Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D *happy thread*

Lifestyle Relationships
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i completely agree. its easy to criticize an entire group of people based on what you've seen on TV or assumed abt your cousins back home from a couple of summer vacations spent at their houses. but seriously, lets all get over ourselves and stop claiming to be oh so important, super busy, etc etc. if we were all really as productive and amazing as it seems from our posts, we'd all be CEOs or vice presidents of some huge companies. and DEFINITELY would not be going around showing off our higher education and fulfilling lives on gupshup.

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^ I think MIA make some really excellent points.

But at the same time I dont think the majority of us who are posting on this thread are bragging or showing off about our lives here abroad. You may think we are criticizing but INMHO - We are simply answering the questions that Farrah laid out for us. Some of the questions are asking for our opinions and others are asking us to make direct comparison with our counterparts back home. To each their own .... but there is nothing to hate about here and get angry at. If anything, you are the one that is assuming that what we have written in our posts about our own individual lives are lies. Which I highly and seriously doubt. No one is claiming anything. And how do you know what our higher educations and careers consist of??? Do you each and all of us?? Do you truly know how busy stay at homes moms are here even?? And lastly - not hard to believe that we do lead productive lives and post on GS as well....

.... its called multi-tasking. :)

(sorry Farrah for taking some "happy" away from the happy thread :( )

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:hugz: .. naa it’s all good … it’s part of the process of learning aint it?

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D happy thread

I have to say though, when I read through this thread I picked up the same as pkgrl000 - To the first question "what is your life like", virtually everyone replied 'super busy'.

It was like after the first person said it everyone else felt if they didn't say it too, it'd seem like they have too much time on their hands. But then, I think the questions weren't asked very well so people don't know how to answer that question without answering subsequent ones at the same time.

Super busy people wouldn't have time for relaxing let alone a GS account. For the rest of us, we all have some busy days and some not so busy days, that's life.

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :smiley: happy thread

^ yea but not everyone was saying that girls in Pakistan DONT have a busy life. We were simply saying that OUR lives are busy. If there was a thread about girls living in Pakistan and their life… then I am sure girls would also post that their lives were busy!

I answered the question by saying I used to have a busy … but not one anymore since I am no longer in school and unemployed. Lol. I thought my personal answer was pretty freaking honest.

And u r right stoppit… people have some busy days and some not so busy days… but in general “life” can be busy? No? And honestly - even when my life was at its busiest, people still get some time for downtime. Example: I used to use my lunch break to multi task and get on FB and check email and such. It was better than just sitting by myself and either eating at work or at school where everyone generally took their lunch breaks at different times. :shrugs:

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D happy thread

what's your life like?

Crazy busy, i'm up about 6am every morning, work, gym, home cleaning cooking and then bed on the weekdays

what do you like to do? what do you do for fun? where do you hang out?

I love inviting friends over for dinner parties or even coffee, going out to restaurants with hubby, watching a movie or catching a theatre show, going for drives to various beaches and walking. Love going for runs, and the gym, i play tennis and football twice a week too so love sports.

I adore spending time with my own family as i dont get to see enough of them and on the weekends having girly time with cousins and sister in laws for catch ups.

love going to islamic talks and lectures when i do have time and try to make an effort to attend halaqa's to learn things from my deen which i think is so important for me to develop spiritually, because without spirituality i would be dead.

what kind of friends do you have?

every culture and religion you can imagine including muslim ones who are really close, from egypt, palestine, france and saudi.

how do you celebrate eid?
first day is spent with hubby and in laws, then we travel to mums in the evening and stay over and spend the evening and next day with them..lots of food, family, laughter and banter.

do you have a hobby?

reading, and oh yeah i'm currently learning italian as i love languages and culture
cooking is awesome and therapeautic and i'm trying to learn various cuisines, constantly swapping recipes with friends - also new found hobby of growing herbs, plants and veggies!

do you do any volunteering?

yes - with the NSPCC and children's society every 2 weeks, usually at islamic relief fundraising events too

how would you compare the little details of your life with your counterparts back home?

well we are way more independant -eg im preggers now but still working and still doing household stuff. I guess if i was in pak, i'd be waited on hand and foot and i'd probably be obese lol kidding but honestly wouldnt really expect a heavily pregnant woman in pakistan to drive, work, cook and still do their day to day things.

