I suggest that you got back to your father's house and stay there for a while. According to you, you cook and clean for your susral's and lets see how they survive without you when your not doing the cooking and cleaning and you are at your dad's house. You need to be valued. They obviously take you for granted, including your husband. I think the main thing is that your husband needs a wake up call. I advice you to stay at your dad's house for a while to the point that your husband really misses you and he will do anything to have you back in his life.
While you are at your dad's house may be you can work again and save up money.
It seems clear to me that she's unhappy with her life, but she's in a bad situation at least partly (maybe largely) because she refuses to do anything to improve it. I know it's not easy to stand up for yourself and initiate change. And it's your choice. Do what you want.
But I'm done wasting my time giving advice to someone who won't even bother helping herself.
Rida…according to the opinion of MANY people in this thread…stay at your father’s house. If your husband starts crying like a nanna munna baby…explain to him that he needs to be STRONG to take some action because it’s GUNNAH for his family to do zulm on you…it’s GUNNAH for you to baradaash the zulm…and it’s GUNNAH for your husband to not stand up for you especially when also knows that his family is behaving badly with you.
IF your in-laws are making you work like a servant…stay at your father’s home. As TTO1 mentioned…make your in-laws realize your value when you won’t be there to clean their mess and cook for them.
I also feel that you need to tell your father about what is happening to you in your susraal. Your father will naturally become curious if you stay with him longer than usual…and he will ask you himself if anything is wrong. So tell your father. Let your stupid in-laws know that you are not some girl who is without the support of her own immediate family.
Sometimes I wonder if these “susraal waalay” feel intense shame and mortification when the “bahu” finally tells her own parents of the cruelty they inflict on her. Isn’t it embarrassing for ANOTHER FAMILY to KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR DYSFUNCTIONAL/ANIMAL-LIKE BEHAVIOR??? You’d think they’d die from shame since “log kya kahain gay” is a frequent mantra for desi people. For a cultural group who, in general, is so obsessed with what “log kya kahain gay”…we sure do tend to engage in behaviors that would naturally have other peoples’ tongues wagging.
RIDA…YOU NEED TO GROW UP AND TAKE SOME ACTION. Your post your complaints “they make me wash bartan”…“they make me do the cooking”… ** “I told them I won’t do all the housework”… “they beat me twice a year”. ** UFF!!! Shikayatain karne se kuch nahin hoga…tumhay ko faida nahin hoga. You need to act like a mature woman instead of a little girl and take some strong action regarding your situation instead of whining. I know it’s hard but you won’t accomplish anything by sitting around and complaining all day.
If someone is beating on you, have self respect and walk away. If your husband knows this and isn't saying anything, he might as well be beating on you himself, what's the difference. He's obviously not a man. He obviously has no....manly attributes/features
Anyway
In a couple years you'll be angry and bitter as opposed to just complaining. Take some time, think about this, and you might have to do something out of your comfort zone for once. It's easy to complain but stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something is the hardest part. And sometimes the only way to keep your sanity
You can sit in front of the computer today and tell us all about what they have done to you and what you are going through and you will still be here tomorrow doing the same thing.. and the same a week from now..
Nothing will change unless you take ACTION. Your so-called Husband is not even a Man. Only a Man can protect his wife and keep her from harm, he can't even do that so there is no point in staying in that house with him. Like it has been said many a times, leave and go to your fathers.. or stay and continue to take the abuse and quit complaining!!
The choice is simple and the choice is yours!!
hi
the problem is that i dont want to leave my place they want to kick me out of their home they are waitning for this i want to face them and answer them in an smart manner if this is a matter of 2 months i want to live with strength , i m not sharp but they are cunning they are playing games with me some times my mother in law dont let me do anything and show that i m doing nothing and use less and really she does these tricks to tease me mently i want to reply them and want to prove my self that they cant abuse me but i have no way , no tricks no ideas to handle
Rida, if you choose to stay there, then face them head on. If your MIL doesnt let you work, YOU DONT LET HER WORK EITHER. If she tries to show she is doing all the work, you do the same.
In front of your husband, always say things like "ammi, bait jayein, mein karleti hoon" or "aap to sara din bas lagi rehti hein, mujhe bhi kuch karne dein na" or if you cook all the time...say stuff like "socha aaj khana bana loon, roz to ammi hi banati hein na".
