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Yeah, leave him but not without showing him that you know your rights and noone can treat you like that and get away with it.
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dear sis...my heart goes out to you. Inshallah Allah (SWT) will make this short sojourn in this world easier for you.
I will ask you only one question
1) Is he or his parents religious?
I will tell you story briefly. My cousin was 26 when he married a divorced woman with two daughters (5 and 6). My cousin is a nice guy but very immature. We told him not to get involved with the woman. The mother (my aunt) was vehemently against it. My reasoning, however, was against it because, in my heart, i knew he was immature and would get tired of it eventually.
Lo and behold that is exactly what happened within nine months. Even though my cousin wouldn't admit, it was because of the two kids. He was very possesive and couldn't handle the fact that she was a mother first and a wife second. And since the two kids weren't his, he eventually got tired of them. My aunt ,even though willing to accept the wife, never really accepted the two kids and saw them as canker sores. And when she (aunt) saw the rift in his son's relationship with his wife, she grabbed the chance. Obviously, once the marriage gets a little old, all men magically turn into mama's boys; my cousin was no exception. So they are getting really nasty divorce.
I sought counsel for these two to work it out and went to a very pious old man. He told us that unless they fear Allah (SWT) and out of this fear are willing to make it work (in accordance to the tenets of islam) then this is not going to work.
Sis,
Mind you i didnt ask you if this guy was mature. Obvioulsy, he is not, or else he wouldn't do what he just did. He probabaly is more immature than my cousin. Don't be fooled by his affection for your son. This will soon fade and he will see him as a competiition for your affection. This kind of marriages only work when the guy is mature and religious and understands that no matter what happens, YOU ARE A MOTHER FIRST. Next time you get involved with another member of Mars, this is concept you need to inculcate into the brains of the brute called "man." I am ashamed to call myself one.
My recommendation.
Get out. You are already too scarred (and none of it was your fault). Don'tget into all this lawyer stuff. It only prolongs the agony. Let Allah (SWT) handle this in the hereafter. You should focus on your son. He needs all you attention.
good luck
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Ajnabi larki: I know it’s very hard to move on. What has changed his mind; it’s an old story now. You need to move on, as per getting a lawyer, do that, because, you will be fighting your case in “Family courts" (IN NYC most of the court staff and the Judges are females, have seen one relationship going to that extent). Use your rights and bring him down, secondly, why would he want to see you afterward, and why he want to Leave you on good terms, he is doing no Good, as per me he has ruined your life. Don’t go out with him, because now you are at that level, from where you can't go back. Just pray to Allah, he gives you strength and power to get through this, I believe you are doing a good job, move on with your life, see your parents time to time, and don’t give a damn about desi families, they cant do **** except talking crap.
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I Agree wit u.
My prayers is also with you. 
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Lordie! May God help you.
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:( How are things now? Any better?
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I just wanted to update you all on whats going on. I think its only fair since you have given me so much support. Right now I have signed on a home and I will find out today if i got it or not. Please pray that I do get it-your prayers have given me the strength to come this far. He is talking like he wants to be a part of my life-and talking about also moving in with me. Im not sure where we are right now in terms of what he really wants-only because his mind changes from day to day. I have decided that regardless of what happens with us I have to start thinking about myself and my son. I am ready to move forword and take responsibility. I think I thought that when a guy tells you he will always be there and when you put all your trust in them you feel like everything is always going to be ok. When life takes a different turn-something you didnt expect to happen happens-you feel lost. I have talked to him and told him that I love him and I want to make this work out and it is up to him now if it works or not. I have tried everything in my power to do everything he has wanted me to do. I have followed through on the promises I made. It hurts that he has not been able to do the same. I still love him and I told him that. I hope that he sets his priorities and realizes what he is doing. If this marriage ends it will because of him. When he see's me he is ok. When he is at home he is confused. I know that nothing in my life has ever changed the way I felt about him. I have been through alot of hard times but that has nothing to do with how I feel for him. I dont know how he can get confused when ever things get hard. I went to a couple of dinner parties alone where friends and family that had invited the both of us. I told him I wanted him there but he didnt come because he didnt feel "right". Last night I asked him to go to a gratuation party that my cousin was having and he said he would try to be there but he never showed up. I had to make excuses for him. Later I found out that he was at a his cousins house with his parents. This kind of stuff hurts me alot. He always told me he would be there for me. I have to makes excuses for him and I hate that. He wanted to see me -so I went to see him after the party. We meet in secret like we a dating-but we are married! I just dont want to give him any excuse to say that I didnt make him happy-or I didnt listen to him. I do know that once I move out he will have to decide on what he wants. I need to live my life now and think about the future. I am being patient hoping he will change. I pray that Allah help him see what his reponsibilities are. Please continue to pray for me. Thank you all for helping me get through this.
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Ok, can I perhaps play devil's advocate for a moment?
What if the guy is torn between two things? Her and his family. In such a case he still deserves condemnation for not being a man and standing up to his family, but his behaviour is consistent with someone who is torn in that way. He's committing to neither side - neither to her nor to his family. Now consider that his family will be constantly trying to poison him against her, such as that whole jadu incident. It's pretty clear since he's continuing to talk to her and meet her that he himself no longer believes there's any jadu going on.
At the start of this thread I had the guy completely cast as an evil, nasty villain. I'm now considering that perhaps there is more to it. *Perhaps[/s] he is just a guy who is handling extremely poorly a struggle between family loyalty and spouse loyalty.