They also have more time to look after their skin, hair and nails yea they probably look better because they have the time to spend on themselves and their clothes, whereas i'm normally in my pj's when im at home and work clothes or jeans and stuff, the only time i do probably get dolled up is when i go out with hubby and friends so priorities are different.

or perhaps when you visited pakistan .. what did you find different that you had to do? something that you liked, something that annoyed you?

people judge others on their looks,
people are always late, and also lazy not many people actually work to earn
they sleep in the day, i hate that
the traffic sucks
no hygeine in restaurants etc
people cant queue
money talks - hence poor people dont get same rights as rich
people are too impressed by western lifestyle

How is your family life different?

i have an open and honest relationship with family, i have the right to express my opinion and have a say about my life no matter what, i have a lot of freedom and oh and i actually get on with my in laws lol

how are your family rules different? how much freedom do you have to do various things? whats your curfew time?

as long as we respect each other and my husband knows where i am there isnt really a curfew, i am old enough to know my responsibilities and when i should be home.

whats special about your life that you would like to share with us today?

the fact that i have freedom, peace and security, a trusting loving husband and an extremely supportive family.

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Well for your first paragraph, I wasn’t interested in that comparison when writing my last post. Personally, I don’t think this thread was supposed to be about that, so it’s unfortunate people took it there.

For your last paragraph - that’s what I’m saying. I can have a really busy day when I’m rushing around, get home late, eat and then sleep. BUT I will still probably manage 10mins of internet with my tea at work or TV while I eat (for example). I wouldn’t class my life as ‘insane busy’ unless I was working so hard that (a) didn’t even have time for tea at work (2) no time to meet friends either.

The only people I know that could call their life super busy is for example, my friend who was an investment banker and ate most meals at his desk (I never saw him until he quit his job and decided to study Law instead) or my friends who are junior doctors and barely get sleep let alone time to do anything else.

I dunno, I guess what I’m saying is that there is making one’s self have a busy schedule (which it seems is the case for most people) and having a busy schedule imposed on you by your work that does not allow you to make it busy with things of your own enjoyment.

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LOL

Yeah everyone is touting their own horn here....it's easy to sit behind a screen, judge Pakistani girls back home and then go into details as to how busy and productive YOUR life is...coz in real life, the people I know who are super duper busy don't have time to come on online forums and write such lengthy posts!

Everyone is living their life to the best of their ability and doing what they can. To compare your life to the girls back home is ridiculous...it's really not that simple!! Everyone is different...why can't we EMBRACE that and stop differentiating between girls back home and girls in Amreeka!!

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :smiley: happy thread

One should note: it was a Pakistani girl that grew up in Pakistan that started this thread. Not an Amreekan ladkhi who is out to “tout her own horn”. lol. The OP had a natural curiousity about differences in girl’s lives growing up/living in the west and she asked us questions about it as well as well as asking for our opinions in comparisons to girls living in Pakistan. Girls are doing just that… they are answering her questions and giving her their opinions.

Plus I dont think the thread was about “how productive life is” … it asked us what activities we do, how we spend our eids, our curfew times, etc. etc. etc.

She started this thread in good spirits and has responded positively to our answers to HER questions. I really don’t get why some people are getting so bent out of shape about this and taking it so personally. :slight_smile:

Farrah - bring on more questions! :hugz:

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A Pakistani girl who has grown up in Pakistan may have started the thread but that has nothing to do with what I mentioned in my post. People have been judging girls who live in Pakistan and it's quite frustrating because you all have no idea what they do all day. Just because you have seen a handful of your cousins or friends living restrictied, unproductive lives does not give anyone the right to label the entire nation as such. I have cousins and friends there in Pakistan as well and believe me, they have very busy lives!! They are all married and work and they are raising kids! Added to that is the stress of living in Pakistan what with load shedding, increased crime rates, perverted men looming around, pollution and the list goes on.

All I am trying to say is it's really not that simple. You can't take your personal experience, see your cousin's experiences in Pakistan and then make this overly broad statement of how your life here has been busy/stressful/fulfilling/stress-free etc. Everyone is different and people have different experiences no matter where they live! And seriously, not everyone has a cook/driver/maid in Pakistan! For some girls life is much more stressful in Pakistan than it would ever be here and for others life is much more stressful here than it would ever be in Pakistan....just live and let live.