If you are only going to complain and not take action, no one can help you. If you want to face them, then REALLY FACE THEM.
The key is TO DO EVERYTHING SHE DOES RIGHT BACK TO HER. She is a meethi churi and you need to be the same...nahin karogi to sari zindagi pachtaogi.
Rida, if you choose to stay there, then face them head on. If your MIL doesnt let you work, YOU DONT LET HER WORK EITHER. If she tries to show she is doing all the work, you do the same.
In front of your husband, always say things like "ammi, bait jayein, mein karleti hoon" or "aap to sara din bas lagi rehti hein, mujhe bhi kuch karne dein na" or if you cook all the time...say stuff like "socha aaj khana bana loon, roz to ammi hi banati hein na".
If you are only going to complain and not take action, no one can help you. If you want to face them, then REALLY FACE THEM.
The key is TO DO EVERYTHING SHE DOES RIGHT BACK TO HER. She is a meethi churi and you need to be the same...nahin karogi to sari zindagi pachtaogi.
Good advise !!
From my own experience I can tell you that no matter how close you are to your husband complaining abt mil and other in laws doesn't give nice results. Even if you are 100% right . Play the same politics that she is playing. These sugar coated words have a long lasting impact , I didn't learn how to use them and I started paying a price of it from 2nd month of my marriage , I still can't use such language but will strongly advise you to talk in such a way .
I Just fail to understand how you can let ANYONE lay their hands on you. Aside from the husband, if someone is constantly beating you, then sorry but you share 50% of the blame.
rida when u hav a peer sahab in ur own home y don't u ask baba ji for some taweez shaweez. kisi ki advice tu sunni nahi taweez he lay lo.aisa kero sub pe jaado kerva do...k wo tumharay qadmoon main gir jaain aur roo roo ker maafi maangain
i'm also doubting if u r for real. they make u work all day, they beat u 2-3 times a day, they dont let u go out how come they let u use computer???
P.S: Eid k baad nand ki shadi ho jaaiy gee tu kia wo maikay aa ker tumhain maar lia keray gee. is main kia mushkil hai.
hi
the problem is that i dont want to leave my place they want to kick me out of their home they are waitning for this i want to face them and answer them in an smart manner if this is a matter of 2 months i want to live with strength , i m not sharp but they are cunning they are playing games with me some times my mother in law dont let me do anything and show that i m doing nothing and use less and really she does these tricks to tease me mently i want to reply them and want to prove my self that they cant abuse me but i have no way , no tricks no ideas to handle
my goodness your posts are actually getting really annoying! how can you let anyone beat you? i couldn't believe your posts when i read them! v v sad indeed! get out of the house cos' your husband cannot support you nor protect you at all.
what is wrong with you woman? stop acting so damn weak cos' it is maddening to read about your constant weakness! wake up for goodness sake and go buy a few metal baseball bats!
no one has the right to beat you! next time your SIL hits you, you better box her hard back in the face and do it just once and HARD! violence is not the answer but your story beats the crap!
even if you have to move into a crappy flat or something do so with your husband for your safety! no one respects you there at your inlaws and maybe you should find ways to protect you and your husband.
what if you are pregnant in future...will you still allow those people to beat you?
Rida khan are you serious? How can your husband love you when he can't stand up for you? I think you've got the whole concept muddled up. Kisi ko koi haq nahin keh dosre ko maray be it anyone. Agar aap masoom ban ker sehti rahain gi to phir agay bi pori zindagi yehi honay wala hai. Aisi zindagi ka kia faida jab insan dar dar ke rahay, kisi ka naukar bana rahe? Seriously, just leave him. Love ka achar dalain.
Kismat do pal main badal sakta hai insan Par jo insan ko badal de woh kismat nahin hoti Apni kismat pe rota wohi shaks hai Jisko sajdon main ronay ki adat nahin hoti
rida when u hav a peer sahab in ur own home y don't u ask baba ji for some taweez shaweez. kisi ki advice tu sunni nahi taweez he lay lo.aisa kero sub pe jaado kerva do...k wo tumharay qadmoon main gir jaain aur roo roo ker maafi maangain
i'm also doubting if u r for real. they make u work all day, they beat u 2-3 times a day, they dont let u go out how come they let u use computer???
P.S: Eid k baad nand ki shadi ho jaaiy gee tu kia wo maikay aa ker tumhain maar lia keray gee. is main kia mushkil hai.
Hi
I am writing here because i m very upset i want to sort out and share my issue but I will request you to plzzz read carefully before reply as I said that my SIL (who is getting married next onth) beats me 2-3 time in the whole time I spend here from my marriage not DAILY
secondly I said about my FIL that he is a peer and I dont trust him because some one here advice me to ask him to sort out my issue
My inlaws force me to work but I refuse I mention this before My MIL ask to me to do all the work and when I REFUSE no body in the house is talking to me accept my hubby MIL is asking that if I say sorry and do all the work she will forgive me and start talikng to me which I REFUSE
I use my laptop in my bedroom as i have the only place to sit and stay in home because nobody in home talks to me I use the computer some months before in the sitting room (another computer of my hubby) but when my MIL shout at me for sitting there I leve sitting on that PC and now I use it on my room only and apko samajhna chaey kah akela banda kisi say to baat kary ga na to mai aap loog say share karti hoon aur yahan mujhy buhat achy dost mily hain or positive wibes ate hain mai nay confidence gain kia hai
Rida, if you choose to stay there, then face them head on. If your MIL doesnt let you work, YOU DONT LET HER WORK EITHER. If she tries to show she is doing all the work, you do the same.
In front of your husband, always say things like "ammi, bait jayein, mein karleti hoon" or "aap to sara din bas lagi rehti hein, mujhe bhi kuch karne dein na" or if you cook all the time...say stuff like "socha aaj khana bana loon, roz to ammi hi banati hein na".
If you are only going to complain and not take action, no one can help you. If you want to face them, then REALLY FACE THEM.
The key is TO DO EVERYTHING SHE DOES RIGHT BACK TO HER. She is a meethi churi and you need to be the same...nahin karogi to sari zindagi pachtaogi.
Jesa aap nay bataya hai mai wesa hi katri the pehlay per shayad itna ahteram inko raas nahi aya or aab woh chahti hain kay mai bilkul hi gir jaon per mery hubby ka bhi kehna hai kah koi bat kary ya na kary tum kisi say mafii nahi mango g or apni mother ko b mention kia hai kah mai aab kisi say mafi nahi mango g mere MIL to mere shakal nahi dekhna pasand kar rahe baat buhat door ki bat ho gai hai haan aik advice apki mai zaroor amal karoon g kah atleast apny hubby ko feel nahi honay doon g kah mai useless hoon ya koi kaam nahi karte mai karti to aab bhi hoon per mery inlawes chahty hain kah sara kaam mai karo they even dont have any maid aur issue pesay ka nahi hai they dont like to keep any maid aur woh chahty hai mai maid ban jaon jo mai nahi chahti
I Just fail to understand how you can let ANYONE lay their hands on you. Aside from the husband, if someone is constantly beating you, then sorry but you share 50% of the blame.
they dont beat me constantly my SIL beats me 3 times when i answer her and once when my hubby taking my favor she throw her sandle on my face that time and one day I answer he and said to her dont talk to me like this she beat me
do they hit your husband as well, out of interest? plz dont mind my question.
once My hubby was favoring me in front of her mother suddenly her sister slap him on his face and she is just 2 years elder from him , for this my hubby never forgive her and he dont talk her from that day her is physically strong and he can beat her but he hates to beat a women even in my 2 years married like he never hurt me from his hands or never shout at me
they dont beat me constantly my SIL beats me 3 times when i answer her and once when my hubby taking my favor she throw her sandle on my face that time and one day I answer he and said to her dont talk to me like this she beat me
The reason why they treat you like this is beacuse you let them to. If she's jahil enough to hit you then hit her back. Sandal se mara thaa agli bar woh apko eenton se mareingi. If you can't fight back then go back home or give your husband an utimatum. If you can't do that then bardasht karain sri zindagi kaliyae.
once My hubby was favoring me in front of her mother suddenly her sister slap him on his face and she is just 2 years elder from him , for this my hubby never forgive her and he dont talk her from that day her is physically strong and he can beat her but he hates to beat a women even in my 2 years married like he never hurt me from his hands or never shout at me
Sorry but batameez log hain waise. Isn't she married?
