gal should have revealed to her now husband prior to their nikah
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Hey
A work colleague of mine is going through a seriously complicated relationship issue.He had nikah done almost a month ago, he is 24 and she is 21 both are young and the guy is nice and naive.He calls me bara bhai and respects me immensely.Now, he is really depressed due to a sad reality which his wife revealed to him about her past.She happen to be a non-virgin for which she expects him to forgive and forget.He has never been into any kind of a relationship, he thinks he can forgive and move on but cannot forget.There rishtha was fully arranged and she is from his family.She was betrayed & thinks he should consider and give priority to her honesty.He thinks he can never give hera respect which a wife deserves and there bond would only have sympathy rather than love.
Please share your thoughts, give me some valid points and what should I suggest him.I am zilch regarding relationship advice and he is asking me to help.
And serious replies please!!
Don't know but if i were him..i would hide her sin. Because when ya get married ya become each other's cover. He should talk it out with her and let it go. Don't know yo..that is my opinion.
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^^ Thank You but I wanted to see his situation from diff. perspective, morally and duniya dari.There are people who suggested islamcally ahsa karo tu ye hoga woh hoga, Islamically she should be stoned to death.
Horrible!!
\
isn't that for zina/adultery?
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^^ Thank You but I wanted to see his situation from diff. perspective, morally and duniya dari.There are people who suggested islamcally ahsa karo tu ye hoga woh hoga, Islamically she should be *stoned to death. *
Horrible!!
Seriously...u takin it too far...she atleast admitted that she did wrong...tell ur friend to forgive he.... If Allah can forgive his people who is he?? What if he had done this himself then what??? I think she should have never told him this.
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First of all... I don't know why some people here are mocking OP's friend because he shared this problem with him... maybe its the OP himself, his/her family member or actually his friend is facing this problem... who knows... judge the situation not the OP...
Now, Personally... OP if you want a genuine answer then you need to judge this situation from the mindset of a young virgin man who never had a romantic relationship or any kind of sexual contact with a woman in his life before...
The act committed by this girl (not the premarital sex, but her confession to her husband after marriage) is an act of betrayal and a breach of trust... Now, she is even trying to blackmail him to forgive and forget about her past... As per the OP's words, the girl confessed to her husband after the marriage knowing that he is a virgin and never involved himself in such relationships... Why would she even want to confess to her husband in the first place... Lets examine some of the possibilities... maybe she feels really guilty now and wants to repent but what happened to that guilt when her husband gave her his trust when he agreed to marry her with the intention that he feels that she is compatible with him and believes that she herself is a virgin too... Or maybe she wanted to confess because later in their married life, he could have found out otherwise that she had a premarital relationship with someone and then she would not be able to justify her situation if he chose to react with an emotional outburst...
Now, as the OP is telling, the marriage is done within the family... Hence, now the wedding done and the family is settled with the matter... The girl has seeked the perfect opportunity to get rid of this ugly secret and guilt of her past without having to go through the possibility of a divorce....
The girl is trying to target the nature of OP's friend, as the OP is saying that his friend is naive and doesn't know what he should do about this... The girl is probably thinking that "Since we are now married and all that stuff and I know you are such a naive, shareef and a chicken... You probably wouldn't dare to divorce me because of all the social and family pressures in our desi culture, plus 'Log kya keheingein?' Khandaan toot jaye ga' etc... so I expect you to accept and live with my past"... now she is putting this pressure on him to 'forgive her' and 'respect her honesty'....
If the girl had good intentions to repent... then you should have told him about this before their marriage unless he had such a past of his own as well which he does not... So, that even if the guy wanted to reject her... they could mutually decide upon some fake excuses to present to their elders about why they are not compatible for each other etc etc..... and they could have easily moved on with their lives...
Personally, if this would have happened with me... I would divorce her... I am a virgin and I intent to stay virgin until marriage... and I believe that a virgin man has every right to demand a virgin bride for himself unless he chose not to for whatever reason...
So, for the sake of an argument... lets suppose that this situation occurs with me and a lot of people here are suggesting to forgive and move on... and I do that, but how will I able to get intimate with her? I think I won't even be able to consummate the marriage with such a women, I would feel very inadequate knowing that she has already experienced all of this and I trusted her with her virginity...
She already knows what to expect and how it feels whereas I don't and I will definitely know that she will either consciously or sub-consciously try to compare my performance with that of her previous lover... which I find extremely disgusting to even think about it...
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think u have a point but at the same time a lot of girls just accept the fact that guys have had past physical relationships and they get married. These are girls who havent had any relationships either., and yes the guy always uses/waits for a time when the girl has been engaged a couple of months to him and she is emotionally involved to tell them.
So the tables are turned. doesnt make what she did any more right though.
If he can live with it than fine otherwise better to break off a nikkah than a marriage with kids in tow and mud sling n all.
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now lhr1 (if this was actually true) updates on what he's decided to do?