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Itni lambi posts :smack:

All I can say is I am a lot different than girls who were born n brought up in Pakistan… which can be a good or a bad thing. Thats it. Thats all I have to say.

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D happy thread

After seeing how my cousins live (and only on them....I won't speak for the rest of the nation) I love my life here a million times over.

I have friends and even if I can't see them on a regular basis its not because my husband or parents forbid it.
I need anything, I go out and get it, and don't have to wait for anyone to do it for me.

I can go out for leisure, alone or with friends, nobody will shake their head or look down on me.

I don't live with my in laws (and even if I did, its still nowhere near as bad as the stories I hear there).

I don't have someone breathing down my neck 24/7 to look perfect, to have a perfect home, have kids asap etc.

I'm not saying my life is perfect, by any means, but I do cherish my independence and freedom and I wouldn't be able to give it up for anything.

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D happy thread

sleep - gs - fb - eat - TV.

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I thought your list should include eye make up brushes too:P

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lol … :mudhosh: …logooo meray thread ko unhappy mat karo … the intention of it was nothing more that PR has written here, and it’s spot on! lol …
as for more questions … heheh … in another thread :silly:

i think this is really the gist of it … the freedom and independence, in combination with the lifestyle that requires self-dependence. nobody is really there to do it for you. so you just have to get up and get in charge of your own things.
and i also really appreciate the amount of volunteering thats going on. in pakistan thats next to impossible. NGOs and the sort are considered corrupted organizations. and i really dont know why it is more of an issue for parents to have their daughters do volunteer work than, say work at an office. it is more of an honor-risk to be in an NGO thing.

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*What's your life like? *

Life is busy...it's always been busy...these days uni and part time work takes up all of my time..i dont finish studying til late at night...i have uni during the day and then work at the weekend..so not mych time for relaxing as im in my final year now

what do you like to do? what do you do for fun? where do you hang out?

I like relaxing mainly...just taking a break from hectic life and the pressure from uni...for fun..i like watching movies...i like going for coffee...going out for lunch/dinner...i don't go out that often as i just don't get the time but when i do i love it.
**
what kind of friends do you have?**

I have a mix of friends...white friends, black friends, asian friends..every religion you can think of...i dont think religion or ethnicity defines the person.there are either good people or bad people...i know that seems like an over simplified idea..but its worked for me and is what i believe...having said that im friendly with everyone however i only count a handful of people as REAL friends...people i can trust.

When i was younger i had mainly white friends throughout my school life...but then as i went to uni i kept in touch with only the asian friends...i think as u get older the others tend to focus on the clubbing and drinking culture as a means of socialising..so whenever it was lets meet up...it was drinking and clubbing involved which obviously wasnt my cup of tea..
**
how do you celebrate eid?**

I dont think we celebrate it as well as ppl in pak..for me its very much..get up get dressed in nice asian clothes and then thats it...eat...and then end of..!

do you have a hobby?

going to the gym, fb, GS, reading lol.
**
do you do any volunteering?**

i do volunteer at the citizens advice bureau

How is your family life different? how are your family rules different? how much freedom do you have to do various things? whats your curfew time?

Family life in general...with my family as there is not much family here i thiink that interaction with extended fam is limited...which i think i prefer just beacause everyone has different parenting ways and i dont want to be stopped from doing something just cos a cousin isnt allowed etc...my parents are able to raise me how they want me to raised...

in pak its different cos there is an extended family atmosphere living with auntys and uncles,...dada and dadi....!! its amixture of everyone raising you with different ideas and things like that..

personally i think family should be far away so that you can visit for a few days and be happy and smile and laugh together...rather than living so close that there are conflicts etc..