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Maddy, please don't be so generous to the guy. HE MARRIED HER, right? so what the fk is he doing still hiding it from his parents, NOT providing a shelter to HIS NEW WIFE, attending parties with hsi parents while ignoring his wife, and still asking to meet her in private. What a fking loser! I don't care what problems he is facing, he should have thought of all those at the time of nikah. Now, he just has to live with it.
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You've hit the nail on the head funguy. He's screwing up the situation badly, ajnabilarki clearly is not at fault in any way, shape or form.
But answer me this, funguy: Do you think that the guy is deliberately being malicious about this situation, or do you think that he is simply being incredibly immature?
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He is being a sissy and sissies get no sympathy from funguy.
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How old is the guy again?
I read your posts a while ago and quickly skimmed through the remaining in the last 5 minutes or so. To me, it sounds like he has been using you all along just to satisfy his desires.
If I were in your position (God forbid), I would convince the parents and most likely the imaam who got you two married to go over your husband's place and speak to his parents in detail. Tell them exactly what has happened and what has been happening all this time.
All this time he has basically used you for his purposes and he still is. For instance, him willing to move in with you sort of tells me that he would want to rely on your income and home. How very convenient for him. He's the husband and it's his job to provide you with shelter, food and other basic necessities and not the other way around, unless there is a strong convincing reason for it.
Also, don't let your emotions take the better of you. Please do istikhara before deciding to live with him or to leave him.
He is also not at all responsible and lacks the courage to speak to his parents or to do whatever it is that is needed to support his family (you and your son). Perhaps if he is seriously interested, your parents and imaam speaking to his parents might make it easy for him to break it to his parents. Initially, his parents would be upset, but it's well worth it. I don't see why you two should get divorced without bringing it to his parents' notice.
If your husband is strongly averse to your family and the imaam speaking to his parents, then perhaps you can somehow arrange to speak to his parents without informing him. I feel this is vital and must be done before you two decide to live together or get divorced. And please do istikhara as well, insha'Allah.
I know of a friend who got married secretly, however, her husband put up a fight against his parents and did whatever it took him to ensure that his parents accepted her.
I also know of another friend who got married secretly. Their marriage is still a secret due to a number of complications, but her husband is fully devoted to her, loves her and supports her to the best of his ability. As soon as the problems subside, they will inform their parents about it.
I pray that it all works out well for you and your son. May Allah (SWT) grant you patience and reward you for the hardships that you have been faced with, ameen.
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Ajnabilarki,
I think it is very important for both of you to realize and understand that a secret marriage is disliked in Islam and it is highly advised for couples to announce their marriage publicly in order for them to live as honourable people in the society. Please do as Sadiyah advised, talk to the imam who did your nikah and take him and your family to your husband's house to explain their responsibilities as in-laws and also explain to your husband his duties towards you and your children. The result should be positive. I hope this solves your problems. InshAllah!
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ajnabi i think you've acted so far in the most mature way possible, and i hope inshallah that you'll continue to do so.
i dont think i can give you any advice beyond whats already been said here. i do know that its very hard to act in a way that is in your own best interest when you are in this state of mind. in a way it is fortunate that you have your son, because what is in your son's best interest right now, is also in your own best interest.
dont worry too much about what will happen in the future, and how people will judge you. you'll find that people have very short term memories, and those who do remember it beyond a certain time are too stupid to care about. you have done nothing morally wrong.
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So wait, he changes his tune when it looks like you might get an apartment? 
You’re a really loving wife, and its amazing how such jerks end up with good girls like you. Imaan se, bhari irony hai.
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I got the Condo you all! Im so happy but sad at the same time. I met with my husband last night and he seemed like he was happy-but he had to rush home. I talked to him today and I find out that his parents have been giving him a hard time about being out-I guess they have been trying to make sure he doesnt see me. I know he loves me but he loves his parents as well. He is upset because he feels like he cant make everyone happy. HE told me he is going to move far away-away from everyone. HE feels bad about everything and just wants to do alone. I didnt even fight it this time-Ive heard this too meny times. He has made me cry so meny times. I told him that he can do what ever he feels like he has to to be happy-because its about him ,its always been about what is easier for him. I told him that if he can live with what he has done and where he has left me and just as easily earase me from his mind,heart and his life then I will let him go. I think he was surprised. You know what-I know that he is caught in the middle. HE new what he was doing and and now that its hard he wants to leave. It hurts that he doesnt understand the situation he has put me through-what I will have to deal with. I am the one who will be alone trying to deal with everyones thanai with a smile so my son doesnt know that his mother is crying inside. I have to think about him-so I dont have time to help my husband understand what he is doing is not right. If he doesnt know it himself-then he will never know. Thank you all for everything-It feels good to be able to talk about this.
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^:k: good going .. u are a strong lady.
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Interesting how he changed his tune as soon as you got a condo (or were in the process of getting one).
Your husband has no courage to stand up for himself or for you.
Wish you all the best, insha'Allah.
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Good - I like that attitude of being like “whatever, do what you want that will make you happy, because in the end your priority is you”.
I’m glad you’re moving out!!!
I have to say, having lived on my own for some time, that you will very much enjoy being in a condo on your own. Independence ka mazaa hi kuch aur hai. 
:k: