help me

I agreed but when my sister in law or mother in law specially tease me that my boy is more good looking I always tried to ignore but the echo of her comments disturb me even mai nahi sochna chahti per bar bar mera mood spoil karti hai yeh cheez phir mai shadeed ahsas e kamtari ka shikar ho jati hoon or kabhi kisi occassion mai jany k ley ready hoti hoon to husband k comments k yeh kesa hair style buna lia ya makeover is not ok yeh chezain bhi include hain

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Rida, read and understand RV's comments. What she say's is true. First of all confidence has to come from YOU. Confidence comes from within yourself, so RISE ABOVE these negative comments people are telling you, it's usually bcos they r insecure, as RV says.

Some pakistani families have inferiority complexes, they like to think that they have everything that others wish for. They want to feel that YOU should feel fortunate to have married into their family, that they r better than you and u r beneath them. RISE ABOVE IT.

If they say these things, you should believe the following - THEY R ONLY SAYING THIS TO STOP YOURSELF FROM KNOWING THE TRUTH - THAT U R EVERY BIT AS EQUAL AND WORTHY AS THEM - MAY BE EVEN MORE.

If your husband wants you to do your hair in a certain style, there's no harm in him offering his opinion, may be he genuinely likes it a different way, may be he isn't saying it to put you down. Anyway, even if his intentions are to put you down, tell him what RV told u to say at the end of her last post.

He needs to know how much this is hurting you. Ignore the MIL and SIL, they r being ridiculous.

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Great points RV!

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I cant believe he is saying all this to you and you're letting him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright woman, first of all...dressing up for your husband is a wonderful concept when you're in love and he appreciates it. But when he doesnt..........................sorry buddy.

You want to learn how to be more confident? Here is how:

Focus on YOU...forget him for a while. You are going to start working on YOURSELF. WHen you go out to a party, wear things YOU like, make up your face the way YOU like, do your hair the way YOU like. IF he says he doesnt like it, then give him an answer that will stop him in his tracks..."you dont have to like it, I do and thats enough".

GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE MARRY GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE. Remember that...if he is SOOOO good looking he married you because you look good next to him. His ego sounds like its too big not to. He is toooo selfish of a person...he wont marry someone who doesnt look good next to him. However, now he and his family are trying to make sure you dont ever feel like you're pretty and deserve him. For the rest of your life, you will obsessed with your looks and worrying over every wrinkle and line that appears on your forehead. You're going to look like those aunties who are 60 yrs old but gaunt, pale and laden with make up because their husbands made them feel like they were less then them.

WHen you get dressed up, your husband is supposed to COMPLIMENT you and if he doesnt like what you're wearing he should suggest an outfit he likes on you instead of putting you down. What a jerk!!!!!!!!

What do you do aside from staying at home? Do you have any hobbies, interests, job, school, friends, social life, activities, etc??? Confidence isnt always about how you look, its about how YOU feel about YOURSELF. That feeling usually comes from accomplishments and relationships. Go out and get a job, start reading for fun, join a charitable organization, volunteer at the hospital, go out with your friends more...........be around people who LOVE you and APPRECIATE you.

This is all a mind game Rida...nothing more then that.

P.S. - I rarely share such personal stuff here but as much as Ive cared for and taken care of my inlaws...you have any idea how many comments Ive heard from them already about my skin color? That Im too sanwali and look at this girl and look at that girl, she is so pretty and gori and blah blah blah. You think I care? Allah swt made me this way and I am proud of who and what I am. Their son came into the picture waaaaaaay later, I am a product of my parents and if someone has something to say about my complexion...let them hear it and I'll check to see if their still standing 5 minutes later.