Family rules etc...im given a lot of freedom i think compared to my cousins in pak...the only rule is im not allowed to stay overnight anywhere apart from my bed at home lol! seriously...i can come home late bu just not so much so i have to sleep somewhere else.....my cousin recently went on hol with her gf's and i wasnt allowed on the basis of that...my 'curfew'...uhm....depends who im with..with cousins its whenever...with friends ect...around midnight...and thats once in a while...on special occasions...a friends birthday etc..however growing up it was really different..i didnt used to go ANYWHERE! Plus i drive now so they know i have a safe means by which to get home...and im allowed to go wherever i want...a concert...etc..

if i compare to that in pak...my cousin (in the village) doesnt go anywhere at all..stays at home all day..she would be able to go to for eg a friends wedding..apart from that no! my other cousin whos in Lahore...pretty much the same but thats cos my Khala (her mum) is quite strict and the opposite of my mum..! and they arent allowed to leave the house without a male(grrr) or an older aunty...

Also, im allowed to pretty much wear what i want...but i dont wear vest tops but i do wear cropped pants etc...but i dont like showing clevage (sharam and haya)...

*how would you compare the little details of your life with your counterparts back home? *

Compared to my girl cousins in pak...i think there is a sense or urgency here, there are things that need to be done on certain times on certain days...and there i feel like there is nothing like this...there its very much oh il do it tomorrow..

i also think girls in pak are focused on marriage from a very young age whereas here its not the focus...they are constantly being prepared by the family to cook clean and other domesticated things like that in order to get the best possible rishta...but i havent been taught to focus on things like that...my parents have a huge emphasis on education and studying...

Also, i think im more spoilt here...if i want a phone i will get it...a laptop and ipod a car etc..wheras in pak there isnt a materialistic approach to such things...

And im very lucky in that i can have male friends and introduce them to my parents without them thinking something bad
**
When you visited pak..what did you find different that you had to do? something that you liked, something that annoyed you?**

in th village: i have to put a dupatta on my head in an attempt to avoid stares (which doesnt work btw lol) ...cant leave the house without a male or an aunty...cant randomly roam the streets...cannot under any circumstances talk to a member of the opposite sex...cannot be out too late

in Lahore: can wear what you want but i dont wear jeans etc...when i went in the summer...no dupatta...capri pants...sunglasses handbag...didnt get many stares to be honest....i like it in lahore..! but still...cannot stay out too late....

pak in general: guys staring..!! seriously...i mean its so bad...women try ther best to cover up and they still get stared at by pigs.!! i understand why women cover up!
**
whats special about your life that you would like to share with us today?**

I think the opportunity i have in the UK and the motivation from my parents to do all i want to do is a privillage and pretty special and i wouldnt get the same if i was living in pak imo..

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what’s your life like?

Its busy, but not so busy that I cant breathe. Nowadays, its a bit more busy as I am doing a intership.

what do you like to do? what do you do for fun? where do you hang out?

I love watching TV! It just relaxes me :stuck_out_tongue: and then I like to hang out with my friends, chill with my sisters and do cooking as well.. Its always fun to experiment in the kitchen for me

what kind of friends do you have?

I’ve muslim and non-muslim friends, but I would say that I have more muslim friends than non-muslim. I dont think there is any specific reason for that, I just get along better with the muslim once. The nonmuslim people in this country are very obsessed with alcohol and sex so its not easy to find friends who have same moral and value as you or who doesnt think of u as an alien cuz u dont drink, but thankfully I have suceeded in finding some very humble and nice friends

how do you celebrate eid?

Umm.. nothing special indeed. My family from my dads side is spread all over so we dont see them and my mums family is kinda funny, for them its all abt commenting on others (us :p) so well basically we dress up and eat loads of good food. Earliere when Eid used to be in summer time we did visit some fun places as well.

do you have a hobby?

Reading good books, trying new recipes.

do you do any volunteering?

Not really…

**how would you compare the little details of your life with your counterparts back home? **

Now I dont have much family in pakistan, but those I know of .. well I feel their life is easy, they have naukars, they have servants, but at the same time they dont have the freedom as here. they cant come and go as they want. They have to be decked up all the time. They get weird stares from unknown men. I think they are struggling with different issues compared to us in the west, however I wouldnt trade my life for theirs no matter how fancy and comfy is may look in its new ironed clothes and full makeup :stuck_out_tongue:

or perhaps when you visited pakistan .. what did you find different that you had to do? something that you liked, something that annoyed you?

Hmm what annoyed me . Gosh loads of thing annoyed me, u cant do anything on your own at all. The stupid loadshedding was a headache. People always coming with hidding remarks towards you, no matter what you do. I basically didnt like the people there, they always seem to have a hidden agenda and they want their way in everything!

How is your family life different?

My family is veryyy conservative. My mum is very oldfashioned and she is hard to reason with. She has some values and morals that she holds high and we mostly do respect that but at times it can be a battle to make her see the other side of the coin, however when she does she gets reasonable. My dad is very laid back and he doesnt impose too many rules or old stuff from his area on us :stuck_out_tongue: I would say I dont come from a close knit family. I have cousins, like loads of them, but I have hardly seen most of them mostly because of different living places and old family politics thanks to my dadi ahem

how are your family rules different? how much freedom do you have to do various things? whats your curfew time? :meeno:

Well… I dont have a curfew time, but I better be home when it starts to get dark unless I am at uni. My mum is paranoid about the dark and people. She grew up in pakistan, but even if she has lived 25 yrs in Europe she still think if someone sees u outside in the dark they will gossip, they probably will, but still.. when u live in a country where in winter it is dark by 4 pm its kinda harsh. I didnt have much freedom when I grew up. It was school and home. My mum was never and is still not keen on us visiting friends, however they can visit us with reasons (like studying or something else). She will never understand the concept of getting 4 girls together and watch a movie, she will be like “dont they have a tv :s” hehe, yeah thats my mum :p. I feel because I have been a good example for them (I am the oldest daughter) my sisters are having a better time now. They have more freedom in terms of curfews, friends and even clothes.

whats special about your life that you would like to share with us today?

Special about my life? Well that has to be my family and my siblings. We are all very close to each other and I hope it stays this way :slight_smile:

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oh oh .. a different post :smiley:

about the first point, of non-muslims being involved in too much sex and alcohol … i’ll open another thread about this … it’s a complete topic by itself

and again, the horrors of pakistani life. naukars etc. lazy people. but NOBODY would trade their current life with that of pakistan :hmmm:
so people rather have a busy, independent life, than a lazy, naukaroun-wali, frustrated life. ok. makes sense. but wouldnt people involuntarily chose for an easier life? thus meaning pakistani life is more difficult to tackle. making pakistanis have a more unwanted life … something they’d easily give up or trade for anything else, e.g. a life in the west?

you’re the first person to come and say you belong to a very conservative family … no wait .. reha had a conservative childhood too. as for “dont other people have a TV?” :rotfl: typical pakistani mom! i hear you! loud and clear! but would you be allowed to go to another city or country to live by yourself for work or study?

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Life in pakistan is veryyy hard to tackle IMO. We might think oh they have it easy, they have naukars and God knows how many people to do the work for them, but I dont think it comes without lost

lolz yeah my mum is quite typically, it gives us a lot of laughing at times hehe. If you had asked me the last question an yr ago I wouldnt have an answer for it, cuz no one (well except a few cousins of my mother in uk) have lived on their own for study or work in my family. So basically I wouldnt know what to expect from my parents in that matter. But today I can tell you they are quite fine with it. I am currently during an intership in another city and have to live there for 6 months and my mother was the first one to tell me to go for it. Its quite funny, cuz my mum can be sooo traditional about everything, like when I was younger she was eager to learn me how to cook cuz what would people say when I grew up haha, but when it comes to studies she is very openminded. She is currently telling my younger sis to apply in Uk for universities and my sis is like “I dont wanna go away” lolz :stuck_out_tongue: … I think its cuz when she was younger she liked to study but at that time didnt have the same support or encouragement from her parents and family and she often feels she missed something by not having higher education so she always encourage us to study hard and be something on our own. Like recently she is obsessed with the phd degree and telling me it would be awesome if I could pursue one :slight_smile:

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Re: Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D happy thread

^ nice! i really had it all on my head when i was planning to go abroad for studies. my mom was absolutely not up for it. my father was like sure. but he couldnt finance me. i tried to leave when going for bachelors, i failed. but for my masters, i just kept myself headstrong. i just went ahead with the paperwork and arranging for the money, the visa, and everything without asking. and just went for it. it was like .... an untold assumption on my parents half, that they cant stop me anymore.