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Rida you do need the kind of confidence PSquared has MA.
yes be stay around ppl who appreciate u more for wat u r. physical beauty is not everything. wat abt intelligence, having a good career, having some skills like cooking, sewing, decorating house , gardening, painting anything that brings u more attention from him or others. turn ur hubby's attention from looks. if he says "i'm soo good looking." say ofcourse u r. i'm glad Allah gav me a good looking hubby but i'm more..... than u.(think of an adjective that suits u such as smart, organized etc ...) or just brush him off by saying "bus bus theek hai main bhi koi kum nahin hoon"... whenever he says such things or ur mil n sil says them give that evilish sweet smile that shows them u don't think so.
jitna chiro gee utna sub chiraain gay...stop giving them the reaction they want n ultimately they'll stop.

once u start getting compliments for other skills u'll automatically gain confidence.

then i like wat DF said find yourself a job or hobby n keep busy.

I did job for some days in a school to keep my self bussy but due to loads of works I had leave it as I cant handle both home and job work both in same time

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I dont have a friend circle even I have many loyal and nice friends but I dont have permission to meet them and go out of my home from my in laws even with my hubby I cant go out many times

there are some 'desi totkas'........i know............they can help u.

where you from?
from pakistan?

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yeah i agree with the thread starter.... 32A is a bit odd.

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^ There's nothing odd about being 32A. Allah SWT has made many women in this size and they certainly should not feel "odd" or ashamed.

rida: What you are undergoing from your husband and inlaws is called mental abuse and NO ONE is entitled to treat you in this manner, for any reason. You've been given a lot of good advice in this thread. The first step you need to take is to actually start believing that you are worth more than these people think and that you are entitled to more respect and love than they give you. Until you actually believe that, no change will occur.

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I agree with PSquared

I never look to myself in the mirror and think wow I'm pretty..or damn I'm ugly..
Whenever I look in the mirror I see IKSA..I am what I am....

I want to be accepted for what I am..not accepted for what I'm not!!

So if everyone thinks he is really handsome etc etc...Then you should be happy with him...coz u r the lucky one that u married him...
Everyone in my family says that I'm looking better than my husband!! he never mind...Coz he thinks he is lucky to have me..He never expected to have a goodlooking wife like me...Pff..whatever...

You know what...I don't depend on others compliments!! I know what I am...
Allah has made us...We should be happy for what we are!!

And remember this:
When you will love yourself the way you are...Then everyone will love you the way you really are!!

Being pretty or having big boobs doens't mean that u r a wonderful person....
The inner beauty is much more important...

Person with good looks and having a bad character...u will not want to live with them...or even talk to them....
Person with 99.999.999 good things and very good character...but no BIGI BIGI boobs...believe me every man will love to live with the second person!!!

TRY TO LOVE, ACCEPT, RESPECT YOURSELF!!

Will you do us a favour and let her speak for herself for once?

I've calculated your BMI and it is 19.5,

the healthy range for your height is 18.5 - 24.9

You are absolutely fine, you don't need to lose any weight or gain any. Just eat healthily (you should be doing that anyway) Your hip size is 36", it's not like your skinny that's pretty womanly and you should be proud of it. You seem pear - shaped and there are a lot of hot celebrities who don't have much on top but amazing hips like Shakira.

It's pretty annoying that your husband is saying this, if you do go for surgery, don't do it for him because it will just ruin you.

I know a lady who had surgery by the request of her husband and he pays for it. He's an ugly ugly man himself, but he always picks flaws with her! Apparently he didn't like the the shape of her toes and she got surgery to fix them!

Work with what you have and what God has blessed you with.

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One of my very close friends was a 32A all her life and now due to pregnancy she is growing a little bit. Her husband has never made her feel like she is less of a person because of her bust...that is just plain nonsense. There are PLENTY of women out there the same size...its no big deal.

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rida one of my close friend even has less then you she is 32 AA and she looks perfect her breast never looks that she has less and she never used any paded bra or some thing she look normal happy and confident but yes she is too slim so may be thats why her breast looks normal ,enough for her body , pretty prominent and fuller ...

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u know when i didnt know her actual size i used to think she is 34b because its look like 34 but when she told me i was surprised even just ot check that she is wearing some pads or not i asked her to show me the texture of bra and she did and it was just a very thin fabric..

tell your hubby u r soemwhat 34 he is not gona measure with tape :) i hope

Rida,

Based on your posts.....it seems to me that your problem is MORE serious than just your breast/bra size. Your problem is that you are married to a husband who doesn't respect you or make you feel good about yourself AND you also live with toxic in-laws. Your in-laws are (due to their own insecurities) trying to control you. Even if you had the BIGGEST breasts in the world.........your in-laws will still treat you bad. Even if you were PRETTIER than MISS WORLD.......your in-laws will still find ways of abusing you emotionally and mentally. You could be the most beautiful big-breasted woman........and your husband may STILL treat you just like his mother and sister.

So, you've got to be strong......and figure out how to tackle the ROOT of the problem.....which is NOT breast size. The root of the problem is your husband and in-laws bad behavior.

About your husband............start being more confident. Even if you have to fake it....do so. The next time you want to go out.........you go out. Are you seeking your in-laws' permission for everything? Tum kya har kam ki ijazat leti ho? Agar tum aisa kar rahi ho...........to yeh tumhari ghalati hai. Jab hum kisi se har chotay se chotay kaam ki ijazat mangtay hain.....to doosra banda maghroor ho jata hai. If you feel like going shopping.........finish your household responsibilities........get dressed............tell your in-laws that you're going out and that you will be back in this amount of time. AND THEN GO. Don't wait for them to make excuses. Just go.

When your husband says you're ugly........tell him "Agar khuda ne tum ko achi shakal di hai....to phir us ka shukar karo....gharoor mat dikhao. Allah jo daita hai woh cheen bhi sakta hai." Make him feel ashamed of his stupid comments.....and then just walk away and get busy in something.

well,Rida........your huband could have told you sweetly and in a good manner that he really loves you but he likes big boobs and my dear wife do you know anything to increase the size.but aap k husband ne aisay baat ki k aap ko aik KAMI aur KHAMI ki tarah feel huwi.he has said you in a bad grace and thats not a good way.
Allah ka bhi hukam hy k apnay husband ki pasand mein dhalo lakin app ka husband jo baat kar raha hy wo aap k bas mein nhi hy.

yes,you can try to increase through totkas,tips,.......etc.i know many ladies using these desi tips and these tips are really successful.

wo aap ko yeh assure bhi karta k agar size increase nhi bhi ho sakta to phir again wo yeh baat nhi karay ga.

khai dont worry.pray to Allah k ussay aur in laws ko hadaiyat de.

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Can/Should we move this to Life1 now?

i am still confused

  1. you had love marriage
  2. your husband says strange things to you
  3. your in-laws are demeaning
  4. you are obsessed with your husband

questions:

  1. did your husband say things about your breasts before too, and looked at and complimented other big boobed women around you? (you had love marriage .. so i am assuming you guys were dating pre-hand)
  2. were your in-laws against you guys' wedding?
  3. was it one sided love, and you somehow ended up being married? how is it possible that the entire purpose of your life is your husband, but his entire purpose is big boobs?
  4. is your husband influenced by your MIL/SIL a lot?
  5. do you have a conservative in-laws or is it just with you that they dont let you go out and have friends and all?

i cannot even start telling how bad i feel for you ... i had a horrible relationship with someone for 4 bloody crocodile years ... thank god it never moved onto shaadi. he thought he was brad pitt (not even his ass) and always commented on the slightest of the things about me and wanted me to in fact turn paindoo instead ... so opposite of your problem ... luckily i said "SCREW YOU" in time.

but be strong ... take things in your own hand ... which in fact you shouldve done from DAY ONE of the FIRST BAD COMMENT ....
life doesnt begin or end with boobs

i strongly hope that things are better at your side already ...
good luck